touchy subject

[unenlightened male]

Hello everyone,

 

Six months ago I began dating a very special girl, and, although we haven't been together for very long, I can say that I'm in love with her. The relationship has gotten very serious in a short time (I'm moving to another city to go to graduate school and she is moving to the same city with me).

 

When we first started dating, my girlfriend was slightly overweight, but I was still very attracted to her physically. She has a beautiful face and I still get a warm feeling when I think about all of her amazing personal qualities.

 

Over time, my girlfriend has started to gain more weight, and it has started to affect my sexual desire for her. We have a great sex life, but I'm beginning to think that it too will suffer if I continue to get hung up on her weight.

 

I don't know how to bring up my concerns with my girlfriend, or if I should bring them up at all. She has never judged me or tried to change my appearance or behavior in any way since we have started dating. She has tried to do some things to lose weight, but it has been entirely her decision to do so. None of her ideas have worked so far. As far as I know, she doesn't know that I have begun to have problems with her weight.

 

I don't know what to do. The last thing I want is for her to become more self-conscious about her body image, but I also don't want our relationship to suffer. I love this woman. I realize that, to a large degree, the problem is with me.

 

I almost didn't post my question because I feel like an a**h*** for letting such a petty issue get to me. I know that I have plenty of faults that she has been willing to overlook. Does anyone have any advice on whether I should discuss this problem with my girlfriend? If so, is there a way to bring it up without doing a lot of damage to her self esteem? If not, how do I get past the issue? Thank you all for your patience with this long and possibly incoherent post, and please don't be afraid to tell me if you think I am being a jerk who doesn't deserve to have this amazing woman in my life.

[tyra]

If you really thought she was amazing you would love her with all the shortcomings. You would love her shortcomings. When you are in love you can adore even a paralyzed body. So don't deceive yourself, if you don't love her admit it to yourself.

Hello everyone, Six months ago I began dating a very special girl, and, although we haven't been together for very long, I can say that I'm in love with her. The relationship has gotten very serious in a short time (I'm moving to another city to go to graduate school and she is moving to the same city with me). When we first started dating, my girlfriend was slightly overweight, but I was still very attracted to her physically. She has a beautiful face and I still get a warm feeling when I think about all of her amazing personal qualities. Over time, my girlfriend has started to gain more weight, and it has started to affect my sexual desire for her. We have a great sex life, but I'm beginning to think that it too will suffer if I continue to get hung up on her weight. I don't know how to bring up my concerns with my girlfriend, or if I should bring them up at all. She has never judged me or tried to change my appearance or behavior in any way since we have started dating. She has tried to do some things to lose weight, but it has been entirely her decision to do so. None of her ideas have worked so far. As far as I know, she doesn't know that I have begun to have problems with her weight.

 

I don't know what to do. The last thing I want is for her to become more self-conscious about her body image, but I also don't want our relationship to suffer. I love this woman. I realize that, to a large degree, the problem is with me.

 

I almost didn't post my question because I feel like an a**h*** for letting such a petty issue get to me. I know that I have plenty of faults that she has been willing to overlook. Does anyone have any advice on whether I should discuss this problem with my girlfriend? If so, is there a way to bring it up without doing a lot of damage to her self esteem? If not, how do I get past the issue? Thank you all for your patience with this long and possibly incoherent post, and please don't be afraid to tell me if you think I am being a jerk who doesn't deserve to have this amazing woman in my life.

[Tony T]

Don't feel bad about posting this issue. Fat just isn't sexually attractive for most men...and for most women too. Fat people will get mad as hell for me saying this but even many fat people aren't attracted to other fat people...they just won't admit it.

 

You're problem is very real and very serious. But I will say that you can discuss a lot of things with women that won't bother them too much...but when it comes to their weight, you are dealing with a mega-ton bomb.

 

Ultimately, you will lose total attraction for your lady, plain and simple. It's got nothing at all to do with you being a nice guy. It's got to do with sexual chemistry and attraction. There will simply come a point in the relationship where you'll have no other choice but to tell her if she doesn't shave off some pounds, the relationship is off.

 

No, it's not petty and it's not superficial. Physical attraction is a very important part of a relationship and when that's not there, there can be a friendship but not a romantic relationship.

 

If after telling her she gets bent out of shape, go find you a gal who has some control over her weight.

 

I also must warn you, a lot of both men and women gain lots of weight after marriage and become unattractive to each other. Furthermore, many women are unable to lose a certain amount of weight after childbirth and they gain more and more as time goes on.

 

And, if you want a heads up, if you're with a slightly or more overweight lady and your relationship isn't going well...if she starts working out and dieting abruptly, you can almost be she's getting ready to go find her another man. My personal observation has been that many women going through divorces shape up in order to find another man. Once they've caught him, they're not nearly as concerned in many cases I have seen personally.

 

With the advent of the sedentary life that computers and other labor saving gadgets and entertainment objects like TV, video games, etc., obesity has become epidemic in many parts of the world and is becoming the lead cause of early death

 

So if you get your lady pissed off enough, maybe she'll dump you but she'll lose some weight and live longer.

