This Will Be LONG But I Need Some Serious !! Read

[behonest63]

Man I am such a dumb ass....Im going to try and make this as short as possible and anyone that wants to truely help me I will fill in any missing information.

 

Met her at the prom, no parents, end of school, still a virgin I was, never a girl friend, she did it with me on our second date, i loved her, she came to live with my parents, got her pregnant, joined the USAF, had child worked hard loved her more than anything in my life, got little sex, neighbor accused her of flirting with husband, she wasnt receptive to any fun sex anything unusual or any bj or anything, 2 years in caught her with my best friend in my house holding his cock and kissing while i was sleeping they were drinking, planned second child I was here for this one birth the other one I was in basic training, she didnt drive ever, never had a job except raising kids first 14 years, got orders she was scared to fly had to go overseas by myself, no any meaningful contact,

 

asked for sexy pics or phone sex was no go, i went to a few brothels if you know what I mean, came home for a few years she flirted with neighbor, i caught her at his house in his bedroom but clothed in the bathroom locked, felt something went on, I had just returned from a month deployment as some girl was emailing me it was innocent she did want to do it but i was drunk and she gave me a BJ, things went down hill no real love she didnt go with me anywhere etc etc, i retired from AF graduated from college she didnt go to ceremony for college, i was selected for many awards she never went,

 

I thought I was stupid and never thought she would hurt me only me hurt her even what she did early on I just plain loved her, I retired we bought a house and we were in debt she had been working for 9 years now at a school, i never gave her respect for her job, always said i hated things and never appreciated her properly I know that, she said i could go if she could quit her job, one year at this job would put us in great shape to start our retired/new working life, we had a grandkid, my other daughter was doing drugs, lots of stress other than our relationship, again 10 years later I asked for pics nudes phone sex, got some half nudes no phone sex she just said stop it, i wasnt getting many emails etc, felt unloved was in a war zone and then it happened someone else treated me nice and i was vulnerable and i had an affair, i felt horrible, i came home completed work and boom she busted into my email and i had one string of emails in there from the girl with some nudes and stuff bad stuff, she went crazy. A year later she said she couldnt get it out of her mind and wanted a divorce, we separated just like that sold the house,

 

i helped her move gave her everything and begged her to take me back and i would do better. She would not give me any hope not 1%. I couldnt take it I just knew that she wasnt as innocent as she said I took all the files off the computer and it took me a month to break some of the dat files etc etc., I found out she still correspondend with the guy from six years ago and they were talking about the great sex they had all that kind of stuff and she wanted him to come visit without his wife, this was while we were still together before she asked for divorce, then I found at the same period a guy she sent dildo pictures to and had sex with for the last year, i found two other guys she had phone sex with and sent photos etc etc.,

 

i confronted her and she finally broke down and admitted the sex six years ago and the affairs that i know of, not to mention the condom i found in the trash several years ago and heard her on the phone a few years back sounded like she told him to give her the big you know what again. She said she didnt tell me cause she didnt want to hurt me. JESUS i would have went on feeling all the guilt if i hadnt found what i found. I dont believe this is everything either. I never could have thought it one guy she had phone sex with and was planning on moving in with while i was still married said she begged him to come stay in hotel with her, he said she would be a great lady if she didnt like d ick so much. That hurt!

 

Okay her goes, yes I did cheat on my wife when i was overseas when i was lonely and was made to go byself, and yes i did get one bj and yes i did have an affair at the end...24 years. But, she cheated on me 6 years ago and she didnt want to go with me when i went the first time and she was having affairs and stuff while i was gone.

 

Its been 6 weeks separated and we have talked a lot and got things out in the open about sex lives, trust all that stuff we never talked about before, she even had phone sex with me geez, where was that at before, she bought me a sex toy to use, she went and watched footballl with me and cooked me dinner geez, she busted into my IM now and told all the girls I was talking to I was married, we spent one night together and stuff no sex but playing etc, she used a dilbo on the phone with me, etc etc where was all this at before....

 

I want her back i love her so much i cant stand it, she say no chance, why is she wanting to be my friend and why is she doing things with me? She says she loves me but not the same way as before and wants to be friends thats all....i am getting mixed signals...she told me today that there is not chance to save the marriage but we should see anyone till we get divorce.

 

What is going on here what should i do, i cant stand it i love her so much and our 25 year anniversary is coming up in 7 days. My god i feel somewhat suicidal even though i know i am not, i cant work im not working and i drink all the time trying to feel better. I know i didnt treat her great but i didnt treat her good and was a good father what gives here? Why doesnt she want me? She says its all her fault and she doesnt know why she feels this way but she cant be with me anymore!!

 

Be honest i need advice and will take well thought out advice serious HELP!

[No Way]

No wonder your child is on drugs. You will skrew up the grand child if you dont take a look at yourselves. You are both to blame. Your wife has no commitment to you and you have no commitment to her. I stopped reading your post because it kept saying she had sex and I had sex and she had sex with others. Both of you have no right to be angry with one another.

At the point you found your wife with some other mans thing in her hand you should have braved your fear and ended it. Insted you brought children into this mess. What did you do that for? I'm sure if you sit back and servey your life you can see where you could have done better.

It seems like your life in the service gave her room to play as it did you. This way you can have a little family and fun. Please don't blame her sexual differences on why you fooled around. She chose to get filled up by other men and you chose sexual excitement form other females. You may feel a strong attachment and need for her. And eventhough you are just as guilty as she,you still hurt. You are the same kind of person. This crappy treatment of eachother worked for you. But it created an absolute mess in your kids. Now they are grown and it is showing loud and clear.

Dont feel like a victom. Your Not. Still I'm sure you feel sad. You will never be anygood to anyone unless you get real with yourself.

Good Luck

[FELIZE]

The way you started out was Caotic, so how you think you're gonna end up? Exactly.............. Caotic!

 

It sounds like this realtionship has run it's course. You both have done some regretful things to each other. But because you have children (grown or not) and now grandchild(ren) you two will (more than likely) have to communicate.

However, YOU should start focusing on them,(C/GC) especially this drug use issue, that needs to be addressed and your own life right now

 

[behonest63 quote:]

"she told me today that there is not chance to save the marriage but we should see anyone till we get divorce."

 

Well, there it is.........

You should contemplate moving on, and seek some professional help OR someone (other than her) to talk to about this, if you feel the need, (a friend or family member who you feel you can trust).

[behonest63]

first, i meant to say she doesnt want us to date until we get divorced, and to the other thing about my daughter on drugs she is 19 now has a great job has been off drugs for 3 years and i am very proud of her..these were things over 24 years just to give you the feel of what went on....it was the second year that i found her with my friend so i was young and didnt know what to do, my daughter that lives with me is the one we brought into the world and I love her very much and I am so glad she came into this world...i love my other daughter who live byherself very much and i love the grandbaby more than words can say.

 

My point was we both sucked and I know i did lots, i love her and want to start fresh now that we can live ourlives without kids at home etc etc., i still pay her rent and stuff and it just seems silly for this stupid stuff to keep us apart i know i can start fresh its not like i was out screwing around all the time i never did anything in the US or when she was there, she did it right across the street and under my nose does that matter. Bottom line i know i am not right not matter the circumstances but i just dont care about all that. Its time we can now live our lives together build on it love each other communicate etc etc and now its over...just made no sense to me....Thanks

[FELIZE]

first, i meant to say she doesnt want us to date until we get divorced, and to the other thing about my daughter on drugs she is 19 now has a great job has been off drugs for 3 years and i am very proud of her..these were things over 24 years just to give you the feel of what went on....it was the second year that i found her with my friend so i was young and didnt know what to do, my daughter that lives with me is the one we brought into the world and I love her very much and I am so glad she came into this world...i love my other daughter who live byherself very much and i love the grandbaby more than words can say.

 

My point was we both sucked and I know i did lots, i love her and want to start fresh now that we can live ourlives without kids at home etc etc., i still pay her rent and stuff and it just seems silly for this stupid stuff to keep us apart i know i can start fresh its not like i was out screwing around all the time i never did anything in the US or when she was there, she did it right across the street and under my nose does that matter. Bottom line i know i am not right not matter the circumstances but i just dont care about all that. Its time we can now live our lives together build on it love each other communicate etc etc and now its over...just made no sense to me....Thanks

 

 

Well behonest, you guys were awful young when you first hooked up, dating back to the prom and you've been together every since. Have you ever heard that sometimes "people just grow apart"?

[behonest63]

Your right I guess we grew apart but why cant we grow back together LOL...Oh well she couldnt make it any clearer to me I just dont understand women, we were suppose to grow old together now I am 43 JESUS and have to start over....

[Dad_of_3]

behonest, I hear your pain buddy.

I truly do, even now while I am work, I do drift to those types of thoughts.

You maybe 43, which by no stretch of the imagination should be classed as old. I know I cant talk as I am only 31 but, hell, in this crapola sandwich that we created, I do just feel old. I feel tired when i get to that stage. I feel weak, I just wanna sit down and run poor me through my head.

