just when I was about to give up...

[tkgirl]

Hi all! It's been a while since I've posted here. It's good to see some of the same folks are still around, but it's NOT good to see all this fueding going on right now with some of you. Can't we all just get along? (haha!) Okay, that's all I want to say about that! The real reason I'm writing is... well, I guess I need some advice. Here's the situation:

 

I've had this casual thing off and on with this guy for quite a while now... Man, I know I've started a few posts here with THAT sentence before! But for the most part it's what has worked. I would also see other guys, kinda figuring out what I want etc. Only to end up back with this guy again. We seem to have that certain chemistry and like to do things together, gone on a few trips etc. Plus, I've known him for so long, it's gotten to that comfortable point (know what I mean?) Here's the problem: I always figured that the reason we never a had "serious" relationship is that he wasn't in that place, didn't want a girlfriend etc. He's like that adventurous type, very active and always doing stuff etc. That's what really attracted me to him. I didn't want to even try to make him settle down, because I knew it wouldn't work! Well, lately I've be hearing from some of our mutual friends that he really does want a girlfriend now...which totally shocked and hurt me (because I just assumed it wasn't going to be me). I decided I needed to figure out a way that I would end our little casual thing, before he found this new "girlfriend"... you know, beat him to the punch. So, just when I decided what I was going to say... something nice like, "I do like you and want us to be friends, but I can no longer do this casual thing" (and I swear I was completely ready to say this to him) he has to go and do something that completely caught me off-guard! I went out last night and when I got home there was this really sweet message from him on my machine! He was saying stuff like how he wanted me to know how he was thinking about me, etc. and at the end of it he says "Miss ya, bye" (he was out of town earlier last week). And it all sounded really sincere. Okay, maybe not a big deal... but he's NEVER really said stuff like this to me before. Could it be that he really IS ready for something more serious and his feelings for me have gotten deeper? He told me in his message to call him back, but I haven't yet. I'm feeling just a tad freaked by all this! Thanks for little me vent and any advice would be mucho appreciated!

[Tony T]

There's not much advice anybody can give you. Carry out with your plan. Call him, like he asked. But tell him you want to upgrade the friendship and get to know him better in many other ways. It sounds like he's providing you a window for doing that.

 

Even if he's met one or two other ladies, you're way ahead of them.

 

But you have absolutely no other choice but to let him know just how you feel. Don't go too far, don't give him a lot of mushy stuff. Just let him know you feel you'd like more than just a friendship and let him go on from there.

 

Whatever his response is, you need to hear it...good or bad. The time has come to see just what's going on here. And don't be disappointed if he's a little hesitant, either. Just be supportive but let him know that while you really do care about him as a friend, your feelings won't allow you to hang with him nearly as much in that capacity.

 

Sooner or later he'll come around.

 

Incidentally, this is one of the most difficult siutations to deal with in romance. But if you get a romance going with someone who has been your friend, there's nothing better. It just doesn't happen real often because a lot of people aren't able to pull it off. But it's the kind of romance that really lasts if it's between two friends who are also rational and mature.