Girlfriend found in bed with someone else

[will]

I caught my girlfriend of 8 months in bed with another Saturday night. The Friday before we went out and had a nice evening together. On Saturday, we went shopping together in the afternoon and everything appeared normal.

 

She indicated to me that she was going to her parents for dinner and possibly meeting a lady about a job reference over cocktails that night, and that she would call me later. She never called, and at 1:30 am I went to her house. There was a strange car parked in front of her house. I rang the doorbell with no answer, and walked into her back yard, where her family room window and screen was open. Her dog barked, and I saw her walk out from her bedroom, covered only with a sheet. She saw me at the window, I called her name. She turned around and walked back into her bedroom. I could not see into the bedroom. I called her name three times and asked her to talk with me each time. she would not respond to my messages and I heard her talking faintly either on the phone or to someone in the room. I told her I was leaving. The next morning she called and left a message for me in a very sullen tone, saying that " I guess we need to talk" I have not called her back. I know from the tone of her voice on the message that something bad happened. I have not called her back. She has not called me again or stopped by. I have seen this person nearly every day for the past eight months and thought we were close enough that she would have simply broken up with me if she wanted to see other people. Looking back, she has been somewhat distant and less affectionate the past month. She is going through the final stages of her divorce and has been legal separated for the past 15 months. She also has a drinking problem, in that she appears to get out of control when she drinks sometimes.

 

I just know from experience that she was doing something bad. Do I call her back or just blow it off and move forward? She hasn't called me at all since her message. We have talked almost every day for the past 8 months.

[Wiser Woman]

Oh, Will... I feel for you! Just to have to deal with your suspicions in your own head is bad.... Since you've been with or talked with each for the last 8 months, now would be a really good time to TALK. You must have had an uneasy feeling that night or you probably wouldn't have gone over there at 1:30 in the morning. Since you didn't actually see anything, I would return her call and give her the opportunity to explain why her message to you was "guess we have to talk". I'll admit it doesn't sound promising but you will never know unless you face it head on. Knowing, whatever it turns out to be, is better than not knowing because only then can you deal with it and either resolve it with her, whatever it is, or move on. I've been where you are before only I actually walked in on my boyfriend and another girl in bed so it was easy for me - I just walked away and never looked back. You, on the other hand, won't know until you talk to her and while you may fear that your suspicions will be confimed, you can't go on not knowing. I wish you the best - if it is what you suspect, you deserve better.

[Tina]

I feel so bad for you. I can't even imagine what that must feel like. The ONLY reason I would even tell you to talk to her is just so you feel like you have closure and can move on with your life. She obviously doesn't have a lot of respect or consideration for you if she would do something like that. If she doesn't want to talk to you, I wouldn't press the issue. Don't let her treat you as if YOU are the one who has done something wrong. She's the one who should be begging you for forgiveness. Don't let her play you.

I caught my girlfriend of 8 months in bed with another Saturday night. The Friday before we went out and had a nice evening together. On Saturday, we went shopping together in the afternoon and everything appeared normal. She indicated to me that she was going to her parents for dinner and possibly meeting a lady about a job reference over cocktails that night, and that she would call me later. She never called, and at 1:30 am I went to her house. There was a strange car parked in front of her house. I rang the doorbell with no answer, and walked into her back yard, where her family room window and screen was open. Her dog barked, and I saw her walk out from her bedroom, covered only with a sheet. She saw me at the window, I called her name. She turned around and walked back into her bedroom. I could not see into the bedroom. I called her name three times and asked her to talk with me each time. she would not respond to my messages and I heard her talking faintly either on the phone or to someone in the room. I told her I was leaving. The next morning she called and left a message for me in a very sullen tone, saying that " I guess we need to talk" I have not called her back. I know from the tone of her voice on the message that something bad happened. I have not called her back. She has not called me again or stopped by. I have seen this person nearly every day for the past eight months and thought we were close enough that she would have simply broken up with me if she wanted to see other people. Looking back, she has been somewhat distant and less affectionate the past month. She is going through the final stages of her divorce and has been legal separated for the past 15 months. She also has a drinking problem, in that she appears to get out of control when she drinks sometimes.

 

I just know from experience that she was doing something bad. Do I call her back or just blow it off and move forward? She hasn't called me at all since her message. We have talked almost every day for the past 8 months.