Mr. Lucky Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 Long time lurker here, new poster. After reading all the "low libido, ain't gettin' any" posts here, I thought I would tell my admittedly strange tale. I expect to get flamed, with people telling me everything from "morally wrong" to "ethically repugnant" to "probably illegal" to "definately fattening". All I can say is right now, it's working for us. Quick background: A familiar story on Love Shack - married 20+ years, 4 kids, sex life down to 1 or 2X month. I railed mightily and long against this and embarked on every strategy from romantic seduction to pouting demand. If I got any at all, it was "obligation sex" - not very fun or rewarding for the giver or receiver. I just basically got angry and gave up. Again, a familiar story. The frustrating part was hearing my wife say that she was happy with our relationship and felt the problem was simply that I was putting too much emphasis on sex when she was "too tired", "too stressed" or "not in the mood". In the last 5 years my career (and income) have really taken off. We were comfortable before, but putting 3 kids (and soon a 4th) into college took most of our money. Didn't have much set aside for retirement so that was my focus as the income grew. My wife disagreed, wanting to live more in the "here and now". Ironically, now that we had some money, we were fighting over it. Not surprisingly, these fights led to even less sex. Fast forward to 6 months ago. A fight about money AND sex turned into my saying that I might feel loose financially if she was more giving sexually - probably a dumb and selfish thing to say, but that was how I was feeling. She replied that the opposite was true for her, that she might feel more relaxed intimately if she felt more indulged financially. So an idea was born. We agreed that since 2X a month was our norm, that I would give her cash for anything above that. If tired, she would please me orally. If more willing, we would have sex. She can refuse to "indulge" me at any time, no questions asked. Also, either partner could cancel the deal at any time and we'd go back to our norm. Even stranger, she has kind of gotten into it. I've been tied up, dressed up and had some things done to me that make me blush to put down on paper (even anonymously). I've had more and better sex in the last 6 months than in the previous 6 years combined. No more thoughts of cheating (which I would never do anyway) or divorce (again, wouldn't put my kids through that). I guess I should emphasize that this is not the mortgage, grocery, clothing, vacation or family money, but extra cash that in my surpressed anger would have gone to something "mid-life crisis" dumb like a motorcycle. Like I said, it is bizarre but working well. Sorry for the long post. Go ahead, fire away Mr. Lucky BTW - Don't tell my wife, but retirement is on track also Link to post Share on other sites
stoopid_guy Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 Interesting idea... Even for folks who were "joint" everything financially, it could have a fantasy effect... Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 I am so going to start demanding payment! .........oh shoot in my M it would probably end up being the other way around. shyte! Screwed again.....but what a wonderful few moments I had pondering this idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Ripples Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 That's fantastic! I love it! Have you noticed her being any different, sexually, when you're not paying her? Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 Hey, if it's working for you.... great!! Does it not ever bother you that she's more interested in getting the money, than just being intimate with you because of her love for you? Or do you think that the money simply greased the cogs (so to speak) and that now you have a sex life again she is enjoying it for itself? Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 I'm guessing it feels kinky again for her and she's enjoying it. Sounds like the two of you have it worked out. Good for you! Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 Is it like the real world with set prices for different acts? Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 way to go Lucky. Ya know, this payment for sex is actually a break from the same boring routine sex that she wasn't interested in anymore. And, heck, why not !! Better the money going into your wife's purse than you going outside looking for sex. Thanks for the idea. I'm gonna try it myself, but my girl's gonna have to pay me. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 LOL We always pay for it one way or another. Why not cash... So does she ever feel...like...um..a professional if ya know what I mean? Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 Actually, I like that idea. If it doesn't make her feel "cheap," then both are benefitting. And it probably is getting her more interested. Although the negative is that it is about her getting money for pleasuring you rather than her getting turned on by sex...but who cares? She may now be turned on by sex where as before there was no motivation. Out of curiosity, not that I have that kind of money, about how much do you pay? Link to post Share on other sites
Ripples Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 It seems that women require more than just being turned on by sex, to be turned on. I know that I need to feel like I'm cared for in some way by the guy I'm having sex with, to be truly into it (ok, not all the time, but alot). There's something else as well. Something about being given money... the guy must really want me, and me only. Maybe I've got to do what he wants if he's paying me, and that's a turn on. Maybe I don't have to fake wanting to do stuff, and that's a turn on... I don't know, can't get my head around it... sorry, rambling... Link to post Share on other sites