 

Don't stay around somebody if they don't care enough about you to stay attractive for you. And don't think that whoever you marry is going to stay thin forever. Don't have that expectation because it's likely both of you will fatten up quite a bit.

 

Take care!

[BeenThere]

Don't feel bad about posting this issue. Fat just isn't sexually attractive for most men...and for most women too. Fat people will get mad as hell for me saying this but even many fat people aren't attracted to other fat people...they just won't admit it. You're problem is very real and very serious. But I will say that you can discuss a lot of things with women that won't bother them too much...but when it comes to their weight, you are dealing with a mega-ton bomb. Ultimately, you will lose total attraction for your lady, plain and simple. It's got nothing at all to do with you being a nice guy. It's got to do with sexual chemistry and attraction. There will simply come a point in the relationship where you'll have no other choice but to tell her if she doesn't shave off some pounds, the relationship is off. No, it's not petty and it's not superficial. Physical attraction is a very important part of a relationship and when that's not there, there can be a friendship but not a romantic relationship.

 

If after telling her she gets bent out of shape, go find you a gal who has some control over her weight. I also must warn you, a lot of both men and women gain lots of weight after marriage and become unattractive to each other. Furthermore, many women are unable to lose a certain amount of weight after childbirth and they gain more and more as time goes on. And, if you want a heads up, if you're with a slightly or more overweight lady and your relationship isn't going well...if she starts working out and dieting abruptly, you can almost be she's getting ready to go find her another man. My personal observation has been that many women going through divorces shape up in order to find another man. Once they've caught him, they're not nearly as concerned in many cases I have seen personally.

 

With the advent of the sedentary life that computers and other labor saving gadgets and entertainment objects like TV, video games, etc., obesity has become epidemic in many parts of the world and is becoming the lead cause of early death So if you get your lady pissed off enough, maybe she'll dump you but she'll lose some weight and live longer. Don't stay around somebody if they don't care enough about you to stay attractive for you. And don't think that whoever you marry is going to stay thin forever. Don't have that expectation because it's likely both of you will fatten up quite a bit. Take care!

[Tony T]

Unless a person has some sort of medical metabolic disorder, it is far easier to lose weight than to grow hair. Comparing the two is valid from an aesthetic standpoint, yes, but not from a standpoint of personal responsibility. A woman cannot go to her husband and say "If you don't start growing hair on top, our relationship is over." Well, I guess she can but it would be sort of foolish.

[manlyman]

How about insisting that you start going to the gym together for something fun to do together...make it a "get in shape for summer" activity... Everyone does that! That shouldnt be so bad. Just make sure you also say..."NOT that you NEED to go" lol.

Hello everyone, Six months ago I began dating a very special girl, and, although we haven't been together for very long, I can say that I'm in love with her. The relationship has gotten very serious in a short time (I'm moving to another city to go to graduate school and she is moving to the same city with me). When we first started dating, my girlfriend was slightly overweight, but I was still very attracted to her physically. She has a beautiful face and I still get a warm feeling when I think about all of her amazing personal qualities. Over time, my girlfriend has started to gain more weight, and it has started to affect my sexual desire for her. We have a great sex life, but I'm beginning to think that it too will suffer if I continue to get hung up on her weight. I don't know how to bring up my concerns with my girlfriend, or if I should bring them up at all. She has never judged me or tried to change my appearance or behavior in any way since we have started dating. She has tried to do some things to lose weight, but it has been entirely her decision to do so. None of her ideas have worked so far. As far as I know, she doesn't know that I have begun to have problems with her weight.

 

I don't know what to do. The last thing I want is for her to become more self-conscious about her body image, but I also don't want our relationship to suffer. I love this woman. I realize that, to a large degree, the problem is with me.

 

I almost didn't post my question because I feel like an a**h*** for letting such a petty issue get to me. I know that I have plenty of faults that she has been willing to overlook. Does anyone have any advice on whether I should discuss this problem with my girlfriend? If so, is there a way to bring it up without doing a lot of damage to her self esteem? If not, how do I get past the issue? Thank you all for your patience with this long and possibly incoherent post, and please don't be afraid to tell me if you think I am being a jerk who doesn't deserve to have this amazing woman in my life.

[Tony T]

How about insisting that you start going to the gym together for something fun to do together...make it a "get in shape for summer" activity... Everyone does that! That shouldnt be so bad. Just make sure you also say..."NOT that you NEED to go" lol.

[Ed]

No, but she could tell him to get an attractive and tasteful toupee or he is history! Would that be foolish of her?

[Tony T]

Again, not a valid comparison.

 

If she asked him to get a hairpiece, he should ask her to get liposuction.

 

The values must relate to something that can physically be done by a persons will. A person can lose weight through will power but a man cannot grow hair through will power.

 

A person CAN get skinneer by liposuction or other appropriate surgery which does not involve will power (except to the extent of getting it done) and therefore the hairpiece comparison then becomes valid.

[Ed]

There is nothing invalid about it at all.

