Woggle Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 For the first time ever my father apologized for not trying harder to get me out of the abusive situation with my mother. He didn't really know how bad it was until after the fact and he felt helpless. For the longest time our relationship was strained because I felt like he did nothing but it seems to back on the right track. I doubt I will ever resolve the issue with my mother but at least part of my past is close to being resolved. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 Good news Woggle! Sometimes things like that can help put so many unresolved feelings to rest. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 Wog, even tho your father is supposed to protect you he was a victim of your mother as well. It really is not his fault he could not stop her as he was probably just as mind frucked by her as you were. Worse yet he was supposed to love and honor her as well....... quite confusing I would imagine for him. You and your father should talk about this more. You may learn about things you were not aware of, which could bring you some more peace and understanding in this matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted October 24, 2006 Author Share Posted October 24, 2006 Wog, even tho your father is supposed to protect you he was a victim of your mother as well. It really is not his fault he could not stop her as he was probably just as mind frucked by her as you were. Worse yet he was supposed to love and honor her as well....... quite confusing I would imagine for him. You and your father should talk about this more. You may learn about things you were not aware of, which could bring you some more peace and understanding in this matter. I agree with this plus back then it was damn near impossible for a father to get custody. I am planning having more talks with him and just hanging out. He says that he was shocked when she changed. Almost overnight she started hanging out with these new friends and they made her a monster. I don't she will ever return from it and he didn't know what hit him. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 cool enough Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 For the first time ever my father apologized for not trying harder to get me out of the abusive situation with my mother. He didn't really know how bad it was until after the fact and he felt helpless. For the longest time our relationship was strained because I felt like he did nothing but it seems to back on the right track. I doubt I will ever resolve the issue with my mother but at least part of my past is close to being resolved. U DESERVE IT - U DID A GREAT JOB - U HUNG IN THERE - AND WHEN SHE GOT LOST IN THE KITCHEN U SENT WORDS IN THE WIND QUIET AS WHISPERS AND U KNEW THAT WOULD STOP MOM AND SHE WOULD GO "HUH? WHAT WAS THAT CHILL UP MY SHAGGY ASS LEGS!" OH LOOK, THERE'S THAT RECIPE FOR COOKIES! WHEW Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 I agree with this plus back then it was damn near impossible for a father to get custody. I am planning having more talks with him and just hanging out. He says that he was shocked when she changed. Almost overnight she started hanging out with these new friends and they made her a monster. I don't she will ever return from it and he didn't know what hit him. It all happens for a reason. Even if it's a piss-poor one. I'm really glad you and your father are reunited. That's good news, Woggle. I'm happy for you. XO PS Your ma sounds narcisstic to me... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted October 24, 2006 Author Share Posted October 24, 2006 I don't know about narcisstic. More like psychotic if you ask me. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 I don't know about narcisstic. More like psychotic if you ask me. It's possible to be a sociopath and a narcissist so maybe you can be psychotic and narcissist at the same time too. It's just how she adopted their personalities so easily that makes me think NPD. My exH was raised by a N. He picked up her traits. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted October 24, 2006 Author Share Posted October 24, 2006 It's possible to be a sociopath and a narcissist so maybe you can be psychotic and narcissist at the same time too. It's just how she adopted their personalities so easily that makes me think NPD. My exH was raised by a N. He picked up her traits. She had a rough childhood with a very abusive father and met some people that used that pain to turn her into a monster. Her and her friends were like some sick manhating cult. I used to be in other room during their meetings and the things would say were unbelievable. The reason I am getting therapy is because I want to break this cycle. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 Hey...ed Broadbent Is An Ndp Too! Chin Up. Just Look At The Hard Work U Did - You'll See The Benefits All By Yerself - No One Will Have To Point Them Out For You And You Won't See Them Flash And Fade...they Will Stay Right In View - Clear As That Cloud Up There That Looks Like My Naked Bum - Wink Stay Kewl Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 She had a rough childhood with a very abusive father People who have been abused often are found to have brain damage because they've been smacked around the head or have fallen and hit their heads. It's also a sad truth that a lot of people who have been abused become abusers. Not sure why - possibly the anger over having been abused by a loved one is stronger than any other feelings later in life. Your mom was broken. Her own parents broke her. And your anger towards 'most women' could make you susceptible to wanting to take YOUR anger out on women so I'm very glad you are in therapy. Do you see how your anger towards women is analogous to her anger towards men? Do you understand how people dislike hearing you denigrate women as much as you disliked hearing her denigrate men? Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 So do you think she projected some of that hate towards her father towards you as well? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted October 24, 2006 Author Share Posted October 24, 2006 So do you think she projected some of that hate towards her father towards you as well? I know she did. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 So she has issues and you suffered because of them. But you cannot turn back time, you cannot fix her, you can however learn from it and make a better future for yourself. I think perhaps an exercise in writting a letter to your mother may be in order at some point. Not to really give it to her, but to get your true thoughts about her out. (I generally think journals are for wussies and silly, but in this case it may help you really learn about how you feel inside vs. what you are showing on the outside)....... but consult your head shrinker. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 The reason I am getting therapy is because I want to break this cycle. That is the best reason of all to get help. Isn't it funny if we have good role models we want to be like them, but when they're bad, we try our best to be the extreme opposite? I'm like this with my dad... Unfortunately there are a lot of idiots out there who don't have a clue that they need to be opposite. So they keep the cycle going. Link to post Share on other sites
ThumbingMyWay Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 The reason I am getting therapy is because I want to break this cycle. Woggs I hear ya on that. Break the cycle. That’s exactly what my wife and I are trying to do (post affair life) In counseling, we talked about our childhood and how we are today. My wife grew up in an alcoholic home. Her father left. Her step dad and mom verbally adused her. Her mother had 5 kids, 3 dif fathers. So my wife saw a lot of MEN around. No single man figure…just a lot of diff men over time. I think this has a lot of affect on her and her sister. Her sister being 43 and in and out of relationships….using men for money and help, then treating them like ****…..then reeling them back in with charm and seduction…just like there mom did. All 3 of them, just have a way about themselves….men are drawn to them. My wife has this unconciouse need for male approval and attention….always needs to be the center of attention, even if its negative attention. Again, I think all of this is due from childhood and what they have seen there mother do. As for me….my dad was very selfish when I was young. Always doing his thing, hunting, fishing, etc. Yeah he took me a couple times when I was very young, but then he just didn’t take me anymore…it was HIS away time. His father died when my dad was 16. So he basically never had a relationship wit him. And I think because of that, my dad didn’t know how to be a dad to me. I remember when I told my mom and dad about my wifes affair. I remember my dad said to me. “you are the best dad I know, far better than I ever was”. And at that moment, I just cryed…it was finally out and he admitted what I knew all along….he caould have tried harder. but with him saying it…it gave me closure on my animosity towards him. But reagardless….all these things have an affect on my wife and I. Hence trying to break the cycle. My wife wants to be a better wife and mother. I want to be involved in my kids lives. We want to break the cycle too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted October 24, 2006 Author Share Posted October 24, 2006 In a way I saw myself ending up just like my mother. I had and in many cases still have such anger towards women and I know it is not healthy to feel this way. That is why I vent on here. I know people get sick of my rants but i feel it is better to vent it in cyberspace rather than take it out on my wife who in no way would deserve it. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 That is why I vent on here. I know people get sick of my rants but i feel it is better to vent it in cyberspace rather than take it out on my wife who in no way would deserve it. just don't keep any firearms handy Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 Wog, Ya know if one person from a entire race does you harm that is no reason to fear or hold hatred for the entire race....... or gender. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted October 24, 2006 Author Share Posted October 24, 2006 Wog, Ya know if one person from a entire race does you harm that is no reason to fear or hold hatred for the entire race....... or gender. On a logical level I know this but sometimes I just get in a funk and I can't even deal with women. I know it is a problem and that is why I am trying to deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 Perhaps a good exercise would be to state 'my mother' when you feel the need to say "women" when conversing about your issues. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 Perhaps a good exercise would be to state 'my mother' when you feel the need to say "women" when conversing about your issues. Oh yeah...solid advice for ya there Wogs. Link to post Share on other sites
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