Everyone plays the Fool sometimes....

[The Beguiled]

...and I am one of the Fools. Hello everyone. I have been dating a particular woman for a year and a half now. Until 2 weeks ago she was living with her boyfriend in her house for about 5 years. She booted him out 2 weeks ago.

 

Since the beginning of our "relationship" she kept telling me that she is going to break up with him. She finally did. All's well and fine there.

 

I have placed a lot of individual effort into this "relationship". I have done errands for her, helped out with some housekeeping duties, gone out on dates with her and I paid the bill, helped her physically move from one house to another, and loaned her thousands of dollars to help her out of a financial jam. She would have been sunk if it wasn't for me. She paid me back ALL of the money. I give her credit . I even stopped pursuing other dating opportunities that came my way out of a sense of loyalty towards her. I went above and beyond the "call of duty". I waited patiently on the sidelines for her and me to finally be together and grow together after she had broken up with this guy.

 

However, since the beginning she and I have never gone physically further than light kissing on the lips, light hugging, and light cuddling. Whenever I try to advance she says that I am acting crazy and brushes me off. She and I have gone to bed several times but she never wanted me to touch her at all!! She no longer wants to go to bed with me nor even have me sleep over her house alone on her couch! She says that she doesn't want the town to think that she has renters there.

 

Most recently, I have felt that she was "pushing me away" from her.

She told me a day ago that sex is not worth the trouble is entails, and that she is finally pursuing a Yoga/spiritual quest that was unavailable to her when she was in her previous relationship with her live-in boyfriend.

 

Further drama...she indicated that she wants to go to a dance with me this weekend. She and I went there a few weeks before. While there at that time I was dancing with other women(with her consent), I noticed her chatting with another guy. The following week I went to the same dance place without her. She was busy. That guy was there. He started asking questions about her and my relationship. I was floored when he told me that she told him that she was free and available!!

 

I tell you all this..I am not bringing her to this dance place again. I am going without her. She will want me to pay her way in. I know what will happen. I'll pay her way in and a drink and while I am dancing with another woman she will speak to this guy and eventually go out with him!!! What do I do if I go without her, and she shows up there on her own and begins talking to this guy? I might flip out and start yelling or have a physical confrontation.

I have the following emotions: frustration, distrust, insecurity, being used, and feeling betrayed.

 

Any and all advice or comments are welcome. THE BEGUILED

[Tony T]

DUH!!! It had to tell you what kind of woman she was, dating you while she was living in a "committed" relationship. Listen here right now, if a woman is truly interested in a man, she will break up with Bill Gates to be with you. She stayed in her other relationship because you filled in a few areas her boyfriend was weak in...BUT SHE WAS WITH HIM, NOT YOU!

 

Don't take her to any dance, don't take her anywhere. The only way you're going to peek her interest is to start seeing other people yourself. You have no business getting testy with any guy who she freely agrees to see and you cannot demand anything from her either.

 

Your problem is you expected a LOT more from this than there was to be had...yeah, I guess you got "had" in a way. Cut your losses short and move on.

 

OK, you don't want to do that. Well, print this message out and keep it in your wallet. I am unconditionally guaranteeing you this relationship or whatever it is will never go anywhere. This lady is just out of a relationship and she wants to be free for a while. Besides, you have always been there while she's seen other people so why should she think it would be any different now.

 

If you must, have a real strong talk with her and tell her like it is...and then let her tell you what it's going to be as far as she's concerned.

[johan]

Wow. You've really put yourself on the line for no payback whatsoever. My advice: forget it all. Forget her. Forget what you did. You don't owe her any talks or explanation, and anything she has to offer you won't be worth the time or effort it takes to get it. Just move on and forget this.

 

And it's true everyone plays the fool sometimes. We all pin our hopes on people and things and we all tolerate things being different from what we really want in the hopes that it's just temporary. But I think you should look at the world around you and how things work most of the time to understand better whether you're assessing the situation correctly. I assume this relationship isn't anything like what you were hoping for. And you can see relationships forming around you to understand how it really goes when people actually love each other.

 

I hope you learn good lessons from this. I could see you becoming enraged with her over time and doing stupid things like seeking revenge or becoming really bitter. A better outlook would be for you to just be thankful you were such a bonehead for a short time, and you escaped and have the chance to try again with someone else who actually has the same goals you have.

[burning 4 revenge]

It's okay guy. You were lonley and you were vunerable. You played the fool, yes, so have I, so have many.

 

I lived with my ex-gf for months and had to move out, because of allergies (she had six cats). I found out at the end of the relationship that she was living with another man in her house for our last two weeks together. I didn't have a clue and when I found out she tried to convince me that they were only sexual roomates, but I was still her bf. How do you think I felt? Like a damn fool, that's how I felt!

 

Just move on. It's obvious you're still infatuated and I can tell you it's not worth it. She's just not that into you. What's so great about this woman anyway? Tell me what it is you see in her?

[Flyin in Clouds]

Let's see, she's using you.

 

So if she wants to continue to have a relatinship with you, you use her. Tell her flat out, no sex, no pay, no play. If she wants you to anything she either puts out or forget it.

 

Most women want you to pay for them one way or another. But paying for her and never getting the goods... that's just being a theif.

[mental_traveller]

You have long ago been placed in the dreaded friends zone. It's kind of like the Twiglet Zone - easy to enter, impossible to leave. She's not attracted to you, best thing is to just forget about her and move on to some girl who wants to jump your bones.