tee Posted April 3, 2002 Share Posted April 3, 2002 im having a problem with my wife. she has found another female that she is intimate with. her new friend, who is not really so new (3 years now) is a nice person and has become a good friend to me but she is always around and interfering in the relationship i have with my wife. i want to have a normal marriage and have asked my wife to ditch her girlfriend. she claims she cant because it would hurt her girlfriend to much. she has become a part of the family and would end up with no one if they split up. i also do not want to hurt anyone but something like that is going to have to happen if my marriage is going to be successful. am i right or wrong? please tell me what you would do in my situation. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted April 3, 2002 Share Posted April 3, 2002 is your wife bi? as in, is she having a sexual r/s with her girlfriend? im having a problem with my wife. she has found another female that she is intimate with. her new friend, who is not really so new (3 years now) is a nice person and has become a good friend to me but she is always around and interfering in the relationship i have with my wife. i want to have a normal marriage and have asked my wife to ditch her girlfriend. she claims she cant because it would hurt her girlfriend to much. she has become a part of the family and would end up with no one if they split up. i also do not want to hurt anyone but something like that is going to have to happen if my marriage is going to be successful. am i right or wrong? please tell me what you would do in my situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 3, 2002 Share Posted April 3, 2002 This is a very sick situation. If you're wife doesn't get rid of this friend of hers and place her entire loyalty to you, get a divorce. This is a crazy way to live. You have to be nuts to put up with something like this. If I were you, I'd get away anyway. I don't think I could be married to a woman who had a girlfriend, or even wanted a girlfriend, on the side. It's just too weird for my style of life. Be firm and insist upon this. Also get some counselling for the two of you. It may very well be that your wife will seek female companionship behind your back if she's bisexual. You don't sound like somebody who wants that to happen or who can handle that. This is no way to live. Your wife is very disrespectful and inconsiderate, especially if she didn't inform you prior to marriage that she was also attracted to females. Or is this something you inspired in her? Link to post Share on other sites
roger Posted April 3, 2002 Share Posted April 3, 2002 You know what! I have had the same problem with my wife. She only just admitted it over Easter Break. Don't put up with this sh.! and further more don't even cut a deal with her. Tony is absolutely right, this is no way to live. Have you got some evidence to throw at her i.e love letters, e-mails, strange behaviour. mate I have seen it all. Cut your losses. Cut your contact and get a wife who will stick by you! Link to post Share on other sites
Angel Posted April 4, 2002 Share Posted April 4, 2002 By intimate do you mean sexually intimate---or just good close friends. QUESTION FOR ALL OUT THERE? Can two people of the opposite sex be intimate without sex? Can two people of the same sex be intimate without sex? I was just asked this question today--and up pops this post. You know what! I have had the same problem with my wife. She only just admitted it over Easter Break. Don't put up with this sh.! and further more don't even cut a deal with her. Tony is absolutely right, this is no way to live. Have you got some evidence to throw at her i.e love letters, e-mails, strange behaviour. mate I have seen it all. Cut your losses. Cut your contact and get a wife who will stick by you! Link to post Share on other sites
roger Posted April 4, 2002 Share Posted April 4, 2002 In my case close friends then BANG honey pot queens the next. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 4, 2002 Share Posted April 4, 2002 In my case close friends then BANG honey pot queens the next. Link to post Share on other sites
velvet Posted April 5, 2002 Share Posted April 5, 2002 Tell her to make her choice, stand by the front door. When she answers you can either lock the door and take her upstairs, or you can open the door and hit the pavement running. im having a problem with my wife. she has found another female that she is intimate with. her new friend, who is not really so new (3 years now) is a nice person and has become a good friend to me but she is always around and interfering in the relationship i have with my wife. i want to have a normal marriage and have asked my wife to ditch her girlfriend. she claims she cant because it would hurt her girlfriend to much. she has become a part of the family and would end up with no one if they split up. i also do not want to hurt anyone but something like that is going to have to happen if my marriage is going to be successful. am i right or wrong? please tell me what you would do in my situation. Link to post Share on other sites
tee Posted April 5, 2002 Share Posted April 5, 2002 is your wife bi? as in, is she having a sexual r/s with her girlfriend? yes she is bi and yes she is having sexual relations with her girlfriend Link to post Share on other sites
tee Posted April 5, 2002 Share Posted April 5, 2002 This is a very sick situation. If you're wife doesn't get rid of this friend of hers and place her entire loyalty to you, get a divorce. This is a crazy way to live. You have to be nuts to put up with something like this. If I were you, I'd get away anyway. I don't think I could be married to a woman who had a girlfriend, or even wanted a girlfriend, on the side. It's just too weird for my style of life. Be firm and insist upon this. Also get some counselling for the two of you. It may very well be that your wife will seek female companionship behind your back if she's bisexual. You don't sound like somebody who wants that to happen or who can handle that. This is no way to live. Your wife is very disrespectful and inconsiderate, especially if she didn't inform you prior to marriage that she was also attracted to females. Or is this something you inspired in her? She told me that she had these feelings before she met me but she never acted on them until 3 years ago. we have been married for 12. I love my wife very much and she loves me and this is why im being so patient and this is why i dont want to do anything as drastic as divorce. im sure i would regret that move in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
tee Posted April 5, 2002 Share Posted April 5, 2002 You know what! I have had the same problem with my wife. She only just admitted it over Easter Break. Don't put up with this sh.! and further more don't even cut a deal with her. Tony is absolutely right, this is no way to live. Have you got some evidence to throw at her i.e love letters, e-mails, strange behaviour. mate I have seen it all. Cut your losses. Cut your contact and get a wife who will stick by you! i have evidence to throw at her if i wanted to throw it at her but we have an awesome marriage with the exception of this one snag. its a huge investment to throw away in one fell swoop. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 5, 2002 Share Posted April 5, 2002 It's still a nutty and unsettling predicament. If I were you, committed to remaining in this thing, I would engage a counsellor to help sort all this out. Of course, I respect that you may be a much more free thinking person than I am in these sorts of matters. I just couldn't handle any lady of mine having an affair with another lady. The worst thing that can happen is one day she could announce to you that she is leaving you for a woman. Now wouldn't that be special? The fact that she didn't start this foolishness until after you were married suggests there were important things about her which she did not disclosed to you prior to marriage. In legal circles, that's called fraud. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted April 5, 2002 Share Posted April 5, 2002 did u know she was bi when u married her? if so, you sort of knew what u were getting into... i mean - was this gf outta nowhere or not?... also, how did u feel about her gf at first? is she claiming that a bi person needs partners of both sex in their life at all times? b/c i have bi friends, and they say that's not true. being bi simply means that the partner's sex is not important to u - you can be attracted to both males and females. but this doesnt cancel being commited to one person. however, ive also heard of bi ppl who cannot stay commited b/c they're always lacking something ... who do u think she'd choose - between you and her gf? does she object to you having sex w/ other women? i mean if she's allowed multiple partners, you should be too, no? its a very sensitive situation... if i were you, i'd ask my bi friends for advice... do u know ne other bi people? are you simply straight yrself? what does yr wife say to yr objections? does she keep her gf around just not to hurt her, or she truly wants her around? do u get to sleep with her gf as well? is this kinda a 3-person family? -yes yes she is bi and yes she is having sexual relations with her girlfriend Link to post Share on other sites
tee Posted April 5, 2002 Share Posted April 5, 2002 By intimate do you mean sexually intimate---or just good close friends. QUESTION FOR ALL OUT THERE? Can two people of the opposite sex be intimate without sex? Can two people of the same sex be intimate without sex? I was just asked this question today--and up pops this post. sexually intimate is correct and i think intamacy can take place without sex. it is just defined as sexually intimate or just intimate. Link to post Share on other sites
tee Posted April 5, 2002 Share Posted April 5, 2002 In my case close friends then BANG honey pot queens the next. yes can you define pot queen for me too? Link to post Share on other sites
tee Posted April 5, 2002 Share Posted April 5, 2002 Tell her to make her choice, stand by the front door. When she answers you can either lock the door and take her upstairs, or you can open the door and hit the pavement running. i hope you are a female because i was hoping for another females perspective. i did ask her to make a choice but i couldnt stand by the door. her answer was that she couldnt hurt me or her girlfriend that much Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted April 5, 2002 Share Posted April 5, 2002 u've tolerated this for 3 yrs, right? why r u trying to change things now? -yes i hope you are a female because i was hoping for another females perspective. i did ask her to make a choice but i couldnt stand by the door. her answer was that she couldnt hurt me or her girlfriend that much Link to post Share on other sites
tee Posted April 5, 2002 Share Posted April 5, 2002 did u know she was bi when u married her? if so, you sort of knew what u were getting into... i mean - was this gf outta nowhere or not?... also, how did u feel about her gf at first? is she claiming that a bi person needs partners of both sex in their life at all times? b/c i have bi friends, and they say that's not true. being bi simply means that the partner's sex is not important to u - you can be attracted to both males and females. but this doesnt cancel being commited to one person. however, ive also heard of bi ppl who cannot stay commited b/c they're always lacking something ... who do u think she'd choose - between you and her gf? does she object to you having sex w/ other women? i mean if she's allowed multiple partners, you should be too, no? its a very sensitive situation... if i were you, i'd ask my bi friends for advice... do u know ne other bi people? are you simply straight yrself? what does yr wife say to yr objections? does she keep her gf around just not to hurt her, or she truly wants her around? do u get to sleep with her gf as well? is this kinda a 3-person family? -yes answer to question 1. no i did not know she was bi when we were married question 2. this committment thing is a problem for her. she claims that if she lets her girlfriend go she will always be questioning her sexuality and cannot guarantee me that she will not go out and find another girlfriend. the answer to question 3 is that she would choose me but does not want to be put in that position. 4 she does object to me having sex with other women. I am straight and have no other bi friend and thats why im gladly talking to you people. My wife truly wants her girlfriend around. I have slept with them but not for more than a year now. my wife considers the gf part of the family and what really torments me is that she likes to be considered a couple with her gf. its always we're going here and we're going their do you want to come. yuk!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