stoopid_guy Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 There's something else as well. Something about being given money... the guy must really want me, and me only. Maybe I've got to do what he wants if he's paying me, and that's a turn on. Maybe I don't have to fake wanting to do stuff, and that's a turn on... I don't know, can't get my head around it... sorry, rambling... What's amazing to me is the lack of objections to the idea, especially from the ladies. Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 What's amazing to me is the lack of objections to the idea, especially from the ladies. It's not like she is being paid to have sex with random guys, it's her husband. To me it just sounds like role-playing taken up a notch, and role-playing can be fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 I agree with Bab.. it is role playing... Growing up my dad had this saying about marriage.. He would say that it is cheaper to just have a maid and a whore instead of being married. The OP is disproving my dads theory.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr. Lucky Posted October 19, 2006 Author Share Posted October 19, 2006 That's fantastic! I love it! Have you noticed her being any different, sexually, when you're not paying her? No, it has become kind of a "package" deal (pun intended) Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 I used to date a guy that told me his x-wife would only give him sex if there was something in it for her, too. She would say, "I'll have sex with you can give me money to go shopping". It's more common than you think. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 What's amazing to me is the lack of objections to the idea, especially from the ladies. I got the impression that the OP was hoping to incite a reaction so I hope he's not too disappointed, but suppose most people feel that what two consenting adults do for sex is their own business. For the sake of a dissenting voice, I'll say that it's not something I personally would go for. Not on a regular basis, anyway. Each to their own though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr. Lucky Posted October 19, 2006 Author Share Posted October 19, 2006 Does it not ever bother you that she's more interested in getting the money, than just being intimate with you because of her love for you? No, I've been too busy having fun to think through every aspect. Previously, the real mind bender for me was "I love you, but I don't really want to have sex with you very often". I'll take these implications over those. Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr. Lucky Posted October 19, 2006 Author Share Posted October 19, 2006 Is it like the real world with set prices for different acts? Yes. Without getting too graphic, intercourse is more. Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr. Lucky Posted October 19, 2006 Author Share Posted October 19, 2006 Out of curiosity, not that I have that kind of money, about how much do you pay? I'm spending about $700 to $800 a month on "extras". To put it in perspective, that's less than 5% of my take home income. Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr. Lucky Posted October 19, 2006 Author Share Posted October 19, 2006 It seems that women require more than just being turned on by sex, to be turned on. I know that I need to feel like I'm cared for in some way by the guy I'm having sex with, to be truly into it (ok, not all the time, but alot). There's something else as well. Something about being given money... the guy must really want me, and me only. Maybe I've got to do what he wants if he's paying me, and that's a turn on. Maybe I don't have to fake wanting to do stuff, and that's a turn on... I don't know, can't get my head around it... sorry, rambling... I think that you are very perceptive. My wife seems to feel liberated by this arrangement. Who could have guessed ??? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr. Lucky Posted October 19, 2006 Author Share Posted October 19, 2006 I got the impression that the OP was hoping to incite a reaction so I hope he's not too disappointed, but suppose most people feel that what two consenting adults do for sex is their own business. Well, I don't think I am trying to "incite" more than any other poster. I'm just telling my story and looking for feedback - is that a different motive than others that start threads? I also tried to say "this is working for us", as opposed to "hey, you should try this". Trust me, you won't see me on late night TV as a commercial pitchman for this method of promoting marital intimacy Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr. Lucky Posted October 19, 2006 Author Share Posted October 19, 2006 BTW As a new member, my posts are being delayed for moderator review. Hence the lag time. Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
stoopid_guy Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 Out of curiosity, not that I have that kind of money, about how much do you pay? Hmmm... Maybe it should be paid AFTER depending on the "service/quality." "Wow!!! Here's $200! :bunny: " or "You can do better, here's $5 for a cup of coffee." Link to post Share on other sites
Ripples Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 Mr Lucky, I guess you missed my first question? Does your wife behave differently, sexually, to how she behaved before, when you're not paying her? Link to post Share on other sites
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