I read back over my old posts, i read over old emails I sent to friends who have sent me with support. I play my guitar. I go for a run.

I am feeling like I am slipping right now while I sit at work and I should be working. But my mind cant focus, so i came here. I hear you buddy. I do hear your pain that you are going through. Even though i am a complete stranger, I feel your pain.

I could care less what other people on here say in regards to our situation. We dug our own holes and now we are trying to climb out of it.

Well, to that I say, at least we are trying to climb out. from your words, from the way you have expressed yourself, I hear you.

I'm in a tough place at the moment, right now, right here. I made a promise to myself that I would go to the gym after work, I am sticking to that. No matter what my heart is telling me to do. I do wanna curl up in bed and cry myself to sleep, but I wont let it win.

There is a time and place for it. Away from it all. I can tell you now how many times I have cried in my car once I am away from everyone. I let it out, all of it.

I am surviving, I am not ok, regardless of what anyone tries to imply. I am doing the best i can, as I know you can. yup i f*cked up, yup i messed things up, doesnt mean I aint hurting.

 

There's a song by one a Australian singer by the name of Shannon Noll. Its called 'Lift' I can tell you now this song has carried me through these last couple of months and even when i woke up, it started bringing tears to my eyes. I will upload or send it to you as soon as I can.

 

I'll be on yahoo as I need to just get an ID now. If you need to talk or vent you can post here or message me till then.

 

Take care of yourself.

[Shovelack]

Well, I'll be honest. Felize has one point of view, I have another: You're both crazy and disfunctional and yes, all of it is chaotic. I think you're meant for each other.

 

Every pot has its lid.

[PWSX3]

Your right I guess we grew apart but why cant we grow back together LOL...Oh well she couldnt make it any clearer to me I just dont understand women, we were suppose to grow old together now I am 43 JESUS and have to start over....

You are only as old as you feel.(I think that's how it goes) In the last two months I've been walking, riding my bike and going to a health club this week and I feel better now then I did when I was 40. (I have 3 years on you by the way) It does help to be active and do things for yourself to make yourself a better person. Even cleaning the house gives you a feeling of accomplishment if you ask me.

[Gunny376]

Your right I guess we grew apart but why cant we grow back together LOL...Oh well she couldnt make it any clearer to me I just dont understand women, we were suppose to grow old together now I am 43 JESUS and have to start over....

 

Carrer military to carrer military ~ the military played a significant part in it, kid yourself not about that. The long hours, the "can to can't" the un-accompanied tours overseas, etc. You think life is hard on a military family in the AF, try the USMC, they're not exactally kiddin when they say that if the Corps wanted you to have a wife they would have issued you one. Its not been all that long since (a couple of years ago) when the Commandant wanted to bar anyone below the rank of Corporal (E-4) from getting married. (In light of the current unit rotation ~ not a bad idea. The divorce lawyers around Marine bases are making a killing!)

 

The reason you can't grow back together is because you're not the same two people that came together. You're not the same person that you were all those years back at Prom Night High!

 

When two people get married they're actually are marring three different people. The person they think they're marrying, the person they're actually marrying and the person that comes about of having maried you!! There's a potential fourth that may come out in divorce court ~ as in "I can't believe that's the same person that I've been married to all of these years.

 

Hey! Not all is lost! You can always get find you a Tri-Care Bunny, (A woman who has medical issues and no insurance who's looking for a retired military man because of his medical insurance coverage)

 

Another reason that its going to be hard to put back together (aside from the fact that she's just not plain willing ~ in so far as she's concerned ~ you're out of gas and she's looking to hitch a ride with someone else), is that there's just too damn much water over the damn and under the bridge. There's just no fixing this. The only difference between this situation and the Titantic is the Titantic had a band playing as She went down.

 

43? Give me a break. You're as old as you feel, and you tell yourself you are. Age is a matter of carrying, if you don't care, it don't matter. I'm 49 and live in a college town, and I've ran into women in their 20 and 30 that are interested in me, (I think they've got "Daddy" issues though ~ for real!) Some of them just prefer older men. We not only know what to say and do, we know when to keep our damn mouths shut ~ and not say stupid things that in general PO women. We're settled, we know what we want, and all the more important what we don't want. We've got money, our children are grown and on their own, our time is our own, we've been around to work through our issues, and overcome our shortcomings, and Hey! We remember to put the toliet seat down! We've studied how to adpat and overcome adversity, we've seen bad times, hard times, and we know how to deal with them. We don't have a problem running to the store to buy a box of Tampax if the occassion arises, (What!! Why do you think I'm buying them! Dumbazz! )

 

You've got a lot going for you, more than you realize. You've got to take a negative and turn it into a positive. It was rough going for many a year, but now things are starting to turn my way.

 

One of the things that you've got to realize, is that you're not back in HS or college anymore. A lot has been going on the last 25 years. Dudes have been going out being all macho, getting killed on the job, getting killed doing stupid stuff, riding bikes, climbing mountains and cutting their arms off, jumping out airplanes, going to war, getting hooked on alcohol, getting hooked on some serious drugs, finding out that they prefer to be women, finding out that they prefer being men that prefer men.

 

Being retired military means a lot of things that a lot of people don't realize. Space A, with time and patience, a visa, and a passport, I can travel anywhere the miltary is going in the world for $10 (might be more now ~ been awhile) Buying groceries at the commissary for wholesale and paying a 5% surcharge, with no sales tax. Getting your meds for nothing, or less than nothing (Hey, they made the deal!)

 

I get a job at WalMart or McDonalds making $6,50 an hour, I'll never make less than $31,500 a year. Not bad in a state where the mean average household income (that Dad, Mom, and everyone else working) is only $35,000. And, in a State where you can actually live pretty good off that. If that doesn't work, there's always plan "B" move to Mexico or the Philippines have a girl in each arm, a fifth of tequlila in each hand, and live like a king or a drunken fool in paradise!

 

The simple truth is ~ the time, effort, engery, money that you would expend in getting this one back, would net you ten others. Both men and women think there's a shortage of good men and women ~ and there's not! Both men and women think the other has the supply and they've got the demand. That's not ture. There are 300 million people in the United States! There are 6.6 billion people in the world. There's a Jack for every Jill and Jill for every Jack!

 

I don't give a damn if you're weridest sexual fantasy involves clowns and dancing bears, ~ there's some gal out there that's thinking ~ "I like that about YOU! (Hard to imagine, but ture!) That's not to say I'm calling you strange ~ just saying its time to pick up, pack up, and move on.

 

Statistically, its a freaking miracle that you and her have made it this far. (I've got five college level statisics classes ~ (can you imagine?) under my belt and statistics just stick in my head) The divorce rate for men that marry under the age of 25 is 90%! Statistically, the two of you should have been long divorced.

 

Keep posting!

[behonest63]

I've got to say this first, this site is NO BS, normally these type sites turn into a advertising campaign or who can I use, I cant believe I found this. Even with the limited responses I have had I feel much better--thank you everyone for honest sincere input.

 

DAD-I would love to talk to you via Yahoo--its simple only takes a few minutes so IM me sometime at behonest63 or anyone esle for that matter that wants to had me that has posted to my string. I feel we are close friends already for some reason and I appreciate your friendship. You can cry on my shoulder and me on yours-each situation is slightly different but very similar--the people involve is what makes it different--and if your different which you are then its different for you and different for me but we are very similar LOL that sounds like a stupid athlete quote lol

 

GUNNY-I have read many of your posts on other threads--I dont know what your trying to do but keep it up man..your a big help to all and a very informed person...MY DAD is retired Jarhead, brother was in the corp mom was one of the first WAVES under 200 first in...They laughed when I joined the AF but it was a great life, and believe it or not since I was a Contractor for a career I worked in special ops 14 years with all services travelling all the time....i have a huge corp understanding since most my family is corp...I was first in family tree to go in AF that anyone knows-LOL. But, I know your right in what you say, beens six weeks and I just need a few more to keep moving forward. Yes Gunny I am proud of my career receving airman and NCO of the year 8 times in 21 years and I am proud of my graduation from college and I love the military..even served in baghdad for a year as a civilian for the Army...Man was that an eye opener...was in somolia during black hawk down..desert shield and desert storm when our guys got killed in those barracks I left one month prior was in the exact barracks that got bombed and it hit home more because of...I have been all over the world and I have seen many thing and met many women (not affairs) just met and saw, especially with people I was supervisor over....I agree with you and I know your right and you have such a great way of wording things--Thanks DOC GUNNY

 

SHACKLOVE-LOL that is the same dog gone thing I always thought--but I never thought she was bad or wrong always me until I dug dug and dug til I got everything I could--and as I believe GUNNY said, she turned into a person I never ever thought my babe could turn into or I didnt want to think it....anyway please dont try to give me any light or hope lol I dont need any to move on lol

 

PWSX3-LOL i have been cleaning too, feels good, never did it much before and I dont know why, I want to go back to gym too used to go everyday when I was in service...keep it up I agree.

