nextel Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. We have our ups and downs, but most really good ups. He sends me roses, brings flowers to my house, always suggests a new hairstyle all the good things. He lets me know that he loves me. I too, do some special things for him because I appreciate him and love him. We made a decision not to have sex until marriage because we want to make sure we want to spend the rest of our lives together. We are both spiritual. For the record, I am 32 and he is 36. On Friday, he called me at work and talk to me for a minute, then he says, I love you. I told him I loved him back. Said we would meet up later. Spent Friday night together and he gave a movie that he really wanted me to watch. Saturday, I watched the movie and took it back to him and we spent the remainder of the evening together. Had dinner, watched a move, and had dessert. No arguement. Then he told me that his female friend was coming to town. I know about her because he told me that she likes him but she knows that he is with someone and that they are just friends with nothing more. He has also told me some personal things about her, and he said that he is only helping her. I asked him why she was coming to town and he said that it was not him she coming to see, but another older mutual respectable friend of ours. I left it alone and did not say anything. He assured me that there was nothing with her. We ended up watching a movie and laughed and enjoyed each other. We both fell asleep on the sofa and he woke up at midnight as it was time for him to go home. He put his head on my chest and I embraced him. Then he got ready and knelt by the sofa and buried his head in the sofa. He then told me to lock the door, but as he was leaving, it was obvious something was bothering him. He was about to leave without giving a hug and a kiss, something we always do, so I pulled him towards me and made him smile. I asked if he was ok, and he said yes, and that he would call as soon as he got home (nothing unsual). He called when he got home and we said our goodnight and he said he would call me in the morning (like he always does). Sunday, no phone call. So I tried to call him, but it seemed he was avoiding my calls. When I did talk to him, he was at his office and he said he would call me back and he was very distant. Afternoon, no phone call. Evening, no phone call, so on my way from running some errands, I stopped by his office and he was there working. He opened the door and he asked me how I knew he would be there. I told him that I had called the house and no response so i figured he would be at the office. Anyway, he was still distant so I asked him what was wrong. He said "nothing". I told him that I did not understand how one minute we were having a good time and the next minute he is being so distant. He said nothing was wrong, but he was still being distant. He was nice to everyone else that either called or stopped by to see him. Towards me, he was cold, distant and mean. He told me that he would call me later. I asked if he was coming over and he said, maybe. But he promised to call me later. Needless to say, no phone call. I dont know what to make of all this. I just don't understand what is happening to him. Maybe a guy on here can help me understand what is happening. What should I do? I have asked him what the problem is and he says nothing yet he is being so distant. Thanks for the help. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 I have a question...this female friend of his that came into town, were they ever sexually involved? That's kind of where my head is going with this, sorry to say. Or, could it be that you forgot to do something or ask about something that he thought was important? That could be the other thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nextel Posted October 23, 2006 Author Share Posted October 23, 2006 No he has never had sex with her. I know this for a fact. He met her around the same time that he met me. At first there might have been interest on both ends, but his interest quickly left and she still likes him. The other part is that he mentioned one time in conversation that we could make things easier by him having a key to my home. I agreed, but I have never given him one. We talked about the key in June and then it came up briefly last week. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 Then that's it...the key. Which is why he mentioned he was leaving and for you to lock up. Have a key made for him and get it to him ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nextel Posted October 23, 2006 Author Share Posted October 23, 2006 that it is wise for me to give him a key. I trust him and I know he would never steal from me. Giving up a key to my apartment is so intimate, and I know we have been together for a year. If you were me, would you do it? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 If you were me, would you do it? Didn't you two already discuss it and you agree to give him one? If so, he's expecting one so if you've changed your mind, you need to speak to him about it. And to answer your question, NO, I wouldn't give my BF a key unless I was going away and needed my plants watered or something. But I wouldn't just want him to think he can come and go anytime he feels the need to...but it's different with you two...you're getting married. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nextel Posted October 23, 2006 Author Share Posted October 23, 2006 Yes, we have talked about marriage, but we have no date yet. You made a very valid statement. I guess sometimes, giving up your personal space can be hard. Giving up the key is like having sex, both are extremely intimate. I will give him a call and tell him that I have a spare key for him. When he comes over, we will have to discuss the terms of the key. Link to post Share on other sites
moman Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 Let us know the outcome. I think it's something other than the key. I don't know why - it just seems that a key is a silly reason to be upset. I would tell my girl to lock up when I leave too because I care about her, not because I'm upset that I don't have a key so I can't lock the door. I wouldn't lock it anyways. He's got someone else on the mind is my guess. Probably that girl who is coming to see him. The question is, are you both virgins and if not why wait for sex? I can see that bothering a guy especially if a cute girl he knows is interested in him is coming to town. Might be an opportunity for him to knock one out. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 don't know why - it just seems that a key is a silly reason to be upset. If he's planning on being unfaithful, he could be looking for any reason to justify his cheating in his mind. He could be using it as an excuse to feel he isn't treated proper here either... He's got someone else on the mind is my guess. If this is true, there's nothing you can do about it. But if you give him a key, then that'll take his excuse away. And you can always change the locks if things don't work out. I've done it before. It's not as hard to do as you might think it is. Link to post Share on other sites
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