 

The fact is, in both scenarios, it all boils down to what one mate finds attractive (or unattractive) and what the other mate is willing to do to live up to their significant other's idea of physical attractiveness.

 

Expressing dissatisfaction with a mates physical feature(s) leaves the other mate with the option of doing something about it or not. If there is nothing that can be done...then nothing can be done.

 

In this case of the hypothetical bald man -

 

The fat lady has the choice to loose weight or not. The bald man has the choice of getting hair (even if it's a toupee) or not.

 

It doesn't matter how or why she got fat or he got bald. What matters is - What are the options to rectify this situation? and Which one do you choose?

[Tony T]

OK

[:)]

Perhaps to some, fat is ugly, but so are qualities like arrogance, pomposity, lying and embellishing, always trying to one-up those around you, etc. See what I'm getting at?

 

I think it's really mature and caring of you to come here and seek advice on this matter. You sound like a very caring and sincere person, and a good boyfriend.

 

Are you in perfect physical shape? If not, maybe you could suggest that you both get involved in some kind of physical activity together, depending on what the climate is like where you live. Like inline skating, jogging, swimming, cross-country skiing, etc. Suggest it from the angle that you yourself feel the need to be more active and how nice it would be if you could do something like this together. Or like someone else suggested, join a gym together. As long as you include yourself and make it out to be a 'together-activity', I think you'll be on the right track.

 

Fat may not be ultimately attractive, on men or women, but all the looks in the world will matter little if the person you're with has no personality, no heart, no passion for life, no kindness or respect for others. I'm happy to hear that you're not judging her for her weight situation. People who are so quick and harsh to judge people that have differing body types or looks, they are mostly just shallow and insecure people who react so strongly because they were either very overweight themselves in the past, or else they have some kind of unhealthy superiority complex.

 

Best of luck!

Hello everyone, Six months ago I began dating a very special girl, and, although we haven't been together for very long, I can say that I'm in love with her. The relationship has gotten very serious in a short time (I'm moving to another city to go to graduate school and she is moving to the same city with me). When we first started dating, my girlfriend was slightly overweight, but I was still very attracted to her physically. She has a beautiful face and I still get a warm feeling when I think about all of her amazing personal qualities. Over time, my girlfriend has started to gain more weight, and it has started to affect my sexual desire for her. We have a great sex life, but I'm beginning to think that it too will suffer if I continue to get hung up on her weight. I don't know how to bring up my concerns with my girlfriend, or if I should bring them up at all. She has never judged me or tried to change my appearance or behavior in any way since we have started dating. She has tried to do some things to lose weight, but it has been entirely her decision to do so. None of her ideas have worked so far. As far as I know, she doesn't know that I have begun to have problems with her weight.

 

I don't know what to do. The last thing I want is for her to become more self-conscious about her body image, but I also don't want our relationship to suffer. I love this woman. I realize that, to a large degree, the problem is with me.

 

I almost didn't post my question because I feel like an a**h*** for letting such a petty issue get to me. I know that I have plenty of faults that she has been willing to overlook. Does anyone have any advice on whether I should discuss this problem with my girlfriend? If so, is there a way to bring it up without doing a lot of damage to her self esteem? If not, how do I get past the issue? Thank you all for your patience with this long and possibly incoherent post, and please don't be afraid to tell me if you think I am being a jerk who doesn't deserve to have this amazing woman in my life.

[clia]

Maybe I'm petty, too, but if my boyfriend suddenly packed on a bunch of weight I wouldn't be thrilled either. I don't buy the "if you really love the person, it won't matter" excuse. The truth is, when you fall in love with a person, you fall in love with many things, one of which is their physical appearance. If we didn't fall in love with physical appearance along with all the other stuff, looks wouldn't matter at all and super models would be out of business. The first thing most people look at in deciding to determine whether to approach someone is their physical appearance. (Because that's all you have when you first meet someone, right?) I'm not talking about gaining 10 or 20 pounds, I'm talking about a substantial amount of weight. I certainly wouldn't expect someone to stay the exact same weight as when we met. Metabolisms slow down as people get older, and people tend to gain a little weight. Key words are "a little." How much do you think she's gained?

 

You don't mention how old you are, but if you're starting grad school, I'm guessing you two are about in your mid-twenties? If she's packed on that much weight in the past six months at this young of an age, you are in for trouble down the road, because it will only get worse.

 

I agree that bringing it up with her is probably not a good idea. Girls are very sensitive about the whole weight thing. Believe me, she is aware that she has gained weight. She doesn't need you to point it out to her.

 

The "joining a gym" suggestion is good, along with maybe trying to do more active things when you are together, like going for a walk, going roller blading, going biking, etc. You also might want to cut out the nice dinners if the two of you go out to dinner a lot.

 

But you need to decide if you want to deal with this going forward. If she has babies in the future, she will likely put on more weight. People don't tend to get thinner as they get older, they get bigger. I understand that you love her, but without sexual attraction, your relationship will only go down the drain. I don't know if you can get past it--the body type you find attractive is your business. I guess you can look at it as more to hold on to when you are in bed together?

