Situation making me Nuts

[MikeC]

I sure can give out advice to others, but when it comes to my own situation, I'm friggin' clueless lol.

 

I have been working a secondary part-time job at a department store for roughly 1 year now. That whole time, the girl I am about to introduce had been working there. Now, up until about 1-2 months ago, we basically just said 'hi' to each other. I never really thought of her more than a co-worker.

 

About 1-2 months ago, Brittani (her name obviously) broke up with her boyfriend who she had been with for awhile. The reason I know this is because she was talking about it in the breakroom and was upset. I basically told her that he was a jerk and that she deserves better and should forget about him.

 

Shortly after this point, I started talking to her more often. Always in the breakroom. I realized that it might be fun to hang out with her sometime, so I threw out the invitation and gave her my number. Now, this is where things become more complicated.

 

We have hung out several times already, only once by ourselves. We just hung out, watched TV. Now, just last week we happened to get matching shifts at work. All that night, I felt I was getting positive signals from her. She always tells me that I'm naturally funny, and sometimes when we hang out she will just stare at me and won't look away. I will of course stare back into her eyes, but its real weird. Like I don't know what she is thinking and it confuses me.

 

Up to yesterday, this is how it has been. Friendly hang outs. Yesterday she comes to work not feeling well. Well, I didn't realize this and made a teasing remark to her which she took seriously. The whole night she basically blew me off. Right before I left, I put my hand on her shoulder and told her that I was sorry about what had been said and I told her that I hope she feels better.

 

All that sounds peachy, except for one thing. I always have to initiate the calls or text messages. 75% of the time, she doesn't respond to my contacting her. Now I know people have lives, and that is cool. But 2 days and no response makes me wonder whether or not she even wants to talk to me. Basically, I have mixed signals and don't know which way is up.

 

I sent her a text after work last night and told her that I was teasing (previously mentioned) and finally told her that I really liked her. She never responded, so I have no clue as to whether or not she even got the message.

 

This is where I am right now. I got her email for MySpace, she Accepted my invite and then after 1 day she removed me from her Friends List. This also makes me question what is going on. It has become like a knot inside my head with all this weird stuff going on.

 

I don't know if she is still hurt from her last relationship. I'm assuming so, so I have been real slow with everything. I'm not the type that calls/texts every 2 seconds. I would say every 1-2 days I might call or text.

 

I want to send her a MySpace message or call her today, but some of my buds are telling me to wait. They say that if she wants to talk to me then she will call or text. I shouldn't be thinking about her this much, which is what makes me feel weird about the whole thing. I really don't know her terribly well, but I do know that right off the bat we have a few things in common such as our HomeTown and our Zodiac Sign.

 

I should probably let her make the next move, since I am always initiating the calls/texts, but I still don't know.

 

It sounds crazy, I know. It really isn't as jumbled as it appears. Its mostly all in my head.

 

Should I just talk to her at work and stop the calls/text? I want to tell her how I feel, however, I don't think that right now is the appropriate time. Does it sound like she is even interested? Am I reading too much into things?

 

Any advice appreciated.

[magichands]

This is where I am right now. I got her email for MySpace, she Accepted my invite and then after 1 day she removed me from her Friends List. This also makes me question what is going on. It has become like a knot inside my head with all this weird stuff going on.

I know that feeling. She knows you have the hots for her. It's probably making her uncomfortable. Time to back off a bit.

Should I just talk to her at work and stop the calls/text?

Yes. Chill dude. If you want to be friends, then keep talking to her. If you want to be more than friends, then I would seriously back off - and wait for your "lemming" moment.

[MikeC]

After I wrote this post, I sat here at my computer just thinking. I realized that I might be coming across as being too aggressive. A good buddy of mine told me that if I wanted to get her more interested that I should stop the calls/texts. This would, I'm guessing, make her wonder why I'm not calling/texting anymore and would then make the move to call/text me.

 

Any other advice welcome. Thanks.

[Moai]

Bail completely if you know what is good for you.

 

First off, you guys are just friends. You didn't go out on a date, so that vibe is not there at all--at least for her.

 

So you made a joke and hurt her feelings. Big whoop. You apologized, right? She can accept it or not. I don't know what you said (obviously) but I can't imagine it was THAT big of a deal. If she thinks it is, it is not up to you to make her feel better about it. For you to do so will make you look pathetic, and repulse her from you even more.

 

So she deleted you frmo her myspace. Big whoop. I would assume that this is a calculated move on her part. If she didn't care, why delete you? Perhaps she did that knowing it would hurt you as you hurt her with your joke. Or, perhaps she thinks you're lame and doesn';t want to have anything to do with you. Either way, you need to leave her alone. The more you pursue, the more she'll run away.

 

All of that said, look at what has happened in just the brief time you have been hanging out. You made a joke, and she freaked out. Even if things get back the way they were, you are in for more of the same. In order to stay in her good graces, you'll walk on pins and needles when you are with her, in hopes of not blowing it again. She will subconsciously know this, and use it to her advantage. You are heading for a torturous "just friends" relationship that will only end with you destroyed and bitter.

 

The way she reacted to your joke, and her subsequent myspace actions lead me to believe that this is a test. And by pursuing her so much you have failed it already. She knows how much you like her, and so AT BEST you'll be the back-burner guy, at worst you'll become her best friend who has no shot at getting romantic with her whatsoever.

 

I would just say "hi" and smile at her in the break room, and go about your business as if you barely know her--which is true, actually. If you ahve any hope at all in dating this woman you need to show some backbone and not try to make everything "ok" for her. When she sees that you are going along happy and aren't worried about what happened she'll at least have respect for you. That's all you'll get now, probably, as the texting/calling thing you have already done has no doubt doomed you. Sad, but true.

 

You're lucky that you aren't too far into this. Move on now before you have more invested and the real pain starts. No good can come of it, mark my words.

[Moai]

I sure can give out advice to others, but when it comes to my own situation, I'm friggin' clueless lol.

 

I have been working a secondary part-time job at a department store for roughly 1 year now. That whole time, the girl I am about to introduce had been working there. Now, up until about 1-2 months ago, we basically just said 'hi' to each other. I never really thought of her more than a co-worker.

 

About 1-2 months ago, Brittani (her name obviously) broke up with her boyfriend who she had been with for awhile. The reason I know this is because she was talking about it in the breakroom and was upset. I basically told her that he was a jerk and that she deserves better and should forget about him.

 

Sorry for the second post, but I re-read this and thought of a few things...I know there are other guys out there who are in the same boat, so maybe this will help them, too.

 

Talking to her about her relationship was a big mistake. If you want to date her, you don't want to be associated with ANYTHING from her past. IF she brings it up, listen until she is finished and then change the subject. If this happens a lot, she is not over the relationship enough to date, so back off until she is. If you become the shoulder to cry on, you are doomed.

 

Shortly after this point, I started talking to her more often. Always in the breakroom. I realized that it might be fun to hang out with her sometime, so I threw out the invitation and gave her my number. Now, this is where things become more complicated.

 

Another mistake. I know that it is easier to put things in a casual way, and have everything seem mellow, but what you wanted was a date, and that is what you should have asked for. She may have said no, but at least you would've known where you stood then and there, and all of this crap wouldn't be going on in your head.

 

We have hung out several times already, only once by ourselves. We just hung out, watched TV. Now, just last week we happened to get matching shifts at work. All that night, I felt I was getting positive signals from her. She always tells me that I'm naturally funny, and sometimes when we hang out she will just stare at me and won't look away. I will of course stare back into her eyes, but its real weird. Like I don't know what she is thinking and it confuses me.

 

If you were getting positive vibes, you should have made your move. What were you waiting for? She isn't going to look at you and ask you to kiss her, she is waiting for you to just do it. And if you tried and failed, at least you would know where you stand right there. By not doing so, you are showing a lack of confidence that she can feel. She may not even realize it, but it's there. If you don't know how she feels, make a move, and then you'll know. Why stew on it and guess?

 

Up to yesterday, this is how it has been. Friendly hang outs. Yesterday she comes to work not feeling well. Well, I didn't realize this and made a teasing remark to her which she took seriously. The whole night she basically blew me off. Right before I left, I put my hand on her shoulder and told her that I was sorry about what had been said and I told her that I hope she feels better.

 

Why mention it at all? If you can see her "blowing you off" and acting upset, let her. If she cares enough to talk to you about it, she will. But you ran over to make it ok, and sealed your fate. Now she knows she can manipulate you, and you'll fall for it. Maybe she is doing it on purpose, maybe she isn't, but that isn't your concern. If she had feelings for you, she would have told you how she felt then and there. At worst, she deals with issues like this passive-aggrssively, and that blows. Ask yourself if you want to have relationship that is based on these push-pull emotional manipulations all the time. I mean, you aren't even dating her now and you already have them. It'll only get worse.

 

All that sounds peachy, except for one thing. I always have to initiate the calls or text messages. 75% of the time, she doesn't respond to my contacting her. Now I know people have lives, and that is cool. But 2 days and no response makes me wonder whether or not she even wants to talk to me. Basically, I have mixed signals and don't know which way is up.

 

And that is making you chase her. And you are allowing it to effect you. If you are making all of the effort to get together, that should let you know where you stand right there. If she was interested, she would respond to every single attempt at contact you make. Nobody is so busy they can't pick up a phone for two days. She knows you want her, and she doesn't want you. But she'll certainly play with you, as you pining for her makes her feel good. If she doesn't respond to you 75% of the time and you keep trying, you look pathetic. She's not into you, and you aren't getting the hint.

 

I sent her a text after work last night and told her that I was teasing (previously mentioned) and finally told her that I really liked her. She never responded, so I have no clue as to whether or not she even got the message.

 

Oh, man...bad idea. Good for you for burying the lead, but believe me, she knew you liked her before you did that. And she doesn't care. If you didn't get a send error, she got the message. She has been "getting the message" this whole time. She isn't even cool enough to tell you that while she appreciates the compliment, she isn't into you. In most scenarios like this, she'd say, "let's just be friends" and you'd accept that, thinking that there would be more down the line, and you'd set yourself up for a couple years of torture. As it is, she is telling you everything yuo need to know right now. She has no respect for you and doesn't care how you feel. And so what? She doesn't owe you anything, at least in her mind. It would be nice if she had common courtesy toward you, but given your previous actions she probably doesn't think you deserve it.

 

I'll bet she showed your text to all her friends and they all rolled their eyes and said, "oh, god" and blah blah blah. Horrible to think about.

 

And never, ever apologize twice for anything. In fact, you porbably shouldn't have apologized at all. If she brought it up, you should've just said, "I was just kidding. You shouldn't be so sensitive." At least then you'd look like a man. No offense.

 

This is where I am right now. I got her email for MySpace, she Accepted my invite and then after 1 day she removed me from her Friends List. This also makes me question what is going on. It has become like a knot inside my head with all this weird stuff going on.

 

It isn't that weird. Is she coming over and making out with you and then doing these things? You didn't say so. She is blowing you off, and that isn't all that weird. Maybe you pissed her off, maybe you came on too strong--who cares. She isn't into you for whatever reason. Move on. She's not that special. Why worry so much about what this chick thinks? If she isn't into you, her loss. Life's too short, and you have way too much going on--or you should, anyway.

 

I don't know if she is still hurt from her last relationship. I'm assuming so, so I have been real slow with everything. I'm not the type that calls/texts every 2 seconds. I would say every 1-2 days I might call or text.

 

You shouldn't be doing that at all. Ever again. Lose her number as fast as you can. The thing that is drawing you to this woman is that she is running away. It is human nature, and it isn't your fault, but realize this and stop all contact, except a polite "hello" at work. Whatever hurt she has from her relationship has nothing to do with her mistreatment of you--that you are ignoring and accepting.

 

I want to send her a MySpace message or call her today, but some of my buds are telling me to wait. They say that if she wants to talk to me then she will call or text. I shouldn't be thinking about her this much, which is what makes me feel weird about the whole thing. I really don't know her terribly well, but I do know that right off the bat we have a few things in common such as our HomeTown and our Zodiac Sign.

 

Your buds are right. Being from the same place and being born within a month of each other is meaningless. You shouldn't be thinking of her AT ALL. If she is thinking of you at all--which I doubt--she isn't thinking good things.

 

I should probably let her make the next move, since I am always initiating the calls/texts, but I still don't know.

 

It sounds crazy, I know. It really isn't as jumbled as it appears. Its mostly all in my head.

 

Yep, it's all in your head. Find a hobby, talk to other women, but at all costs move on. That is your only hope, and judging by what you have written all hope is lost. Sorry to be so negative, but that's the way the ball bounces. You can either wait for the next move (which will never come) or you can go out and find a woman who will return your phone calls. I'd chose the latter.

 

Should I just talk to her at work and stop the calls/text? I want to tell her how I feel, however, I don't think that right now is the appropriate time. Does it sound like she is even interested? Am I reading too much into things?

 

Any advice appreciated.

 

Why do you want to tell her how you feel? She knows, believe me. And she doesn't care. You telling her how you feel isn't going to change how she feels. Think about it: If there was a girl out there who was pining away for you and you could care less about her, if she decalred her feelings for you would it change your mind? Or would it make you lose even more respect for her?

 

NEVER is the appropriate time to tell a woman how you feel about her. Ever. If you were dating her, you should be SHOWING her how you feel. And you aren't dating this woman. I don't think that you even have a HOPE of dating this woman. Your only shot is to show her that you are cool with things, and that you don't need her to be happy. That shows that you are strong and independent, and that is attractive. If you aren't, fake it until you make it.

[monkey00]

 

I sent her a text after work last night and told her that I was teasing (previously mentioned) and finally told her that I really liked her. She never responded, so I have no clue as to whether or not she even got the message.

 

This is where I am right now. I got her email for MySpace, she Accepted my invite and then after 1 day she removed me from her Friends List. This also makes me question what is going on. It has become like a knot inside my head with all this weird stuff going on.

 

I don't know if she is still hurt from her last relationship. I'm assuming so, so I have been real slow with everything. I'm not the type that calls/texts every 2 seconds. I would say every 1-2 days I might call or text.

 

I think these are signs enough that she's not interested, or the fact that you might have scared her off by contacting her so much and confessing you like her.

 

Removing you from the myspace friends list i believe is the biggest indication that you should cut your losses and move on.

 

After I wrote this post, I sat here at my computer just thinking. I realized that I might be coming across as being too aggressive. A good buddy of mine told me that if I wanted to get her more interested that I should stop the calls/texts. This would, I'm guessing, make her wonder why I'm not calling/texting anymore and would then make the move to call/text me.

 

That works half the time. Only if she has any ounce of interest in you left in her...odds are i dont think she will. All you can do now is move on and if she contacts you great, if not dont sweat it.

[MikeC]

Thanks for the advice. My mindset has done a 180 from yesterday to today. I realize now how foolish I was. I will be cutting my losses. Appreciate it.

[MikeC]

Ok, as of this afternoon, things have taken a different path. Here is what has happened since last post.

 

I decided to go NC perm on the phone and just say 'hi' at work. I didn't contact her all day yesterday or at all today up until this point. At about 1215 (EST) she calls me on the cell. I figured, I'll give her a taste of her own medicine, so I ignored the call. I waited roughly an hour and sent her a simple text 'Hey. Whats up.' Immediately after I sent the text, she sends one back saying 'Call me'.

 

From here, I thought to myself, 'F that. I'll go take a shower and shave, then I'll call.' About 35 minutes later and I call her.

 

She tells me she is calling to deeply apologize for the other night at work (the crap I was talking about before). She says that it wasn't me. That she was in a crap mood and didn't want to be at work and that my comment made it even worse. She told me that she was a bit rude to me and that she wants to hang out again today. I play it cool and tell her I got some crap to do and tell her to call me later (to get her motivated to call me for a change). She said OK then asked me why I didn't return her call yesterday. I didn't even know she called me. Then she goes on to say that she was worried because I haven't talked to her for 2 days. Supposedly she likes it when I text to see whats up every 1-2 days.

 

I'm playing it low-key. Keeping distance on the phone and being less available. We will see what happens. Right now, she isn't on top of the priority list.

[michelangelo]

Seems it is ok for her to play a game with you, but you can't play one on her?

 

Why not just clear the air with her and see where you stand?

[Moai]

Ok, as of this afternoon, things have taken a different path. Here is what has happened since last post.

 

I decided to go NC perm on the phone and just say 'hi' at work. I didn't contact her all day yesterday or at all today up until this point. At about 1215 (EST) she calls me on the cell. I figured, I'll give her a taste of her own medicine, so I ignored the call. I waited roughly an hour and sent her a simple text 'Hey. Whats up.' Immediately after I sent the text, she sends one back saying 'Call me'.

 

Iffy on this one. I personally would have waited for her to talk to me in person. But, she is making an effort, at least.

 

From here, I thought to myself, 'F that. I'll go take a shower and shave, then I'll call.' About 35 minutes later and I call her.

 

She tells me she is calling to deeply apologize for the other night at work (the crap I was talking about before). She says that it wasn't me. That she was in a crap mood and didn't want to be at work and that my comment made it even worse. She told me that she was a bit rude to me and that she wants to hang out again today.

 

Uh-huh. By not texting her all the time, you have shown her that she may have blown it. Good move. I hope you made it clear to her that she can't take out her problems on you. You may have "made it worse" but that isn't your fault. How could you have known?

 

I play it cool and tell her I got some crap to do and tell her to call me later (to get her motivated to call me for a change). She said OK then asked me why I didn't return her call yesterday. I didn't even know she called me. Then she goes on to say that she was worried because I haven't talked to her for 2 days. Supposedly she likes it when I text to see whats up every 1-2 days.

 

Of course she does. Did you tell her that you like it when people respond to your texts/calls?

 

I'm playing it low-key. Keeping distance on the phone and being less available. We will see what happens. Right now, she isn't on top of the priority list.

 

Good move. Be less avalable and keep her at a distance by having other things to do. That's the easiest, and it will be honest. That way, you'll do the right thing without having to think about it.

 

It seems that she is coming around a bit. Good for you! I'd be careful, though, as it could be the beginnings of a "just friends" trap. Make sure she knows your interest up front (by the way you act, not telling her. You've already done that), and you'll be aces.

 

Keep us posted!

[monkey00]

 

She tells me she is calling to deeply apologize for the other night at work (the crap I was talking about before). She says that it wasn't me. That she was in a crap mood and didn't want to be at work and that my comment made it even worse. She told me that she was a bit rude to me and that she wants to hang out again today. I play it cool and tell her I got some crap to do and tell her to call me later (to get her motivated to call me for a change). She said OK then asked me why I didn't return her call yesterday. I didn't even know she called me. Then she goes on to say that she was worried because I haven't talked to her for 2 days. Supposedly she likes it when I text to see whats up every 1-2 days.

 

Dude be careful, she could just be playing you. What about myspace, whats her explanation for that?

Keep these in mind -

A) It can become a habit/routine to hear from someone, breaking the habit can make someone just miss it (or miss the ego rub)

OR

B) she likes to hear from you because she finds you interesting

 

I'm playing it low-key. Keeping distance on the phone and being less available. We will see what happens. Right now, she isn't on top of the priority list.

 

good luck and keep us posted.

[MikeC]

Here we go lol...

 

Ok. We ended up meeting up (with another girl which made it a group thing) at TacoBell near my house. Now, this is what I hate about hanging out in a group instead of alone with her. She becomes more distant when we hang out with other people. So we get done eating and go outside and take like 10 minutes to decide what to do next (the other girl made the situation more awkward, but I just went with the flow anyways).

 

We decide to goto the mall. I'm cool with that and we all drive up there (seperate cars). We walk around for a few minutes, and then Brittani tells me that they were going into a shop to look at lingerie. I told her that I would be across the way in another shop (because they hinted at me not following them in the store). Like 5 minutes later they both come into the game shop I was in and said they would be looking around at some other stores (which I assumed would be in the vicinity of where I was at ).

