A question for the inteligent people on the forum

[johan]

I learn to accept myself by seeing how ridiculous everyone else is.

 

This is an excellent strategy! As long as you don't become judgmental. Then it backfires.

 

When I think of myself as a loser (which is happening quite often lately),...

 

Stop that. You're no loser.

 

Imagine you're out for a walk with a friend, and they suddenly bolt off...then 100 yards along turn round and announce

 

"Haha - we had a race and I beat you. I am, therefore, superior in every way to you!"

 

Wow. Excellent analogy. I have a friend who is like that in a very habitual way. Bring up a topic, any topic with him, and boom all of a sudden you're notified that he's won. Knows more, makes more money, can do more stuff, does everything better, smarter, faster. And then try to call him on it, and he wins that on his terms as well. It's exhausting. I find when I'm with him, I don't really talk to him that much.

 

Think you're a loser, Adunaphel? Then try this on for size: this guy is my closest friend.

 

God help me.

[alphamale]

How do you learn to accept yourself?

only with age and experience buddy...

[laRubiaBonita]

only with age and experience buddy...

 

goood Gawd... how old are you, and HOW long will it take?!!

[alphamale]

goood Gawd... how old are you, and HOW long will it take?!!

I'd say I started feeling more comfortable in my own skin around 30 or so, maybe early 30s.

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

How do you learn to accept yourself?

 

It really depends on WHAT it is that you need to accept about yourself. I don't believe that there's such a thing as "one-size-fits-all" when it comes to self-acceptance. For instance, are we talking about something that cannot be changed, such as a physical handicap, a disfigured feature, or are we talking about something that can be changed - but with great efforts - such as your living situation, your social status?

[scaredinlove]

HI I've been reading the threads on this forum for a while and found there are a lot of inteligent and helpful people here so I have a question for you.

 

How do you learn to accept yourself?

 

 

It is a long journey. First you have to learn who you are and go from there and accept your own choices and who you are in your glory and worse moments. Many times we feel lonely beceuse our choices may not agree wuth the general public. But it is better to err on your account them to err by following someone else.Basicaly one should just look in the mirror and see yourself without judgnig and go from there.Eventually you will make peace with whom you are and feel great.

[alphamale]

It is a long journey. First you have to learn who you are and go from there and accept your own choices and who you are in your glory and worse moments.

I love all these young know-it-all whipersnappers, man are they in for a rude awakening!

[Guest]

I agree....drop the friend.

 

In addendum, look at your friends as a reflection of yourself. I only have a couple of people I consider as my best friends (both 20+ years), and although to a third party we may seem to have very contrasting personalities, we all have similar constants that bind us together and make us compatible.....such as, loyalty/forgiveness/empathy/particular sense of humor. I've had friends come and go, but always because I or they didn't have one of these compatible traits.

 

It would be easy to be a loner. As a loner you have the ability to justify your actions, and always take the stance that YOU ARE RIGHT ALWAYS. But that is why that person is alone. And, to me, that isn't accepting yourself.....just deluding yourself in an effort to avoid accepting your flaws.

 

Adunaphel is right on about sifting out constructive/nonconstructive opinions. But part of accepting yourself is accepting the constructive criticism of those you trust. We (hopefully) are always evolving and always learning, as none of us are infallible. My friends call me on my **** and prod me to be true to myself. I don't always accept their criticism at first, but f#ck me if they aren't always spot on. One who has known me for 23 years always states to me when in not in agreement...."hey, this is your journey...". I love that about him.

 

I guess my point is this...accepting yourself is also accepting that you are not perfect, don't have all the answers, and that some close to us can see more clearly than you at times. I think it's important to use that insight in lieu of being offended and assume it to be an attack on you (as a whole).

 

 

 

"I guess my point is this...accepting yourself is also accepting that you are not perfect, don't have all the answers, and that some close to us can see more clearly than you at times. I think it's important to use that insight in lieu of being offended and assume it to be an attack on you (as a whole)."

I DO BELIEVE MS. SCARLET THAT I HAVE BEEN IN ERROR OF THAT ONE MYSELF A FEW TIMES - WINK!

[Noos]

Are you sure she is implying that, and trying to tell you that, you are less intelligent than her?

Does she put your job down *just because*?

If so, what are you still doing around her?

 

the statement - "when are you going to get a new job?", delivered with a mocking tone, as if there is something wrong with my current one, didn't leave much room for interpretation.

 

And anytime she gets into an argument with someone, she tells them how much money she earns, as if that makes her superior.

 

She also told me recently, in front of a group of friends, that a mutual frienmd of ours only took me to his prom because he felt sorry for me - not because he really liked me...WTF...why would you deliberately hurt sdonmeone like that?

 

I have severed ties with this person. I realise it's her problem. I tend to persist in toxic relationships for a long time because I feel guilty if I drop friends. My mother is a chronic people pleaser and I got it from her. Like, my Mum thought I should go to this girl's engagement party despite all the horrible things she's said about me. I'm just puzzled why friends like this continue to issue invitations to you if they feel you are so clearly beneath them.

[dgiirl]

I'm just puzzled why friends like this continue to issue invitations to you if they feel you are so clearly beneath them.

 

Who else is going to take their abuse? It sounds like this person has some serious issues, and thinks that bragging about herself will make people think highly of her where as in reality people probably think really badly about her. I know I would. I make a decent living and I certainly do not brag about it. I actually try to play it down because I really do not like having people jealous of me. People can get jealous over the littlest things. Your friend is toxic and it's better for you to keep your distance.

[Loserdude]

This is an excellent strategy! As long as you don't become judgmental. Then it backfires.

 

 

 

Stop that. You're no loser.

 

 

Think you're a loser, Adunaphel?

 

I'm a loser.

[Loserdude]

HI I've been reading the threads on this forum for a while and found there are a lot of inteligent and helpful people here so I have a question for you.

 

How do you learn to accept yourself?

I learn to accept myself by never really accepting myself as being static. I therefore always look to change (and hopefully improve) and as I grow, I can be sure I am going from one place to a better one. (Slightly tautalogical but you get the idea.)

[IpAncA]

HI I've been reading the threads on this forum for a while and found there are a lot of inteligent and helpful people here so I have a question for you.

 

How do you learn to accept yourself?

It's a mind game that one does to themselves and only when the mind game stops will the person accept themselves. I played that game for about 10 years and I completely hated myself with a passion. Only when I turned my attitude around and seen what I was doing to myself is when I begin to stop and accept myself.