 

Just some food for thought...(no pun intended)

Hello everyone, Six months ago I began dating a very special girl, and, although we haven't been together for very long, I can say that I'm in love with her. The relationship has gotten very serious in a short time (I'm moving to another city to go to graduate school and she is moving to the same city with me). When we first started dating, my girlfriend was slightly overweight, but I was still very attracted to her physically. She has a beautiful face and I still get a warm feeling when I think about all of her amazing personal qualities. Over time, my girlfriend has started to gain more weight, and it has started to affect my sexual desire for her. We have a great sex life, but I'm beginning to think that it too will suffer if I continue to get hung up on her weight. I don't know how to bring up my concerns with my girlfriend, or if I should bring them up at all. She has never judged me or tried to change my appearance or behavior in any way since we have started dating. She has tried to do some things to lose weight, but it has been entirely her decision to do so. None of her ideas have worked so far. As far as I know, she doesn't know that I have begun to have problems with her weight.

 

I don't know what to do. The last thing I want is for her to become more self-conscious about her body image, but I also don't want our relationship to suffer. I love this woman. I realize that, to a large degree, the problem is with me.

 

I almost didn't post my question because I feel like an a**h*** for letting such a petty issue get to me. I know that I have plenty of faults that she has been willing to overlook. Does anyone have any advice on whether I should discuss this problem with my girlfriend? If so, is there a way to bring it up without doing a lot of damage to her self esteem? If not, how do I get past the issue? Thank you all for your patience with this long and possibly incoherent post, and please don't be afraid to tell me if you think I am being a jerk who doesn't deserve to have this amazing woman in my life.

[BeenThere]

The world through the perspective of a female&

 

 

 

 

 

Okay guys, I won't deny for a second that there is absolute truth in what you are saying about sexual attraction. But can you deny that there is far more pressure on women to maintain their youthful appearance than there is on men? True, a person can lose weight if they try&but at what cost? Particularly if they are not part of that rare 10% of the human population lucky enough to win the skinny gene pull? In many cases weight gain is both hereditary and age-related&much like male balding. True, a woman can undergo liposuction to please her man just as easily as a man can pay for hair transplants. A woman can get breast implants just as a man can increase his penis size by wearing weights. And what about when a man starts losing the hair on his head and starts growing it on his back? Wouldn't electrolysis also be an option for him just as it is for his female counterpart?

 

Imagine for a moment if the world was turned around, and this was a female oriented society rather than a male dominated one. Driving to work in the morning you were faced with billboards advertising everything from cars to cell phones. And instead of some bikini-clad model draped across the hood of that hot red sports car, there was some gorgeous hunk with strapping biceps, chiseled abs and a tight round but wearing nothing but a g-string. When you went to the convenience store to grab your coffee, the magazine stand was wallpapered with photos of 16-year-old studs with 10" slongs instead of the siliconed, airbrushed teenyboppers we've all become conditioned to. What would happen when you walked into a department store and that suit you've been admiring was draped across a size 4 mannequin and didn't look quite the same when you dragged it back to the dressing room and tried to squeeze into it yourself? And when you finally got home from a hard day at work and sat down in front of the television, every show featured the gratuitous well-endowed "crotch shot" rather than the usual "T" and "A"---When naked men strutting across the television screen became the norm and all the advertisements in between catered to increasing your d*ck size. What if you had to trade in those comfortable shoes for torturous high heals to emphasize your less-than-perfect calf muscles? If wearing those baggy jeans and shorts you've become accustomed to were suddenly considered "sloppy" by the opposite sex and you were required to suffer poor circulation, varicose veins and MUCH discomfort trying to fit your non-conforming body into tighter fitting cloths so that you might be more visually appealing? What if instead of fire trucks and Legos, you were handed a "Ken Doll" as a child and from that point on were conditioned to believe that that's what every little boy should look like and be like when he grew up?

 

Please understand, I'm not some angry fat chick here with a chip on her shoulder. I too have been brainwashed by the unrealistic standards set by today's society. Sure, I just about killed myself on that damn treadmill to get into my size four jeans, but I was often too soar from the constant workouts to even bend down to put them on! Not to mention the constant hunger pains from skipping meals and denying myself food. And what was the result of all those hours I spent in the tanning bed to acquire that perfect swim suite model tan?&A spot of pre-cancer right on the tip of my nose! That's what it got me! But will I stop in spite of my doctor's warnings? Probably not. After all, I have to stay perfect if I expect to keep my man sexually interested, right? And when all my self-inflicted torture fails to provide me with results, and age finally sets in, I won't be to proud to visit that plastic surgeon again&so long as he'll finance!

 

But what about my guy? Should I expect the same effort from him? What happens when his a$$ falls and all those gorgeous blond curls fall out of his head? Do I give him an ultimatum---"Get beautiful or get out?" I think not. Because unlike my male counterparts, my sexual attraction to my mate is more on an emotional level than a physical one. And I don't really blame you guys. Your ideals of what is sexually appealing has been pre-programmed in you since the first time you found your father's Playboy Magazine underneath the mattress. But what a different world it might be for us women if those naked centerfolds had been a healthy size twelve!

