Feels like its ending just as its begun

[new_born]

[sIZE=2]I have been in a relationship with a guy I met while on holiday. Hes an american studying in victoria until the end of the year and im from western australia. Even though we’d only know each other for a few days we both knew we wanted to keep in contact as I told him I was going over to melbourne at the end of the year. I didn’t really expect much to happen (even though I really wanted something) but we started talking online and it became clear that we both wanted to be with each other. Its been 3 months and things have been goin really well since then. We’ve been travelling back and forth every month to see each other and we talk everday by phone or online. I feel, though, that as things are beginning, they are actually about to end. Its inevitable that he has to go home. And not only that he wants to study medicine either back in the states or in sth america. At the moment im studying, but my life is a lot more flexible than his. I can easily travel or study abroad, and even before I met him it was something that I was considering doing. He says that he wants me to come with him, but that he feels that its too selfish of him to ask me considering we’ve only been together for such a short amount of time. I see where hes coming from and I agree in a way, but then I told him that if it’s the only way we can be together its not selfish. At the moment, he knows that he will be in Melbourne until the end of summer. After that he will probably be goin back to the states to continue studying. Although I may be able to go over to america, we may not be able to study at the same place because he is at the mercy of the school that accepts him. And anyway if I want to study abraod I have to make the deadline at my university by december, which is before he finds out what university he wil be studying at.

A large part of me wants to go, but at the same time im young and I don’t know if this is something that I should do. I kind of think that even if I do go, eventually im going to have to come home anyway. Despite all that, I really want a future with him. I know he feels the same way but at the same time I think we’re both are unsure of what our future is. Im goin over to see him next week and I really don’t want the trip to be tarnished by these thoughts, but I think its going to happen anyway. I feel that since there is a slim chance of us being together its going to hurt a lot being together. I just want to know if its worth holding on and if its possible for things to work out between us. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do and whether its worth holding onto or if its just too hard?

[/sIZE]

[magichands]

And anyway if I want to study abraod I have to make the deadline at my university by december, which is before he finds out what university he wil be studying at.

Go to America...and you'll be closer? The good news is that your choice of university will not be unduly influenced by his (as you don't know yet), and the bad news is the good news. The main worry for me is that you don't end up resenting him if your relationship doesn't work out (and you then see your "sacrifice" as not being worth anything).

Im goin over to see him next week and I really don’t want the trip to be tarnished by these thoughts,

My "situation" didn't work out (bliss awaited her shortly thereafter, thankfully...so I had no business "detaining" her, haha), but I will say that I was so obsessed with the future, that I didn't fully immerse myself in the present.

 

My advice would be to try to live in the moment as much as possible when you're with him. Drink the experience in, and savour every feeling.

 

You will never get to have this time over again (a bit too dramatic, but you know what I mean).

 

I think you should follow your own dreams, and leave the "compromises" for if and when your relationship becomes something you are sure you don't want to live without. I can't see that you're quite there yet.

[new_born]

thanks for the advice, sorry about the rather large and somewhat confusing post.

 

you are exactly right about living in the moment. it is something that im going to try while over there next week. i almost feel like i am in some kind of limbo, and i dont want to fall in any deeper because i know how much its going to hurt if things cant or dont work out.

 

you were spot on about the possibilty of resentment if things didint work out. its a huge sacrifice on my part, but id hope that i would be able to maintain a little perspective if things didnt work out, rather than despise him for it.

 

it really seems as though the decision is left up to me as to whether i would like to move. to be honest im not exactly sure what i want. i guess thats something only i can figure out in time.

[magichands]

but id hope that i would be able to maintain a little perspective if things didnt work out, rather than despise him for it.

Good point. You just have to convince yourself that you are being honest with yourself about that. You know, that you can live with your decision given the real possibility that it might not work out.

 

On the other hand, every cloud has a silver lining. Haha.

[Guest]

as magichands correctly said this is a "win-win" situation for u. the only thing i would tell u to have 'caution' about is simply the 'convincing' part. do not try and convince yourself - find the honest answer. and u must really examine why you have been unable to decide one over the other? i have seen people go thru this situation before - wondering which one is better...and the answer i always tell them is this - neither. for me, when something is not clearly evident as a choice over the other it means neither have 'enuff' qualities you want - thus - you are really searching for a third choice which just has appeared yet. i think that is your honest answer. i have always been able to 'know' what i want - it hasn't been the 'best' decision to make but it was what i wanted. that's how u know.