Author Ariadne Posted November 2, 2006 Author Share Posted November 2, 2006 Wooohoo! Hey guys... This is my best online friend in Australia Welcome to Loveshack! Love you too, Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted November 15, 2006 Author Share Posted November 15, 2006 Hi guys, Well, I finally bought the tickets today. For three months, and I'll be leaving on Dec 4th. I'm happy. I'll be spending the whole Summer over there in South America with my family. I also got a ticket for my son to visit his father in Las Vegas for Thanksgiving before leaving. So things are falling in place. And lately I've been decorating the house of the fwb like in "Trading Spaces". He moved out of his house to move back a few days later.. But with the moving a bunch of posters and artwork showed up that he wasn't using, so I've been framing that and moving things around. I also got him to buy some nice curtains yesterday. So that's been fun, so much that I was forgetting of my stuff but today finally I took care of the tickets. My parents are very happy as well. Finally, I'm starting to realize that the whole thing with the Denver guy was a big-ole-joke. I thought that I had found love and I found junk. So, I'm glad I'm coming to terms with that and hopefully my stay with my parents is going to give me new perspective. Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted November 19, 2006 Author Share Posted November 19, 2006 OMG Help you guys... Ok, I'm in some major crisis here I'm having second thoughts about this moving to South America for three months Thing is: - My son is 16 1/2 and for the first time in his life he is doing well in school and doing all the assignments, not missing or being late, and he likes it. I'd have to withdraw him from school and they told me they might not take him back (they have a waiting list), and he is afraid that in the time left till 18 he is not going to be able to finish his contracts anyway (that is if they take him back) - I'm going to come back to stay with the fwb, but, what if he finds somebody else in the three months and I won't be able to stay with him? I'd be in a hotel, desperate, looking for a job. What if I can't find a job for "months"? I haven't worked in two years almost I still have some money left to rent some but it's not much, just enough for a few months. - I already bought the tickets (1K a piece), I already gave the 30 day notice to leave this apt, I reserved a storage in the corner of my house, and I have a place to leave the car. But, I guess I can return the tickets, and the mgr said I could stay in the apt if I changed my mind, and the storage is not paid, just reserved. Sigh! - And last... what am I going to do in South America for three months? I mean, I thought of that time because it'd mean saving some money in rent...but then... what am I going to do there? I can't work there because they pay like 200 a month. (I guess you have to live there to actually care to work for that little money) Of course I wanted to get in shape because here with the fwb, smoking the Jamaican smoke and sad about the Denver guy, I gained a bunch of weight and in S Am I tend to get in shape right away. I feel inspired somehow. But other than diet (that I can do here) and exercise I don't know what else to do... ok, I'd be happy hanging at home with my parents and watching tv and all of that, but I think I'll be worried about the situation. The fwb and I are getting along really well. I've been seeing him every day and sometimes he'd just leave the back door open for me to go to his house whenever I wanted since I was decorating it. Ok, if I go away for three months the fwb might find another girlfriend and right now I'm kind of happy with him (even though I don't have romantic feelings for him, he is a really good and fun and supportive companion) Well... and what's brought all this stress about is that on "Tuesday" my son is going to Las Vegas to visit his father and when he comes back his house will be gone It's a big shocker. And worst of all... he doesn't want to go. At all. He is quite verbal against it and even asked me if there's any way that he can stay here somehow. (I just talked to my mom this morning and she says that I'm playing with my son's future, that this whole thing is just crazy and that my son has more sense than I do) Well! I'm torn apart... Maybe I'm just venting, I don't know, but the stress is peaking right now. Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted November 19, 2006 Author Share Posted November 19, 2006 Hi, And I talked of my concerns last night with the fwb (he has the son for the weekend so I'm stressing more here alone). And he told me that "three months is nothing" (in a life of 80 years), that in no time I'll be back, that my son will continue with the school when he gets back, that this is just a small apt (if it were a house that "mamma mia" is different), that it'd be good for me, that he'd go see me (he keeps saying that), and that it's no big deal. :( Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted November 19, 2006 Author Share Posted November 19, 2006 Yeah yeah yeah... This doesn't have to be so tragic and scary... My son is going to graduate no matter what, people get GEDs all the time no matter what age. Even if he goes to some adult school or so. I'd just come back and if I don't have a place to stay I'll get me a tent and go camp somewhere till I get a job. I've been in even worse situations... I think that only by desperately wanting to get a job I will, and that would do it. Ariadne (Ps: Oh, I'm going nuts ) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted November 19, 2006 Author Share Posted November 19, 2006 Ahhhhh...... Just got an email from my mom (translation): ---------- Dear daughter: I know that you are going through a moment of indecision. You'll have to think about it very well, don't do things like crazy that then you are going to regret a thousand times and then there is no fixing. I'm asking you to seriously consider D that at this time he couldn't leave his school, just because it occurs to you, and the damage that you can do to him can be irreparable. Think about it please, it all depends on you, he is gambling his future the poor little thing. He has (thank God) a good head on his shoulders. What you told me about what he says is the most just and sensible coming from a child. Do you want a piece of advice? Do