 

In closing, who really stands to benefit from the impossible standards of female beauty set by the media? It isn't the men. After all, how many of you are parading around with some gorgeous model draped on your arm? And certainly it isn't us women who are literally killing ourselves trying to meet your expectations. The only ones cashing in on our unrealistic fantasies are the porn industry and the plastic surgeons while the rest of us are left frustrated and disappointed.

 

Just think about it&

 

Hello everyone, Six months ago I began dating a very special girl, and, although we haven't been together for very long, I can say that I'm in love with her. The relationship has gotten very serious in a short time (I'm moving to another city to go to graduate school and she is moving to the same city with me). When we first started dating, my girlfriend was slightly overweight, but I was still very attracted to her physically. She has a beautiful face and I still get a warm feeling when I think about all of her amazing personal qualities. Over time, my girlfriend has started to gain more weight, and it has started to affect my sexual desire for her. We have a great sex life, but I'm beginning to think that it too will suffer if I continue to get hung up on her weight. I don't know how to bring up my concerns with my girlfriend, or if I should bring them up at all. She has never judged me or tried to change my appearance or behavior in any way since we have started dating. She has tried to do some things to lose weight, but it has been entirely her decision to do so. None of her ideas have worked so far. As far as I know, she doesn't know that I have begun to have problems with her weight.

 

I don't know what to do. The last thing I want is for her to become more self-conscious about her body image, but I also don't want our relationship to suffer. I love this woman. I realize that, to a large degree, the problem is with me.

 

I almost didn't post my question because I feel like an a**h*** for letting such a petty issue get to me. I know that I have plenty of faults that she has been willing to overlook. Does anyone have any advice on whether I should discuss this problem with my girlfriend? If so, is there a way to bring it up without doing a lot of damage to her self esteem? If not, how do I get past the issue? Thank you all for your patience with this long and possibly incoherent post, and please don't be afraid to tell me if you think I am being a jerk who doesn't deserve to have this amazing woman in my life.

[Tony T]

To Been There: Every single word you have written is absolutely true and I totally agree with it all. But let's go back to the original post that started this thread. This man wrote in that post:

 

"Over time, my girlfriend has started to gain more weight, and it has started to affect my sexual desire for her. We have a great sex life, but I'm beginning to think that it too will suffer if I continue to get hung up on her weight."

 

The absolute, total, complete and undeniable fact is that not only men BUT WOMEN AS WELL can lose their sexual desire for their partner when the partner puts on weight. It doesn't happen all the time but it happens MOST of the time.

 

No matter whose fault it is, whose fault it's not, whether it's an act of God or an act of too much food and deserts, fat can and does destroy sexual attraction and that's an important component of a relationship.

 

I did not choose it to be this way. I would love for people to be able to eat as much as they want, exercise as little as they want, sit in front of their computers for a lifetime...do whatever they choose, without gaining an ounce. I give you my word...those are my wishes for mankind. But it just doesn't work that way.

 

I don't know what the answer is. I read your (Been There's) post and I agree with it wholeheartedly. It's not fair that often people have no choice about their weight, it's awful. I think it's so unfair that overweight people have to suffer because of, and it costs the government billions of dollars for hospitalizations due to high blood pressure, stroke, heart disease, diabetes, sleep apnea and other sleep disorders, etc.

 

It's just not fair that overweight people are destined to die a lot sooner than people closer to a decent weight. Nature just isn't fair at all. I hate those facts but they are proven. Every day I see something on TV or on the Internet or in the newspaper about the epidemic of obesity. Something like 60 percent of the American population is overweight...that's 20 pounds or more over what their weight should be. It's heartbreaking!!!

 

I don't think it's got anything to do with TV or what society has set up as a standard. I don't think people like fat on their mates, period. Oh, yeah, you can talk about the Italians and how they go for fat women but that's got more to do with the fact that they consider a relationship with a fat person more secure because there is less chance of them straying.

 

I am so very sorry people have to work so hard to slim down. They really don't have to. Nobody has to. But I think if people want to get laid on a regular basis, if they want to have a nice, pleasurable sexual experience on this planet with people they want to be with...they have to watch their weight closely.

 

Oh, yes. There are men and women who really appear to go for fat people. I will never know the truth but I think that's a cop out. But I'm happy as hell if it's not.

 

If what I have written wasn't true, the weight loss industry wouldn't be the FIVE BILLION DOLLAR ($5,000,000,000) industry it is in the US and weight loss products and medicines wouldn't be the big sellers they are.

 

People obviously want to be thin. But I guess the next best thing to being thin is to think how wonderful and OK it is to be pleasantly plump or extraordinarily obese. I just don't know what the answer is. I do know there is somebody out there for everybody and the exceptionally obese can find blind people to love them.

