NARKOSIS Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 Hey everyone. Im new here, kinda just stumbled across this site without even looking lol Let me start off by giving a little background... I've been fat ever since elementary school. Always was the fat kid that got teased. Middle school was no different and neither was high school. Although somehow I managed to make friends with the "in-crowd" but never had a girlfriend all throughout school. To give you an idea (since its burned into my memory lol) I remember stepping on a scale at home when I was in about 8th grade and the gauge read "260". At that point I was about 5'8-5'9 in height. Finally after high school I started doing something about it. Found the easiest weight loss plan ever created and lost a substantial amount of weight. Then I finally got into a serious relationship for about 1 year or so, had an apartment, the whole 9 yards. But she had some mental issues that required medications. She started going off them and the "spark" started dying and I put most of my weight back on. To be precise, I went back up to a 41" waist. Got out of that mess, started back on my program and have since devoted my life to body building. Right now Im at about 185lbs, 11% body fat, and starting to see some cuts. Never thought Id see them lol Now here comes my problem... Im told on plenty occasions that Im cute, sexy, hot, etc. Mostly by people Ive known a while and Im starting to notice ladies taking a longer look at me. But for some reason I still think Im fat and ugly. Some days Ill think, "yeah, they are probably right", or "Im getting there" but I still look in the mirror and see fat chris. Every little piece of me seems to have to be perfect before I even begin to think Im attractive. This leads to being very shy around girls, very quite, very nervous, very self concious when Im at a pool/beach, etc. Has anyone dealt with this before? If so, any help would be great. Link to post Share on other sites
FELIZE Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 [narkosis quote:] "devoted my life to body building. Right now Im at about 185lbs, 11% body fat, and starting to see some cuts" Whewwwwwww Hewwwwww six pack on the way! Lookin good Lookin good! However, Narkosis Self esteem is at play here:....Try reading (if you care to) some books on self-esteem & confidence, dont have a particular one in mind, but there are tons out there, just go to Barnes & Noble.....cant go wrong there! Best of luck to you sweets! Link to post Share on other sites
Author NARKOSIS Posted October 19, 2006 Author Share Posted October 19, 2006 lol definitely dont have a problem with reading... i do that almost all day every day with my job. definitely looking forward to the 6 pack. thats my main goal and of course, the last place my body wants to pull the fat lol No one would ever really tell that I was how I described myself. Unless they really pay attention if theres a lot of females around or if they try and persuade me to talk to them. Then I need to run the other way lol Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 That's actually pretty common for people who have lost weight. No matter what the mirror shows, they still think of themselves as fat. Plus, you may have been working on your body, but you haven't worked on your mind in the same way, so you're still dealing with the past self-esteem hurts in your head. That's something that people who are in Weight Watchers or other weight loss groups get help with, either from counselors or just in talking with others in the same situation...kinda like group therapy. An extreme form of this is something called body dysmorphic disorder, but I doubt you are to that extreme. It might not be a bad thing to get a little therapy to help you out. In any case, practice replacing your negative thoughts with positive ones each and every time a negative thought comes into your head. And congratulations! You've achieved something that many other people aren't successful at doing! Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 as cheesy as it sounds, daily affirmations do work. Not the "I'm good enough, smart enough and gosh darn it people like me" thing - but specifics adressing the faulty thinking that undermines your self esteem. If you view your body purely from aesthetics, you will always find fault. I suggest trying out some team sports. I love soccer, personally. Even if you don't play well you can always be a "traffic cone" haha, that's what I end up doing if I play. Once you start to view your body as a tool with which you can get more things done when it's tuned up well, and you exercise your mind by achieving success, you'll probably feel better. If the problem continues after much self reflection, then maybe you could get some help to deal with low self esteem. Years of being ridiculed as a child can effect you for a while into your adulthood unless you nip it in the bud. Link to post Share on other sites
Ripples Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 NoraJane, could this be a reason for putting weight back on? Chris, well done. I reckon NJ is right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NARKOSIS Posted October 19, 2006 Author Share Posted October 19, 2006 An extreme form of this is something called body dysmorphic disorder, but I doubt you are to that extreme. It might not be a bad thing to get a little therapy to help you out. In any case, practice replacing your negative thoughts with positive ones each and every time a negative thought comes into your head. And congratulations! You've achieved something that many other people aren't successful at doing! yeah, i dont think thats the case. I look in the mirror and I am happy with what I see. I sometimes think I look in the mirror too much mostly because I cant believe I've gotten this far with my body. My energy and self esteem has definitely improved, just not my self confidence in regards to the opposite sex. Things like confidence in my future and success is fine, just not the ladies category lol And thanks for the congrats Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 I kinda had the oposite problem you did, I got fat and still saw a normal guy in the mirror but I lost the weight again and I still see the same guy in the mirrior. Other people were like whoa you got fat, and then when I lost it again other people were like whoa ur skinny but to me I always looked the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NARKOSIS Posted October 19, 2006 Author Share Posted October 19, 2006 my posts are probably going to start flooding in since im still an "unconfirmed" member and each of my posts need to be reviewed first lol Interesting that you mentioned the sports. I am trying to become an SCCA race driver. But I can't get my license til the next class comes around here in April so Im on top of that one And I think Im getting tired of the desk IT job and am slightly thinking about getting into a more active career like a fire fighter. But, I still have to stop smoking (started way young) and be clean of tobacco for about a year before I can apply. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 NoraJane, could this be a reason for putting weight back on? Chris, well done. I reckon NJ is right. It can be, but I think it often tends to the other extreme....anorexia. They keep seeing fat or failure in the mirror even to the point of hospitalization. But it makes sense if they constantly see fat and feel like a failure, they might start to overeat again to soothe their feelings. Fat is a complicated issue becasue it's not just about calories; it really does involved the mind. Other people who have BDD tend to focus on one part of their body, like they think they have an enormous nose and that's all they see in the mirror and they spend all kind of time measuring and maybe even getting multiple plastic surgeries. Or they think they're too hairy and pluck their whole bodies constantly to the point of hurting themselves. That's the serious end of the disorder. Link to post Share on other sites
Ripples Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 Right, ok. That makes sense. Thanks for that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NARKOSIS Posted October 19, 2006 Author Share Posted October 19, 2006 now my posts are showing up lol They really need to confirm my account Link to post Share on other sites
Ripples Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 And you need to stop smoking! Link to post Share on other sites
Author NARKOSIS Posted October 19, 2006 Author Share Posted October 19, 2006 And you need to stop smoking! Thats next on my to-do list, trust me lol I've quit for a few days before and quite honestly its not the "addiction" that gets me. Its the social aspect of it thats addicting. Smoking after eating, smoking while drinking, smoking to pass time, etc. Plus I enjoy it which sux even more lol And damn near my whole family smokes except for my oldest sister who lives in Chicago. But I am noticing that its definitely interferring with my daily 30-45 minute run which is really pissing me off. Im probably just gonna drop them one day soon and not look back. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 Hey norajane, (you know, I like your posts a lot) That's actually pretty common for people who have lost weight. No matter what the mirror shows, they still think of themselves as fat. Yeah, I've seen that happen and also something of the opposite kind. Girls that once were fat and lost a substantial amount of weight, suddenly become Miss Universe. Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Ripples Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 Thats next on my to-do list, trust me lol I've quit for a few days before and quite honestly its not the "addiction" that gets me. Its the social aspect of it thats addicting. Smoking after eating, smoking while drinking, smoking to pass time, etc. Plus I enjoy it which sux even more lol And damn near my whole family smokes except for my oldest sister who lives in Chicago. I know exactly what you mean. <nods> Link to post Share on other sites
Starr1 Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 Yeah, I've been in your situation before buddy. Like you, I was the fat kid at school, didn't really get picked on that much or anything but I was always conscious about my weight, losing weight was always one of my biggest goals to achieve. By the time I finished high school, I weighed about 90 kilograms and I was about 5 foot 9, didn't have much muscle mass, a lot of it was just fat. Anyway, I noticed with the transition from high school to university, I had a lot more freedom to do more things and found myself losing the weight, I was losing it slowly but I was losing it. Took up indoor and outdoor soccer as they are my favourite sports so I found myself training/playing games about 5 nights a week (still do). All the time when I was losing weight tho, all I ever saw was the same younger fat boy in the mirror. Whether I was fat or not isn't the question, it's just about the mentality. It wasn't till my family actually showed me photos and suggested timing how much exercise I can do compared to how much I used to be able to do without collapsing in tiredness that I realised just how much I have improved appearance and fitness wise. I'm not totally lean and muscular by any means but it's just about selfconfidence, selfesteem and just how you look at yourself. I've gone down from 90 to 70, thinkin of gettin to the mid 60s and then focussing on gettin some muscle mass though if I play soccer, suppose I wanna be able to have less weight as possible so I can run as fast as possible:p Link to post Share on other sites
Author NARKOSIS Posted October 20, 2006 Author Share Posted October 20, 2006 congrats on your success man. Yeah, its weird. Ill look in the mirror and be happy. But I continually find myself trying to still suck in my gut, when I dont even have one anymore (atleast not noticeable through any shirt, tiny pooch left but dissappearing lol). Or Ill hold my arms up near my chest or cross my arms thinking my "man boobs" are still there. And then I just become a scared little boy and get real intimidated around pretty ladies. Not really seen from the outside, Ill try and muster up the confidence to atleast try and talk but Im usually left speechless thinking whatever I'd say is going to be stupid lol Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 You may find that if you open up about your story as you have here, women will find you all the more appealing.Your vulnerability will come across to many women as charming. I think the right woman would enjoy the physical process of "reassuring" you of how attractive you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NARKOSIS Posted October 20, 2006 Author Share Posted October 20, 2006 You may find that if you open up about your story as you have here, women will find you all the more appealing.Your vulnerability will come across to many women as charming. I think the right woman would enjoy the physical process of "reassuring" you of how attractive you are. I did think about that but then I kinda thought that a girl might view that as me trying to use the "pity" card. But if the majority of the women on here disagree with me than I'll rethink that conversation Link to post Share on other sites
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