Author dgiirl Posted October 31, 2006 Author Share Posted October 31, 2006 First of all, my sympathies that your marriage did not work out as you had hoped. Ah, c'est la vie It happens. Nothing i would wish to have happened, but it happens and sometimes for the better. I'm looking for and enjoying the better now Thanks, that is me I think it is due to how I perceive things; being out of the loop for so long (read my post in the other thread you've been replying to), maybe I just don't have the same perspective as others....in some ways, maybe that's good, it makes me unique; in other ways, maybe it's not so good, because it is hard to understand where people are coming from sometimes. I use to think that people had no problems finding other compatible people to date. I'm starting to realize that this is not the case for the majority of people. Getting hit on or having friendly banter with people is easy, but to actually find someone you sincerly click with, and who clicks with you back, is a lot harder and I dont think it comes by as often as I use to believe. I guess it depends on what you truely are looking for. If you are just looking to get laid, then it's a no brainer. Find someone who has really low self esteem. You might not like the qualities that person might possess, but you would get laid. If you are looking for a real committed loving relationship, then you have to wait it out, and try not to get discouraged in the meantime. Oh and you might want to refrain from lumping them into a "type" and calling them shallow lol j/k... kinda Link to post Share on other sites
DanielMadr Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 I don't know if I completely agree....I mean, ok, granted, by nature men are more the protectors, the guardians if you will, and so should be strong...I'm not disputing that. However, if you're saying that men should never show weakness, I think it's impossible....and what is more, who would want to be in a relationship where you're fake....but, ok, maybe I'm taking this the wrong way again....are you speaking of when you are first meeting someone, or are you speaking about in a relationship at all? Whinning on first meeting? It is not only sign of weakness, its simply rude, not considered. When you start showing weakness in relationship - dumped, in marriage - divorce. You cant fake it....you have to be strong and tough. Ofcorse you can be down time to time but she has to believe you will stand up. If you whine about such nonsense like you being alone and nobody loves you - it is simply awkward. It is no brainer if you forget your ego(just be objective) for a moment....In order to love a Man, Woman has to respect him. Would you respect, follow some leader who is showing weakness, insecurity? I dont think so. You can like him very much but there will be no passion - love - wet panties. Look I know you just need to relese steam (to whine a little bit) and you are not that bad....its internet, I know. I know how you feel....but you have to kill these feelings, that self-pitty, analyzing, looking ror reasons and who is to blame. Its not really that bad to be a man...less frustrating then being emasculated wussy. Lifetime job but learn to enjoy it, its not that hard. Link to post Share on other sites
CollegeWTF Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 I do it all the time.. It sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. If I was in your situation I would typically try to walk past them, maybe grab for a book where they might be lingering, ask them a question, etc.. If you are shy, it always helps to travel with a wing man.. Meaning.. Go to the bookstore with a friend.. This will give you someone to lean on if your attempts are fruitless or embarrassing.. Link to post Share on other sites
Antheia Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 I actually finding it better to be alone when picking up in public. If I'm with a friend talking, there is almost zero chance that guy will approach me. Just look available, direct eye contact, smile, repeat. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 Ah, c'est la vie I use to think that people had no problems finding other compatible people to date. I'm starting to realize that this is not the case for the majority of people. Getting hit on or having friendly banter with people is easy, but to actually find someone you sincerly click with, and who clicks with you back, is a lot harder and I dont think it comes by as often as I use to believe. I guess it depends on what you truely are looking for. If you are just looking to get laid, then it's a no brainer. Find someone who has really low self esteem. You might not like the qualities that person might possess, but you would get laid. If you are looking for a real committed loving relationship, then you have to wait it out, and try not to get discouraged in the meantime. I think people spend so much time looking for happiness outside of themselves that it becomes a concious chore for them to find a R. I firmly believe it comes along when you feel the most comfortable and happy with yourself. When you are so busy and have a need to look under every rock for someone to "complete" you..... well you won't find it because you are not happy with yourself or spent enough time with self awareness to find that "real relationship" with yourself to start with. * a real relationship with yourself is not chronic masturbation. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 and have a need to look under every rock for someone to "complete" you Thanks for that. It never occurred to me to look under rocks. No wonder I'm having so much trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
Ross_K Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 Picking people up in public areas seems a bit of a strange thing to do if you ask me, then again, maybe it's just different cultures. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted November 1, 2006 Author Share Posted November 1, 2006 I think people spend so much time looking for happiness outside of themselves that it becomes a concious chore for them to find a R. I firmly believe it comes along when you feel the most comfortable and happy with yourself. When you are so busy and have a need to look under every rock for someone to "complete" you..... well you won't find it because you are not happy with yourself or spent enough time with self awareness to find that "real relationship" with yourself to start with. * a real relationship with yourself is not chronic masturbation. I agree with this too. But more with the fact that, you cannot put all your happiness into one thing. Life has taught me that things can disappear on you in a blink of a eye. So if you invest all your happiness into one thing, and it's gone, you're left with nothing. Also, when you do put all your energy into one thing, you tend to over water it, over feed it, and suffocate it, causing more damage than good. Those who are desperate to find a relationship, once they get one, they are so desperate to keep it, they do things in hopes of keeping it, but in the meantime are destroying their chances at happiness. To have a healthy relationship, you need other things going on in your life. Other things that you can bring back into the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted November 1, 2006 Author Share Posted November 1, 2006 Picking people up in public areas seems a bit of a strange thing to do if you ask me, then again, maybe it's just different cultures. There's lots of things you find strange and wouldnt do... but how does stating that contribute anything useful to my thread? Link to post Share on other sites
Ross_K Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 Seems like dgiirl is stalking me, every topic I post in she always seems to turn up. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 I agree with this too. But more with the fact that, you cannot put all your happiness into one thing. Life has taught me that things can disappear on you in a blink of a eye. So if you invest all your happiness into one thing, and it's gone, you're left with nothing. Also, when you do put all your energy into one thing, you tend to over water it, over feed it, and suffocate it, causing more damage than good. Those who are desperate to find a relationship, once they get one, they are so desperate to keep it, they do things in hopes of keeping it, but in the meantime are destroying their chances at happiness. To have a healthy relationship, you need other things going on in your life. Other things that you can bring back into the relationship. Totally agree! And at times you must make a concious effort to bring things into the relationship and not live in fantasy land thinking they just happen like in the movies or in books. And Ross Dgirl started this thread so I would think she would post to it often. :lmao: or was that humor you attempted with that post? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted November 1, 2006 Author Share Posted November 1, 2006 Seems like dgiirl is stalking me, every topic I post in she always seems to turn up. HAHAHHAHAHAHAH OMG! funny how i seem to pop up in the VERY topic i started myself. That was really funny ross... but maybe you should get over yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Ross_K Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 a4a's shown up now. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 Picking people up in public areas seems a bit of a strange thing to do if you ask me, then again, maybe it's just different cultures. Interacting with people in public is not always a quest to find a marriage partner..... some people are just interesting, you learn from them, enjoy a conversation, learn a new POV, you might get laid, you might get married who knows but why not chat with people in safe public areas? Now if you make it a habit to be friendly and outgoing in public chances are you will hit it off with at least one person you meet. Safety first though of course stranger danger stranger danger Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 a4a's shown up now. I was here before you......... honestly can we stay on topic. I am a millisecond from alerting the mods. Really I am. ************************************ D have you tried just making it a habit to say hi to at least 5 people a day? Without looking for an end result? Ross take note maybe it would help you to learn something instead of being an antagonist 24/7? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted November 1, 2006 Author Share Posted November 1, 2006 I'm guessing Ross has us, like 100's of other people, on his ignore list. Atleast I hope that's the reason why he's being completely incoherrent. D have you tried just making it a habit to say hi to at least 5 people a day? Without looking for an end result? I barely SEE 5 ppl a day lol, let alone have a chance to say hi to them. I work from home, so I dont commute back and forth to work. But I do try to be more friendly when I go to the bank/stores. But I think your suggestion is good. I'm not use to saying "hi" to strangers, blame the scotish uptighness in me lol. Usually when someone does say it, i'm a little disoriented for a few seconds and can barely muster the same words back. But I think if I do what you suggest, it will become more natural. Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 For what it's worth, my 2 cents : I met 2 of my more serious relationships in random places. One, I was pushing a huge garbage can in a pushcart at Walmart of all places, I made a joke about it to the guy next to me, turned out we knew lots of the same people, I ended up casting him in a play I was producing and we dated for 2 yrs. Always joking about the "romance" of the setting : Garbage cans and Walmart !!! Another guy, long line in a car wash. Oooh, advice ! If you are in any profession, have business cards made up. Then after a casual conversation you can always hand them a card. It seems SO casual, and half business, but I can't tell you how many times I get an e-mail or phone call out of that little trick !!! Good luck ! Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 I'm guessing Ross has us, like 100's of other people, on his ignore list. Atleast I hope that's the reason why he's being completely incoherrent. I barely SEE 5 ppl a day lol, let alone have a chance to say hi to them. I work from home, so I dont commute back and forth to work. But I do try to be more friendly when I go to the bank/stores. But I think your suggestion is good. I'm not use to saying "hi" to strangers, blame the scotish uptighness in me lol. Usually when someone does say it, i'm a little disoriented for a few seconds and can barely muster the same words back. But I think if I do what you suggest, it will become more natural. I work mainly by myself as well so I know what you are saying. But once you can learn to attempt to connect and let down your wall a bit in public doing so in a wanted social situation is much easier. I am not afraid to talk to anyone as a matter a fact I have to learn to do the opposite so the poor H is not being ignored when we go out. I will chat with the waitress and ask where she is from and how she like it here blah blah blah blah.... In my line of work tho I have had to learn how to ask people about themselves so...... could be why it became natural..... I have to keep people interested in the conversation and figure out a way to present the idea/thought/ message in a way they can relate to as an individual. Perhaps while on the phone you could inject a little more friendliness and humor to get the ball rolling? Put crack a joke to a colleague on the phone 3x per day on your daily to do list? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted November 1, 2006 Author Share Posted November 1, 2006 Thanks melody So it CAN work That's good to know. I guess my problem is having the courage to break out of my comfort zone and actually say something. Next time an opportunity presents itself, i'm going to try. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 I'm guessing Ross has us, like 100's of other people, on his ignore list. Atleast I hope that's the reason why he's being completely incoherrent. yeah...pretty soon he'll only be able to see his own posts Link to post Share on other sites
Ross_K Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 Lol, I've actually thought about most of Loveshack ending up on my ignore list. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted November 1, 2006 Author Share Posted November 1, 2006 Perhaps while on the phone you could inject a little more friendliness and humor to get the ball rolling? Put crack a joke to a colleague on the phone 3x per day on your daily to do list? I work mostly in front of the computer. I guess that's why I'm a lot more "outgoing" online than in person. I'm so comfortable with it. My mom has the gift to gab. She could talk to anyone. I take after my dad, let her do the talking and keep quiet. My main source of social outlet is either by myself roaming the city or doing errands, or hanging out with my friends. I think I'm going to force myself to a photography event this weekend. It's going to be a challenge for my comfortzone, but hopefully i'll have a chance to talk to someone. Link to post Share on other sites
laguy10 Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 Interacting with people in public is not always a quest to find a marriage partner..... some people are just interesting, you learn from them, enjoy a conversation, learn a new POV, you might get laid, you might get married who knows but why not chat with people in safe public areas? Now if you make it a habit to be friendly and outgoing in public chances are you will hit it off with at least one person you meet. Safety first though of course stranger danger stranger danger I agree, this is very similar to the kind of conversation I had with my broskie the other night. Something I keep telling myself, whenever I'm out now, is "friends only, friends only, friends only" - cause I think I have way too much motivation to try to find a relationship, as it has been a while for me. So, anyway, so I don't get yelled at for posting something not relevant to the thread , I'd say that if you go out with the intent of making friends, instead of trying to get a date, you will probably do much better. By the way dgiirl, I liked the pic, you should have kept it up....doesn't need to be halloween in order to be a catwoman Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted November 1, 2006 Author Share Posted November 1, 2006 I agree, this is very similar to the kind of conversation I had with my broskie the other night. Something I keep telling myself, whenever I'm out now, is "friends only, friends only, friends only" - cause I think I have way too much motivation to try to find a relationship, as it has been a while for me. So, anyway, so I don't get yelled at for posting something not relevant to the thread , I'd say that if you go out with the intent of making friends, instead of trying to get a date, you will probably do much better. lol i dont normally yell at anyone for hijacking my post. But Ross has issues and he hates me, and then complains that I post in my own thread I'm definitely not doing any of this in hopes of getting a date. Well, I kinda am, but my main purpose for doing this is just to learn how to do it. To become more comfortable with myself and challenge myself. By the way dgiirl, I liked the pic, you should have kept it up....doesn't need to be halloween in order to be a catwoman lol but I fear big brother Link to post Share on other sites
laguy10 Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 lol but I fear big brother Well, you wanted to meet people.... Link to post Share on other sites
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