 

I spend another 5 minutes in the game shop. A couple of shops down I see them looking around. I see an art shop across the way (I love art), so I go in and browse around for like 20 minutes or so. I decide to leave the shop and merge back with them. Well, what do ya know, they weren't there.

 

I walked around, checking out nearby shops. No sign of them. I walked around the whole mall twice, and sat at a Starbucks near the enterance we came in, for like 15 minutes. No sign of them. Then, out of nowhere, the thought 'What if they left?' entered my head. I go out to my car, and check the aisles. Her car was gone.

 

Now, let me add at this point that my cell is acting up. At that point in time, it had died (battery), so even if she tried to call me I wouldn't recieve the call.

 

I get home, still pissed off, and start charging my phone. I send her a text 'Did you just leave the mall?'. She calls me shortly thereafter, and here is where I think I might have made a mistake. Don't know. I let my anger go and told her that I looked and looked for her and waited for awhile at Starbucks.

 

She goes on to say that she tried calling me multiple times, but I didn't pickup (cell battery). I then proceed to tell her that I had to get ready to go out for the night and that I couldn't talk to her anymore right then. She kept saying 'Are you mad?' like 3 times everytime I tried to get off the phone. After the 3rd time, I just hungup. I was pissed and I really didn't care lol.

 

Now, this is where I began to think about what was going on. I didn't want her interest at this point, I just felt bad that I displayed that much anger at her when in reality it was my phone that was the problem. If it was working, she could have reached me and this never would have happened.

 

15 minutes later I call her back. Now, I didn't apologize at all. I simply said 'I was wrong to get that angry at you. If my phone was working, everything would have been cool.' She says that everything is cool and that she left the mall because she couldn't find me after a bit of searching. What entered my head was 'Why would you just get up and leave when you saw my car and knew I was still there. Maybe wait by the enterance.'

 

Anyways, that was it. She then said 'Well, if you still want to get together later, give me a call'. I said 'Ok cool'. I never called her anyways, not after that fiasco lol.

 

Thats where it lays right now. I'm not going to call/text whatsoever until she contacts me.

 

Don't get the wrong impression. When I told her that it wasn't her fault, I wasn't being mr nice guy about it. I was more aggressive the entire time we hung out than I have been previous around her. She seemed to respond more to me this way.

 

End of rant. Blah. Atleast she isn't stuck in my head anymore.

 

**

 

Oh, and about the myspace crap. I asked her point blank about it. She said 'I tried adding a code in there to hide my Friends, and it ended up deleting all my Friends.' I mean, c'mon! I wasn't born yesterday. Code alone cannot wipe out all of your Friends lol. But, since her profile is private, I can't see if she really has no Friends now.

 

If that isn't a lie, well, hell I don't know.

[monkey00]

um..right..

 

Well I can only foresee 2 things at this point:

you're

A) in the friends zone because you havent made a move (she could still be anticipating it)

B) you're in the friends zone period.

[MikeC]

At this point, I really don't care what happens next. I'm just posting an update so others will know what is going on.

[Guest]

This is why games are so bad. Nobody ever knows what the other is thinking even if signals are being sent that there is some mutual feelings going on.

 

 

I'm going' through a very similar thing. I've done the same things. Feel like I was doing the most contact and "GASP" DID send some indication of my feelings in a text. I dunno if it was worth it as I did that Monday night and haven't heard from him since. I dunno if I scared him off or he is in shock or what I just don't know. I'm scared but at least this way after awhile if he doesn't contact me I'd know my answer and can just back off and move on then I can get some of my thoughts off that and actually maybe sleep and get things done without every other thought on the should of done this or what did that mean crap!!

 

The back and forth stuff is a game and games can screw things up big time.

[MikeC]

Yes, games are complete crap.

 

I got re-added as a Friend on her MySpace. I knew she was lying. All of her friends were still there. Now, her Status has gone from Single to In a Relationship out of nowhere lmao. Funny thing is, it really doesn't even bother me. I see her now as an immature person, and I hate immature people.