 

FELIZE-Your just to pratical for your own good (smile-just kidding). thanks for taking the time to post I really appreciate you and everyone here. I feel like these are the best people the ones that understand and share and realize. YOUR ONE OF THEM

[Ripples]

I feel absolutely choked after reading that.

 

I do hope you manage to sort things out, whatever that means. What about professional help? Not necessarily to get you back together, but to help you move on.

 

[No one special...]

I have to say I have been able to get some great opinions from here.

[behonest63]

Look apparently you werent interested enough to respond to my post so you bashed me in another post...I'm looking for all opinions and support here but how about reading before you call me a BSer.

 

I was a virgin

My wife was a accused of sleeping with neighbor year 1

Caught her in my house with my best friend year2

Whatever in between but caught her 6 years ago screwing the neighbor.

 

I CHEATED 2 YEARS AGO WHILE IN IRAQ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I always cherished loved my wife and my kids my daughter live with me now CALLS her mom a Whore!! She saw stuff many years and tried to tell me okay...

 

I financially supported my wife even when the kids where grow and even now.

 

My wife drug me thru the street on my affair and could care less about hers...I found many more sense then digging up all the files off the computer..photos of her nude dildos mens pics etc and discussed affairs even still with the guy of six years ago.

 

Did I cheat yeah was I wrong yeah but good god give me a break here....Get to know me and who I am before you call me total BS!

 

Now she tells me she has loved me in a long time...she has been corresponding with friends and my mom for several years about it, when will I be told one day in March and that it....

 

The nerve of her, how long does a man go without love or sex while his spouse isnt only cheating but getting whatever she wants whenever she wants along with partying with my other daughter and in bed with her boyfriends, yes I have photos......anyway I was wrong but I am the true victim of MUCH BS here......

 

And because SHE is my only one and only LOVE ever I wanted to work on this and fix it and still bust my arz for her and support her and she turned into a cold blooded person ONCE we finished selling house etc etc and I helped her move into her apartment....

 

NOW you want to talk total BS thats total BS!!!

 

Submit somehting constructive is appreciated but to JUST BASH me in another post for no reason is stooping to a level of the same attitude that your bashing me.....BS and wrong doers dont only come in the form of cheaters....Donald

 

Donald

[Dad_of_3]

Don, buddy, I hear you mate.

Its not easy to hear the hard things coming from other people.

 

No one likes anyone questioning there character or who they are.

Its in your face and isnt pretty at all.

Especially in light of you barring your soul and asking for a hand up rather than someone to push you back down.

Whatever is in someones heart is what it is.

 

I knew I was bound to get some posts in regards to who i was, how I was shirking what I had done, how blind I am. To be honest, my outlook is to just take it in stride.

We cant go by what they read into what we write, or we are.

yes I hear you asking for some understanding in a real messed up situation.

I dont remember where I read it but take strength in this.

"Try to be a reasonable person in a unreasonable time"

 

What people write is always going to be from there knowledge, their life experiences and there own opinions. They can only be part of yours if you choose so.

My friend whether we end up best buddies and I come visit you one day in the states or you come down to Sydney to get away from the grind, know that there are people everywhere that will give as much as they have in there hearts. Am I just a sappy sorry excuse of a guy, no, just being me.

I think thats all god, my family, my friends and most important to me the kids, ask of me.

I do it all for them, but most importantly I do it for me now.

 

Hearing from the points from Lakeside, I can see from his side of things. He's still hurting, like ilmw said, there are many people on here as well trying to understand from the otherside of the fence.

I hear him, I'm sure if he could, he would give it all to have what we had. Partners who loved us very much, even just one more time.

He will work through it, thats the only way to go.

For me, as i have said all along, I dont want anger, anxiety, hate, all that drags me down to that place i dread so much, I let it go. its just not worth it. It just makes things more unbearable.

Even with those posts, I take merit where its due, but really I canget pissed off that he doesnt understand cause he is on the otherside of the fence.

Or I can value his opinion, take note and pass it on.

Its not like he is going to be a great chum, or someoneI'm going to call friend. I'm sure far from it, but he has his place in the world and I can accept and live with that. Everything has a point and a reason.

he could very well have come in to put that BAM factor to make it real.

Take note of the constructive and ask them to take a number

At the end of the day buddy, you know where you are in it all. Your character can be questioned, but at the end of the day, you only answer to your own voice, and you've shown that just by sharing.

 

Just like another Aussie song I've been listening to.

Bachelor Girl - Permission to shine

 

I hear you buddy.

Dadof3

[behonest63]

Me and the wife went out to the festival, we had a few magaritas at her house first, she held my hand and we kissed some, nothing but just little kisses, we ate walked around and watched the band. Went back to her house and kissed and stuff a little more, then I left. We saw a old friend at the festival, he aske where we moved to, I kind of raised my eyebrows at him, and my wife told him I live her and he lives ther "FOR NOW". What does this mean? The date and the for now statement? She has told me over and over again she doesnt want me and this cant work and I should have no hope.

[ilmw]

Me and the wife went out to the festival, we had a few magaritas at her house first, she held my hand and we kissed some, nothing but just little kisses, we ate walked around and watched the band. Went back to her house and kissed and stuff a little more, then I left. We saw a old friend at the festival, he aske where we moved to, I kind of raised my eyebrows at him, and my wife told him I live her and he lives ther "FOR NOW". What does this mean? The date and the for now statement? She has told me over and over again she doesnt want me and this cant work and I should have no hope.

 

It sounds good... but go slow... If anything you should get from this board...is that... go slow... be smooth.... like silk..... (but genuine)..

 

As a wise man once said... slowly slowy catchy monkey:)

 

Take it day by day.... no expectations... cause if she turns on you... because you come over all hot and heavy... (I could see this happening to me... if I had not learned anything from this place:D )

 

You have to show confidence... and that life is good... right?

 

Good luck... and let us know how it is going....

[Sup]

Look apparently you werent interested enough to respond to my post so you bashed me in another post...I'm looking for all opinions and support here but how about reading before you call me a BSer.

 

I was a virgin

My wife was a accused of sleeping with neighbor year 1

Caught her in my house with my best friend year2

Whatever in between but caught her 6 years ago screwing the neighbor.

 

I CHEATED 2 YEARS AGO WHILE IN IRAQ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I always cherished loved my wife and my kids my daughter live with me now CALLS her mom a Whore!! She saw stuff many years and tried to tell me okay...

 

I financially supported my wife even when the kids where grow and even now.

 

My wife drug me thru the street on my affair and could care less about hers...I found many more sense then digging up all the files off the computer..photos of her nude dildos mens pics etc and discussed affairs even still with the guy of six years ago.

 

Did I cheat yeah was I wrong yeah but good god give me a break here....Get to know me and who I am before you call me total BS!

 

Now she tells me she has loved me in a long time...she has been corresponding with friends and my mom for several years about it, when will I be told one day in March and that it....

 

The nerve of her, how long does a man go without love or sex while his spouse isnt only cheating but getting whatever she wants whenever she wants along with partying with my other daughter and in bed with her boyfriends, yes I have photos......anyway I was wrong but I am the true victim of MUCH BS here......

 

And because SHE is my only one and only LOVE ever I wanted to work on this and fix it and still bust my arz for her and support her and she turned into a cold blooded person ONCE we finished selling house etc etc and I helped her move into her apartment....

 

NOW you want to talk total BS thats total BS!!!

 

Submit somehting constructive is appreciated but to JUST BASH me in another post for no reason is stooping to a level of the same attitude that your bashing me.....BS and wrong doers dont only come in the form of cheaters....Donald

 

Donald

 

 

That "old friend" about two posts up has probably been sleeping with her, or is, I dunno.

 

This post here, from what you refer to is pretty much like the attitude of today:

 

If he cheats, it's HIS fault.

If she cheats, it's HIS fault.

 

It's a lose lose situation with men these days, It doesn't matter to some people if she cheated with all of California, and you slept with one person, or NO ONE, They STILL say it's YOUR fault, talk about jacked up huh? I do agree though it's not good you cheated yourself, you could've left her, but she had been doing EVERYTHING SHE WANTED FOR YEARS! Talk about bigeotry, reverse sexism, hypocrisy, and double standards, come on people!

[behonest63]

Tommorow is our 25th Anniversary and me and the wife are going to make dinner together at her house. We are going to make one of our favorite meals she normally made. She also found out her sister has terminal cancer in her entire boby. Lets pray for her sister. It kind of makes this other stuff look stupid doesnt it?

[ilmw]

Tommorow is our 25th Anniversary and me and the wife are going to make dinner together at her house. We are going to make one of our favorite meals she normally made. She also found out her sister has terminal cancer in her entire boby. Lets pray for her sister. It kind of makes this other stuff look stupid doesnt it?

 

Yeah.... makes all the trivial things that we let get in the way of our lives seem .. well small and not worth worring about.

 

Best wishes for you and yours

[Gunny376]

Every since I shipped to Okiwawa in 88, things took a downward spirial, and the "Storms of Life" just kept coming and coming and coming ~ one right after the other ~ without end.

 

I'm not going to go down the laundry list ~ but its the same that you've guys are going through now and then an even more personalized version.

 

When you've exaimned this (breaking up, infidelity, divorce,) each case is all the same but yet different? A truer paradox if there ever was one.

 

None the less ~ all that to say that I've learned (although it took Mr. Reality whipping my azz several times ~ maybe if the internet and LS had been around back then?) to KISS ~ Keep It Simple Stupid! And, that's the way my life is. No more trying to climb up the food chain ~ let alone the corporate letter. No where near trying to live the lifestyle of the rich and famous (Hell, I don't even life the lifestyle of the rich and famous hired help!), I'd like to have and good and depnedable ride under my boot, (and I do) and a roof over my head and food to eat. If you've got that, you're health, your freedom, and your strength ~ you can deal with the rest.

 

I've personally have suffered through the heart ache that you guys are struggling through right now ~ and its an all day bear to have to grapple and wrestled with. Its not fun and its not pretty ~ and I personally wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy (not that I've got any that I know of)

 

I borke my foot and sprained my ankle about three weeks ago, and the Dr. gave me a prescription for a narcotic pain killer ~ and I told him I didn't need it. That I've been in pain before ~ and I dealt with it. And, I'll be in pain again, and I'll deal with it. But like George Jones said in the song, "The Slamming Of The Door" the worse pain I've ever had to deal with was the sound of that door, as she walked out and handed me my azz on a platter.

 

Pain is actually a good thing! The first time your little azz stuck you hand in a fire, or grab yourself a handfull of electricity ~ your litle azz learned not to mess with it again ~ didn't you? To say the least, you've gained a lot of repsect for both of them ~ as you will this pain. You'll take it, and you'll either shy away from ever putting yourself in that postion again, or you'll go into another relationship ~ with a whole lot of new found respect. I hope that you'll never be foolish enough to ever take a relationship for granted.

 

I've got a real big pretty picture in my head ~ that the next relationship I get into the day to start working on it ~ is the day that you get into it. Even then all bets are off. You can do and say everything right ~ and still end up going through the Big "D". Just because someone else bigger, better, brighter, richer, smarter walks into her life. The one guarantee in life is that there aren't any guarantee's. You're on your own, and more times than not ~ you've just got to go for yourself.

 

I think that if science could en-capuslate into a pill the feelings, emotions, that a man that's in love with a woman that dumps him ~ and gave it to criminals ~ they'd quit doing that which they do. I know I never want to go thorugh it again.

 

Its funny, but once I'd gone through it, I got to thinking,,..............(one of my marital flaws, my XW said I thought too much! Yea! When a guy's wife is acting single and got him drinking doubles, you tend to sit around and think about that kind of stuff ~ a lot!)

 

But, you ask most guys to describe their dream car or truck, they can describe it to a "T". But, most of the same guys that you ask that of, you ask them to describe their dream "woman" they can't because they've never really sit down and thought about it. Most of us just stumbble and fumble across the goal post into marriage with the first gal that is willing to give us the time of day. Then we're sitting around 15 or more years later, drinking thinking "WTF happened?"

 

Most of us got married when we were under the age of 25. The divorce rate for a man that gets married under the age of 25 ~ is 90%! Go onto the house ~ your're azz lost the race before you crossed the finished line.

 

The divorce rate for men that got married because they got the old gal pregno? 90%! You're done!

 

You've all heard of the "Bell Curve" I take it, as in school, statistics, etc. (I've a natural appitiude for statistics ~ I don't know why, but I do. I can't spell worth a damn ~ but I can tear a statistics class up!) Any rate the divorce rate if you married a woman that has a graduate degree is the same as if you had married a high school drop out. Nurses are notorious for having multiple marriages ~ you meet a gal that's a nurse ~ be afraid, be very afraid.

 

"Shackin up isn't the way to go. Only 20% of those that shack up, eventually marry. Of those that do, they've got a higher divorce rate than those that have never shacked up, and higher than 2nd time married. (62% ~ Dr. Phil McGraw)

 

The length of the courtship is important. Less than 2 years ~ 90% divorce rate. More than three years, ~ 90% divorce rate.

 

So the ideal relationship would be with a woman that has some college, or a bachelor's degree, but not a Master's, nor a PhD whom you've dated past the age of 25, who is 8 to 10 years younger than you, (More on this in a minute) that you've dated for 2.5 to 3 years.

 

The significance of dating someone that's 8 to 10 years younger than you isn't because of physical attributes, but because of mental and emotional attributes. Women are about 8 to 10 years more mentally and emotionally mature than men. That is to say that a 28 year old man daiting a 28 year old woman, the woman is generally speaking dating a man that is an 18 year old in comparision to her mental and emotional makeup. Problems? Well, yea!

 

That's the mental and emotional side of it.

 

Then there's the physical and intimacy side of it. The nerve endings in a woman's vagina don't fully mature until she reaches about the age of 35. There's that + by that age hormones are raging, and the bio-clock for them is ticking ~ they're running out of "eggs" A woman is born with any and all the eggs that she's ever going to have the day she was born. So a lot of this is nothing less than bio-chemical.

 

Factoring out religious and modern law ~ what you're dealing with is pre-historic insticnts. The female of the species simply mated with that which she thought would pass on her genes. And that was the strongest, healthest of the bunch. Regardless of intellegence and intellect.

[behonest63]

Did you know that of the over one million marriages that will end in divorce this year, two thirds to three quarters of those divorces will be filed for by women? What is this so-called, "Walkaway Wife" syndrome all about?

In the early years of marriage, women are the relationship caretakers. They carefully monitor their relationships to make sure there is enough closeness and connection. If not, women will do what they can to try to fix things. If their husbands aren't responsive, women become extremely unhappy and start complaining about everything under the sun...things that need to get done around the house, responsibilities pertaining to the children, how free time is spent and so on. Unfortunately, when women complain, men generally retreat and the marriage deteriorates even more.

After years of trying unsuccessfully to improve things, a woman eventually surrenders and convinces herself that change isn't possible. She ends up believing there's absolutely nothing she can do because everything she's tried hasn't worked. That's when she begins to carefully map out the logistics of what she considers to be the inevitable, getting a divorce.

While she's planning her escape, she no longer tries to improve her relationship or modify her partner's behavior in any way. She resigns herself to living in silent desperation until "D Day." Unfortunately, her husband views his wife's silence as an indication that "everything is fine." After all, the "nagging" has ceased. That's why, when she finally breaks the news of the impending divorce, her shell-shocked partner replies, "I had no idea you were unhappy."

Then, even when her husband undergoes real and lasting changes, it's often too late. The same impenetrable wall that for years shielded her from pain, now prevents her from truly recognizing his genuine willingness to change. The relationship is in the danger zone.

If you are a woman who fits this description, please don't give up. I have seen so many men make amazing changes once they truly understand how unhappy their wives have been. Sometimes men are slow to catch on, but when they do, their determination to turn things around can be astounding. I have seen many couples strengthen their marriages successfully even though it seemed an impossible feat. Give your husband another chance. Let him prove to you that things can be different. Keep your family together. Divorce is not a simple answer. It causes unimaginable pain and suffering. It takes an enormous amount of energy to face each day. Why not take this energy and learn some new skills and make your marriage what you've wanted it to be for so long?

If you're a man reading this and your wife has been complaining or nagging, thank her. It means she still cares about you and your marriage. She's working hard to make your love stronger. Spend time with her. Talk to her. Compliment her. Pay attention. Take her seriously. Show her that she's the most important thing in the world to you.

Perhaps your wife is no longer open to your advances because she's a soon-to-be walkaway wife. If so, read the posts on the open messageboard. Don't crowd her. Don't push. Be patient. If you demonstrate you can change and she still has eyes...and a heart, you might just convince her to give your marriage another try.

[sIZE=-2]© 2004 Michele Weiner-Davis. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission of Michele Weiner-Davis.[/sIZE]

[CastingPearls]

I think it's great that you're willing to make an effort to salvage your relationship of many years. I hope it works out for you. I printed out the Walkaway Wife article for my now ex-husband and I don't think he even looked at it. It gives me hope to think there are men who want to go the distance and want to work to solve problems, instead of pretending there is nothing wrong til the bitter end.

[ilmw]

I think it's great that you're willing to make an effort to salvage your relationship of many years. I hope it works out for you. I printed out the Walkaway Wife article for my now ex-husband and I don't think he even looked at it. It gives me hope to think there are men who want to go the distance and want to work to solve problems, instead of pretending there is nothing wrong til the bitter end.

 

Its also nice to see that there are woman out there who recognise this:)

[Gunny376]

I think it's great that you're willing to make an effort to salvage your relationship of many years. I hope it works out for you. I printed out the Walkaway Wife article for my now ex-husband and I don't think he even looked at it. It gives me hope to think there are men who want to go the distance and want to work to solve problems, instead of pretending there is nothing wrong til the bitter end.

 

The thing is ~ most of us men ~ just didn't have a freaking clue, and when I was going through it ~ there wasn't a LS, nor an internet. I would have moved Heaven and Earth if I could to have saved my marriage.