tee Posted April 5, 2002 Share Posted April 5, 2002 It's still a nutty and unsettling predicament. If I were you, committed to remaining in this thing, I would engage a counsellor to help sort all this out. Of course, I respect that you may be a much more free thinking person than I am in these sorts of matters. I just couldn't handle any lady of mine having an affair with another lady. The worst thing that can happen is one day she could announce to you that she is leaving you for a woman. Now wouldn't that be special? The fact that she didn't start this foolishness until after you were married suggests there were important things about her which she did not disclosed to you prior to marriage. In legal circles, that's called fraud. i approached her about couselling and she's all for it. she would like to know what to do because i think she feels somewhat trapped with her feelings Link to post Share on other sites
tee Posted April 5, 2002 Share Posted April 5, 2002 u've tolerated this for 3 yrs, right? why r u trying to change things now? -yes everyone has a toleration point. mine just happens to be longer than most. for about 7 months now my relationship feels like its slipping away. my wife always manages to say something reassuring when i confront her with my feelings ( which i love by the way ) but i cant stop the feelings from coming back to haunt me Link to post Share on other sites
roger Posted April 5, 2002 Share Posted April 5, 2002 use your imagination "honey" = sweet pot " " something you can put things in queen in this case = ladies o.k not so easy but still.. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 5, 2002 Share Posted April 5, 2002 In my wildest imagination, I would have never guessed that a "sweet" pot existed unless it was specially made. I always thought "queen" was a homosexual term so you really can't assume that other people outside your neighborhood are going to understand this sort of stuff. But that's OK. When visiting you're area, I'll be sure to use this term. Link to post Share on other sites
tees wife Posted April 5, 2002 Share Posted April 5, 2002 u've tolerated this for 3 yrs, right? why r u trying to change things now? -yes i love my husband, he is one of the most caring unselfish people i have ever met. i met my girlfriend three years ago at a party i started talking to her because i recognized her from high school. i have seen her at 3 previous parties and pointed her out to my husband and told him i was interested in her sexualy. it was inocent enough at first and we grew closer. down the road it became the three of us. the three of us havnt been together for about a year now thats about how long the three of us lasted. it got to the point where they were getting jeleous of each other and the last six months have been shaky. i love them both and cant make a choice. i know i need my husband right now and maybe i always will i also need things from my gf that my husband cant give me. its not that my husband doesnt satisfy me sexualy i hadly think it would be fair for him to have sex with other women unless i was having sex with other men he new all along and was part of it for a while and because he is tired of it it is suppose to be a cake walk for me to end too many feelings are at stake. she is one of the family and were pretty much all she has. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 5, 2002 Share Posted April 5, 2002 This is just NOT the way marriages are conducted in normal cases. It's not your fault that the two of you are ALL this lady has. She's responsible for building a support system for herself. You are responsible for yourself becoming her sole support system and you need to get out of it. Your allegiance should be to your husband. If he satisfies you sexually, you can get from lady friends the normal things men don't give you without going to bed with them...for Pete's sake. This is really complicated and you ought to go with your husband to a counsellor and get it sorted out. If you were my wife, you'd be history if you could get away from your involvement with this woman. It's a violation of every ounce of trust two people have in each other in a relationship. Your marriage will be shakey until you get away from her and things will get worse. If you can't pull away and find lady friends with whom you can relate in normal ways lady friends relate, you better plan on having your marriage deteriorate over a period of time and finally end. You're lucky to have the husband you have because most men wouldn't put up with this kind of thing. I'd give you a kiss and my best wishes for a good life and wish you well with your playmate. If you love your husband at all and want to have a life with him, I trust you'll govern yourself accordingly. If I hadn't read your above post three or four times, I would have sworn it was made up. It's just so far out. Link to post Share on other sites
velvet Posted April 6, 2002 Share Posted April 6, 2002 Your husband has every right to start dating again. Even while the two of you are living under the same roof. See, this is the sort of consequences that occur when you bring in another person to the bedroom. Feelings bloom for the other person, than your off having sex with that person while your husband is away. Did you and he have an agreement to have sex with her together and not you and her alone? Becuase when he agreed to bring her into yours and his sex life it was for the both of you. Not you. So what you have done now is commit adultry. Which means he has all the right to divorce you because of it. I think its sad that you've put your feelings first while the man who stood beside you and took an oath is going through pain "DAILY" and you powerless to stop cheating. Yeah CHEATING! Its women like you who *uck up a mans head and ruin them for the rest of us! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts