Girlfriend went out with another guy, she's sorry and wants to stay together

[Bryan]

I've been going out with my girlfriend for nearly 10 months and everything was fine until it happened.

 

My girlfriend went out with another guy about a month and a half ago and of course lied to me about it...I found out a couple of days after she went out with him when I was at her place and she left her e-mail opened. I checked her sent message to her cousin and it disclosed that she went out with a guy from school. She further said in her e-mail that she was confused of what to do..since she liked both of us.

 

Obviously I was furious and wanted to leave her place right away. She stopped me and told me that she was sorry. I didn't know how to feel and so I finally left.

 

When I got home I checked my e-mail and she said that she was sorry and that she doesn't want to lose me and that she won't replace me with that guy.

 

Later on at night I called her to see if she was at home to talk. She wasn't at home. I ended up going to her place to wait there since I was so angry about the whole ordeal. I ended up waiting with her mother until 3am!! That guy she had seen a couple nights back took her home by taxi. I couldn't believe it. My girlfriend then was completely surprised when she opened the door to see me waiting for her. She said that she met the guy to let him know about everything and that she wouldn't meet him any longer.

 

Well, I was on the verge of breaking up with her right there and then. She, however, insisted that we talk and that I give her another chance...She said that she was going crazy and she was talking to her friends....I listened to her..and I thought that it could have been so possible that I could have met another girl only to find that I would regret doing so, if I would lose my relationship with my girlfriend. I gave the relationship a bit of time to see if we should be together or not.

 

A few weeks later I met the guy that she went out with. (We all went on a school trip together that my girlfriend had arranged). He seemed to me to be a decent guy and that there wasn't anything between him and my girlfriend. That was a bit reassuring.

 

My relationship with my girlfriend then got better and we talked about doing things together in the future. I still wasn't completely sure if things would really work out or not...

 

and

 

Yesterday (nearly a month and a half after she met that guy)I was able to find out exactly what happened the night when my girlfriend came home at 3am. She told me in church that she actually went to his place for a short time to talk to him, but nothing had happened. she told me she didn't want to tell me that she went to his place because maybe I would over-react and leave her. She was scared about that and just wanted to leave the past in the past, especially as she said nothing happened at all.

 

Later that night I called that guy to ask him directly if my girlfriend ever went to his place. He did say that she came over for three hours or so on that night and that they had pizza and beer, but nothing happened. He said that she was crying and told him about me and our relationship. He told me that he told her that he didn't want to get in between two people.

 

The problem of course is that my girlfriend lied to me. When I found out that she went out with another guy that was hard enough, but that she actually went over to his place is worrisome. Why would she bother doing that especially since she hardly knew the guy? Yeah, maybe she liked him too and didn't know what to do...but going over to his place seems like a bad move.

 

My girlfriend is 19 and maybe that's why she went out with another guy (I'm 26). I could see myself going out with someone else just to see what I really wanted. Then again, if I had lost someone special because of that I would regret it.

 

Right now she says that she was so scared of losing me and that's why she didn't want to tell me that she went to his place...She said she realizes her mistake and that she'll never lie to me or do anything like that again....

 

Last night she was calling me all through the night to talk to me and I just didn't want to talk...She ended up coming to my place early in the morning and just sitting on the bed for hours and telling me that she was sorry for what happened a month and a half ago.

 

I feel so numb and I just want to be alone for now....and I need some advice. Maybe I should break up with her or maybe I should just accept that she learnt something and work things out.....

[Tony T]

I don't think you should trust this gal as far as you can spit, frankly.

 

The problem I have with this is that she not only went out with this guy while she was in a committed relationship with you but she then had to go OVER TO HIS PLACE for pizza and beer to break it off with him. If her simple indiscretion was just that, why would she have to go see him and spend three hours rather than refuse him the next time he called or just make a simple telephone call??? If there was no plot going, what was the point of that lengthy visit???

 

Beyond that, what if she would have really enjoyed her date? Would she have continued to see him behind your back had you not found out about it? Even if she did this only to make you jealous, it's pretty sick.

 

I understand the numbness you feel. You're with a gal you can no longer trust. We aren't talking about a matter of curiosity on her part here. We're talking about a willful and wanton disregard for her committment, behind your back, in order to see another guy and explore just what might have happened.

 

This three-hour beer and pizza meeting she had over at his place to break things off with him is a clear indication to me that there was more to this than one simple date. You don't go to somebody's place and stay there three hours after your boyfriend has caught you cheating with him and stay that long to tell him you can no longer see him. You can do that on the phone in a few minutes. Hell, I've dated girls two dozen times and handled something like this on the phone with a fairly short phone call.

 

Either this gal is extremely deceptive, extremely stupid, or considers you pretty dumb and gullible but the whole thing stinks pretty bad. She may feel very sorry that she got caught but I don't think she's sorry she went out with the guy. People date other people on the sneak while there in a relationship for the exact purpose of seeing if there's any possiblities with the new person...plain and simple. It's not a novelty thing. It's not worth putting a relationship on the line just to have an evening of fun. There was a plot here.

 

What if she would have enjoyed the date and liked him a lot? Obviously, she was plotting to explore that possiblity with him. She would have had a three-hour beer and pizza meeting with you (at which nothing would have happened, yeah, right) to give YOU the boot instead.

 

This lady may be a real fine gal someday. But right now, she's not ready to settle down in a committed relationship with you. If you really love her, cut her loose to learn some morals, ethics and loyalty. Maybe the two of you can get back together at some future time if you can't find a gal who's got a better sense of honesty.

 

I pity you if you can't.

 

By the way, you're 26. You obviously like the young chirpies and I don't blame you. But as long as you go for the teenieboppers you can more or less expect this sort of thing from them. It's just their nature...in most cases. There are exceptions but you didn't latch onto one here.

[someone]

You're not from New Jersey are you?

I've been going out with my girlfriend for nearly 10 months and everything was fine until it happened. My girlfriend went out with another guy about a month and a half ago and of course lied to me about it...I found out a couple of days after she went out with him when I was at her place and she left her e-mail opened. I checked her sent message to her cousin and it disclosed that she went out with a guy from school. She further said in her e-mail that she was confused of what to do..since she liked both of us. Obviously I was furious and wanted to leave her place right away. She stopped me and told me that she was sorry. I didn't know how to feel and so I finally left. When I got home I checked my e-mail and she said that she was sorry and that she doesn't want to lose me and that she won't replace me with that guy. Later on at night I called her to see if she was at home to talk. She wasn't at home. I ended up going to her place to wait there since I was so angry about the whole ordeal. I ended up waiting with her mother until 3am!! That guy she had seen a couple nights back took her home by taxi. I couldn't believe it. My girlfriend then was completely surprised when she opened the door to see me waiting for her. She said that she met the guy to let him know about everything and that she wouldn't meet him any longer. Well, I was on the verge of breaking up with her right there and then. She, however, insisted that we talk and that I give her another chance...She said that she was going crazy and she was talking to her friends....I listened to her..and I thought that it could have been so possible that I could have met another girl only to find that I would regret doing so, if I would lose my relationship with my girlfriend. I gave the relationship a bit of time to see if we should be together or not. A few weeks later I met the guy that she went out with. (We all went on a school trip together that my girlfriend had arranged). He seemed to me to be a decent guy and that there wasn't anything between him and my girlfriend. That was a bit reassuring. My relationship with my girlfriend then got better and we talked about doing things together in the future. I still wasn't completely sure if things would really work out or not... and Yesterday (nearly a month and a half after she met that guy)I was able to find out exactly what happened the night when my girlfriend came home at 3am. She told me in church that she actually went to his place for a short time to talk to him, but nothing had happened. she told me she didn't want to tell me that she went to his place because maybe I would over-react and leave her. She was scared about that and just wanted to leave the past in the past, especially as she said nothing happened at all. Later that night I called that guy to ask him directly if my girlfriend ever went to his place. He did say that she came over for three hours or so on that night and that they had pizza and beer, but nothing happened. He said that she was crying and told him about me and our relationship. He told me that he told her that he didn't want to get in between two people. The problem of course is that my girlfriend lied to me. When I found out that she went out with another guy that was hard enough, but that she actually went over to his place is worrisome. Why would she bother doing that especially since she hardly knew the guy? Yeah, maybe she liked him too and didn't know what to do...but going over to his place seems like a bad move. My girlfriend is 19 and maybe that's why she went out with another guy (I'm 26). I could see myself going out with someone else just to see what I really wanted. Then again, if I had lost someone special because of that I would regret it. Right now she says that she was so scared of losing me and that's why she didn't want to tell me that she went to his place...She said she realizes her mistake and that she'll never lie to me or do anything like that again.... Last night she was calling me all through the night to talk to me and I just didn't want to talk...She ended up coming to my place early in the morning and just sitting on the bed for hours and telling me that she was sorry for what happened a month and a half ago. I feel so numb and I just want to be alone for now....and I need some advice. Maybe I should break up with her or maybe I should just accept that she learnt something and work things out.....

[JustaGuy]

Three words: Weighing Her Possibilities. She was evaluating both YOU and HIM right down to the wire.

