Everyone Loves My Boyfriend!

[Guest]

I am in emotional turmoil.

My boyfriend is the guy in the room that everyone love. Every guys best friend. Every girls crush. Of course, I'm madly in love with him.

 

However, this has gotten in the way of our complete bliss in two fundamental ways. Primarily, his friends, who of course NEED his company at ALL TIMES are beginning to accuse me of taking up too much of his time. In their eyes, I am the evil girlfriend who forces him to spend time with me and have somehow been 'changing' their precious pal. This, I could easily deal with as I'm not really one to worry about other people's opinions of me, but i can't exactly handle it when they're in my face about it all the time. They used to be MY friends too! But now i 'm afraid to approach them because EVERYTIME i do, the snide sarcastic comments they make about me keeping him on a 'leash' almost make me break down.

I'd like to just take a minute to explain that we've been dating for 5 months, and that from the beginning, I was careful not to "separate" him from his buddies. I even told him that i was worried they would think so, and he told me not to worry. I left it at that.

but NOW? now i am faced every day with hurtful comments, that affect me mainly because i feel they have no right to bother me about something i can't do anything about. It isn't MY fault if he blows off his friends to hang out with me, and he certainly never TELLS me when he does.

A few nights ago, we were all out together, and his friends, who were kind of drunk, were excessively irritating. It was MEANT to be a night for just the two of us, but we saw them unexpectedly and we were forced to merge our parties. They wouldn't leave me alone, and eventually i decided to leave. He said he would accompany me, which of course made his friends even more angry. That night was the first time he's seen me cry.

 

Secondly, there is the issue of female attention. Being very attractive, and very charming, he gets alot of female attention. I'm not usually a jealous person, and i trust him completely, but it still bothers me to think that even MY friends(I'm still questioning their worth as friends), would take him from me if they could. He still gets phone calls from ex-girlfriends and old female friends who want to meet him to "catch up", though he'll always make sure that it isn't just the two of them by inviting more friends if i can't make it. However i have no idea if he tells them that he has a girlfriend. I am NOT telling him that i am jealous, so that option is out of the question.

 

I am aware, guys of the length of this post, but it had to come out or i would explode. Please Please Please let me hear some good advice.

 

secrecy

[MikeC]

First of all, if you have not informed him of his jerkoff friends, that would be the first thing I would do. If he doesn't know about the things they say to you, how can he do anything about it?

 

Secondly, do you have 100% trust in him? If you do, and I know the mind can wander, don't drive yourself nuts over it. It is almost guarenteed that it would be over something that will never happen.

 

Lastly, how often do you have real talks with him? I know from experience that talking alone can work out alot of issues that seemed previously impossible to overcome.

 

Tell him how you feel. If you have been feeling this way for any length of time, and he just recently saw you cry for the first time, then you need to have a good sit down and lay it out if you are serious about him.

[norajane]

A man who is the center of attention sometimes has trouble seeing past the end of his nose. You need to tell him what you've been dealing with as far as his friends go. You're not Yoko breaking up the band - they'll get over it, especially when they find girlfriends of their own. All he has to do is ask them what they'd rather be doing - hanging out with the guys, or kissing a pretty girl - and that ought to shut them up.

 

Hell, you could ask them the same question the next time you're out in a group and they start with the comments. They're pushing you because they see it's bothering you. Stand up to them. Don't show that it bothers you. If you start joking around with them about it - hey, just because YOU couldn't get a girl to go out with you if you paid her....aw, you must be so lonely without a girl of your own; here let me buy you a consoloation drink...if you're nice to me, I might try fixing you up with one of my girlfriends - they'll see their tactics aren't effective and may even take you up on your offer to fix them up.

 

As for the girls, your guy is with you, and you need to keep that in mind when the jealousy starts. He chose you. He's a popular guy so he's going to get a lot of attention. Keep in mind, if girls have always tried to get his attention, he's used to it and it's not a novelty, so he's probably less susceptible to it than a guy who never gets hit on and someone starts paying a lot of attention to him. None of them will turn his head if he really likes you.

 

Try to be proud that you have a great guy instead of worrying about girls who like him. And if one of them could really take him away from you - as hard as it might be on you - you're better off without him...he'd be the one making the choice to stray, so you wouldn't want a man like that anyway.

[luvtoto]

My Bf has that sort of personality, also. Life of the party, laugh a minute & good personality. I've been dating him for almost a month. He is currently getting phone calls from women that would love to date him. Women that practically throw themselves at him.

 

But, it doesn't bother me. He sees women like that as a joke. He doesn't respect women that do that. He tells me about their attempts, and we get a good laugh.

 

My BF sees through all that, I am sure yours will, too. Just get to know him and see what kind of character he has. Try not to be jealous. The more secure you are in who you are, the better he will appreciate you.

 

A guy that is used to women being forward and aggressive, will likely appreciate a woman that is just the opposite. Simple.

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

I am aware, guys of the length of this post, but it had to come out or i would explode. Please Please Please let me hear some good advice.

 

 

Ok. IMO, you are not a good match for him. He is going to be the gregarious charming, center of attention - ALL the time. You cannot change this, and don't even try. The question is, can you accept being in his shadow when you are not alone? Can you be the invisible girlfriend when you have company?

 

Live with it, or leave it. Your choice. (And thank God that you are not even married yet!)

[megnog]

hi. it sounds like you have some pride if you will NEVER tell him about your jealousy. i don't know if thats some kind of bet or joke you told him you're not jealous?? i don't know whats up with that. its okay to let him know if you get jealous, just don't go crazy on him. if some girls are swooning over him and jumping on him its okay to get defensive and tell him you want to leave because you were getting jealous or upset or angry.. whatever.

 

jealousy is a bad emotion, trust me because i have plenty of it, but its still an emotion that should be talked about. maybe then he could tell you something really reassuring like.. "theres nothing to be jealous of because you're perfect to me and no one else could take your place"

i don't know.. something nice like that..

 

plus,

i think someone else said this,

but he is probably used to this attention. i'm sure hes aware of WHO he could get with but he chose you for a reason, you've probably got the full package and hes the lucky one. so let him know that in a non cocky way and just have a good time with the guy

trust me

i was going over old bf **** last night and.. i used to fret about EVERYTHING and it didn't even matter and now its over and thats a sad fact. so just take life as it comes with a smile

[amaysngrace]

My BF sounds a lot like yours. Everybody loves him. He gets text messages from girls looking to be with him nearly every night. His guy friends hang out with him just cause he's great to be around.

 

The thing I've learned is to be as easy on him as he is on me. He is very easy for others to be around, myself included. And I feel it's only fair to our relationship to reciprocate this to him. Plus I think he is worth being easy towards, because he's such a great guy.

 

As far as his friends go, I have become friends with all of them. They like me because I am good for him. And they love him too and want him to be happy. I greet each one of them with a kiss. Because they're his friends.

 

Making yourself unavailable when he needs his 'friends time' is a good idea. If he mentions having plans including his friends, let him know you have a few ideas on how you'll be spending your time that day. This way he won't feel obligated to cut his time with them short. He and his friends will probably appreciate this about you.

 

As far as the women, it all comes down to confidence. You need to believe that there is no one who is going to treat him better than you do. Also, you need to believe there is no other female he'd enjoy being with as much as he enjoys his time with you.

 

Because basically if you weren't treating him well and he didn't like being with you, he'd break up with you, right? The fact that he's with YOU should make you feel good inside, not bad.

[lindya]

Primarily, his friends, who of course NEED his company at ALL TIMES are beginning to accuse me of taking up too much of his time. In their eyes, I am the evil girlfriend who forces him to spend time with me and have somehow been 'changing' their precious pal. This, I could easily deal with as I'm not really one to worry about other people's opinions of me, but i can't exactly handle it when they're in my face about it all the time.

 

I can sympathise - as, I'm sure, can a lot of women.

 

It seems that when it comes to popular "pack leaders", subordinate men (for want of a better word) sometimes develop a level of hero worship that's not unlike a romantic crush - and it can be an absolute nightmare to be with a man who attracts that kind of response from other guys.

 

It was MEANT to be a night for just the two of us, but we saw them unexpectedly and we were forced to merge our parties. They wouldn't leave me alone, and eventually i decided to leave. He said he would accompany me, which of course made his friends even more angry. That night was the first time he's seen me cry.

 

It does sound as if they're out to sabotage things a bit - and it puts you in a tricky situation. Once a guy's friends decide, for whatever reason, that they want his girlfriend out of the picture, they can often be pretty adept at making it happen (the old "bros before hos" thing).

 

On the other hand, if your boyfriend is the extremely confident and popular guy that you portray him as, he's perhaps better equipped than your average guy to demand that his friends treat you with a bit more respect. Can you see him doing that?

 

Secondly, there is the issue of female attention. Being very attractive, and very charming, he gets alot of female attention. I'm not usually a jealous person, and i trust him completely, but it still bothers me to think that even MY friends(I'm still questioning their worth as friends), would take him from me if they could.

 

Have your friends said or done anything to indicate that they would try to break the two of you up?

 

He still gets phone calls from ex-girlfriends and old female friends who want to meet him to "catch up", though he'll always make sure that it isn't just the two of them by inviting more friends if i can't make it. However i have no idea if he tells them that he has a girlfriend. I am NOT telling him that i am jealous, so that option is out of the question.

 

Fair enough. In any case, he's probably guessed already that you're jealous. Particularly if he's got a lot of women friends and ex girfriends he's still on good terms with, he probably has a pretty good idea of what's going on in your mind just now.

 

Someone else said that it doesn't sound as though the two of you are compatible, but I don't think that's necessarily fair. I think most people, if they were being honest, would find it difficult to cope with a situation like this - and many of them would cover it up with a cool front, which is maybe what you feel under pressure to do.

 

It really sounds as though you have some anxieties about what would happen if he found out that you're not coping (ie with the behaviour of these friends and ex-girlfriends) as well as you might be appearing to. What are you afraid would happen if you spoke to him about that?