Phone Records Invaded

[ceecee]

I feel so violated. My boyfriend of 7 monthe somehow got into my phone records ( dates, times, names, addresses). One of his 'friends' did him a favor. He has always accused me of cheating & i have been completely faithful to him ( i go out w my girlfriends about once a month!) I dropped most of my guyfriends for him. The phone records revealed i had talked to 3 of them ( which he thinks is cheating). These guys are just friends, i have no romantic interest in them. I didnt tell him i talked to them because i knew he would get mad. and these guys called ME! It was innocent. I even talked to one of them for 110 minutes.How could he go to such lengths to invade my personal business? We arnt engaged, we dont live together. How could someone do this?

We both have had little trust in each other for some time & this tops it off. He said he was willing to forgive me if i told him the truth. He also said he only did it because he loves me. He wanted to have a future with me, move me into his house Nov.1st, and propose marriage in Dec.

This all happened yesterday. I was so angry that he could do this. He called me a liar & a cheater & just about every name in the book. Yet he was still willing to forgive me if i proved my love for him & never lied again. Now we broke up, he was the love of my life, and i his. I know in my heart that i could never forgive him for this invasion of privacy. I am 33 years old & also think I will never find a true love again. Ive never been married &wonder if i am the problem. I admitted that i lied about stupid stuff to him, but he says if a woman lies about one thing, she'll lie about bigger things. It makes me so angry that technology today can let someone look up personal information with a name & phone #. Can anyone please give me some advice?

[Art_Critic]

Consider yourself lucky that you are rid of the trash.

 

If you are in the US it is against the law to get phone records.. Congress stepped in a year or so ago after a report on the today show about website doing it.

 

Anybody that would go to that length and show that kind of distrust isn't worth your time.

 

You have every right to feel violated and I hope you never speak to this person again..

[magichands]

Consider yourself lucky that you are rid of the trash.

Hear, hear.

[Art_Critic]

he was the love of my life, and i his.

 

If he loved you and you were the love of his life he would've trusted you and not violated you in this way..

 

He doesn't love you.. this is not the sign of love.. this is the sign of a controlling abusive man with more surprises up his sleeve to shock you..

 

Look at how he has already made this about you..in reality this is all about him..

 

I have never even so much as looked at any of my ex GF's phones let alone have their bill pulled.. even my ex wife I had never looked at who she called..

 

It's about control..

[magichands]

Anybody that would go to that length and

Actions speak louder than words. He must care about you a lot.

[mental_traveller]

My advice is dump him, then speak to a lawyer and your phone company about what action you can take for them misappropriating your phone records.

[magichands]

My advice is dump him, then speak to a lawyer and your phone company about what action you can take for them misappropriating your phone records.

I agree that it's pretty dodgy, but they're just phone records.

 

On the other hand, the person that "helped" your boyfriend should get fired. He is probably doing it for (and to) other people "for a fee" - so you owe it to others to expose this person. This sort of thing makes me sick.

[Craig]

Art_Critic is right, I agree with what he said.

[CrushedOrgans]

sorry to be one that upsets the cart or whatever that expression is.

 

but...even though you think it's silly, you did something he considers cheating and purposely kept it from him.

 

i think he was overly dramatic, and definitely is a controlling person. and i don't think your 'lie' is a bad one. but you knew what he would think if he knew and you did it anyway. you took a chance.

 

beyond that, get out now. if he freaks out over silly little things, i can't imagine what would happen if you did something that really made him suspicous or angry.

[elijahBailey]

Sorry, gonna upset the cart too.

 

I had major issues with trust too, years ago. Although I didn't do anything drastic like your b/f did, it was enough to make my SO go nuts. But she was patient with me and reassured me that she wasn't cheating. And she made me see it that I had a problem. It took a lot of effort on my part to learn to trust. And I'll remember all the good things she did for me and not give up on me.

 

If you find him worth it, you shouldn't give up on him so easily. Sure, you can't talk to him now that he's not thinking straight. But you did say you love him. Some relationships are worth taking the risk. If you two survive this one, you'll always be glad you never gave up on him.

 

It's not that he's a bad guy ( I know I'm not !! ), it's just that he's got issues. I look at it as a medical condition where someone just can't trust. How is it different from like if he's sick and becomes a burden to you? Would you still stick with him and stand by him? Yeah you two fought and all, but the underlying issues ain't as bad like it's totally irreparable.

 

If I were you, I would give him a call. Give him another chance.

[Adunaphel]

As bad as breaking into someone's phone records is, would you be so angry as him if he had found nothing?

 

He *does* sound controlling, but then, again, you were lying.

Sometimes people can perceive lies and end up doing things they would normally do.

Expecially when the other person is 'the love of their life' and they are already considering marriage (not that considering marriage after so little time is a very smart idea).

 

Does he have double standards?

Did you agree that you'd both drop your opposite sex friends, and if so, did he stick to it?

Were you aware that talking to your male friends constitutes cheating for him? Did you discuss this?

Or he has problems believing you were 'just talking' (expecially after you hid it)?

[Walk]

I'd be pissed as hell if my bf did that to me. Beyond pissed.

 

I have a male friend I talk to on occasion. I usually don't tell my bf when I talk to the friend. Totally platonic friend that I've had for years. We talk sporadically, and the guy will talk my ear off.. 45 minute calls are normal. Anyway.. I don't tell my bf about these. My bf gets the phone bill every month. He's never blown a nut, or accused me of cheating. He has asked in the past my thoughts about the guy, discussed how I felt about the friendship, after my bf saw the phone call on the bill. But he didn't immediately jump to conclusions and start calling me a cheating whore.

 

Your bf might have trust issues, and have reason to be worried, but the way in which he approached the issue was uncalled for and out of line. If he had approached it like an adult, allowed you the opportunity to discuss it without resorting to name calling (cheater, etc.) then maybe it could've been worked out.

 

I researched stuff on my bf in the past.. just to verify stories, and assure myself that I wasn't being stupid. Some of the stuff conflicted with what he had told me. I didn't resort to anything illegal in attaining this information, but can't say that I wouldn't have if the opportunity was present.. so I can't really judge your ex for that... HOWEVER, when the stuff I got conflicted with what my bf has told me, I asked him to explain further (without telling him I had different information). He did so, we discussed it, I simply asked him to be open and honest and I let him know I wasn't there to judge... without even knowing what information I had regarding his past, he explained things to such a degree that all the pieces fit, and I had no reason to doubt his sincerity.

 

I could've approached him with the accusation that he lied and blown up at him... but I was looking for the truth. Your bf wanted a fight. You did right in gettign rid of him. He was protecting himself, but his communication was piss poor, he immediately thought the worst, and left no room for you to "discuss" what the real situation was. If you can't talk about this stuff like rational adults, then you shouldn't be in a relationship together. Or even contemplate marriage.

[Guest]

geee...how is communication done again? - i mean like in real life? - isn't that face to face? sheeeeeeeeeeesh! remember doing that?

 

geee, as for being rude - i do believe i ask and when did u last reply to my zillion polite requests to just 'talk' about things...no muss, no fuss? hmmmmmmm...was it feb? or march?

 

see, the point is this, just because some joe sloooooooooombies throws words and a storyline on some site, that have no names attached to them, etc doesn't really prove anything - but someone's reaction to that does!

 

hey - no worries - doesn't matter. lets just put everything to rest and move on now. I'm not mad in the least - really. when it's over - its over [meant in a reassuring way - hope things work out for ya]