Something smell funny

[Guessing]

I dont know if this is the best place to post this new thread, but it does fall under second chances. My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 yrs, im 20 shes 18, a year and 9 months difference. The age gap has not been much of a problem in our relationship. Like most relationships it starts out wonderful, everything is almost perfect. Our first year in our relationship was great, we spent a-lot of time with eachtoher, talked on the phone for hours, and saw eachother everyday. My g/f has a-lot of problems because of her parents, it mostly has to do with her step-father, he gets in the way of a-lot of things.

 

I just want to give you a little background on her past so you can better understand where im coming from. Her step-father is an idiot, hes with his wife and he puts her down and treats her like crap (I think he sees her as a friend). He loves making my g/f(his step-daughter) life a living hell, she is not happy at all being in his house, he abuses his wife and daughter mentally. He loves playing mind games, and is always putting everyone down. He hates whenever his daughter is happy, he is so unhappy with his life he thrives off of making everyone else unhappy. The mom is ok but follows along with the husband, I guess she feels like shes in the middle, she can sometimes be a U know what. Now back to us, everything was so wonderful in the beginning, our first year was great period. A little after the first yr. of our relationship she came out and told me that it felt like "something was missing," at the time I didn't feel that way, I blew it off and didn't think anything of it. She told me this when she was in-love with me and everything was going good. Her parents have so much control over her its not even funny, she tends to go with what they say to make the happy even though they are never happy.

 

Our second year together things were pretty good, but then I started to hang out with my friends a-lot and I would often dis her just to hang out with my friends. I had a smoking problem, and I would lie about where I was so she wouldn't get upset, I also promised her I would give up smoking to better our relationship, I did a couple of times for a short amount of time then I would go back. Early on I broke her trust, which is a very hard thing to get back. It was never about anything serious, it was always about the smoking and being out all the time. Towards the end of our second year, things went a little downhill and she left me for 3 months. I told her I was going to change my ways and she took me back crying, saying she was willing to give it another shot. So everything seemed to be going good for a while then I started my crap again. So just when everything was going good, everything started up again, smoking all the time, going out every day, always partying.

 

I would be out having fun while she was at home crying, I would also ignore her phone calls. Now during the 3rd year things were ruff , but we still spent a-lot of time together and enjoyed each others company. towards the end of this third year I started to act like an idiot, I would pick fights with her just for the hell of it, I was always in a upset mood. My uncle had passed away towards the end of this third year, so did one of her close friends. We should have been there for each other when we both fell into depression, we both started to feel distant with each other and I could feel her pulling away from me. It was a-lot of the little things I noticed; every time I would see her she would have this huge smile on her face, when we held hands I could feel her love because of how tight she held my hand. So 4 months back she broke up with me saying she wasn't in love with me anymore, and she didn't know when she fell out of love with me (she was deeply in-love with me), so im guessing it happened over a period of time.

 

She wanted to be friends and that she wanted to be with me but couldn't. So I was crushed and hurt, she told me she said a-lot of things that she didn't mean. She told me she felt like an idiot for taking me back because I didn't stick to my word. She said she didn't know if she was making the right decision about breaking up with me; she was really confused and lost. I would ask her about her feelings and she would tell me part of her wants to be with me and the other part of her doesn't. The don't part because she didn't want to get hurt and she wanted to be "free." SO... after all this drama, for the most part being my fault for acting like a kid, I want things to work out. This issue with the "somethings missing," came up again about a week ago; I think whats missing is us being able to be happy to the fullest with her step-dad always getting in the way of things. IDK if thats really it but thats what I think it is. She also mentioned that when we are together everything is good, but when shes not with me or around me she said she feels like why is she doing this, maybe she feels that way because she has mentioned to me that when we are together everything is great and then when she leaves and goes back to her house all the drama from her parents eats at her. That scares me and makes me think WHY am I in this relationship if she feels that way.

 

She brought up the whole thing about her being in-love with me and that she always use to get butterflies. It kinda feels like part of her still wants to be with me and the other part of her is lost and in her own world. It doesn't make any sense, shes not in-love with me, but she tells me shes starting to fall for me again; she tells me that she wants to marry me, have kids, have a life with me, and that she can't live without me. If she feels that way why would she feel like somethings missing, and why would she feel like when im not around things don't feel right??!??! She has always been honest with me, so I don't think she would play me or be with me just to be in a relationship, but you never know. Since the break-up things have got a-lot better, we hardly argue, and we still get along great. She tells me that she loves me more then she has ever loved me and shes falling for me.

 

She makes every effort to come and spend time with me when she can. I know actions speak louder then words, her actions are positive, but sometimes I wonder if she really knows what she wants. My question is, is this second chance really worth it, everything seems to be going good but her having doubts about us is not good. What are the chances things will go back to the way they were, and is she really falling for me, would it be the same type of love? IDK im kinda confused also. I'm sorry for kinda jumping back in forth in my story but I tried to put it together as best as I could. I hope people will reply, I need all the input I can get. Thankyou

[Guessing]

would appreciate any replys to my posting PLEASE!