Picking people up in public?

[DanielMadr]

BlueEyedGirl

The whole thing him being good looking but his personality terrible is probably incorrect.

 

What girls are doing when they constantly look at very good looking guys and try to gain their attention is pricing themselves. They want to know that their value is such that they can attract a very good looking guy if they want to. Of course, most of the time they do not want a very good looking guy as a boyfriend as they may feel insecure that he may be a player and not relationship material. (which is often incorrect). This is why he has more sucess with very good looking women. They are confident enough in themselves to be with him.

 

For alot of women, just knowing that they have this very good looking guys interest is enough for them. It is the female equivalent of "scoring". They have no interest in pursuing it any further, they already have what they wanted.

 

This is very poor behaviour and quite cruel. Daniel, tell your friend to get used to it. In the end he will probably give up in approaching women because he is sick of being played. The sad thing about this is the small percentage of women that are genuinely interested in him will not be approached by him, because he is sick of the mistreatment. For some reason, women seem to think that (good looking) men don't have feelings or something. Many women don't realise that it is very difficult to approach someone, simply because they have never have to do it themselves.

[alphamale]

But attraction + you being a prick = good bye.

wrong BEG....the equation actually looks like this:

 

attraction + you being a prick = no strings attached casual sex

[a4a]

wrong BEG....the equation actually looks like this:

 

attraction + you being a prick = no strings attached casual sex

 

No unless the one your are filling the hole of is a complete ditz.

 

but you can catch more flies with honey then vinegar and then become a complete ass and just do NC for no reason once you plugged the hole a few times.

 

Alpha you could get laid way more if you were a little nicer up front.....then dump em once you tire of them.

 

Oh but I forgot your bait is your rough exterior with walls and attempt to lure in women to find the "soft, kind, real you" They want to gentle your tiger.......

 

(I would just shoot it and make a nice rug)

[DanielMadr]

wrong BEG....the equation actually looks like this:

 

attraction + you being a prick = no strings attached casual sex

 

Exactly. It is proven equation

[laguy10]

From a man's point of view on this, I can tell you that probably, it's nothing you're doing (or not doing); but more lack of experience on the guy's part. This is just not taught - and just as you are really nervous to approach someone, most guys are nervous to approach you too. Just keep this in mind, and see the guys who approach you as learning - if more women would be respectful to guys when they approach, we'd do it a hell of a lot more....however, speaking from personal experience, I cannot tell you how many cold shoulders I received when I first started out. As far as what signs you can give the guy to show you're interested, I'd say that you should not look busy - I always hate thinking I'm interrupting a girl (like if she's doing homework)....look bored, and like you want someone to talk to you, and, if he's got any courage at all, he probably will.

 

This is the 00's, so I guess women are approaching men - I've been approached before, only a few times though. I'd say that the way you should do it is to walk near where he is, and pickup a book (if you're in a bookstore), and then just make some comment about it - outloud - if you open a door, and he likes you, he'll jump at the chance to walk through it.

 

Good luck.

[tedrack]

Is it even possbile to pick someone up in a public area? I've never experienced this and always dated people i knew via friends or activities.

 

Yes it's possible. I have tried to pick up girls in random public places, with varying degrees of success. It's definitely possible to get someone's number and see them again. In a recent instance a girl I approached like that has become a pretty good friend of mine, and I ended up hooking up with one of her close friends. Way I see it, you just can't go wrong meeting new people!

 

but I must say among the girls i've met like this, they are very cautious (which is smart). But approaching a girl in this way can show impressive confidence and that you're an interesting person, both sexy traits.

 

i can not pretend that it goes smoothly all the time, but yes it's possible. Make your move and see what happens

[tedrack]

See to me.. it's a complete turn off. I don't want a guy who will be interested in any semi attractive girl. I keep getting plenty of those. I want a guy who will be able to have a choice of few girls but will see something special in me.

 

Oh my.

 

I read another post of yours where you were complaining about the difficulty of finding men, period.

 

You're being far too picky here. You have to give guys a chance, everyone is a stranger at first. How is Mr. Right supposed to know about that special something in you if you blow him off at the start and never give him a chance to learn more about you?

 

Your story is very common though. And I need not point out the unsatisfying results you've seen from being as picky as you are

[BlueEyedGirl]

You're being far too picky here. You have to give guys a chance, everyone is a stranger at first. How is Mr. Right supposed to know about that special something in you if you blow him off at the start and never give him a chance to learn more about you?

 

No. I'm sorry, this is just a huge turn off.

 

I will give you and example of "feeling special". There is a guy at work that likes me. He has asked me out so many times I have lost count. The problem is he has been single for few years now. I might have given him a chance, I was 50/50. But then in our conversations he keeps saying how he is so desparate for a girlfriend he would go for anyone, even the ugly ones. How he would date 90% of the women he sees on the street. Now, if I went out with him I would be one of the generic 90% of women he would go for. Way to make a girl feel special. My interest dropped from 50 to 0 after that.

 

Perhaps I'm being picky, but I have given too many men that I didn't really like chance in the past. It never works. I can't force myself to feel something for someone that I just don't feel. I don't want to settle.

 

I'm going for all or nothing. I'm well aware that I will most likely end up with nothing but that's the risk I'm willing to take.

[laguy10]

No. I'm sorry, this is just a huge turn off.

 

I will give you and example of "feeling special". There is a guy at work that likes me. He has asked me out so many times I have lost count. The problem is he has been single for few years now. I might have given him a chance, I was 50/50. But then in our conversations he keeps saying how he is so desparate for a girlfriend he would go for anyone, even the ugly ones. How he would date 90% of the women he sees on the street. Now, if I went out with him I would be one of the generic 90% of women he would go for. Way to make a girl feel special. My interest dropped from 50 to 0 after that.

 

Perhaps I'm being picky, but I have given too many men that I didn't really like chance in the past. It never works. I can't force myself to feel something for someone that I just don't feel. I don't want to settle.

 

I'm going for all or nothing. I'm well aware that I will most likely end up with nothing but that's the risk I'm willing to take.

 

I have to agree with Ted on this one. I can understand where you're coming from BlueEyed, but I think you are limiting yourself from some great guys. If a guy is desperate for a girlfriend, it doesn't mean that he doesn't find anything special about you, just that he is being honest with you - doesn't at all mean (necessarily) that he is dumping you into the 90% category. This always frustrates me about women, they tell men they want them to be honest, but if even one flaw surfaces, then they cut and run, looking for the ultimate alpha male. I'm supposing that although you've decided to not date this guy, you've made him your honorary girlfriend and tell him all your dating stories now....complaining about how you can't find a guy that is right for you, until a player comes along, who will give you the kind of emotions you want (he won't show a deadly weakness, he'll lie about it), and then when he breaks your heart, you'll go to this poor guy and pour your heart out to him. I sure wish people would learn from history.

[BlueEyedGirl]

I'm supposing that although you've decided to not date this guy, you've made him your honorary girlfriend and tell him all your dating stories now....complaining about how you can't find a guy that is right for you,

 

Omg are you him??

Seriously that's exactly what happens. Every Monday morning he stops by my desk and listens to me complain about picking up guys on the weekend that are not quite right, or how lonely I am and can't find the right guy. He just listens, gives advice and then when I have had enough of him I say that I have to work and he takes his cue and leaves. Then I usually completly ignore him unless I'm really bored - then I would get up and seek him out for some further complaing.

 

Oh this really sounds bad when I put it this way.

[Pyro]

Perhaps I'm being picky, but I have given too many men that I didn't really like chance in the past. It never works. I can't force myself to feel something for someone that I just don't feel. I don't want to settle.

 

I'm going for all or nothing. I'm well aware that I will most likely end up with nothing but that's the risk I'm willing to take.

 

Don't settle for anything less than what you feel that is right for you.

 

Its better to be picky then to have low standards.

 

You look younger, so don't sweat it. There is plenty of time to meet the right kind of guy.

[alphamale]

Its better to be picky then to have low standards..

at least we can both agree on that RIDDLER

[tedrack]

complaining about how you can't find a guy that is right for you, until a player comes along, who will give you the kind of emotions you want (he won't show a deadly weakness, he'll lie about it), and then when he breaks your heart, you'll go to this poor guy and pour your heart out to him. I sure wish people would learn from history.

 

Absolutely right. This is what will happen ... because those guys who understand how to get women (they never show desperation, and will butter you up with compliments about how special you are) can manipulate a woman into thinking that he's the guy she's looking for.

 

And I guarantee, after a run in with one of those, you will feel like a fool for falling for this, and you'll feel used. These head over heels kinds of storybook hookups hardly happen from the very first meeting. Get to know someone and give them a chance, otherwise you might be looking forever.

[dgiirl]

Oh this really sounds bad when I put it this way.

 

I hope to god you're being sarcastic. I find it extremely cruel and bitchy for anyone to talk about how they're lonely and noone hits on them in front of people you know is interested in you. It's like reinforcing to them that no matter how desperate I am, I still wont go for you.

 

On the other hand, I can understand how a guy who lumps you into the masses can be a huge turn off. I do not want to be approached by a guy who just hits on every one who walks past him. I'd like to think that there was something of real interest instead of just being a number.

[BentSpine]

I do not want to be approached by a guy who just hits on every one who walks past him. I'd like to think that there was something of real interest instead of just being a number.

Why is that?

What if the guy is willing to give most women a chance to find out if he connects with them?

What if he feels that he cannot tell from looks who he will connect with?

Would it not then be reasonable for an honest man to strike up a conversation with as many as possible?

[dgiirl]

Why is that?

What if the guy is willing to give most women a chance to find out if he connects with them?

What if he feels that he cannot tell from looks who he will connect with?

Would it not then be reasonable for an honest man to strike up a conversation with as many as possible?

 

I think it depends on his tactic. Being nice to people is different than just trying to get as many numbers as possible. When I see a guy go up to one girl, and then come up to me, then go onto another girl, it doesnt give out a friendly vibe. I mean, would you feel all warm and fuzzy if a girl approached you, then you see her walk up to two other men?

[alphamale]

When I see a guy go up to one girl, and then come up to me, then go onto another girl, it doesnt give out a friendly vibe.

what sorta "vibe" would you get if some dude just stayed off in the corner all nite, eyeing all the women but not approaching any of them?

[magichands]

Maybe dgiirl wants to be first choice.

[alphamale]

Maybe dgiirl wants to be first choice.

yaa..sloppy seconds is the worst!

[Lights]

 

When I see a guy go up to one girl, and then come up to me, then go onto another girl, it doesnt give out a friendly vibe.

 

what sorta "vibe" would you get if some dude just stayed off in the corner all nite, eyeing all the women but not approaching any of them?

 

Amen, brotha! I hear things like this and things related to this (about women whining about how a man asked for her number and wrote it down on a piece of paper with several other numbers on it), and I wonder: do they want a man who is sufficiently socially proactive to meet them effectively or not?

 

Or is it that such women are somehow expecting exclusivity in all social effort immediately due to not having mentally advanced beyond their junior high school days?

 

May whatever greater power we believe in help us all if mentalities like "Ohmygod omigawd OMG OMG OMG cn u b-leve dat? He, like, came up to me! And he, like, asked me to go out with him on one date! His grandma's going to, like, drive us to the movie theater, and, like, um, whatever! We must be exclusive boyfriend and girlfriend already!" still persist in one's adult lives.

[alphamale]

Amen, brotha!

just confirms my theory that women are full of ****

[laguy10]

I think it depends on his tactic. Being nice to people is different than just trying to get as many numbers as possible. When I see a guy go up to one girl, and then come up to me, then go onto another girl, it doesnt give out a friendly vibe. I mean, would you feel all warm and fuzzy if a girl approached you, then you see her walk up to two other men?

 

Assuming that a man was meeting a woman in the time when chivilary was alive (not saying it's completely dead), this would still be possible. However, speaking from a guy's point of view, I've done this, only trying to concentrate on one woman at a time, and usually I am disappointed, because I find out the girl is going out with more than just myself. So, if you're asking the guy to only get your phone number, and then call it a night, you must also take responsibility to only accept that one guy's invitation for a number....would you be willing to do that? I'm guessing not, because you have no idea if you will even click with that guy....well, that is exactly why guys get more than one number at a time, they have no idea if they will click with you or not, and dating, like it or not, is a numbers game in our age. Why I brought up chivalry in this, is because in the older days, you wouldn't go to bars and clubs to meet people - most people would meet doing some type of activity, so it was more one-on-one, however, most people don't meet this way anymore, so to expect that rule to apply to a venue which does not support it, is failing to recognize the differences I think.

[laguy10]

Omg are you him??

Seriously that's exactly what happens. Every Monday morning he stops by my desk and listens to me complain about picking up guys on the weekend that are not quite right, or how lonely I am and can't find the right guy. He just listens, gives advice and then when I have had enough of him I say that I have to work and he takes his cue and leaves. Then I usually completly ignore him unless I'm really bored - then I would get up and seek him out for some further complaing.

 

Oh this really sounds bad when I put it this way.

 

LOL Well, maybe. J/K Actually, when I was less experienced, I was put into this role a lot, and didn't know what was wrong, just that I felt like s h i t each time I finished talking to the girl. Even though he's not showing it, my guess is that he is really hurt each time he walks away from you....look at it this way, if he really didn't like you, do you think he would take the time to listen to you bitch about the men you had tried to pickup on during the weekend? Maybe if you look at that action as interest, instead of as weakness, you can see things from his point of view. I know exactly what you're thinking, because I have studied the female point of view a lot, to try to understand things that were happening in my own life. You are thinking that he is such a weakling, because he will do anything on your cue....you want a challenge. Let me just say that sometimes men have a lot of potential, but just like you, get turned away from a general direction, when s h i t happens in their lives. If you're attracted to this guy at all, ignoring what you THINK you know about him, I'd say give him a shot....and I'm guessing that you will be writing back that he is the most romantic, thoughtful guy you've ever met, and his masculity will develop the more he spends time with a woman, because sometimes the man must know what makes a woman unique, in order to understand what makes a man unique.

[BentSpine]

I mean, would you feel all warm and fuzzy if a girl approached you, then you see her walk up to two other men?

Maybe if she approached me real close and wore a fur.

 

Trying to envision a woman approaching one man after the other means pressing my imagination beyond its capacity. But I shall try:

 

No, I agree with you: I would not feel warm and fuzzy if she AFTER me continued to yet another man. However, if she approached someone else before me, I would assume they did not connect.

 

Being nice to people is different than just trying to get as many numbers as possible.

So being nice is getting only one number. Do I get you right?

 

This is interesting stuff.

[dgiirl]

Ah you guys just want to believe what you want to believe.

 

I'm not asking for exclusivity. I'm not saying I must be the only girl in his phone book after we barely even talked. I'm talking about guys who go up to woman just because they want the number and not because they find anything interesting about the woman. And they'll do this repeatedly during one evening at the same place. And since someone brought up high school mentality, OMG, dude, like I dont go to clubs, k? I AM talking about places where people do activites to meet other people, in a more social respectable place. There's a classy way to pick up chicks and there's not. Dont attack me if you dont know the difference. Dont go to a girl and tell her you are so desperate that you'd date anyone, then ask that girl out on a date. WTF, that's totally disrespectful. I wouldnt even do that to my friends, let alone a guy who might be interested. Whenever I meet anyone, even a new friend, i give them some consideration and respect and make them feel like I'm interested in really talking to them, to get to know them. I dont go up to them and say I have zero friends, noone likes me, I guess we could hang out. I've seen it with my own guys. A group of guys talking amongst themselves giving each other a high five after going up to a girl and getting her number. Then planning their next girl to approach. It was more of a game than any real interest. It was sad and pathetic. And I'm not interested in meeting such a person.

 

Anyways, my thread is getting off topic. I wanted to know how to approach people in public places where it doesnt come off as just a numbers game. When there is actually a little bit of a spark/attraction/interest and you want to break the ice.