give your advise. thankyou.

[cultivator]

Hello.

 

I ended my relationship with my girlfriend of 2 years back at the end of january.

 

because I wasnt mature enough & was also confused. I knew that I loved her with all my heart and that we have so much in common. I knew I wanted her in my life.

 

We were friends for another month or 2 after, & I was actualy trying to get back with her in this time.

 

In april she started seeing a new guy.

 

I flipped out. reacted badly. And she said she didnt want anything to do with me. She did want me to be happy and to get on with my life.

It was difficult at first for months.

 

I went through contacting her, to leaving it for a while.

it got really bad at one point.

 

But in the last month or 2 (its been 7 months now) ive been meeting new people & having fun.

 

I really have grown up a lot & realised my mistakes for real. & am becomming a much stronger man.

 

I did bump into her sister a few week ago. She thought we should be able to be friends in the future & that I should back off for now.

 

So after about 1 and a half months of no contact I texted her yesterday just to see if we could be civil again & on good terms.

she is a super person & I really want to be able to talk to eachother again.

 

Well.. her boyfriend rung me & was very aggressive. He did not scare me & I was happy that I was calmer & not really too bothered by his threats.

 

after he rang.. some minutes later.. she rang.

Just to say nothing had changed & she didnt want to be my friend.

We did talk a little while, even though I could hear him telling her to put the phone down. (though she was still stern with me.. i was more chilled than in the past)

 

so... I rang her directly today. & though it was difficult I did manage to get her attitude to lighten up a little & we did have an ok talk during the conversation for a while.

she said she still didnt want me in her life or to be contacted, but if we bumped into eachother in person ever.. we could say hello & be civil.

I did let it down at the end of conversation, tho.. but had been doing much better than before.

 

I really value her company, friendship & wonderfull personality when shes not angry with me. it was nice to speak to her.

 

I know she is attracted a great deal to this guy.

though attraction was never an issue with us.

 

he seems to be fulfilling her life better than i could before.

though i know we are really well suited in all ways.

 

I really would like her to see what "has" changed in me.

I know im turning into a man now.

 

I know we could have such a worthwhile friendship.

& i am meeting new people.

 

Is there some way I can win her friendship back & smooth things over without aggrivating the situation?

 

This guy is a problem, but not one that really bothers me.

She is the one who this is about.

 

I truly belive her friendship is worth working for.

If i can prove ive changed & if she can forgive me for over reacting earlier on in this.

then again. i thought her boyfriend was reacting very badly & that proves any man can over react when angry or upset.

 

well....

I miss her a lot.

 

so what do you think?

I should just try to keep growing & only try to talk to her every month or so.. & see if i can turn the conversation for the better as i improve?

 

or just wait until we do bump into eachother in the future & see how that goes?

 

I am about to start dating someone else. But now i see how important friendship is. & also having a life apart from your partner too.

 

Can i be forgiven? will it take years?

 

thankyou

cultivator

[Ssheena]

How many times does she have to tell you to leave her alone and she doesn't want you to contact her before you get it? Reading your post I see 3 (!!) times she has told you that. It doesn't matter that you want her to see you have changed..she isn't interested. Boom, schluss, aus - done, over, finite.

Can you be forgiven? Probably but not if you don't stop bugging her and get a life.

[Onwards]

You broke up with her but then flipped out when she moved on quicker than you. Same old story - your feelings of wanting her back are more related to jealousy/wanting what you can't have rather than about the relationship you once had.

 

I agree with the last poster - she has made it clear she doesn't want you in her life. She respected your decision to end the relationship, now extend her the courtesy of respecting her decision to cut ties.

[cultivator]

well.

 

to say this is a second chance forum:Second Chances Called it off but doubting the decision now? Someone wants you back? Let us know about it!

 

Im dissapointed with the replies.

I dont think ive described the whole situation correctly, or else you havent fully read my post clearly.

 

Everyone can feel angry, upset or let down, but love is about being open, forgiveness & reconciliation.

 

This person is very special to me. & i want to repair the damage.