 

And LYING, on more than one occasion. This isn't a one time "slip up." So what if she eventually picked you over him--the next guy might beat you out.

 

If you don't want to go through this again (and you will, if you stay with her), it might be time to look for someone a little more mature. You've got to admit, there is a lot you've learned between the ages of 19 and 26. Why don't you look for someone who's learned as much as you about life and is more likely to have their act together (hint: think "your age--or older").

 

I'd suggest you get out of that situation fast and permanently.

[yes]

She's only 19!

 

Don't expect this to be a keeper.

 

It's very hard for her to break up with u - ive been there - yet she is extremely curious about other men ... she'll keep coming back to u until she find somebody she just can't pass up & then u'll be dumped cold.

 

so dont wait for it ... move on. Thats my advice - ive been in HER shoes - dating a guy i liked & going out w/ others, and then staying with him, and eventually i broke up with him totally cuz i met somebody i rlly liked and wanted to give a chance. Though it didnt work out, i dont regret breaking up - a 19 year old (i was 19 at the time) need way more experience b4 she can settle down.

 

good luck,

 

-yes

I've been going out with my girlfriend for nearly 10 months and everything was fine until it happened. My girlfriend went out with another guy about a month and a half ago and of course lied to me about it...I found out a couple of days after she went out with him when I was at her place and she left her e-mail opened. I checked her sent message to her cousin and it disclosed that she went out with a guy from school. She further said in her e-mail that she was confused of what to do..since she liked both of us. Obviously I was furious and wanted to leave her place right away. She stopped me and told me that she was sorry. I didn't know how to feel and so I finally left. When I got home I checked my e-mail and she said that she was sorry and that she doesn't want to lose me and that she won't replace me with that guy. Later on at night I called her to see if she was at home to talk. She wasn't at home. I ended up going to her place to wait there since I was so angry about the whole ordeal. I ended up waiting with her mother until 3am!! That guy she had seen a couple nights back took her home by taxi. I couldn't believe it. My girlfriend then was completely surprised when she opened the door to see me waiting for her. She said that she met the guy to let him know about everything and that she wouldn't meet him any longer. Well, I was on the verge of breaking up with her right there and then. She, however, insisted that we talk and that I give her another chance...She said that she was going crazy and she was talking to her friends....I listened to her..and I thought that it could have been so possible that I could have met another girl only to find that I would regret doing so, if I would lose my relationship with my girlfriend. I gave the relationship a bit of time to see if we should be together or not. A few weeks later I met the guy that she went out with. (We all went on a school trip together that my girlfriend had arranged). He seemed to me to be a decent guy and that there wasn't anything between him and my girlfriend. That was a bit reassuring. My relationship with my girlfriend then got better and we talked about doing things together in the future. I still wasn't completely sure if things would really work out or not... and Yesterday (nearly a month and a half after she met that guy)I was able to find out exactly what happened the night when my girlfriend came home at 3am. She told me in church that she actually went to his place for a short time to talk to him, but nothing had happened. she told me she didn't want to tell me that she went to his place because maybe I would over-react and leave her. She was scared about that and just wanted to leave the past in the past, especially as she said nothing happened at all. Later that night I called that guy to ask him directly if my girlfriend ever went to his place. He did say that she came over for three hours or so on that night and that they had pizza and beer, but nothing happened. He said that she was crying and told him about me and our relationship. He told me that he told her that he didn't want to get in between two people. The problem of course is that my girlfriend lied to me. When I found out that she went out with another guy that was hard enough, but that she actually went over to his place is worrisome. Why would she bother doing that especially since she hardly knew the guy? Yeah, maybe she liked him too and didn't know what to do...but going over to his place seems like a bad move. My girlfriend is 19 and maybe that's why she went out with another guy (I'm 26). I could see myself going out with someone else just to see what I really wanted. Then again, if I had lost someone special because of that I would regret it. Right now she says that she was so scared of losing me and that's why she didn't want to tell me that she went to his place...She said she realizes her mistake and that she'll never lie to me or do anything like that again.... Last night she was calling me all through the night to talk to me and I just didn't want to talk...She ended up coming to my place early in the morning and just sitting on the bed for hours and telling me that she was sorry for what happened a month and a half ago. I feel so numb and I just want to be alone for now....and I need some advice. Maybe I should break up with her or maybe I should just accept that she learnt something and work things out.....

[velvet]

I actually did settle down at 19 and was engaged for four years. He was a much older man. My experience with him was more of a learning experience than anything.

