Is my wife in love with another man?

[Rooster_DAR]

I agree too, you are no loser. She is the loser, and you are the one with the right stuff to make a mature relationship.

 

Cheers!

[PCB]

No, I am not a looser.

 

I have always believed that when you really love someone, no matter what happens love in some shape or form will still exist in your heart forever.

 

Rivcom2002,

 

I'm sorry that I called you a looser. I overreacted. It simply breaks my heart to see you in this position. You seem lika a great guy and you let your wife treat you bad, and still you write that you love her.

 

I was in the position where you are now. I discovered that my wife was cheating on me with several men. I moved out, but still I had the feeling that I miss her, that I love her, or something. I was so attached to her, that I coudn't think of living without her.

 

She, on the other hand, was mad at me that I talked with one of her lovers (because I ruined her chances for a brighter future). She isn't sorry for what she has done. And I had this doubt, that maybe we can fix things, that love (on my part only) should overcome every difficulty. I even cried a couple of times after her, even though I knew what a mean person she really was. Maybe it's that love cures everythin, but only when both parties want it.

 

You tried your best in the marriage, you are a good guy. But don't let her use you. She doesn't love you, she loves the comfort and security that you provide. Find yourself a better woman and use your love/energy/efforts for someone who deserves it.

 

And, again, I'm sorry that I was so nasty. I simply looked back at me a few months ago, and I realized I was a looser. Luckily, my nightmare is nearly over, and I'm a happier guy.

[PCB]

What PCB posted is prolly his/her way of showing exasperation or disbelief that you choose to take the high road even as your wife behaves this way with you. So, take comments like that with a big grain of salt, okay?

 

Quankanne, you are right: I was just shocked and tired that he loves her after all the crap she gave him.

[PCB]

Rivcom2002,

 

Maybe you don't realize it yet, but a battle is ahead of you. She wants to leave you and you have no way of stopping her. In some time you will be divorced: face it finally. Now it's time to plan for a battle.

 

Check list:

 

1. Gather as much evidence as you can. Talk with your wife and record the conversations. Send her emails explaining how you feel and ask her questions. Let her write you back with details. Contact the punk in jail. Maybe he wants to talk. Let him talk, record everything.

 

2. Visit a lawyer. You need to realize how much you can lose if you are unprepared.

 

3. Don't let her provoke you in any way. Be the angel you are. Don't hit her, don't humiliate her.

 

4. If you can move out, do it now.

 

5. Secure your fair share of the money and things you have.

 

6. Does she have a loptop/computer? Take it. You'll see how much evidence there are...

 

7. Cell phone? Read the SMS messages, and record them.

 

 

Good luck! There is a lot of work ahead of you.

[rivcom2002]

PCB,

I really appreciate that you stated in more detail, why you said what you said. No problem.

As you know I got so much to deal with and I just need to simply start. I am still living at home with her. The first thing I am doing this weekend is moving upstairs to the spare bedroom, that is until I find a place of my own. I have two beagles that are my babies, so I need to find a home with room for them to run and enjoy themselves.

My wife has also stated that she did not like me sleeping in bed with one of them, the kept her up or something. At least now I can enjoy my dogs more.

On another note my wife told me this morning how her and a friend went out lastnight and some guy was trying like hell to pick her up. I stated that is one reason why not wearing your wedding ring can give off the wrong message. The divorce has not even started yet, no ring still tells me she is feeling quite free. This person also knew we were married?? Maybe she is trying to make me jealous who knows at this point.

She also wanted to give me a hug and asked me if that would be ok, I agreed. It is just extremely hard at this point in time for something as simple as a hug to make me want to break down on the spot. I stayed strong though. Thanks to all the advice I have been given on this site.

[crazy_grl]

I have a non-rhetorical question here. Why should you be the one to have to find a new place and move out? She cheated and she asked for the divorce. I don’t care what gender they are, IMO the cheater should be the one to have to go to the trouble of moving.

 

Do you not want to live there? Are you doing it just to make things easier? Is it because you see it as the gentlemanly thing to do? I don’t get it.

[rivcom2002]

Everything you have said and stated has made perfect sense.

I am trying to handle the living arrangement this way due to the fact she has 5 dogs and 3 cats. She would have a much more difficult time finding a new home with all those pets.

 

My father in law spent a great deal of time trying to make a nice kennel for our dogs. I will always have a great deal of respect for him.

He also has told me no matter what was ever to happen in the future with his daughter, divorce, death he would always be there. I sincerly believe that. If he knew right now what was all going on with his daughter and her behavior, it would crush him in regards to all the hard work him and his best friend put into the kennel as well as her actions.

I would be looking at this differently for the record if the animals were not in the picture.

She would have probably been out of the house already.

[crazy_grl]

Ok. I get it. Thanks for explaining.

[rivcom2002]

I have thought about all the great advice and comments I have received this week. It has been a great being on this site! I don't feel quite as alone, or as confused as I was on Monday.

My wife seems to being going her own direction more and more. She also appears to be happier. Maybe things really do happen for a reason.

It also is very apparent she is in love with the "Jail Bird" or maybe even others interest her, who knows. All I know is I am going to get the ball rolling Monday on the divorce and move on with my life. This weekend should prove to be interesting with my birthday on Saturday and the party she insisted on giving me latter in the evening. I said to her a couple of days ago, it must also be a going away party for me as well. Didn't really get a comment out of that statement. Once again thanks to everyone that posted comments on the site!

[jmargel]

Don't feel like you have to attend this party. Why is she really giving it? For you or just to show others a fake side of her?

 

IMO the only way a relationship starts to heal from something like this is 'Tough love'. I was kinda in the same boat. After my wedding she started doing things behind my back with her ex. As far as I know not anything physical but calling him, saw him a couple of times, etc.. I tried everything from being nice to being nasty, nothing worked. Not until a psychologist told me about the tough love and reading the book with the same title.

 

It wasn't until I told her I wanted her to leave and we were done that she woke up. She had to step out of her fantasy world and face reality on what she's done. I held back from being the one to say 'I love you' first and stopped all the attempts in trying to get her back. If she was going to act immature and not take my feelings into consideration then she was going to face the consequences.

 

Don't lose your confidence, stand up for yourself. If you roll over & piddle she'll just keep treating you like a dog. Make her come to you, make her realize what she is doing.

 

Also realize what you were doing in this marriage to not give it the attention it deserved. Granted you may have not cheated on her but I am sure she thinks there is/were things lacking. When you get to a point to effectively communicate with her, ask her. Whatever reason she gives you even if you think it's wrong just say 'I understand'. Those two words are SO important in dealing with situations such as this. As long as she feels her feelings are being understood you will get so much further with her than just fighting. You'll have to bite your tongue but it will be worth it.. Trust me.

 

And.. Happy Birthday.