give me the truth, I need

[nextel]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. We have our ups and downs, but most really good ups. He sends me roses, brings flowers to my house, always suggests a new hairstyle all the good things. He lets me know that he loves me. I too, do some special things for him because I appreciate him and love him. We made a decision not to have sex until marriage because we want to make sure we want to spend the rest of our lives together. We are both spiritual. For the record, I am 32 and he is 36.

 

On Friday, he called me at work and talk to me for a minute, then he says, I love you. I told him I loved him back. Said we would meet up later.

 

Spent Friday night together and he gave a movie that he really wanted me to watch. Saturday, I watched the movie and took it back to him and we spent the remainder of the evening together. Had dinner, watched a move, and had dessert. No arguement. Then he told me that his female friend was coming to town. I know about her because he told me that she likes him but she knows that he is with someone and that they are just friends with nothing more. He has also told me some personal things about her, and he said that he is only helping her. I asked him why she was coming to town and he said that it was not him she coming to see, but another older mutual respectable friend of ours. I left it alone and did not say anything. He assured me that there was nothing with her.

 

We ended up watching a movie and laughed and enjoyed each other. We both fell asleep on the sofa and he woke up at midnight as it was time for him to go home. He put his head on my chest and I embraced him. Then he got ready and knelt by the sofa and buried his head in the sofa. He then told me to lock the door, but as he was leaving, it was obvious something was bothering him. He was about to leave without giving a hug and a kiss, something we always do, so I pulled him towards me and made him smile. I asked if he was ok, and he said yes, and that he would call as soon as he got home (nothing unsual).

 

He called when he got home and we said our goodnight and he said he would call me in the morning (like he always does).

 

Sunday, no phone call. So I tried to call him, but it seemed he was avoiding my calls. When I did talk to him, he was at his office and he said he would call me back and he was very distant. Afternoon, no phone call. Evening, no phone call, so on my way from running some errands, I stopped by his office and he was there working.

 

He opened the door and he asked me how I knew he would be there. I told him that I had called the house and no response so i figured he would be at the office. Anyway, he was still distant so I asked him what was wrong. He said "nothing". I told him that I did not understand how one minute we were having a good time and the next minute he is being so distant. He said nothing was wrong, but he was still being distant. He was nice to everyone else that either called or stopped by to see him. Towards me, he was cold, distant and mean. He told me that he would call me later. I asked if he was coming over and he said, maybe. But he promised to call me later.

 

Needless to say, no phone call.

 

I dont know what to make of all this. I just don't understand what is happening to him. Maybe a guy on here can help me understand what is happening.

 

What should I do? I have asked him what the problem is and he says nothing yet he is being so distant.

 

Thanks for the help.

[Guest]

I think you may have overreacted a little bit because his friend is in town. You both had a wonderful time up until Sunday, when he didn't call. You got worried that he didn't call so you began smothering him by calling him and stopping by his office.

 

He is probably 1) upset that you don't trust him while his friend is in town, and 2)feeling suffocated by what you did to him on Sunday. You two had a wonderful time together over the weekend, and maybe he wanted some time off sunday.

 

If I were the guy in this situation, I would appreciate it if the girl waited for me to call her OR if the girl really had to call, and I chose not to answer, that she would just leave a message and wait for me to return her call whenever I was ready.

[Transkei]

i totally disagree with guest. She's been in a relationship for a year, they have committed to each other, and ovenight he gets cold? something is definitely up. he is not being a man and facing it.. I'll bet he is building distance between them so he can use that as an excuse for spending in- appropriate time with the old friend who is coming to town.

 

But he cant burn his bridges, because he cant know what will happen with old friend yet.

 

His behaviour is extremely poor, and inexcuseable. It REEKS of dishonesty. He is not saying he needs time off, or is busy, or anything other reason for his behaviour.. in fact, he keeps promising to do what he normally does.. as has done for several months - he simply stopped. She has every right to be peeved. He should explain.

[JCD]

I think his old romance rekindled his heart. It's most likely that he is being dominant in a relationship with you but his old romance dominated him. In another words, you were too easy for him and he needed the love from a woman that he almost had no chance of getting. Something is definitely up.

[Sand&Water]

Nextel,

 

This is sad. And, at the same time, very indicative.

 

It is obvious, he hides his emotions exceedingly well.

He put his head on my chest and I embraced him. Then he got ready and knelt by the sofa and buried his head in the sofa.

Do you notice what I notice, Nextel?

 

You purposely, wrote that description of his sorrowful gestures in your post. You know, intuitively, that he is disturbed.

 

Don't fool yourself, by being naive.

 

He is 36 years old -a grown man. You must confront him about the awkwardness.

 

I suggest you ask for/take a break from the relationship. The break period, will help him re-evaluate his thoughts, feelings, and the relationship. The same for you. Better perspective, in the long run.

 

Regards,

Sand&Water

[kaykay08]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. We have our ups and downs, but most really good ups. He sends me roses, brings flowers to my house, always suggests a new hairstyle all the good things. He lets me know that he loves me. I too, do some special things for him because I appreciate him and love him. We made a decision not to have sex until marriage because we want to make sure we want to spend the rest of our lives together. We are both spiritual. For the record, I am 32 and he is 36.

 

On Friday, he called me at work and talk to me for a minute, then he says, I love you. I told him I loved him back. Said we would meet up later.

 

Spent Friday night together and he gave a movie that he really wanted me to watch. Saturday, I watched the movie and took it back to him and we spent the remainder of the evening together. Had dinner, watched a move, and had dessert. No arguement. Then he told me that his female friend was coming to town. I know about her because he told me that she likes him but she knows that he is with someone and that they are just friends with nothing more. He has also told me some personal things about her, and he said that he is only helping her. I asked him why she was coming to town and he said that it was not him she coming to see, but another older mutual respectable friend of ours. I left it alone and did not say anything. He assured me that there was nothing with her.

 

We ended up watching a movie and laughed and enjoyed each other. We both fell asleep on the sofa and he woke up at midnight as it was time for him to go home. He put his head on my chest and I embraced him. Then he got ready and knelt by the sofa and buried his head in the sofa. He then told me to lock the door, but as he was leaving, it was obvious something was bothering him. He was about to leave without giving a hug and a kiss, something we always do, so I pulled him towards me and made him smile. I asked if he was ok, and he said yes, and that he would call as soon as he got home (nothing unsual).

 

He called when he got home and we said our goodnight and he said he would call me in the morning (like he always does).

 

Sunday, no phone call. So I tried to call him, but it seemed he was avoiding my calls. When I did talk to him, he was at his office and he said he would call me back and he was very distant. Afternoon, no phone call. Evening, no phone call, so on my way from running some errands, I stopped by his office and he was there working.

 

He opened the door and he asked me how I knew he would be there. I told him that I had called the house and no response so i figured he would be at the office. Anyway, he was still distant so I asked him what was wrong. He said "nothing". I told him that I did not understand how one minute we were having a good time and the next minute he is being so distant. He said nothing was wrong, but he was still being distant. He was nice to everyone else that either called or stopped by to see him. Towards me, he was cold, distant and mean. He told me that he would call me later. I asked if he was coming over and he said, maybe. But he promised to call me later.

 

Needless to say, no phone call.

 

I dont know what to make of all this. I just don't understand what is happening to him. Maybe a guy on here can help me understand what is happening.

 

What should I do? I have asked him what the problem is and he says nothing yet he is being so distant.

 

Thanks for the help.

 

maybe he needs is space, and don't want you to think he is always underneath you. But if you think that in your heart something is going on then maybe if you get a chance sit him down and ask him whats going on in his life and let him know that your here for him but don't seem so pushy because guys seem to have mood swings. But if you think that nothing is going on then just listen to him maybe nothing is wrong

 

your friend