[clia]

I agree with everything you've written, but I don't think most men expect their women to look like the women in Cosmo, Victoria's Secret, the movies, or in Playboy. Those women are distorted, and most *smart* men know it. The rest of the world can't afford personal trainers and personal chefs, nor can we walk around permanently airbrushed.

 

I think that the original post was not about his girlfriend being a size 4 instead of a size 0, but about her being on her way to (or at) obese. There's a huge difference between being a healthy size 8 or 10 and having to shop in the Plus Department.

 

Maybe I'm just shallow. I think the world of my boyfriend, but if he were to pack on 50 pounds, I wouldn't be sexually attracted to him. I'm not afraid to admit that after I got to know him I fell hard for his personality and intelligence, but before that moment came, I was initially attracted to his looks. I agree that men tend to get more leeway in this realm, but only because women let them. I won't stand for it. If I can keep myself thin, I expect the same of him. I don't know why, but losing hair is a different thing to me. If he loses it (which I don't see happening-- very thick hair...LOL), I don't care because that's not as important to me as being in decent shape. I don't care about six pack abs and all that, but I can't handle extreme obesity. I just don't find it attractive.

 

And here's an interesting question. (Lifted shamelessly from the movie The Tao of Steve.) Many people out there say that they like people for who they are inside, etc., and that weight shouldn't matter, and that they would date an overweight person. (Not 10-20 pounds over, but someone clearly obese.) Yet, how many of those people actually have? Anyone? It's one thing to claim it, yet another to actually DO it.

 

I'm not trying to insult anyone...I just think that many people tend to have a holier than thou, it's what's on the inside that matters viewpoint, yet when it comes down to it, they really do not believe that and are afraid to admit it.

The world through the perspective of a female&

 

 

 

Okay guys, I won't deny for a second that there is absolute truth in what you are saying about sexual attraction. But can you deny that there is far more pressure on women to maintain their youthful appearance than there is on men? True, a person can lose weight if they try&but at what cost? Particularly if they are not part of that rare 10% of the human population lucky enough to win the skinny gene pull? In many cases weight gain is both hereditary and age-related&much like male balding. True, a woman can undergo liposuction to please her man just as easily as a man can pay for hair transplants. A woman can get breast implants just as a man can increase his penis size by wearing weights. And what about when a man starts losing the hair on his head and starts growing it on his back? Wouldn't electrolysis also be an option for him just as it is for his female counterpart? Imagine for a moment if the world was turned around, and this was a female oriented society rather than a male dominated one. Driving to work in the morning you were faced with billboards advertising everything from cars to cell phones. And instead of some bikini-clad model draped across the hood of that hot red sports car, there was some gorgeous hunk with strapping biceps, chiseled abs and a tight round but wearing nothing but a g-string. When you went to the convenience store to grab your coffee, the magazine stand was wallpapered with photos of 16-year-old studs with 10" slongs instead of the siliconed, airbrushed teenyboppers we've all become conditioned to. What would happen when you walked into a department store and that suit you've been admiring was draped across a size 4 mannequin and didn't look quite the same when you dragged it back to the dressing room and tried to squeeze into it yourself? And when you finally got home from a hard day at work and sat down in front of the television, every show featured the gratuitous well-endowed "crotch shot" rather than the usual "T" and "A"---When naked men strutting across the television screen became the norm and all the advertisements in between catered to increasing your d*ck size. What if you had to trade in those comfortable shoes for torturous high heals to emphasize your less-than-perfect calf muscles? If wearing those baggy jeans and shorts you've become accustomed to were suddenly considered "sloppy" by the opposite sex and you were required to suffer poor circulation, varicose veins and MUCH discomfort trying to fit your non-conforming body into tighter fitting cloths so that you might be more visually appealing? What if instead of fire trucks and Legos, you were handed a "Ken Doll" as a child and from that point on were conditioned to believe that that's what every little boy should look like and be like when he grew up? Please understand, I'm not some angry fat chick here with a chip on her shoulder. I too have been brainwashed by the unrealistic standards set by today's society. Sure, I just about killed myself on that damn treadmill to get into my size four jeans, but I was often too soar from the constant workouts to even bend down to put them on! Not to mention the constant hunger pains from skipping meals and denying myself food. And what was the result of all those hours I spent in the tanning bed to acquire that perfect swim suite model tan?&A spot of pre-cancer right on the tip of my nose! That's what it got me! But will I stop in spite of my doctor's warnings? Probably not. After all, I have to stay perfect if I expect to keep my man sexually interested, right? And when all my self-inflicted torture fails to provide me with results, and age finally sets in, I won't be to proud to visit that plastic surgeon again&so long as he'll finance! But what about my guy? Should I expect the same effort from him? What happens when his a$$ falls and all those gorgeous blond curls fall out of his head? Do I give him an ultimatum---"Get beautiful or get out?" I think not. Because unlike my male counterparts, my sexual attraction to my mate is more on an emotional level than a physical one. And I don't really blame you guys. Your ideals of what is sexually appealing has been pre-programmed in you since the first time you found your father's Playboy Magazine underneath the mattress. But what a different world it might be for us women if those naked centerfolds had been a healthy size twelve! In closing, who really stands to benefit from the impossible standards of female beauty set by the media? It isn't the men. After all, how many of you are parading around with some gorgeous model draped on your arm? And certainly it isn't us women who are literally killing ourselves trying to meet your expectations. The only ones cashing in on our unrealistic fantasies are the porn industry and the plastic surgeons while the rest of us are left frustrated and disappointed.

 

Just think about it&

 

[BeenThere]

http://www3.myprimetime.com/health/sex_love/content/real0123/index.shtml?p=3836

[BeenThere]

..."And here's an interesting question. (Lifted shamelessly from the movie The Tao of Steve.) Many people out there say that they like people for who they are inside, etc., and that weight shouldn't matter, and that they would date an overweight person. (Not 10-20 pounds over, but someone clearly obese.) Yet, how many of those people actually have? Anyone? It's one thing to claim it, yet another to actually DO it.

 

I'm not trying to insult anyone...I just think that many people tend to have a holier than thou, it's what's on the inside that matters viewpoint, yet when it comes down to it, they really do not believe that and are afraid to admit it"...

 

I HAVE!

 

And we're not talking about someone who was just a few pounds overweight. David was OOOOOBESE! I was nineteen and only a toothpick at the time. Didn't matter, I *thought* he was nice and accepted his inventation to go out on 2 occasions. But as it turned out, he was caught stealing telephone equipment from the company we worked for and assumed I had been the one to finger him....I didn't. I was dumbfounded! Nevertheless, he was fired, prosecuted, and I never heard from him again. Never actually been asked out by someone you might consider "fat" since then, but I assure you, this lady is certainly no "holier than thou" hypicrate. And if you've ever taken the time to read my LENGHTY posts, you'd know that I have never been "afraid" to "admit" anything!

 

As a matter of fact, I usually reveal WAY too much!...LOL

 

I agree with everything you've written, but I don't think most men expect their women to look like the women in Cosmo, Victoria's Secret, the movies, or in Playboy. Those women are distorted, and most *smart* men know it. The rest of the world can't afford personal trainers and personal chefs, nor can we walk around permanently airbrushed.

 

I think that the original post was not about his girlfriend being a size 4 instead of a size 0, but about her being on her way to (or at) obese. There's a huge difference between being a healthy size 8 or 10 and having to shop in the Plus Department.

 

Maybe I'm just shallow. I think the world of my boyfriend, but if he were to pack on 50 pounds, I wouldn't be sexually attracted to him. I'm not afraid to admit that after I got to know him I fell hard for his personality and intelligence, but before that moment came, I was initially attracted to his looks. I agree that men tend to get more leeway in this realm, but only because women let them. I won't stand for it. If I can keep myself thin, I expect the same of him. I don't know why, but losing hair is a different thing to me. If he loses it (which I don't see happening-- very thick hair...LOL), I don't care because that's not as important to me as being in decent shape. I don't care about six pack abs and all that, but I can't handle extreme obesity. I just don't find it attractive. And here's an interesting question. (Lifted shamelessly from the movie The Tao of Steve.) Many people out there say that they like people for who they are inside, etc., and that weight shouldn't matter, and that they would date an overweight person. (Not 10-20 pounds over, but someone clearly obese.) Yet, how many of those people actually have? Anyone? It's one thing to claim it, yet another to actually DO it. I'm not trying to insult anyone...I just think that many people tend to have a holier than thou, it's what's on the inside that matters viewpoint, yet when it comes down to it, they really do not believe that and are afraid to admit it.

[clia]

You are a better person than most of us! I wasn't trying to insinuiate that *you* were holier than thou. It just seems to me that a lot of people say that kind of thing, but would never follow through on it. I'm relieved to see that there is someone out there who is not all talk.

..."And here's an interesting question. (Lifted shamelessly from the movie The Tao of Steve.) Many people out there say that they like people for who they are inside, etc., and that weight shouldn't matter, and that they would date an overweight person. (Not 10-20 pounds over, but someone clearly obese.) Yet, how many of those people actually have? Anyone? It's one thing to claim it, yet another to actually DO it. I'm not trying to insult anyone...I just think that many people tend to have a holier than thou, it's what's on the inside that matters viewpoint, yet when it comes down to it, they really do not believe that and are afraid to admit it"...

 

I HAVE! And we're not talking about someone who was just a few pounds overweight. David was OOOOOBESE! I was nineteen and only a toothpick at the time. Didn't matter, I *thought* he was nice and accepted his inventation to go out on 2 occasions. But as it turned out, he was caught stealing telephone equipment from the company we worked for and assumed I had been the one to finger him....I didn't. I was dumbfounded! Nevertheless, he was fired, prosecuted, and I never heard from him again. Never actually been asked out by someone you might consider "fat" since then, but I assure you, this lady is certainly no "holier than thou" hypicrate. And if you've ever taken the time to read my LENGHTY posts, you'd know that I have never been "afraid" to "admit" anything! As a matter of fact, I usually reveal WAY too much!...LOL

[velvet]

Everyone is made different and there probably is a match for everyone out in the world. I have seen incredibly good-looking men with stanky-looking mates, and vice versa.

