perspektiv Posted October 18, 2006 Share Posted October 18, 2006 I'm trying to learn new ways to cope with my trust issues. I know alot of it is me projecting things onto my new GF from my past relationships. We talk at least 3 times a day. Judging from most people on here it seems like we talk more than most. Its just all the time in between calls that bothers me. I mean, if I can't account for her for a 2 hour span, I drive myself crazy making things up in my head. It sucks and at times I feel pathetic for being this way. I get angry when she mentions guy freinds etc. and then feel bad afterward because I really should trust her. She hasn't given me reason otherwise. I have been a bit better about it lately, but just when I think I'm ok with things, something pops up that makes me question things. I know I'm overreacting. How does everyone else deal with the time in between contact. Do you question where he/she is? Can any of you hole heartedly trust that person? I need to find my way there... Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted October 18, 2006 Share Posted October 18, 2006 I'm trying to learn new ways to cope with my trust issues. I know alot of it is me projecting things onto my new GF from my past relationships. We talk at least 3 times a day. Judging from most people on here it seems like we talk more than most. Its just all the time in between calls that bothers me. I mean, if I can't account for her for a 2 hour span, I drive myself crazy making things up in my head. It sucks and at times I feel pathetic for being this way. I get angry when she mentions guy freinds etc. and then feel bad afterward because I really should trust her. She hasn't given me reason otherwise. I have been a bit better about it lately, but just when I think I'm ok with things, something pops up that makes me question things. I know I'm overreacting. How does everyone else deal with the time in between contact. Do you question where he/she is? Can any of you hole heartedly trust that person? I need to find my way there... Were you burned pretty bad before? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 18, 2006 Share Posted October 18, 2006 Is it just that you're long distance that's causing these issues, or would you have them even if she were in the same city? 'Cause talking to someone 3 times a day should be plenty of reassurance that you are important to her. Frankly, that would get on my nerves real quick and I'd lose interest in the guy. You might consider therapy to help you with your insecurity issues. That's a little over the top. Link to post Share on other sites
everlong Posted October 18, 2006 Share Posted October 18, 2006 not a doc...but those things are related to co-dependency, bi-polar, etc, or social anxiety why don't u carry a pix of yer gf and yerself in yer wallet and when u start getting those feelings take it out...if you have an answering machine have her left a few messages [you know, something nice - maybe words from a pj harvey song or her telling you where u can buy cheap gas - just normal stuff] Link to post Share on other sites
Author perspektiv Posted October 18, 2006 Author Share Posted October 18, 2006 Were you burned pretty bad before? Yeah I guess. Long story short I was with someone for 6 yrs who seemed to be the most innocent girl on earth. Then I found out she had cheated on me multiple times. Norajane, I've been to therapy. I was thinking about going back for a bit. I know I have my own issues etc. Everyone does. I realize them and want it to change. Its just a situation where she knows where I am at every second, and I feel in the dark about how she spends her time during the day. I have backed off alot lately. I'm just trying to move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted October 18, 2006 Share Posted October 18, 2006 Yeah I guess. Long story short I was with someone for 6 yrs who seemed to be the most innocent girl on earth. Then I found out she had cheated on me multiple times. Norajane, I've been to therapy. I was thinking about going back for a bit. I know I have my own issues etc. Everyone does. I realize them and want it to change. Its just a situation where she knows where I am at every second, and I feel in the dark about how she spends her time during the day. I have backed off alot lately. I'm just trying to move forward. I think you need to understand why you really feel this way. To me there are many reasons this can happen. Some things to consider are your trust issues. your intuition in knowing you may pick someone that is like the other person that violated you, and the simple fact the the relationship world out there is very competive and unfair. I'm sure you will figure it out, but do now and don't wait. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 18, 2006 Share Posted October 18, 2006 Why on earth would she know where you are every second of the day? And why wouldn't you know what she's doing? You talk 3 times a day...what do you talk about? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 pls give time off from ur relationship n get busy with other things in life , like wise hang out with other ppl , n do things u like , n if u r too suspicous abt her tell ur problem 2 her she might get hurt but explain 2 her ur past experience. If she truly loves u she will not leave u 4 some1 else , dont get too much worried , u just need ur own time , i can understand that feelin n pls never listen 2 music at such times , they will just give u day dreaming . Link to post Share on other sites
everlong Posted October 21, 2006 Share Posted October 21, 2006 yes, often when we have been hurt in a previous relationship we bring the baggage we thought we had worked on into our new one...my ex was great at pointing that stuff out...when i was doing it at the beginning of the relationship, she would say 'hey, that's over the top' and it was - because i had associated an event from the past into the present. my ex does that too. but these things get triggered by stressful events. u know looking back, if we hadn't moved in so quickly things might have turned out differently - u know my ex had a ton of stuff on her plate - mother issues, ex - daughter issues, working, school, me and my issues, we both went thru illness while trying a blended family, both children had certain needs, BUT THE SEX WAS GREAT! I MEAN THE MAKING LOVE! everything just rushed in at the same time! 6 years of bliss then 8 months of HOLY COW!~ Link to post Share on other sites
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