Forget About Her Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 Okay, here's the quick background. Been with this girl for 1.5 years. She's 20, I'm 24. We are in love, talk about marrage, kids, etc., all the time. I know I shouldn't be snooping, but hey, I'm human. Found an email written today to her ex. This was her first real relationship, they were together for about 18 months when she was in high school. They lost contact for a couple of years after they broke up. Read the email and let me know if you think I should be concerened: ...... hey... I know it has been awhile, im not gonna lie I thought about you the other day and looked you up and what a surprise you have a myspace just like the rest of the world haha! Anyway I hope everything is going really well for you and for what its worth I'm sorry for not staying in touch with you, my mistake. So, maybe I'll talk to you but I understand if i dont hear back, I just wanted to let you know I never forgot about you and I hope your doing well. Link to post Share on other sites
outofdarkness Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 It could be totally innocent, but it sort looks to me like she's trying to see if he might be interested in rekindling? My two teenagers have myspace and I see that many people use it as a way to get back in touch with old friends and flames..I would be honest with her and just come right out and ask if she still has any feelings for him. I married my high school sweetheart 20 years ago, but this is very unusual...even then..Usually those relationships don't lead anywhere simply because the couple is way too immature...I certainly hope my two kids don't marry their first serious BF or GF...Hope this helps.. Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 I'm human, too, and I don't snoop. I think the main reason is I know I don't have anything to worry about. I think you do this and are worried because you know you have something to worry about. (In other words, yes, by all means, be worried. Or, confess and let her change her password back.) Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 I think she is fishing to see if he is interested so she can re-connect with him and find out whether he would be interested. If you are talking marriage with her I think it is a bad sign and disrespectful to you. Link to post Share on other sites
evan Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 If you're going to be worried about your wife or girlfriend having friends of the opposite sex, it's going to cause a lot of problems. I'm sure you have friends who are girls right? Accept it, it sounds completely innocent to me. Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 not innocent. sounds like she's lookin' for options. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Forget About Her Posted October 20, 2006 Author Share Posted October 20, 2006 Let me further explain... I'm a no BS type of guy. If there's something to this email, I'll drop her, and that will be it. I don't stand for anything less than 100% commitment. If I were to question her about the email, I know EXACTLY what she would say. She would say that I still talk to my ex-girlfriend of 4 years, and she was just upset because she left her ex on bad terms, and they were really good friends before they got together. She'll say it is no big deal, and I shouldn't be worried, and should trust her. I don't know if this email is just an innocent keep in touch type thing, or something more. I'd really like to hear more opinions. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 Couple of years ago I was out motorcycle riding - and happend to go past the development my 1st husband now lives in - truly not intentional....I was not leading the ride and nobody else even knew I had a 1st husband lol. A few days later I sent him a snailmail - almost exactly like the one your girl sent - hey, been 25 years - how's life treating you? At the time I was with a guy for over a year and totally in love with him. I wasn't looking for options - I'd already divorced the man decades ago - and figure we might be able to catch up as friends - figured it was safe after 25 years of NO CONTACT lolol Let me further explain... I'm a no BS type of guy. If there's something to this email, I'll drop her, and that will be it. I don't stand for anything less than 100% commitment. If I were to question her about the email, I know EXACTLY what she would say. She would say that I still talk to my ex-girlfriend of 4 years, and she was just upset because she left her ex on bad terms, and they were really good friends before they got together. She'll say it is no big deal, and I shouldn't be worried, and should trust her. I don't know if this email is just an innocent keep in touch type thing, or something more. I'd really like to hear more opinions. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 I think it's way too vague to know if it's something you should be concerned about. Personally, I think you should keep quiet about it and wait to see if he replies and then what future emails to him look like. If they end up having an email exchange back and forth, it would be interesting to see if she mentions you to him. Link to post Share on other sites
moman Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 I think this is a whole lot of hubbub about nothing. So she thinks about an ex....who doesn't? I still talk to many of my ex's and my current gfs know about it. I don't do anything sneaky or suspicious. Plus, most of them are married and happy now so we are nothing more than friends who were once more than friends. Relax... Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 Let me further explain... I'm a no BS type of guy. If there's something to this email, I'll drop her, and that will be it. I don't stand for anything less than 100% commitment. If I were to question her about the email, I know EXACTLY what she would say. She would say that I still talk to my ex-girlfriend of 4 years, and she was just upset because she left her ex on bad terms, and they were really good friends before they got together. She'll say it is no big deal, and I shouldn't be worried, and should trust her. I don't know if this email is just an innocent keep in touch type thing, or something more. I'd really like to hear more opinions. Thanks. This is about trust. If you know what she will say and choose not to believe her, then you will have trust issues to deal with. Personally, I think the email could be either one, but I would lean towards what she says. However, by telling her, you will admit to snooping and then SHE will wonder if you have trust issues. SO, you can ask all of us strangers and have opinions from both sides, or you can do what we all must do in a relationship...be honest with her, ask, and trust her answer. If you choose not to do so or cannot do so, then I would break up. Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted October 21, 2006 Share Posted October 21, 2006 I agree with tanbark. I know it's sneaky. But I'd pretend nothing's happened and continue to monitor her. You might've just opened a can of worms and it's too late to put the worms back in the can. Just play along by ear and see where it leads you. I personally wouldn't go snooping into my SOs' mails. But if I were in your situation, I couldn't let it drop. Keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
Miwi Posted October 21, 2006 Share Posted October 21, 2006 Tell her your insecurities. Link to post Share on other sites
megnog Posted October 21, 2006 Share Posted October 21, 2006 i've done similar things before. i'm dating a guy i love and i instant messaged my "first love" (i was only 14, so i think not) to see how he was doing. i was curious about him but definately NOT looking to hook back up with him. this could be totally different with your gf, i don't know what her intentions are, i'm just saying it happens and in my story it was harmless so maybe hers is too. i know if i were you, i couldn't help but want to see what they say back and forth to eachother... so go ahead and do that to confirm what is really going on here. snooping is snooping, who the **** cares.. he has a right to know Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted October 22, 2006 Share Posted October 22, 2006 So far I don't think you have any real reason to be concerned. I agree with tankbark also - trust, but verify. If it's innocent, and they converse a bit, then the emails will reflect that, and she'll mention you etc. If her intentions are not innocent, then you will find out within a few emails anyway. Either way at least you know for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
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