Depressed boyfriend!

[Venus]

Hi...I need some advice on how to handle my boyfriend. We've been dating exclusively for almost four months and things were great at the start. We even lived together for six weeks while his parents were on vacation. Everything was so wonderful when they were gone. We got along great and I felt like maybe he was "the one". But he still hasn't told me he loves me and it feels like he can't love me because he's so depressed. He is such a wonderful, polite, well manered and educated man with a huge heart...but...

 

The problem is that he has made some bad choices in his past, and has fallen on his face financially. He went back to school and got his third diploma, but found out it was useless for the job he wants to do. His parents are very negative people since they lost millions and are now broke. Then his brother went missing a few years ago and still hasn't been found. So, the family has been wrung through the meat grinder, basically. But negativity and unhappiness is just a way of life for him now, since his parents have returned. It's like he's never happy with anything...ever. And everything is always about money, or the lack of. I'm trying to be supportive because I know how hard life can be sometimes when you have no money, but it's so hard to be around him. It's like he's sucking the life right out of me.

 

He just absorbs everything negative around him like a sponge. His parents are both retired now and have nothing to do. I can't even stand to stay with him anymore because they bicker all the time and drive me crazy! This is very difficult since he lives 3 hours away from me. I can't help but hope that things will be better for thim when he gets a job. But then I think...it still won't be good enough for his standards. I also have told him he needs to get out of that house because it's not a healthy environment. But he tells me he will never abandon his parents. He feels he has the duty to support them when he starts working because he'll be the only breadwinner. His dad is a complete a**h*** to me, also. Frankly I think he's just a cranky old fart, so I don't really take it too personal.

 

I am a survivor of a very troubled childhood myself, and I have finally found inner peace after living in extreme pain for 25 years. But I feel like my happiness is fading because of this nonsense. All I want out of life is some peace and happiness. Is that selfish of me to contemplate leaving this situation when things are in this state? He used to look at me and just smile and say "you make me so happy". I could feel his affections. But now I feel like I'm only getting the worst of him while he puts on a happy front to the rest of the world. Instead now he tells me "you're always mad at me". What should I do? Better yet, can I do anything at all?

[Tony T]

When somebody's happiness plug is pulled, there is absolutely nothing you can do at all. It seems you have personally done an excellent job of pulling yourself up and back into life after a lot of heartbreak and pain. He'll have to do that for himself.

 

Life happens the way it's going to. We only live ONE time. If a person decides they're just going to feel bad through the entire episode, the best thing you can do is get away from them lest they bring you down as well.

 

If this continues for long, do yourself a major favor and find yourself someone who is more positive and who can exchange positive and warm energy with you. Life is way too short to take on other people's crap.

[velvet]

He doesnt want to leave the nest and abondon his folks. Which will only make things harder on his life. Maybe try to back off for a while, and see if he cant realize that he needs to put an effort into his life and your r/s with him, to be happy.

 

Otherwise, he sounds like a bum. You have already pulled yourself from that dark hole once, you dont want to go through it again.

 

The only answer for him is for him to talk to his doctor.

When somebody's happiness plug is pulled, there is absolutely nothing you can do at all. It seems you have personally done an excellent job of pulling yourself up and back into life after a lot of heartbreak and pain. He'll have to do that for himself. Life happens the way it's going to. We only live ONE time. If a person decides they're just going to feel bad through the entire episode, the best thing you can do is get away from them lest they bring you down as well. If this continues for long, do yourself a major favor and find yourself someone who is more positive and who can exchange positive and warm energy with you. Life is way too short to take on other people's crap.