Dating sites, chat rooms, web cams, drugs, depression, and boston cream donuts

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Dating sites, chat rooms, web cams, drugs, depression, and boston cream donuts

 

A while back there was a post about ‘would u be able to cheat on your SO – and I have always said NO WAY – NEVER HAVE, NEVER WILL. Yesteday I was talking with my very best exfriend Michael Applesauce about ‘what constitutes; cheating and during that, it just sort of hit me!

 

When someone is asked if they cheat or could, they think only in terms of old IN and OUT, Slap N Tickle, Rod and Reel, The Old Donkey Bonk Express! But we all know that there are various others ways of cheating, and they can include sex - but without contact [really makes no sense when you could have the real thing – if you know what I mean!] So instead of having a narrow focus [self-serving that way] one could include things like phone sex, cybering in chat rooms, showing yer private parts on web cam, etc.

I am sure the list is endless.

 

Anyhoooooooo, the point of all this is many years ago, people told me my ex cheated on me, and frankly, I dislike anyone, but an ex, to tell me what someone I was in a relationship with did – but sometimes we all ‘admit to the golden goose egg’ our own way. That’s a lesson for all you folks struggling and waiting for your ex to give that to you – ain’t gonna happen. The point of NC is to find your own closure and you do that by being honest and putting all the cards on the table – your cards – not the exs.

 

Anyhooo [stop rambling off topic – that one of the things I am working on], I have been saying NO WAY! Never cheated – but I guess I have to admit I really did because even if you are drugged up, depresses down, heart broken – if you did an act that constitutes cheating it is still cheating. Sure there are ‘elements’ that may, not excuse, but provide understanding and empathy regarding your behaviour - but, it is still your actions. So, I will finish this in another post [my cheating] but I wanted to end it here and say to the ex “looks like you are not the only one”. I guess that is part of the reason I don’t feel anger at the ex. Hmmmm.

 

I guess its time to put up and then shut up eh! LOL. Ok, lets talk about Dating Sites, Chat Rooms and Web Cams. My holy trilogy – LOL. Now I know some people might not “view’ engaging in such wonderful past times [joking] as cheating, either as stand alones, or with certain strings attached – but the action involved in doing them, if done in secret, done without remorse of care, is still a breach of trust.

 

Cheating can take the form of emotional cheating even if you did not ‘invest yerself’ in the activity. Say someone, married or in a relationship, goes out and has sex with another – without being ‘attached’ to that sex partner – without emotion involved – that’s obviously cheating right? Of course! Now say someone goes into a chat room and cybers someone, just as meaningless as the one-on-one sex romp earlier stated – that’s cheating too! And say ion either cases, there are circumstances involved [depression, booze, illness, etc,] – is that still cheating? Of course – but u have empathy for that person – they didn’t mean to, but they did.

 

So, I guess I have to admit that I went to one chat room and ‘cybered’ during a relationship – and I did so because what started as a ‘discussion’ between the ex and I about ‘our’ sexuality, a way for me to know more about her and myself as sexual being [that being using alternative ways of communicating thru mediums and wondering if that is possible] , turned into her saying ‘ok..boring..me saying curious and her going and doing her thing [wink] and me doing that.

 

What I discovered was [i posted funny stories about this on another site and got banned because of it!] what cybering really is is just kids in a playground. It was like I was writing a novel, paragraphs and the reply would be “moan, grunt, etc.” so that was like watching paint dry – and I quickly moved on to a simple game of question and answer [remember our lives are falling apart during all this and I am depressed, addicted, she is cheating and my depression has sparked her troubles – not pretty – but these actions are NOT these people at their core…they are situational. Anyhooo, so because we didn’t talk at all, I wound up asking strangers in a chat room things like,…do people really have orgasms cybering [99.9% said yes – boo hoo!

 

I was too busy asking questions to do any wanking!] And people seemed to move from that to phone sex [soooooooooooo could not do that!] then to web camming, then to real life bump and grind. I truly believe I was an outsider on that sort of stuff because many people took these things for real, made friends, etc. I was basically talking to my computer screen, it was like writing in a blog.

 

But I am in the minority – hence, I bored people. The thing I discovered is the Internet and all its toys some how lowers peoples walls and guards and they do things that they would never do in real life – land its easy because these sites provide the setting – strangers, no pressure, icons and monikers, you are in disguise – its Halloween.

 

There were times when I was on a date site [chatting] or a chat room [chatting], with no intent at all of doing more than that [thinking that alone wasn’t cheating – it is] when I was sure a few old exs and their partners in crime and good ol pals would ‘send me a little’ smile, try chatting, etc. and I would only tell that if they ‘used’ extremely identifiable markers, such as nicknames, similar events, etc. and they had to do that because I was not ‘zoned in’ looking for sex, but zoned out, bored and wasting my time.

 

For the most part these places are filled with so much suffering and pain and people that go there put on their happy face and somehow think that helps [hence DR.Phil]. I really couldn’t believe that some people actually ‘fell in love’ after one 10 minute chat with a stranger [this is just coming from people I chatted with]. It would go like this:

 

ME: Hi, wanna cyber with me and then do Q and A

THEM: Yes! But will you marry me first! My life sucks!

As for dating sites, I have only used them for ‘dating’ purposes when I am out of a relationship and actually want to meet someone to date. I have no desire to meet someone simply for sex, or to have an affair. Also, to simply chat – like I am doing now.

 

Yes, I decided to buy a web cam, the ex saw that, never hid that, and I saw two women show me their boobies [didn’t ask] and that experience was horrible – I immediately felt so bad for them to be so hurt they wanted to do that, that I both times it was maybe a couple of minutes, then we ended up talking about what was troubling them – REAL LIFE STUFF. And now the biggy – did I ever do something like that on cam? I think the ex – has that answer – wink. Overall rating of those activities? E-. Would I do any of them again – no because there was nothing ‘sexual’ about them, in fact, it was the exact opposite.

 

So theres all my skeltons from my closet - now I can close that door.