 

I am not the same person i was back then.

If someone can change & grow for the better & really mean it, i think they deserve a 2nd chance, if they are sincere of heart and of good intentions.

 

imho.

[simon_uk]

If someone can change & grow for the better & really mean it, i think they deserve a 2nd chance, if they are sincere of heart and of good intentions.

 

imho.

 

You may well be right with this comment.

 

However here is the most important thing you need to understand.

 

Whether you deserve a second chance or not doesnt really matter unless she is prepared to give you that chance. Clearly she is not!

 

There is NOTHING you can do to change that I am sorry to say.

[Ssheena]

Exactly:

1) And she said she didnt want anything to do with me

2) I should back off for now.

3) nothing had changed & she didnt want to be my friend

4) she said she still didnt want me in her life or to be contacted,

 

You may want a second chance but she is NOT INTERESTED. Push her more and she could call the police on you.

Sorry, but it really doesn't matter what "you" want. I'd say she has made it 110% clear she wants you to leave her alone.

[dr strangelove]

Tale of 2 cities

 

One time I had this girlfriend and we broke up. I assumed I could get back with her and then she decided she wanted nothing to do with it and well I thought gee maybe all the times I said no way and she kept pushing me worked well on me..

 

Well hey it should work on her as well.. uh no dice.

 

Then my last gf. She broke up with me and said never contact me again ever blah blah blah etc...

 

And so ok no problem. And for the last few years she has contacted me on her own intermitently.

 

So it like depends on the person.

 

She doesnt want anything to with you and has asked you more then a few times, the next time or the next time after that coudl result in

 

a) restraining order

b) boyfriend attacking you

 

Im sorry this isnt what you wanted to hear but, there is no magical way to win someone back.

 

Perhaps though in the future if things change with her you might hear from her.

 

You have to understand women generally dont like it when you flip out, I mean its going to happen. As some women push and push and push.

In the future might you find someone that doesnt push your buttons like that.

 

Im sorry dude im just telling it from the point of view of a guy who has

"wigged out" his fair share.

[cultivator]

thanks,

 

as i said. i had left it for some time.

 

I was checking if she had come round a bit.

 

i agree to most of what you say.

 

in a way im dissapointed i just hadnt grown into a fully mature man in time.

 

her new guy is certainly doing it for her.

 

But i do think it goes to show that he has demonstrated some immaturity or bad behaviour himself.

 

her & me have much more history & time together than her.

& in a way i feel he is responsible for tipping her towards pushing me away.

 

if i was an emotionaly strong & secure man, i would not feel threats from sincere people who have a genuine bond of friendship with my lady.

I would want everyone to be friends. do my best to be the best partner i could, and let my woman make her own decisions without getting too involved.

She can speak for herself.

 

I have been doing well away from her.

it was just a spur of the moment thing to have another check.

 

I do feel that women are rather more emotional at times, rather than rational though. & they say have to be looked at like the weather...

stormy at times, sunny at others.

 

It was nice of her to say that we could be civil & say hello if we do ever bump into eachother.

I do agree that i really was lucky for her to say that.

 

I know all i can do is carry on bettering myself, growing up & maturing.

mabe my dream will come true & if we do see eachother again, i really will have transformed into a strong great & charming man.

 

please wish me luck.

 

thankyou

cultivator.

[Ssheena]

Very, very much so and I hope in the future you can be friends with her again if that is what you both want.

[cultivator]

Thankyou Ssheena

[classicgirl4]

I am the opposite situation as you. I had a boyfriend of two years and decided it was not the right place for me, and broke it off. It ended very badly for many reasons, but I still care about it as a person that I shared a large part of my life with, and would love to be in contact with again. But he is still too angry with me. It has been about 9 or 10 months, and not much has changed, and a few months ago I tried getting back in touch with him, explaining that I still care. But to a person that has been hurt or angered, all you can do is explain that you care and hope that one day they may come around. The time is always different and can be very long, and sometimes it is never. But it is really up to her, and as much as it hurts to loose a friend, you have to be patient.