bilbi Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 about 5 months ago my fiance went out drinking with a friend of his (who I have met maybe 5 times), and her boyfriend I have never met. He told them intimate details about my childhood sexual abuse. I am a very private person, and he knew what my boundaries were, and that he crossed them that night. When he told me this I slapped him, broke off our engagment, and walked away. We then worked things out, and are healling from a lot of trauma done to our relationship. Some of the provisions of us working it out was that she is not to come to our wedding and that she is no longer a part of my life-- and I thought I made it clear, a part of his. He crossed the line, and he has to pay for his mistake. Last night he started talking to her online. He did not tell me who he was talking to untill I asked. Then after a few minutes of him talking to her I said "I think I am going to go", he asked why, and I said something along the lines of "it hurts me so much that you would talk to her when i am in the room with you. you betrayed me when you told that to her, and by you talking to her, I feel disrespected" He then went to his computer and wrote "be right back"-- not, can't talk, bye. Then asked me to talk about it. I basicly repeated myself, then there was a lot of silence and I left. He says that I cannot ask him to choose one of us, but by making no choice in this situation, he is choosing her as being higher than his respect for me (which I am beginning to question the existance of...) What should I do? I made it a specific point that because he crossed that line she was no longer allowed to know anymore about me, know me at all, or be any part of my life. I am sick of being the one who has to pay the price for his stupidity and selfishness. Please help. we are at a dead-lock, and I dont want to have to lose my realtionship over this, but also, I cannot live my life feeling disappointed, betrayed, and disrepected. Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 Because he betrayed a confidence of yours he must sever all contact with this woman? Why? I don't understand that at all. He crossed the line, and he has to pay for his mistake. But she doesn't. So your idea of 'punishment' is dictating who he can be friends with. I think that is very odd. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 If its a close friend he should be able to tell people about your sexual abuse does he have to keep it secret, is he aloud to tell his parents atleast. I understand its very personal but he didnt do the worst thing ever and its not some dirty secret that makes you look bad. Link to post Share on other sites
FELIZE Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 and the second time being him chatting online with her and NOT having the decency to show You,(his fiance)some respect! The least he could do, is cut the ties like you asked OR keep his friendship with her to a minimum and not carry on with her, be it online, on the phone or what-have-you, especially around you. At this point, since he's not so quick to cut it out, with her, it makes you wonder, If you did change your mind and decided to marry him, what's he gonna do with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Sand&Water Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 Reply: He told them intimate details about my childhood sexual abuse. I am a very private person . . . I am astonished. Better said, shocked. I do believe it was severely inconsiderate of him to share past intimiate history of his girlfriend with the woman [may be even her boyfriend, as well]. I am partly shocked of what he said, but also of what the woman didn't do. She, never, at any moment stop him in his tracks and ask him whether or not his girlfriend is comfortable with the information and her knowing the details. I am not sure which is worse, him telling her about you or her not slightly considering your right to privacy. I can't imagine where his and her, morals and values have done to other aspects of their life. I recommend you sit down with your boyfriend, once again, and ingrain in stone your personal matters and the limitations of your private life. Indicate to him, that IF the same or a similar incident occurs again -that you will not tolerate his ignorance. There should be consequences [i.e. leave him, and never look back]. Good Luck, Sand&Water Link to post Share on other sites
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