Affection

[Hope01]

First time posting here. I'm a female and must confess I'm not very affectionate, however, when I met my hubby, he was very affectionate during the time we were dating. However, there's not much affection. We just got married about 8 months ago. We don't hardly hold hands anymore or give hugs. I "want" to be more affectionate, however, he doesn't initiate hardly any affection, therefore, I'm not even sure if he's attracted to me anymore. Could it be that because I don't initiate affection, that's because he doesn't initiate affection? Could it be because he's now immune to me not being affectionate and therefore, he's adjusted to the way I am? How can I get the affection that I want from my husband because I really do miss it.

[norajane]

Could it be that because I don't initiate affection, that's because he doesn't initiate affection?

 

Yes. There's only so many times a person can reach out without reciprocation. He's probably given up.

 

IF you want to receive affection, you have to give it. YOU be the one to reach out and hold hands. YOU be the one to give him a random kiss, to grab his butt when you walk past, to give little hugs for no reason. YOU start doing it, and he'll return the affection and start initiating it when he sees you want it.

[magichands]

, to grab his butt when you walk past,

I agree totally with norajane. But try to "work up" to this one, haha.

[Hope01]

I have to admit its hard to initiate affection. I think its because I don't feel my hubby is attracted to me anymore, therefore, I'm not making more effort. How can I easily start showing my hubby affection? Sometimes I think "I'll just walk up to him and give him a hug as I walk past him", but when I walk past him, I say nevermind. And then I feel sad because I miss his touch. I want to work on becoming more affectionate but I don't see him initiating affection, therefore, it stops me from trying. Do you think maybe he doesn't miss the affection? He gives my dog more affection than he does me.

[norajane]

He's probably thinking the same thing about you...gee, she never hugs me, or kisses me...I have to always be the one to touch her...maybe she's not attracted to me...she never reaches out to me...maybe she hates it when I touch her...what's the point?

 

He's more affectionate with the dog because the dog loves the attention and gives the affection back to him. The dog is always happy to see him and wiggles his tail and jumps into his arms and wants to play.

 

You, on the other hand, walk past him and won't hug him - as though he's a stranger!!

 

All you have to do is get it started a few times. He'll return your affection just like the dog returns his. What do you have to lose by hugging him? Do you really think things could get worse between you if you hugged him?

[magichands]

Do you really think things could get worse between you if you hugged him?

Just be careful not to accidentally whack him in the balls.

 

Norajane is right...someone has to break the affection deadlock, and that someone is you.

[IpAncA]

Here's some of the things that I do:

 

Walk up behind him and put my arms around him. Especially when he doesn't expect it.

 

Grab his hand while were out or if I want to show him something

 

Grab or touch his butt when walking by (Gets his attention)

 

Put my arms around him/massage his neck and kiss his cheek while he's working on something or just for the heck of it

 

If he gets home before me I try to make sure I kiss him.

 

Sounds like he has given up. Just try something and see what happends. You never know.

[Guest]

Probly stopped the affection because of you. I am not at all sending you a bad message. just to help you out maybe you can talk to him. tell him that you are not an affection kinda person but want to be. ask him to teach you. Yes I would say he has stopped because you are not that way. he has adjusted to you. Does this stem from childhood??

 

did you recive the affection from your parents better yet did you see them show affection? it is all in how you are raised and tought. if it is not a big deal in your childhood then it wont be in your marriage. On the flip side you could have been shown all that but have somethnig like rape or a person of the oppsite sex do something to you that will trigger not to be an affectionate person.

 

So, in words I am telling you to talk to your husband. you are so newly married that if you dont it will take its toll and then you will be divorced or unhappy. Belive me I am sure if it is like that a talk to him will help. I am sure that if he loves you enough he will jump on the fact you are so willing and want to be affection he will show you. tell him you are unsure of the hole thing and just want him to teach you.

[quankanne]

Hope, sometimes you've just got to take matters into your own hands to get what you want. Even if you've not seen affection modeled by your parents (who are your first teachers) doesn't mean you don't have it in you to be affectionate. What do you want from your husband? More kisses? More hugs? More I love yous? Instead of missing what's not there, turn it around and be the one who demonstrates that affection you want. It will be hard, as you're not accustomed to being the affectionate one, but happily, it's something that is easily learned. Just have to practice, practice, practice. And I guarantee you that your husband will start reciprocating once he sees that you are not bothered by affection.

 

a little bit of personal history: Awhile back, I was teasing my husband about being so demonstrative about his affection, and I asked if he was like that when he was married before. See, because it has been my experience with him to be affectionate, I figured he was always like that, but he thought I was making fun of him because it *wasn't* like that in his earlier relationships. And I felt bad that he thought I was teasing when I only meant that I loved how open he's always been with me about his affection. So, I'm thinking that because I'm open to kissing and hugging and touching, he feels comfortable enough to reciprocate. Even in public :D

 

moral of the story is that sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone to make sure you continue getting the affection you want. And as long as you've got a willing partner (which your husband sounds like), you've got a win-win situation.

[Guest]

Probly stopped the affection because of you. I am not at all sending you a bad message. just to help you out maybe you can talk to him. tell him that you are not an affection kinda person but want to be. ask him to teach you. Yes I would say he has stopped because you are not that way. he has adjusted to you. Does this stem from childhood??

 

did you recive the affection from your parents better yet did you see them show affection? it is all in how you are raised and tought. if it is not a big deal in your childhood then it wont be in your marriage. On the flip side you could have been shown all that but have somethnig like rape or a person of the oppsite sex do something to you that will trigger not to be an affectionate person.

 

So, in words I am telling you to talk to your husband. you are so newly married that if you dont it will take its toll and then you will be divorced or unhappy. Belive me I am sure if it is like that a talk to him will help. I am sure that if he loves you enough he will jump on the fact you are so willing and want to be affection he will show you. tell him you are unsure of the hole thing and just want him to teach you.

 

A few months ago, I did have a talk with him about my non-affectionate ways and the conversation went like this:

 

Me: I really would like to become more affectionate with you

Hubby: Why? You are not an affectionate person

Me: I want to overcome being unaffectionate. If I initiate holding hands, maybe you could give me a squeeze letting me know if you noticed and you like it, or maybe if I give you a hug maybe you could tell me "hey, that was nice".

Hubby: That would be too hard for me to do this

Me: Why?

Hubby: Being affectionate should come naturally. I shouldn't have to work so hard in getting you to be more affectionate just to make me happy.

 

There you have it. That's how our conversation went. However, I do have to admit, that when this conversation happened, it was during the time we were having an arguement. However, I still went away shocked, angry and hurt. Again, like I mentioned, this conversation was a few months back.

 

I must admit, I miss his touch. Last night when he got home from golfing, he dropped some stuff that he was carrying into the kitchen and then proceeded into the computer room to check his fantasy football scores. I was sitting on the couch hoping that he would give me a kiss since he hasn't seen me all day, but he didn't. Therefore, I went into the pc room and asked him "hey, where's my kiss and when he didn't respond, I said forget it. It then escalated into an arguement. The conversation went like this

 

Me: I was hoping after not seeing you, I could have gotten a kiss before you checked your score

Hubby: If you wanted a kiss, why didn't you just kiss me

Me: Because I kissed you this morning

Hubby: So, you are keeping track?

Me: Forget it. I'm going out

Hubby: I'm going out too

Me: You just got home

Hubby: So, you are going out, and I am too

 

After he left, I just stayed in. The reason why I wanted to go out, is I felt hurt that he didn't kiss me when he walked in. He was more interested in his football scores.

 

Today when I called him, we continued on with the arguement that we had last night.

 

Me: It would be nice if we could work things out together

Hubby: There's nothing to work out

Me: We are never on the same page. You don't even try to work things out

Hubby: I'm unhappy

Me: Therefore, the reason why you don't try is your unhappy. Do I really make you this miserable?

Hubby: No. Alot of it is me too. By the way, I do try

Me: You do? When?

Hubby: So are you saying I never try?

 

Because he's at work, we couldn't talk anymore. I just hung up. I don't know what to do. He won't go to counseling with me (yes, I have asked). This is his 3rd marriage. I want us to be happy in our marriage but I just don't know how.

 

Sorry this post is long.

[Hope01]

A few months ago, I did have a talk with him about my non-affectionate ways and the conversation went like this:

 

Me: I really would like to become more affectionate with you

Hubby: Why? You are not an affectionate person

Me: I want to overcome being unaffectionate. If I initiate holding hands, maybe you could give me a squeeze letting me know if you noticed and you like it, or maybe if I give you a hug maybe you could tell me "hey, that was nice".

Hubby: That would be too hard for me to do this

Me: Why?

Hubby: Being affectionate should come naturally. I shouldn't have to work so hard in getting you to be more affectionate just to make me happy.

 

There you have it. That's how our conversation went. However, I do have to admit, that when this conversation happened, it was during the time we were having an arguement. However, I still went away shocked, angry and hurt. Again, like I mentioned, this conversation was a few months back.

 

I must admit, I miss his touch. Last night when he got home from golfing, he dropped some stuff that he was carrying into the kitchen and then proceeded into the computer room to check his fantasy football scores. I was sitting on the couch hoping that he would give me a kiss since he hasn't seen me all day, but he didn't. Therefore, I went into the pc room and asked him "hey, where's my kiss and when he didn't respond, I said forget it. It then escalated into an arguement. The conversation went like this

 

Me: I was hoping after not seeing you, I could have gotten a kiss before you checked your score

Hubby: If you wanted a kiss, why didn't you just kiss me

Me: Because I kissed you this morning

Hubby: So, you are keeping track?

Me: Forget it. I'm going out

Hubby: I'm going out too

Me: You just got home

Hubby: So, you are going out, and I am too

 

After he left, I just stayed in. The reason why I wanted to go out, is I felt hurt that he didn't kiss me when he walked in. He was more interested in his football scores.

 

Today when I called him, we continued on with the arguement that we had last night.

 

Me: It would be nice if we could work things out together

Hubby: There's nothing to work out

Me: We are never on the same page. You don't even try to work things out

Hubby: I'm unhappy

Me: Therefore, the reason why you don't try is your unhappy. Do I really make you this miserable?

Hubby: No. Alot of it is me too. By the way, I do try

Me: You do? When?

Hubby: So are you saying I never try?

 

Because he's at work, we couldn't talk anymore. I just hung up. I don't know what to do. He won't go to counseling with me (yes, I have asked). This is his 3rd marriage. I want us to be happy in our marriage but I just don't know how.

 

Sorry this post is long.

[37andConfused]

My wife and i were in the exact same boat when we met. I must admit that my attitude has become somewhat close to your husband's.

 

i agonized over why my wife wasn't 'naturally' affectionate, while i was. at the same time, it felt emasculating for the man to be initiating and craving physical touch. After a point, i just numbed out my need for physical affection.

 

and yes, i have brought it up to her before and she does try. unfortunately, i don't always feel like reciprocating anymore the way i would have years ago....

[MrDarcy]

I commend you for trying to work things out, but in my opinion your communication needs to be worked on:

 

Hubby: If you wanted a kiss, why didn't you just kiss me

Me: Because I kissed you this morning

Hubby: So, you are keeping track?

Me: Forget it. I'm going out

 

 

This is not constructive communication. IMO, responses like that are guaranteed to cause the conversation to crash and burn.

 

If you wanted a kiss why didn't you kiss him? And don't say because he kissed you in the morning. If you want a kiss, go get one. Like I've pointed out before. Men are not mind-readers. Maybe he has become so used to the lack of affection that kissing you simply did not cross his mind. If you feel love for your husband affection should come naturally....

[MrDarcy]

My wife wasn't very affectionate either, but things have improved over the years.

However, my advice to you is to start small. Start by just gracing him when you walk past. Just slide your hand casually along his back or across his shoulder. Just kinda letting him know you're there.

Don't go straight for holding his hand. Maybe start by holding his arm gently, or walking arm in arm....

[HokeyReligions]

My wife and i were in the exact same boat when we met. I must admit that my attitude has become somewhat close to your husband's.

 

i agonized over why my wife wasn't 'naturally' affectionate, while i was. at the same time, it felt emasculating for the man to be initiating and craving physical touch. After a point, i just numbed out my need for physical affection.

 

and yes, i have brought it up to her before and she does try. unfortunately, i don't always feel like reciprocating anymore the way i would have years ago....

 

 

Hubby? 'Zat You?

 

-------

I'm not a naturally affectionate person either. I tried to be and for a while I was -- when I was dating. Up until recently I would have to remind myself ot pat his shoulder or arm when we were in the car - or give his heat a pat or squeeze his hand when I would walk by him, etc. It became habit rather than affection and then it became nothing as I just got tired of it and we got tired of each other. Affection without sincerity is pathetic.

[IpAncA]

Yeah you might want to start off small like MrDarcy said. Its obvious that he doesn't expect it from you and therefore doesn't even try. You both need to work on your communication with each other. Its probably not a good idea to just come right and say that since I kissed you, you should too. Especially since he thinks it should come naturally.

 

Me on the other hand I'm very affectionate. I'm one of those people who has to be touched and such all the time and I like to do it back. Thats my way of staying connected to my H. When we first started dating he wasn't so much because his last girlfriend wasn't so he just accepted that and didn't think much of it. Me when we went on our first date I grabed his hand and such. Shocked him and he wasn't entirely comfortable with it which was fine. So I had to start out slow but it didn't take long before he responded back.

[norajane]

Eek - total communication breakdown!

 

THIS conversation:

 

Me: I really would like to become more affectionate with you

Hubby: Why? You are not an affectionate person

Me: I want to overcome being unaffectionate. If I initiate holding hands, maybe you could give me a squeeze letting me know if you noticed and you like it, or maybe if I give you a hug maybe you could tell me "hey, that was nice".

Hubby: That would be too hard for me to do this

Me: Why?

Hubby: Being affectionate should come naturally. I shouldn't have to work so hard in getting you to be more affectionate just to make me happy.

 

would have gone a lot better this way:

 

Me: I really would like to become more affectionate with you

Hubby: Why? You are not an affectionate person

Me: I miss your touch...

 

And this conversation sounds like two little kids arguing...

 

Me: I was hoping after not seeing you, I could have gotten a kiss before you checked your score

Hubby: If you wanted a kiss, why didn't you just kiss me

Me: Because I kissed you this morning

Hubby: So, you are keeping track?

Me: Forget it. I'm going out

Hubby: I'm going out too

Me: You just got home

Hubby: So, you are going out, and I am too

 

Hubby's right - there is no keeping score with affectionate gestures and kisses! If you miss his touch, which you say you do, just touch him. Once he notices that you're doing that, he'll naturally respond and he'll also start initiating the kisses and touches.

 

You've shut him out so often in the past that he's given up. SHOW him how you feel rather than telling him you need him to do more for you. And don't keep score, don't let your feelings be so hurt if he doesn't immediately respond to the new you.

[amaysngrace]

You've shut him out so often in the past that he's given up. SHOW him how you feel rather than telling him you need him to do more for you. And don't keep score, don't let your feelings be so hurt if he doesn't immediately respond to the new you.

 

 

I totally agree with norajane here. If he has had his attempts shot down by you over and over again, I can see where he isn't going to be all that willing to give you the affection you crave.

 

It's up to you. You need to show him you love giving as much as receiving affection. If I were you, I'd start in the bedroom. While lying next to him, I'd get as close to him as possible. Touch his feet with your foot. Grab his hand. And just touch him.

 

Just beware because you may get really horny doing this.

[Hope01]

and yes, i have brought it up to her before and she does try. unfortunately, i don't always feel like reciprocating anymore the way i would have years ago....

 

This is something that I would like to prevent before its too late. My hubby and I have only been married 8 months and I don't want our marriage to be like this 8 years from now. He's still somewhat affectionate....maybe 30%, but I don't want it to be none at all. How can things get better?

 

My wife wasn't very affectionate either, but things have improved over the years.

However, my advice to you is to start small. Start by just gracing him when you walk past. Just slide your hand casually along his back or across his shoulder. Just kinda letting him know you're there.

Don't go straight for holding his hand. Maybe start by holding his arm gently, or walking arm in arm....

 

Ok, this is a very good suggestion. By the way, you said your wife wasn't very affectionate, so if I may ask, how did she improve her affectionate ways?

 

 

Me: I miss your touch...

 

I have said this exact statement and his reply was "I'm sorry you miss it".

 

However, I have to admit, it was during the time we were arguing. But even if we weren't arguing, I still have the feeling he would have said the same thing.

 

Hubby's right - there is no keeping score with affectionate gestures and kisses! If you miss his touch, which you say you do, just touch him. Once he notices that you're doing that, he'll naturally respond and he'll also start initiating the kisses and touches.

 

You've shut him out so often in the past that he's given up. SHOW him how you feel rather than telling him you need him to do more for you. And don't keep score, don't let your feelings be so hurt if he doesn't immediately respond to the new you.

 

Yea, I've probably shut him out because of my non-affectionate way, however, I have never rejected his affection. I'm not trying to be naive when I say this, but I don't understand why he doesn't initiate affection especially since I have not once ever rejected him.

 

Also, if my hubby is given up, then what's the use of still trying? I'm not even sure if it will help. If the new me does show up, my feelings would be very hurt if my hubby doesn't respond to my affection. Maybe that's why I'm not sure if I could start being affectionate because I'm not used to showing affection. Does this make sense?

 

If he has had his attempts shot down by you over and over again, I can see where he isn't going to be all that willing to give you the affection you crave.

Like I mentioned above, I have never shot down his affection. I just don't get it. I like affection but I'm not very good at "initiating" affection. I mean I can understand if I rejected his affection that would be the reason why he stopped initiating affection, but I have never rejected it. I've been in relationships before and I hardly ever initiated affection but that didn't stop my ex-boyfriends from given it. They all said "that's just the way I am". Why can't my hubby accept that in me?

[amaysngrace]

They all said "that's just the way I am". Why can't my hubby accept that in me?

 

I think when you're totally into someone, they bring it out in you. Of course I'm not sure, because I'm a highly affectionate person.

 

Maybe your hubby is unsure of how much you dig him because you aren't affectionate.

 

I think I might feel that way.

 

Rather than have him accept this about you, wouldn't you share a more intimate relationship with him if you were to develop your affection skills?

 

Meantime, ask him to understand you're working on it. I'm willing to bet he'll help you along...

[norajane]

Yea, I've probably shut him out because of my non-affectionate way, however, I have never rejected his affection. I'm not trying to be naive when I say this, but I don't understand why he doesn't initiate affection especially since I have not once ever rejected him.

 

Also, if my hubby is given up, then what's the use of still trying? I'm not even sure if it will help. If the new me does show up, my feelings would be very hurt if my hubby doesn't respond to my affection. Maybe that's why I'm not sure if I could start being affectionate because I'm not used to showing affection. Does this make sense?

Think of it this way: if you had a friend and you were the one who always had to call her in order to get together for coffee or whatever, if you were the one who always had to invite her, if you were the one who always had to initiate - EVEN IF she liked getting your calls, and liked going for coffee, and seemed happy to receive your inviations, wouldn't you start to feel like you were doing all the work to maintain the relationship? Wouldn't you start to feel like she wouldn't care if you stopped calling and stopped inviting? Wouldn't you feel that if you never called her, you'd probably never talk to her again because she never calls you? Wouldn't you want her to call you sometime to show you that she cared and was thinking about you?

 

It's the same thing with your husband. Even though you've never rejected him per se, because you also never initiate any affection, he got tired of always being the one to initiate, of always being the one to touch you first, of always being the one to reach out to you. He needs you to reach out to him as well, or he's going to feel you're taking him and his affection for granted. HIS feelings were hurt and hurt repeteadly when you never initiated anything. To him, it felt like he was getting shot down because you never initiated in return...just like it feels to you that you got shot down when he didn't kiss you when coming home after work. HE IS HURT right now, and has crawled into HIS shell.

 

It's a two-way street. If you start to initiate, and keep doing it and show him how important his touch is to you, he will respond and he will start intitiating it again, too. He is naturally affectionate, so he will respond. Don't expect him to shower you with affection after only one kiss. You have to do it consistently so he gets the message this is important to you. Once he sees that, then he'll respond. You have to start giving to him consistently and repeatedly in order for him to feel comfortable giving to you again.

 

BUT YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!!! You can't just sit in your little hurt shell - TAKE THE RISK. Because right now, by doing nothing and expecting him to do all the work, you are getting nothing and will continue to get nothing.

[Hope01]

Meantime, ask him to understand you're working on it. I'm willing to bet he'll help you along...

I appreciate your suggestion about talking with him, but I've also tried talking to him. Please read post #11. My hubby is the type of person that's not very reassuring. He's more of a action rather than words type of a person.

 

I just don't know if I can be affectionate because I'm not happy in our marriage and neither is he. Yesterday we had a conversation and it went something like this:

 

Me: Why can't we work on things together

Hubby: I know...I know, you always want to won on things together

Me: We always seem like we are on different pages

Hubby: I'm just unhappy, but we are together and that's the end of it. (***I have no idea what he meant by this statement)

 

I know he's been unhappy in this marriage, but he's also unhappy at work, he doesn't feel appreciated, he feels used by his kids....I'm not sure I can compete with all this.

 

I must admit though when I "heard" him say "he was unhappy", it just really made me feel "why should I try and work it out...he's already unhappy. Being affectionate won't make him feel happy. I just don't know what I can do in our marriage so he can be happy. If I ask him, he replys "I don't know" or "this is just how we are". However, he does tell me he is still trying...but I don't feel he is trying right now.

 

Maybe I'm wrong on this but I believe that either your affectionate or your not affectionate. How do you teach someone to be affectionate and know that there affectionate would be genuine?

 

norajane - Thank you for your analysis. That is something I will think on.

[IpAncA]

It's a two-way street. If you start to initiate, and keep doing it and show him how important his touch is to you, he will respond and he will start intitiating it again, too. He is naturally affectionate, so he will respond. Don't expect him to shower you with affection after only one kiss. You have to do it consistently so he gets the message this is important to you. Once he sees that, then he'll respond. You have to start giving to him consistently and repeatedly in order for him to feel comfortable giving to you again.

 

BUT YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!!! You can't just sit in your little hurt shell - TAKE THE RISK. Because right now, by doing nothing and expecting him to do all the work, you are getting nothing and will continue to get nothing.

 

Exactually. If it makes you feel any better I'm sort of in the same boat so maybe you can relate to it. I ignored my H (read my thread if you want to know why) but now I'm starting to show the affection that he missed but he still isn't full blown responding to me. Why? Because I went to long without showing him and he's still hurt. So what I have been doing in the mean time is just small stuff and I keep on doing it even though he doesn't respond. I figure if I just keep doing it he's will give into me sometime and he will with time. For example, I went to bed early this morning and decided to just try a little further. I scooted up next to him and put my arm across him. I did end up waking him up but he didn't push me or say anything so I just stayed there.

[IpAncA]

 

I just don't know if I can be affectionate because I'm not happy in our marriage and neither is he. Yesterday we had a conversation and it went something like this:

 

Me: Why can't we work on things together

Hubby: I know...I know, you always want to won on things together

Me: We always seem like we are on different pages

Hubby: I'm just unhappy, but we are together and that's the end of it. (***I have no idea what he meant by this statement)

 

I know he's been unhappy in this marriage, but he's also unhappy at work, he doesn't feel appreciated, he feels used by his kids....I'm not sure I can compete with all this.

 

I must admit though when I "heard" him say "he was unhappy", it just really made me feel "why should I try and work it out...he's already unhappy. Being affectionate won't make him feel happy. I just don't know what I can do in our marriage so he can be happy. If I ask him, he replys "I don't know" or "this is just how we are". However, he does tell me he is still trying...but I don't feel he is trying right now.

 

Maybe I'm wrong on this but I believe that either your affectionate or your not affectionate. How do you teach someone to be affectionate and know that there affectionate would be genuine?

 

Well I was wondering if just likes your company. Well if your both are unhappy, then I don't think the affection this will solve the problem completely. He kind of sounds depression to me Both of your communcation skills are not working here. He can't even tell you whats going on in his head. Sounds to me like he's given up completely and has just accepted it.

[norajane]

Well I was wondering if just likes your company. Well if your both are unhappy, then I don't think the affection this will solve the problem completely. He kind of sounds depression to me Both of your communcation skills are not working here. He can't even tell you whats going on in his head. Sounds to me like he's given up completely and has just accepted it.

 

I think if he starts to see a change in her, he'll be less depressed and more open to working on things with her.

 

It's really hard to keep beating your head against a brick wall for months and months. Yes, he's probably given up at this point because he sees all she wants to do is talk. If he's an "actions speak louder than words" guy, he's noticed that for the past 8 months, she hasn't been doing, just talking about doing or not even talking.

 

But that doesn't mean things can't change. He just needs to see that she's willing to act and not just talk about it. It's a very unusual man who doesn't respond to loving affection that is freely and willingly given. He just needs to regain trust that she actually does love him and wants to be close with him.

 

Hope - go to Amazon.com and order a book called: Light His Fire. It's very short, very simple, and gives you concrete things you can do to make your husband feel loved and appreciated.

 

It's simple things like telling him how special he is to you, complimenting him for the things you appreciate about him, telling him how lucky you feel to have him in your life, telling him how good he looks in his blue shirt, thanking him for fixing the toaster, telling him how smart he is for the kind of work he does, telling him that you believe in him and you know he'll be able to solve his problems at work, telling him he's a good man for loving his kids even if they are ungrateful..men need to feel appreciated at home by their wives because they really don't get that kind of appreciation anywhere.