submariner Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 Hi, thanks for stopping by... I've been lurking here for a while and found a lot of support reading the posts. I could use a little advice. My girlfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half. We've had our problems. Mainly, we decided that she had a real drinking problem. Including black outs and a history of lies and deceit. In the zero hour we linked most of our problems to her drinking. We tried to have rules at first, like she could only drink when I was around. But she found ways around this by lying. So I gave her THE ultimatum. She's been sober and attending AA for over 90 days. During that time we've been able to rebuild some of the trust she'd broken and we've been able to sort out our issues. There is no question her sobriety has made a difference. But her is the problem. I have the feeling she may drink again. I've been trying to do my best to be supportive. But my gut is telling me that the clock is ticking. It is the look in her eyes and the comments she's making. I cantell that she has decided to drink again. It is just a question of time. I can sense it, and since this is ultimately her choice, I'm pretty helpless here. How will I handle this if she does drink again? As we've sorted through all of our past problems, she's used the drinking as an excuse for red flags and relationship deal-breakers. Since she has made the effort, I have to take some responsibility and suck up some of the BS that comes with it. But what if she drinks again? Feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Feel like a hostage. Thanks, Subby Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 I am going to give you great advise. If your girlfriend starts to dring again then break up and move on. A person drinks to where they suffer blackouts will not only destroy their life but will destroy all those that care for them. If she drinks then she is sending you a clear message about your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 I am going to give you great advise. If your girlfriend starts to dring again then break up and move on. A person drinks to where they suffer blackouts will not only destroy their life but will destroy all those that care for them. If she drinks then she is sending you a clear message about your relationship. Word but I don't think I would even wait for her to start drinking again. What is your future with this woman? Will she make a good parent? Crash your car and end up in the pokey and your home will be taken in a friggin lawsuit........add more scenarios at your leisure. Sorry but black out drunks are a top o' the list dealbreaker in my book. Link to post Share on other sites
Author submariner Posted October 19, 2006 Author Share Posted October 19, 2006 Thanks, guys! I feel like I have to ride it out, so I will stay with her as long as she doesn't drink. I've accepted that this is a disease, and as long as she is treating it, I will support her. My struggle is with whether or not I should give her room to screw up once or twice. I may not be strong enough for that... Link to post Share on other sites
Icarus Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 If she stays sober, and you want to be with her, then be supportive and stick around. Likewise, if you have both discussed this and she decides to drink again despite what consequences she knows she'll likely face ... she's put drinking ahead of that anyway. Turn and go, and don't look back. What worries me is that you seem to have already concluded that she's decided she's going to drink again. Does it come across in how you treat her or what you say to her? If so, that's not being supportive. Maybe she's dealing with some difficult issues. If she works through it without drinking ... all the better! My drinking problem hit hard and fast about a year ago. I struggled on/off with a few periods 1-2 months of sobriety and went back only to discover it never got better. I had met and started dating someone about 4 wks sober and was upfront with her about it. I drank again ... and she hung it up. Hard as it was, I respect her for it, and to be honest, thank her for it. I probably wouldn't have 7 months now if she'd stuck around for a proverbial "second chance". A sober alcoholic has already gotten a second chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author submariner Posted October 20, 2006 Author Share Posted October 20, 2006 Wow, thanks for the insight, Icarus. I'm trying to be supportive and I sometimes feel like I'm being a bit condescending when I say something like: "I appreciate what you're going through for us." I try not to even entertain discussions about it at all because she gets defensive and tells me I don't understand how she feels. I do appreciate what you're saying, Icarus. Thanks... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts