Ed Posted April 7, 2002 Share Posted April 7, 2002 Back in mid January I went out with a girl I met online. She was 34, and really nice and sweet, and we had a couple of dates. She is the kind of girl who lets the guy do all of the pursuing (she told me this) meaning it is the guy that has to ask her out (old fashioned I guess). After the second date she did send me an e-mail thanking me for a good time, which was probably a stretch for her since she's very non aggressive. Anyway, I had several different women I was talking with around this time, and long story short, I ended up not getting back to her after the second date (no phone or e-mail). Well, the others didn't work out and I realize now that the this girl was really nice and I wish I'd stayed in touch with her. So...it's been almost 3 months since I even talked to her. I'd like to see her again! Some of my friends say if I call her this late in the game, she'll think that I am just calling her as a back up, and she'd be insulted. My roommate disagrees, and says I should just tell her that after a few weeks had passed I felt awkward about calling her, then a few weeks became several months and I felt even more awkward, but that I finally realized I should just suck it up and call her even as late as it is. What do you think...she lives way out in a remote area, not many guys around, so I doubt she's seeing anybody seriously yet. And I think she liked me. Have I screwed up royally by letting 3 months go by? What would be a respectable thing to say to get back in contact with her? Our circles do not cross at all, so I would have to call her on the phone, it couldn't be an accidental meeting. I am thinking about calling her Sunday afternoon, just to say hi and tell her I was thinking about her and wondering how she was doing. How can I get things going again though, with as little awkwardness as possible? Any advice would be appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 7, 2002 Share Posted April 7, 2002 Yes, this one will be awkward for you I promise. Unless this girl is extremely rational and sane and solely without expectations, she will reject your new approach. On the positive side, if she's smart enough to realize you're a player and she was on third string for the past few months and has moved up, she may be happy about that. There's nothing that warms a lady more than being final choice. I just don't see you having a chance with this gal but the worst thing she can do is hang up on you. That won't hurt, it won't get you in the hospital, it won't bar you from heaven, it won't lose you a meal, it won't get you fired, it won't get your car repossessed...so what have you got to lose? Call her and let us know what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ed Posted April 7, 2002 Author Share Posted April 7, 2002 I don't think she would hang up on me--she's a pretty decent lady. She might of course give me the cold shoulder or not be very talkative though. I don't think I would characterize myself as a "player." We didn't have an exclusive arrangement (just 2 dates), and when I'm in a relationship I am completely faithful. The bottom line was that while I was dating other people, the bigger reason for the lapse was that a few weeks went by and I felt awkward about calling her, then a few more weeks went by, and so on...before you know, 3 months. I was going to leave it at that but 1.) I really did like her and 2.) my roommate is pushing me to forget the logic and just call her. Also, she lives WAY out in the boonies (I myself live in the boonies and she lives 40 miles further out) and as my roommate pointed out, the eligible bachelor supply is slim pickings where she is, and I'm a pretty decent guy. She's also a fairly level headed school teacher. So I'm hoping that my straight forward explanation will get me another shot. I think I'll call when she is apt to NOT be home and leave a message on her machine. That way she won't be put on the spot and can think about how to respond as opposed to being caught off guard. Then if I hear nothing I'll call her in a few days and subject myself to additional trauma. It would be good to also hear a woman's opinion about this...how would you feel getting a call after a few months like this?? What could a guy do/say to get things going again? Yes, this one will be awkward for you I promise. Unless this girl is extremely rational and sane and solely without expectations, she will reject your new approach. On the positive side, if she's smart enough to realize you're a player and she was on third string for the past few months and has moved up, she may be happy about that. There's nothing that warms a lady more than being final choice. I just don't see you having a chance with this gal but the worst thing she can do is hang up on you. That won't hurt, it won't get you in the hospital, it won't bar you from heaven, it won't lose you a meal, it won't get you fired, it won't get your car repossessed...so what have you got to lose? Call her and let us know what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted April 7, 2002 Share Posted April 7, 2002 My thought is that if you *really* liked her after two dates, you wouldn't have let weeks and months pass before contacting her. If you *really* liked her to begin with, you would have been sure to get in contact with her to immediately to see her again. I don't care how many other women you were dating, I doubt you would've let this much time lapse. Is that really the reason you didn't call her, or are pickings just slim for you now and you'd like a nice lady to take out? Don't jump to conclusions that she's not dating someone. Even if she does live in the boonies, if a guy really likes a girl, he's more than willing to head out to the boonies to spend time with her. I'd say you really have nothing to lose by calling her. Personally, I'd be a little suspicious about the situation, but again, if she doesn't want to talk to you/go out with you, you aren't any worse off than you were before. I think you need to set forth the image that you really want to get in touch with her, so calling when you're pretty sure she won't be there would not look good. (A guy did this to one of my friends recently, called her during the middle of the work day and left a message, and she took it as a red flag.) If she isn't there, definitely leave a message, but DO NOT ask her to call you. Tell her you will try again later. Keep trying until you reach her. If she's a girl who likes to be pursued, chances are she will not call you back even if you ask, and she will respond to this. And if she does decide to go out with you, do not pull this stunt again. Let us know what happens... I don't think she would hang up on me--she's a pretty decent lady. She might of course give me the cold shoulder or not be very talkative though. I don't think I would characterize myself as a "player." We didn't have an exclusive arrangement (just 2 dates), and when I'm in a relationship I am completely faithful. The bottom line was that while I was dating other people, the bigger reason for the lapse was that a few weeks went by and I felt awkward about calling her, then a few more weeks went by, and so on...before you know, 3 months. I was going to leave it at that but 1.) I really did like her and 2.) my roommate is pushing me to forget the logic and just call her. Also, she lives WAY out in the boonies (I myself live in the boonies and she lives 40 miles further out) and as my roommate pointed out, the eligible bachelor supply is slim pickings where she is, and I'm a pretty decent guy. She's also a fairly level headed school teacher. So I'm hoping that my straight forward explanation will get me another shot. I think I'll call when she is apt to NOT be home and leave a message on her machine. That way she won't be put on the spot and can think about how to respond as opposed to being caught off guard. Then if I hear nothing I'll call her in a few days and subject myself to additional trauma. It would be good to also hear a woman's opinion about this...how would you feel getting a call after a few months like this?? What could a guy do/say to get things going again? Link to post Share on other sites
velvet Posted April 7, 2002 Share Posted April 7, 2002 Im a girl that likes to be persued. I think you should be more creative than just a phone call. It is a step in the direction, but this girl wont think anymore of you than she already has. She could think your a player and feel disgusted that you would call. She would be under the wrong impression. I dont know exactly what to tell you to do. But when you call her, tell her you have been thinking about her for a long time and mention that you are nervous to call because its been a while since you have talked. Also say somthing along the lines of lunch or dinner and tell her you will try to get in contact with her later, if she isnt home to get your call. If she agrees to meet with you again, have some flowers ready for her and take her out somewhere really special. Good Luck My thought is that if you *really* liked her after two dates, you wouldn't have let weeks and months pass before contacting her. If you *really* liked her to begin with, you would have been sure to get in contact with her to immediately to see her again. I don't care how many other women you were dating, I doubt you would've let this much time lapse. Is that really the reason you didn't call her, or are pickings just slim for you now and you'd like a nice lady to take out? Don't jump to conclusions that she's not dating someone. Even if she does live in the boonies, if a guy really likes a girl, he's more than willing to head out to the boonies to spend time with her. I'd say you really have nothing to lose by calling her. Personally, I'd be a little suspicious about the situation, but again, if she doesn't want to talk to you/go out with you, you aren't any worse off than you were before. I think you need to set forth the image that you really want to get in touch with her, so calling when you're pretty sure she won't be there would not look good. (A guy did this to one of my friends recently, called her during the middle of the work day and left a message, and she took it as a red flag.) If she isn't there, definitely leave a message, but DO NOT ask her to call you. Tell her you will try again later. Keep trying until you reach her. If she's a girl who likes to be pursued, chances are she will not call you back even if you ask, and she will respond to this. And if she does decide to go out with you, do not pull this stunt again. Let us know what happens... Link to post Share on other sites
MercyRose Posted April 8, 2002 Share Posted April 8, 2002 If it were me I'd hang up the phone on you )) Sorryyyy Link to post Share on other sites
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