 

Who people find attractive and sexy is their choice. Im lucky to get a date because Im under weight. I have a hard time shopping for cloths that wont fall off. Most women start at size 5 and up. No company makes money selling anything smaller than 5. What man would want to cuddle with bones and no meat? I have drank protein shakes and taken herbal drugs until I started vomiting daily.

 

But I believe in the professional world, looks play a major part to determine just how professional you are. I wouldnt want to hire a bald headed lawyer or doctor with bad hair implants or even meet the real estate lady who dresses like she got a discount at the GoodWill. I think to be successful you have to look well groomed and at a healthy weight. Dont get me wrong, there are plenty over weight people and sloppy dressers who are Im sure living a high life. My opinion is that I have more respect for the person who takes some time with their apperance.

 

Just a week ago I meet a business consultant, he gave a 3 hour speech to class while the instructor was out. He sounded great, I liked him, than I started to realize that the lint all over his blue shirt and the plastic looking shoes on his feet gave a more detailed impression. An impression that said he didnt care how he looked.

The world through the perspective of a female&

 

 

 

Okay guys, I won't deny for a second that there is absolute truth in what you are saying about sexual attraction. But can you deny that there is far more pressure on women to maintain their youthful appearance than there is on men? True, a person can lose weight if they try&but at what cost? Particularly if they are not part of that rare 10% of the human population lucky enough to win the skinny gene pull? In many cases weight gain is both hereditary and age-related&much like male balding. True, a woman can undergo liposuction to please her man just as easily as a man can pay for hair transplants. A woman can get breast implants just as a man can increase his penis size by wearing weights. And what about when a man starts losing the hair on his head and starts growing it on his back? Wouldn't electrolysis also be an option for him just as it is for his female counterpart? Imagine for a moment if the world was turned around, and this was a female oriented society rather than a male dominated one. Driving to work in the morning you were faced with billboards advertising everything from cars to cell phones. And instead of some bikini-clad model draped across the hood of that hot red sports car, there was some gorgeous hunk with strapping biceps, chiseled abs and a tight round but wearing nothing but a g-string. When you went to the convenience store to grab your coffee, the magazine stand was wallpapered with photos of 16-year-old studs with 10" slongs instead of the siliconed, airbrushed teenyboppers we've all become conditioned to. What would happen when you walked into a department store and that suit you've been admiring was draped across a size 4 mannequin and didn't look quite the same when you dragged it back to the dressing room and tried to squeeze into it yourself? And when you finally got home from a hard day at work and sat down in front of the television, every show featured the gratuitous well-endowed "crotch shot" rather than the usual "T" and "A"---When naked men strutting across the television screen became the norm and all the advertisements in between catered to increasing your d*ck size. What if you had to trade in those comfortable shoes for torturous high heals to emphasize your less-than-perfect calf muscles? If wearing those baggy jeans and shorts you've become accustomed to were suddenly considered "sloppy" by the opposite sex and you were required to suffer poor circulation, varicose veins and MUCH discomfort trying to fit your non-conforming body into tighter fitting cloths so that you might be more visually appealing? What if instead of fire trucks and Legos, you were handed a "Ken Doll" as a child and from that point on were conditioned to believe that that's what every little boy should look like and be like when he grew up? Please understand, I'm not some angry fat chick here with a chip on her shoulder. I too have been brainwashed by the unrealistic standards set by today's society. Sure, I just about killed myself on that damn treadmill to get into my size four jeans, but I was often too soar from the constant workouts to even bend down to put them on! Not to mention the constant hunger pains from skipping meals and denying myself food. And what was the result of all those hours I spent in the tanning bed to acquire that perfect swim suite model tan?&A spot of pre-cancer right on the tip of my nose! That's what it got me! But will I stop in spite of my doctor's warnings? Probably not. After all, I have to stay perfect if I expect to keep my man sexually interested, right? And when all my self-inflicted torture fails to provide me with results, and age finally sets in, I won't be to proud to visit that plastic surgeon again&so long as he'll finance! But what about my guy? Should I expect the same effort from him? What happens when his a$$ falls and all those gorgeous blond curls fall out of his head? Do I give him an ultimatum---"Get beautiful or get out?" I think not. Because unlike my male counterparts, my sexual attraction to my mate is more on an emotional level than a physical one. And I don't really blame you guys. Your ideals of what is sexually appealing has been pre-programmed in you since the first time you found your father's Playboy Magazine underneath the mattress. But what a different world it might be for us women if those naked centerfolds had been a healthy size twelve! In closing, who really stands to benefit from the impossible standards of female beauty set by the media? It isn't the men. After all, how many of you are parading around with some gorgeous model draped on your arm? And certainly it isn't us women who are literally killing ourselves trying to meet your expectations. The only ones cashing in on our unrealistic fantasies are the porn industry and the plastic surgeons while the rest of us are left frustrated and disappointed.

 

Just think about it&