Its a long story, but need some friendly thoughts

[Guest]

This is my first time posting here, so this will probably be rather long so bare with me.

 

Ok so I was with a guy for almost 6 years and we've done basically everything together and each others first for everything. The relationship was really good and all, we always tried to talk through problems, never got into heavy fights and what not. We've talked about moving in together, marriage, kids, the whole nine yards.

 

The thing is, during the summer we went a friends wedding, had a good time and all, and started discussing what we're going to do after we both graduate college etc. I felt like the relationship was taking that next jump and was all excited ya know. Then once we got back home, we were spliting an apartment at the time, everything was good for the next month but then he started acting strange.

 

At this time he started hanging out with this girl who, not to be mean, but an emotional basket case. He constantly wanted to hang out with her, would be over there when i got out of work and ask em to go over, told me what a great person she was and how she 'gets' him, and constantly wanted to show her this or take her there. While he was saying and doing all this he just seemed distant and less 'touchy feely' toward me, and i confronted him as if he liked her and he said 'no shes weird, has too many problems, i cant stand her' etc.

 

So then he breaks up with me about a month after that with the reason that he cant spent his life wiht me. I was devistated to say the least and i couldnt understand what happened. I talked to a bunch of mutal friends and got them to talk to him and see what happened, but he gave them the same reason he gave me. During this he was still hanging out with that girl and went out of his way to mention he wasnt seeing anyone to our friends.

 

So recently i found out theyve been seeing each other and hiding it. He made the mistake of telling my friend and lets just say word got around rather fast and the girl called him up and yelled and screamed at him for telling. When he broke up with me i was just so confused on what was going on that it just left me devistated for a good month and i wanted to give him that benefit of the doubt he didnt dump me for that girl. But now I feel as though he did and I am beyond angry at him for not telling me in the first place and putting me through all of that confusion and pain.

 

On top of that i'm worried about how hes just changed into a compleetly different person so suddenly after we broke up (i'd say a week after we broke up). Hes changed his clothes(he was never worried about appearance with me, and always had old clothes with holes and never got new clothes even if i said he looked good in them), exercises constantly, said he hated video games (which hes loved since the dawn of time), goes clubbing constantly (which he never did with me), gets drunk all the time now (he barely had a glass or two around me) and has been doing various others drugs(which he never had an intrested in).

 

So yeah...i'm sorry thats so long but its alot thats happened. Also, way back in high school he left me for 2 months saying he didnt want to break a friendship i had with another person and that we just didnt get along,and then came back all intrested in me again. Needless to say we got back together, and then 3 years later he told me he left me then for another girl but didnt tell me cause he didnt want me to hate him and break up wiht him.

 

I was angry, but after 3 years i put it behind me. Now though, i feel like hes doing the same thing again, but this time he cant hide what hes doing. I would just like other peoples opinions or comments or anything because I dont want to be thinking the wrong thing. I'm not sure if he cheated on me with her, either emotionally or physically, or if shes just a rebound after we broke up. I'm just very confused on how this could happen cause i didnt think hed waste such a good long relationship for someone he hasnt even known for 3 months. Again, i'm sorry this is long and probably full of grammar and spelling mistakes, but i look forward to anything you guys say. Thanks.

[Guest]

This guy has some serious communication problems. It must be very difficult for him to tell you how he really feels, but that's fundamental to the success of your relationship.

 

My guess is, it will take a long time for him to learn how to be open and be in a healthy relationship, with you or with anyone else. In the meantime, do you really want to be with this person who hasn't treated you with the respect you deserve? You may love him, and he may love you, but he hasn't been respecting you, and that comes first.

 

It's healthy to step away and see the big picture. Listen to your heart, but also try to picture if this were happening to your best friend. What kind of advice would you give her?

 

I wish you luck.