 

I learned that if a spouse cheats, they deserve the boot. Its just that simple. Theres no second chances, to see it happen all over again. Theres no pitty on the person who cheated, because that person needs to learn for themself their mistake and not do it again in the future. You cannot forgive her, that only gives her the okay to do it again in the future. You both have to move on, and she learn from her mistakes.

 

It just might hurt you even more than you hurt now when you brake it off, but its for the best. Their are plenty eligable young ladies looking for you day and night, babe.

She's only 19! Don't expect this to be a keeper. It's very hard for her to break up with u - ive been there - yet she is extremely curious about other men ... she'll keep coming back to u until she find somebody she just can't pass up & then u'll be dumped cold. so dont wait for it ... move on. Thats my advice - ive been in HER shoes - dating a guy i liked & going out w/ others, and then staying with him, and eventually i broke up with him totally cuz i met somebody i rlly liked and wanted to give a chance. Though it didnt work out, i dont regret breaking up - a 19 year old (i was 19 at the time) need way more experience b4 she can settle down. good luck, -yes

[1BADGTP]

all i can tell you is DUMP HER NOW...you've only dated her for 10 months and she's already pulling this ##### with you...she wont change....kick her to the curb now and move on to a woman that will love you only!

I've been going out with my girlfriend for nearly 10 months and everything was fine until it happened. My girlfriend went out with another guy about a month and a half ago and of course lied to me about it...I found out a couple of days after she went out with him when I was at her place and she left her e-mail opened. I checked her sent message to her cousin and it disclosed that she went out with a guy from school. She further said in her e-mail that she was confused of what to do..since she liked both of us. Obviously I was furious and wanted to leave her place right away. She stopped me and told me that she was sorry. I didn't know how to feel and so I finally left. When I got home I checked my e-mail and she said that she was sorry and that she doesn't want to lose me and that she won't replace me with that guy. Later on at night I called her to see if she was at home to talk. She wasn't at home. I ended up going to her place to wait there since I was so angry about the whole ordeal. I ended up waiting with her mother until 3am!! That guy she had seen a couple nights back took her home by taxi. I couldn't believe it. My girlfriend then was completely surprised when she opened the door to see me waiting for her. She said that she met the guy to let him know about everything and that she wouldn't meet him any longer. Well, I was on the verge of breaking up with her right there and then. She, however, insisted that we talk and that I give her another chance...She said that she was going crazy and she was talking to her friends....I listened to her..and I thought that it could have been so possible that I could have met another girl only to find that I would regret doing so, if I would lose my relationship with my girlfriend. I gave the relationship a bit of time to see if we should be together or not. A few weeks later I met the guy that she went out with. (We all went on a school trip together that my girlfriend had arranged). He seemed to me to be a decent guy and that there wasn't anything between him and my girlfriend. That was a bit reassuring. My relationship with my girlfriend then got better and we talked about doing things together in the future. I still wasn't completely sure if things would really work out or not... and Yesterday (nearly a month and a half after she met that guy)I was able to find out exactly what happened the night when my girlfriend came home at 3am. She told me in church that she actually went to his place for a short time to talk to him, but nothing had happened. she told me she didn't want to tell me that she went to his place because maybe I would over-react and leave her. She was scared about that and just wanted to leave the past in the past, especially as she said nothing happened at all. Later that night I called that guy to ask him directly if my girlfriend ever went to his place. He did say that she came over for three hours or so on that night and that they had pizza and beer, but nothing happened. He said that she was crying and told him about me and our relationship. He told me that he told her that he didn't want to get in between two people. The problem of course is that my girlfriend lied to me. When I found out that she went out with another guy that was hard enough, but that she actually went over to his place is worrisome. Why would she bother doing that especially since she hardly knew the guy? Yeah, maybe she liked him too and didn't know what to do...but going over to his place seems like a bad move. My girlfriend is 19 and maybe that's why she went out with another guy (I'm 26). I could see myself going out with someone else just to see what I really wanted. Then again, if I had lost someone special because of that I would regret it. Right now she says that she was so scared of losing me and that's why she didn't want to tell me that she went to his place...She said she realizes her mistake and that she'll never lie to me or do anything like that again.... Last night she was calling me all through the night to talk to me and I just didn't want to talk...She ended up coming to my place early in the morning and just sitting on the bed for hours and telling me that she was sorry for what happened a month and a half ago. I feel so numb and I just want to be alone for now....and I need some advice. Maybe I should break up with her or maybe I should just accept that she learnt something and work things out.....

[whaaaaat?]

i think youre on the wrong message board.

all i can tell you is DUMP HER NOW...you've only dated her for 10 months and she's already pulling this ##### with you...she wont change....kick her to the curb now and move on to a woman that will love you only!