what he says. No matter how much I'd love to see you. Something else, doesn't he have a Winter break? You could, if he does, come for a while as always and then you'd go back to your apartment. Don't give it back, and when you come back you'll look for a job. Retake your life in an organized way, and God willing, everything is going to be alright. When you wish you can come. But it'd be ideal that you start looking for a job, in other words, start checking the possibilities for employment. There's no mystery in this, is that simple, don't try and find another turn to the situation. Later on I'll go visit you, but for you to make D lose that school, just because of your will, is nonsense. He also has a right to tell you what he thinks, and well centered that he is, more than you, I'm sorry. In order to return the tickets there wouldn't be a problem, even if they'd discount some. It's even worse that you'd give that child an upset, who never upsets you, he is just so good. I promise you that we'll help you but you too, recharge those batteries once and for all, even best, put your feet on the ground. Think about it, kisses, Mom Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted November 19, 2006 Share Posted November 19, 2006 Listen to your Mom and your son, Aria. Don't run away. I've told you from the beginning that this was the worst idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted November 19, 2006 Author Share Posted November 19, 2006 Aww.... Snifff..... Thanks Touche... I'm like a mess here... I feel so guilty about my son. (He says that we can't afford to be doing trips now, that is for too long, that he'll miss school, that we are going to be left homeless, and that is a bad choice leading to disaster) Ariadne (Oh, and my friend that is going to lend me a parking spot for the car, is also urging me to stay, that my mom is right etc, she's like 50+) Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted November 19, 2006 Share Posted November 19, 2006 Aww.... Snifff..... Thanks Touche... I'm like a mess here... I feel so guilty about my son. (He says that we can't afford to be doing trips now, that is for too long, that he'll miss school, that we are going to be left homeless, and that is a bad choice leading to disaster) Ariadne (Oh, and my friend that is going to lend me a parking spot for the car, is also urging me to stay, that my mom is right etc, she's like 50+) We older women sometimes know what we're talking about! (But I'm not 50+) I'm so sorry you're confused but I think in your heart you really know what's right for you to do now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted November 20, 2006 Author Share Posted November 20, 2006 Hey, I'm so sorry you're confused but I think in your heart you really know what's right for you to do now. Yeah, it's not like I'm going to get a job now in Christmas... And if I don't go, on Dec 1st I'd have to pay the manager 2K for Dec and Nov's rent , the same money that I spent on the tickets and then I'm stuck for Jan and Feb's rent. And besides, what's the rush to graduate. My brother is 33 and is still going to college. Three months is not going to ruin my son's life. Yeah. Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted November 20, 2006 Author Share Posted November 20, 2006 Oh no, And another email from my mom: -------------- Hello my daughter, I hope you have received the email I sent you after we talked on the phone. I thought about you and D in mass and I prayed for you to comprehend D. At this moment, more than anything, he needs your support and understanding and in his own way he is asking for it. Soon he will grow up and become independent, God willing. This is the time when you have to pay him attention and be careful about frustrating him! It is also a difficult stage in his life, and he doesn't even have a father figure to watch for him and inevitably you are the one to watch for him. The years go by fast, and it'd be regrettable that to come over here against his will he'd be unable to retake his classes and miss the chance to go back to that school that he likes. Finally he found one he likes, and imagine if they won't take him back. What a failure and a disappointment for him! This can mark him negatively for life. Many traumas of the infancy and adolescence are not erasable ever again and leave deep scars. You have to take advantage of him going to class now that finally he is excited about it and is not missing and being late. If you come, you know how he is going to feel to understand that he is just wasting time when he could be there doing something positive for his future. This you have to take into account, even more so if they won't take him back later. If it wasn't like that it'd be very different. Well, think about it, I'm still going to call you later on. Kisses, Mom -------------------- (omg, I think I'm getting sick) Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 Come on, Aria. Your mother is right! Put your sweet son before you this time. You have the rest of your time to put yourself first. Do this for him. Do it. Please, Aria. He won't' ever forget it. It will impact him for the rest of his life and he will remember this for the rest of his life. It will show him that you REALLY care. After he graduates, you can do what you want. Come on...please do the right thing for your son. You will have MANY more years to do what you want when he's on his own in a couple of years. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted November 20, 2006 Author Share Posted November 20, 2006 Hi, Yeah, maybe you are right... I know it is going to be very traumatic for him to go to Vegas and leave his house as it is (with all his posters, video games, his tv, etc) and come back to stay with the fwb. Ack. And then in S Am he gets really bored. Last year he'd go to a cyber cafe in the morning and come home at 10pm at times. That's all he did. But I don't feel like I can get a job , I feel blocked. I feel that I can't function even. I'm a total mess!!! Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 You're NOT a mess, Aria. You're a wonderful mother and a wonderful friend. You keep FWB going. You keep many of US on here going. Your no nonsense style is an inspiration to us all...well maybe not for ALL of us..but yes, for many of us including me. I love the way you just sometimes say things as they are. I love people who are "no nonsense." And you're one of those people. You're NOT a mess. You CAN get a job, Aria. You can. Just give yourself the next couple of weeks. Stay away from FWB and the Jamaican. Look into the want ads on the internet and in the paper. I have faith in you. I know you're going to make it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted November 20, 2006 Author Share Posted November 20, 2006 (Oh, I'm crying here now, I don't even know what to say... thank you! {{{Touche}}}) Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 (Oh, I'm crying here now, I don't even know what to say... thank you! {{{Touche}}}) Stop crying, Aria. You don't have to say a thing. You don't have to thank me or anyone else. Many of us on here have faith in you. Others just don't "get you." Who cares about them? Most of us are rooting for you to do the right thing. Please don't let us down, Ariadne, ok? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted November 20, 2006 Author Share Posted November 20, 2006 Yeah... I'm going back... They act like going to S Am is the end of the world. Come on, it's nice in there. We'll both have fun, and we'll be with the family. And the school, big deal. Is just a school and he just started like a month ago. He'll come back to it, with new experiences. My mother is scared, my son is scared, they are all scared. And I don't want to work. There. Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 Yeah... I'm going back... Look inside you heart and seperate what you want from what you need. Therein you will find your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted November 20, 2006 Author Share Posted November 20, 2006 Hi, Well, I really really want to be with my parents now. And they are trying to cancel my trip for fear. Like my son is going to be traumatized for life and miss his chances at school and what not. I think is nonsense. And he'll figure out something to do there in S Am. Say, right now he's been talking to some guy in the World of Warcraft for about an hour (with the microphone) so, he can do the same thing there. I'm going to bring his computer and he wants me to bring his monitor. We'll get DSL and how bad can it be, he'd sill have his microphone... And he'll be back to that school. Is not like they are crowded or anything, they have some 30 to 50 students. And they said that he'll continue where he left if they take him back. I'm going to talk to the principal. Yeah, I have my plans already, I'm not afraid. And my son never wants to go anyway, every year the same old story, and then he loves it. Thanks for your comment, Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted November 20, 2006 Author Share Posted November 20, 2006 Oh, seperate what you want from what you need. Therein you will find your answer... Ok, I want to go with my parents and I need to get a job. Which one is the answer? Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
bluetuesday Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 ariadne, you don't have the luxury of looking at this as a single person. you have a child whose needs outweigh yours. what does your son need? that ought to outweigh what you want. you won't be escaping any problems in south america. you'll be packing them up and dragging them with you. it doesn't matter in which hemisphere you face those problems. what DOES matter is your son. it sounds like he has good reason not to want to be disrupted at this crucial time of his life. for you to think your wishes for a bit of sunshine and an attempt to escape the responsibility of adulthood outweigh his needs for security and friends and consistent schooling is worrying. to say the least. Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 I don't understand why you don't work. Also I don't get why you let your son play world warcraft all day long. But I agree with the other posters he is 16. It is a really tough time to move him and if he is finally doing well in school. Why can't you wait he'll be grown and out of the house soon than you can do whatever you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted November 20, 2006 Author Share Posted November 20, 2006 Hi, Well, this is a tough decision. your wishes for a bit of sunshine and an attempt to escape the responsibility of adulthood outweigh his needs for security and friends and consistent schooling is worrying Today we were driving to school and he asked me, are we still going to SA? I said, probably. I'm not going to let those people in the school scare us. So I went to the school, and when I dropped him the principal asked me, are you still going to SA? I told her all my feelings of being torn apart and being unsure of what to do. Then I asked her if when he came back, if they had room, would she take him back? She was nice and said they'd take him back and that he'll continue where he left off, just that he'll be three months behind. I suppose he'll finish all the credits he can by the age of 18, and if he needs some more he can go to some other school to finish the remaining credits. (He only needs ten classes to take the GED and that's what he's doing). It will be an important experience for him too to be with his family. We don't have any family here at all. There he'd be with grandma, grandpa, his uncle, and his first cousins. And he was born there and he loves the country. It's a completely different atmosphere that is also good for him. Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted November 20, 2006 Author Share Posted November 20, 2006 Hi, I don't understand why you don't work. Well, because I got fired so I think I totally suck as. That, and the fact that work sucks. Since I have money left, I've been taking the easy and irresponsible approach. Also I don't get why you let your son play world warcraft all day long. That's what he likes to do. He just stays in his room, doesn't care for clothes (never did), doesn't care for going out, just sits there playing his games. He doesn't even see his friends anymore. I asked him, why don't you go to C's house? He says, he's here, I've been talking to him all morning. Thing is they all play Wow and are in the same server. Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted November 20, 2006 Author Share Posted November 20, 2006 Hehehehe... My son is going to go to Vegas and I'm going to dismantle this place. Link to post Share on other sites
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