exposing infidelity

[batteredbutnotbeaten]

I had an online relationship with a woman in a foreign country who was supposedly going through a divorce/working on her marriage. I went to see her in November and we had a hell of a wonderful time together. However, she broke it off with me 3 months later, saying that she decided to stay with her husband. But I found out that she came to the US for work recently. In her spare time, she flew to meet and stay with another guy in the US that she was obsessed with. She met him on the internet before me, but he played her and she broke it off with him before they had a chance to meet in person. Apparently she was still curious about him and went to see him three weeks after breaking up with me to "satisfy" her curiosity. Apparently, she found him to be a letdown who didn't live up to her fantasy expectations of him. On top of that, he's a bastard into playing mind games with her, etc. I found out that she came to the US, but didn't see me but went to see a guy (who she never met before in person) that she claimed to have been over. I was pissed. So I told her husband that she was cheating on him. Now he's pissed at me (I guess he doesn't believe me). I was hoping that by telling him, he would be more aware of things. Did I do something wrong?

[Tony T]

You're damned straight you did something wrong. First, you had an online affair with a married woman. Second, you had this online relationship with a woman who live thousands of miles away from you. It's hard enough having a relationship with a single woman in the same town. Third, you expected it to go someplace. Fourth, you went to visit her when she was trying to work on her marriage...who do you think you are anyway??? She was vulnerable and you took advantage of that.

 

When a married person decides to try to get something going with you, there's sort of a code of honor that says all parties will keep their mouths shut. You didn't. That's almost the biggest thing you did wrong. What on earth did you plan to accomplish?

 

The biggest thing you did wrong is LIE ON THIS FORUM or try to fool yourself. You wrote: "I was hoping that by telling him, he would be more aware of things." DUH!!! Now, isn't that the reason most people tell other people things? But that's NOT the reason you told him. You told him out of scumbag vengeance, to get back at her, to punish her...and it didn't work. If you believe your own BS here, you are in tragic trouble.

 

You need to work on growing up and acting like an adult. I don't mean this as an attack on you but your behavior is that of a small child and you need to know it. None of your good friends will tell you this so I have to be your best friend right here and lay it on the line.

 

Grow up. Keep your mouth shut. Act like an adult. Stop these stupid online relationships with married women. Get out, meet single ladies, and find yourself a decent single woman to love and have a relationship with...and be grown up about it.

 

You can only hope in your lifetime you can find as good a friend as I have been to you here!

[bbnb]

Whoa, Tony. Let's straighten some things out here. She is not vulnerable, trust me. I didn't seek her out, she sought me out. At that time, she was separated and when I visited her, she wasn't working on her marriage. When she said that she may try to work on her marriage, I tried walking away. But she kept coming back and I thought maybe it wasn't working out for her. I didn't take advantage of her, believe me. She is manipulative and deceptive.

 

By the way, I wonder if you are her or a friend of hers? (Seems like you know some info that I didn't give out).

 

I did keep my mouth shut about what we had going since it was during the time that she was separated. But I found out that she had something else going with another person when she claimed to have gone back to her husband.

 

The guy wasn't aware of her ongoing infidelity. So I told him to keep his eyes open about her. This was the only online relationship I've ever had. And the only one with a woman in a foreign country and the only one with a separated woman. I don't intend to do any of that again.

 

And I doubt that I will have trouble finding a better "friend" than you in my lifetime.

 

You're damned straight you did something wrong. First, you had an online affair with a married woman. Second, you had this online relationship with a woman who live thousands of miles away from you. It's hard enough having a relationship with a single woman in the same town. Third, you expected it to go someplace. Fourth, you went to visit her when she was trying to work on her marriage...who do you think you are anyway??? She was vulnerable and you took advantage of that.

 

When a married person decides to try to get something going with you, there's sort of a code of honor that says all parties will keep their mouths shut. You didn't. That's almost the biggest thing you did wrong. What on earth did you plan to accomplish? The biggest thing you did wrong is LIE ON THIS FORUM or try to fool yourself. You wrote: "I was hoping that by telling him, he would be more aware of things." DUH!!! Now, isn't that the reason most people tell other people things? But that's NOT the reason you told him. You told him out of scumbag vengeance, to get back at her, to punish her...and it didn't work. If you believe your own BS here, you are in tragic trouble. You need to work on growing up and acting like an adult. I don't mean this as an attack on you but your behavior is that of a small child and you need to know it. None of your good friends will tell you this so I have to be your best friend right here and lay it on the line. Grow up. Keep your mouth shut. Act like an adult. Stop these stupid online relationships with married women. Get out, meet single ladies, and find yourself a decent single woman to love and have a relationship with...and be grown up about it. You can only hope in your lifetime you can find as good a friend as I have been to you here!

 

[Tony T]

Well, it's really special that women who decide to cheat have the chance of doing so with a nice fellow like yourself who will run and warn their husbands to look out when things stop going well.

 

If there was an award for such I would certainly nominate you.

 

I appreciate you clearing up some of the other details.

 

And, no, I'm not a friend of hers. Have no idea who you are and have no idea who she is. Don't want to go there either.