basscatcher Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 Hugs to you B_O. He is free now. He has no more pain. No more sorrow. No more struggles. He can walk with you now. He can listen to you with ultimate understanding. He can watch over you always without leaving your side. He is in you, a part of you, and forever live on because of you. (smile) You are blessed because you knew your father you kissed your father, you held his hand. You told him you loved him, you heard him say he loves you, you held each other. He still holds you, hears you, and knows you; most importantly--he loves you. You are blessed. You will never be alone. (((HUGS))) Prayers are being said... For you too that the feeling of loss will pass and you will remember with a sweet smile and joy in your heart. Link to post Share on other sites
ThumbingMyWay Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 You and your Pa have been on my prayer list for a while....and you will stay there... ((((b_o)))))) Its wierd....the other week I was struggling with some inner stuff...then after sayng the Lords prayer at church one Sunday........it hit me...the answer is in the prayer....I have said this prayer hundreads of time...but it was just the other day that I truly used it to help me.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted October 19, 2006 Author Share Posted October 19, 2006 Thank you so much for the kind words. They have value that you guys may have an idea about, but let me tell you that these words are worth more to me than gold right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Ripples Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 I reckon an awful lot of people think an awful lot of you, B_O Take care of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 share our condolences with your family, and a collective big hug, too. y'all are in my prayers, q Link to post Share on other sites
CrushedOrgans Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 wishing you the best in your time of loss, blind_otter. i don't even know what i would do. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 BIG HUGS BO! I - unfortunately - know the feeling of the loss of loved ones (my Dad being one). I enjoy the ways our family has chosen to remember him - it seems to help. Nobody says you have to like it! :mad: I have found this prayer to be very comforting in the past... A prayer attributed to Saint Therese, The Little Flower. May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us. Link to post Share on other sites
bluetuesday Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 fellow tagore lover, this one's for your dad. when i go from hence let this be my parting word, that what i have seen is unsurpassable. i have tasted of the hidden honey of this lotus that expands on the ocean of light, and thus am i blessed ~let this be my parting word. in this playhouse of infinite forms i have had my play and here have i caught sight of him that is formless. my whole body and my limbs have thrilled with his touch who is beyond touch; and if the end comes here, let it come. ~let this be my parting word. love to you, c. x Link to post Share on other sites
the_alchemyst Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 I'm truly sorry to hear about the loss of your father, BO. I know it must be very difficult for you, but as another already said, you have showed immense strength through all of this. I too am not one to pray, but I will do so this time because it's the very least thing I can do. You and your family will be in my thoughts. May you all receive the all the fortification you need. Blessings to you, BO. Link to post Share on other sites
Kittiecat Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 B_O, I'm so sorry for your loss. Link to post Share on other sites
BenThereDunThat Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 I'm so sorry, BO. You and your family are in my thoughts. I was thinking back to my experience and trying to come up with words of comfort. I know there are none. Just to know that he loved you very much and that love continues and will carry you through your whole life. Bless. Link to post Share on other sites
destination_unknown Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 hi B_O, we dont really know each other but i've read alot of your posts and think your a pretty amazing person, and judging from your closeness to your dad he must be really special as he obviously shaped some of you, i am sorry for your loss. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted October 20, 2006 Author Share Posted October 20, 2006 Thank you for the condolensces. You all keep helping me so much. I wish I could express the gratitude. Maybe I can just pass it on one day. I am getting ready to leave and managed to scrub all the available surfaces in my house. Grief gets you clean. If you let it. I planted a narcissus bulb yesterday. If my Dad was here he would have examined it with interest, he loved growing things. He would have told me a story, some history, or the myth of narcissus, or the first time he saw that type of plant. He would have advised me of all his secret tricks, use coffee grinds and wood ash, and crush up egg shells....and I rememer, bits and pieces. It is a good memory. I planted the bulb, and some crocuses in another pot. I did the best I could. I've never grown anything from so tiny, without killing it. I will do the best I can, and try to remember the bits and pieces of what he taught me. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 B_Ot, I missed this until today, I'm so sorry hon. The thing I thought about as soon as I read this thread is how easy I'm sure he's breathing now and how free from pain he really is. Sometimes the healing we'd like for loved ones is only the ultimate healing that they get. I know you're not religious so I'll leave it at that. You've been on my prayer list C- and you will continue to be. Safe travels. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted October 20, 2006 Author Share Posted October 20, 2006 I feel relief, mixed in with the grief. It's weird, I felt guilty about it until someone PM'd me about how they would feel relief. It's been a long journey and he suffered tremendously. I am glad that he is gone, because I knew at the end that he couldn't get better, so I just wanted him to feel some relief. But it's weird to say "I'm glad he's gone" -- I'm not. I wanted him to be here, but not like that. I wanted to hear his voice still, the way he would repeat my name three times in exasperation, trailing off at the last name and raising his eyebrows and his curled up iron gray and white mustache. It's confusing. Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 I feel relief, mixed in with the grief. It's weird, I felt guilty about it until someone PM'd me about how they would feel relief. It's been a long journey and he suffered tremendously. I am glad that he is gone, because I knew at the end that he couldn't get better, so I just wanted him to feel some relief. But it's weird to say "I'm glad he's gone" -- I'm not. I wanted him to be here, but not like that. I wanted to hear his voice still, the way he would repeat my name three times in exasperation, trailing off at the last name and raising his eyebrows and his curled up iron gray and white mustache. It's confusing. But totaly normal. You are sad that he is gone but relieve that he is because towards the end you dad wasn't really there and just suffering. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted October 26, 2006 Author Share Posted October 26, 2006 I got back from the funeral yesterday night. It was a nice service. I read "And death shall have no dominion" at the funeral, just the first stanza. I changed one line from "When the bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone" to "No more may gulls cry at his ears" since my sister said the bones part was a bit harsh for the audience. And funerals, like weddings, are not about the people involved so much as the family and community in their mourning. The wake was Sunday for 7 hours straight. A marathon of grief. A southern wake. I'm back writing again today, I can't stay still forever. I am at my Dad's house right now. I guess being here with his dog makes me feel closer, but I still feel him with me. I waver between elation that he is free, and no longer suffering, and sadness because I want him back -- but not as he was, I want him magically healthy and well and saying my name in exasperated triplicate again. Thanks for the support. I feel sort of numb right now. I got up slowly this morning and shuffled around. I just walked out the door without doing any housework and when people I know around town, getting coffee, see me, I am like a robot. Sort of giving all the expected responses but not really meaning it. I'm not OK. I'm not "doing fine"....but to them I will be. As they say in AA, fake it until you make it. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted October 26, 2006 Share Posted October 26, 2006 I'm glad you still feel close to your Dad in his farmiliar places. You sound as if your a bit numb but coping . If you need anything you can pm . Thinking about you and knowing your strong ,take whatever comfort you need. How is your Mom coping? Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted October 26, 2006 Share Posted October 26, 2006 And funerals, like weddings, are not about the people involved so much as the family and community in their mourning. Ain't that the truth. Sort of giving all the expected responses but not really meaning it. Welcome back to LoveShack. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted October 26, 2006 Share Posted October 26, 2006 Don't be at all surprised if your flowers grow and thrive this time... Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted October 26, 2006 Author Share Posted October 26, 2006 I'm glad you still feel close to your Dad in his farmiliar places. You sound as if your a bit numb but coping . If you need anything you can pm . Thinking about you and knowing your strong ,take whatever comfort you need. How is your Mom coping? My Mom is beside herself. She said if it weren't for her children and grandchildren she wouldn't want to go on. They were married for 35 years and she's as nutty as a fruit cake, just like me. He gave the stability she needed to function but I am very very very concerned. Now everyone says, otter you take care of your mother....not knowing how our relationship is...but I feel obligated. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted October 26, 2006 Share Posted October 26, 2006 He gave the stability she needed to function but I am very very very concerned. Fair enough, but I still say it makes a difference when you have to stare death in the eye, before the bugger finally decides to grab you. Nutty as a fruitcake, or not, people are surprisingly resilient. I gave up a long time ago, and I'm not dead yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted October 26, 2006 Author Share Posted October 26, 2006 Fair enough, but I still say it makes a difference when you have to stare death in the eye, before the bugger finally decides to grab you. Nutty as a fruitcake, or not, people are surprisingly resilient. I gave up a long time ago, and I'm not dead yet. Maybe this is like post 9-11 NYC niceness. She's almost overly kind. It's bizarre and I'm not used to that from her. I'm used to acerbic wit and compliments that reward and cut at the same time. Who is this woman? She seems like half a person. But 35 years with someone will do that. I'm thinking 3 months and she'll really start hurting. He used to leave for 3 months at a time on submarine service, so part of me thinks there will be that time delay for her. Or me. And me. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted October 26, 2006 Share Posted October 26, 2006 I'm used to acerbic wit and compliments that reward and cut at the same time. Man...I so wish I had that talent. I'm thinking 3 months and she'll really start hurting. You know her best. But, like I said before, she's already had to kind of deal with the reality. Or, at least, her mind has been exposed to the threat of it for a while. So maybe this won't some into play so much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted October 26, 2006 Author Share Posted October 26, 2006 thanks dude, that is a bit of a relief. back to writing about analyzing operational efficiency. oh so titillating. Link to post Share on other sites
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