A year ago and still not well

[rossi]

I don't know if many of you remember me, but I have been here for almost a year. My husband affair was Sep. 11/2005. I'm still suffering from this, he does not want to talk about it with me, he said he told me everything alredy. We went to thereapiest and it did not work, the therapiest was not that goog.

 

Well, my problem is that i would like to know why he cheated on me. He said that he loves me and he has been doing his best since that day. I wold like him to tell about how that relationship biguin, what he was feeling in that particular moment that leadt to cheating. I want to know honestly what kind of feeling he had for the other woman. He said he did not have any feeling for her but he saved all the songs that she sent to him through emails.He had sex with me one night and in less than 24 hours had sex with her.

 

How come he has not feelings at all for her? What I don't understand is how he ended up the affair as soon as I discovered. Then, after that he realized how much he loves me and that he wants to be with me. How he did not knew this before he decided to go into the other woman arms. He was spending hour in her house almost every saturday while I was in the park with our children. I would like him to answer to me this Q, I hope he could tell me.

 

I know for sure if i did not find out about the affair he probably be with here today. He said to me he was thinking of living her, why he did not did it before i found out. I would like to know from all the new men that are in this site today, before when I used to post there was not to many of them, mostly women.I fell like fying without not place to land since that day. I try to talk to him but his is always going away from the topic. I need to know his feelings towards the other woman, i don't care if it hurt like hell. I just need to close this part of my life to feel as a whole again. Sorry, but I don't feel well.

[basket]

hello

maybe i can help answer some of your questions because I am definitely in your husbands shoes.

 

I cheated on my GF of 4 years roughly 10mths ago. She found out after 3 months of me going behind her back. Though i never had sex, i did engage in some prolonged kissing. Well, just a small kiss would piss a woman off, imagine how my gf felt when she found out all the crap i did with the other party. Now its nowhere as horrible as having sex, but i think once betrayal is there, it WILL surmount to horrible feelings.

 

1) I am not sure why your husband started seeing the other woman. For me, it just happened. We were working on a project, we clicked and it all combusted and signalled my downfall. Trust me when i say cheating on my gf was the last thing on my mind and i never wanted to hurt her at all. I never saw myself as the type that would cheat, but it happened to me. It could happen to anybody. Give your husband the benefit of doubt. He probably did not want it to happen too. Noone wants to screw up their lives. But again, im not sure why he did it. But i hope this sheds some light.

 

2) When your husband says he truly wants to be with you, he either really really really sincerely means it or he just wants to save the marriage. For me, i am truly deeply remorseful at what i did. I realize what a wonderful girl i have and desperately want to be with her. I love her so much, but once trust is gone, it is so difficult to gain based on what im going through right now. But if you know your husband well, hopefully he really wants to be with you. Give him a chance to repent. My GF broke up with me but continues to spend time with me everyday ever since she found out. She knows i want to get her back but she doesnt entertain any of my intentions or actions. Please give your husband a chance.

 

3) I ended my affair on the day my gf found out and have not contacted or acknowledged the other party since. Truth be told, i was going to end it with the other party on the day my gf found out. I felt like i was trapped and suffocated by the presence of the other party. I truly wanted out but had such a difficult time leaving. I knew that i wanted my gf and noone else would matter but alas lies have a way of showing themselves. I have a feeling your husband meant it when he told you he was going to end it.

 

4) Saving the songs may just be a habit of his. It might have meant nothing to him. Try not to read too much into his actions. This is what my GF does and it blows up small things to huge arguements which leaves her upset and heartbroken all over again.

 

5) I understand why your husband does not want to talk about it. I myself try to run away from the subject whenever my GF brings it up. No, we are not cowards but merely trying to move on and make things better for the ones we have hurt. We cannot change what we did and we realize that we have lost something so pure and true. Talking about it just does not bring any good from what ive been through. All that can ever come from it is more bad memories and experiences. I try to shut the affair out of my mind all the time. I try to pretend it never happened. But at the same time, i treat my GF/ex like shes never been treated before. Im not saying i treated her horribly before, im saying i treat her a million times better now.

I accept that i can never have her back but while shes recovering and needs someone familiar to keep her spirits up, ill always be there helping her.

 

Mine is just a relationship whereas yours is a marriage. If your husband is anything like me, then trust me when i say he wants to make things right. He just needs the chance. Nothing can justify his actions so maybe when you try to probe an answer out of him, it will always never be good enough for you. I think he needs you to slowly accept him back.

 

I just wish i had a similar chance.

[Guest]

Wow. I am in a similar situation so I totally understand both sides. My Gf did not want to talk about, maybe she will one day, but the fact that it is problematic is more important than the actually discussion about it - so I told her to not worry about it. She could tell me when I am 88. Why have people running when everything is in the past I say. Everyone is able to do whatever they are capable of and if you want to build trust you can be demanding things. Me, I just learned how to be honest so I actually benefit for telling how I messed up. And one has to remember, they did it so the memories are in them. let time heal. I think the key is not that an answer will ever be good enough - it just that someone opens up. That's all. So, if wouldn't worry ok