Sticky Situation

[designer78]

First a little background: Next month my boyfriend and I will have been together for 2 years. We have decided to get officially engaged this summer and get married next year in May. We are in a long distance relationship (which is extremely hard) but we make the most of it. (He is still in school and will finish up in the fall). Here is the situation: Last night my boyfriend told me (over the phone) that he was going to visit his friend Nicole. He said that he ran into her earlier that day and she called him at work that evening and that he was going to visit her at her apartment that evening. I have never met this girl. He has known her for about a year and a half. (They used to go to school together and work together) I feel extremely uncomfortable with the situation. I feel that it is inappropriate for him to visit her one on one--even if she is just a friend. I am a firm believer that one should never give the impression of doing wrong. (To me it looks really bad if is alone with a female at her apartment) Am I overreacting? I told him how I felt, and he got extremely angry, yelled "bye" into the phone and then hung up on me. He and I usually talk EVERY morning, and this morning I haven't heard from him at all. I am hurting so much, but I don't want to call him if he doesn't want to talk. Again, was I wrong? Or is he?

[dee]

Your feelings are justified and he had no right to yell and hang up on you. This is a very disrespectful and unfriendly gesture, a very bad sign. He has anger problems and you can end up in a violent relationship. If he was serious about you he would not accept an invitation from a former girlfriend.

First a little background: Next month my boyfriend and I will have been together for 2 years. We have decided to get officially engaged this summer and get married next year in May. We are in a long distance relationship (which is extremely hard) but we make the most of it. (He is still in school and will finish up in the fall). Here is the situation: Last night my boyfriend told me (over the phone) that he was going to visit his friend Nicole. He said that he ran into her earlier that day and she called him at work that evening and that he was going to visit her at her apartment that evening. I have never met this girl. He has known her for about a year and a half. (They used to go to school together and work together) I feel extremely uncomfortable with the situation. I feel that it is inappropriate for him to visit her one on one--even if she is just a friend. I am a firm believer that one should never give the impression of doing wrong. (To me it looks really bad if is alone with a female at her apartment) Am I overreacting? I told him how I felt, and he got extremely angry, yelled "bye" into the phone and then hung up on me. He and I usually talk EVERY morning, and this morning I haven't heard from him at all. I am hurting so much, but I don't want to call him if he doesn't want to talk. Again, was I wrong? Or is he?

[Tony T]

I don't think it is wrong for a guy to go visit a lady friend, particularly when he has disclosed this to a girlfriend. But I do feel his reaction to your concern was immature, inappropriate and sort of wreaked of guilt of some sort. This was simply not a respectful way to treat your concerns.

 

Obviously you have serious trust and communications issues you must address and iron out before your marriage. Cancel your engagement until these issues are smoothed out. If you are unable to discuss your feelings with this guy without him slamming down the phone, I guarantee he is the WRONG guy for you to marry.

 

You don't want to hava a baby for either a boyfriend...or a husband. And you don't want a cheater either. This situation stinks to me and you are always correct in expressing your honest feelings to someone you're in a relationship with.

 

Wow, isn't it great this happened BEFORE you got married and had kids?

[manlyman]

if it ewas all inoocent, he would not react that way to you. His temper tantrum says that something's up. Sorry honey. You have every right to kick his butt.

First a little background: Next month my boyfriend and I will have been together for 2 years. We have decided to get officially engaged this summer and get married next year in May. We are in a long distance relationship (which is extremely hard) but we make the most of it. (He is still in school and will finish up in the fall). Here is the situation: Last night my boyfriend told me (over the phone) that he was going to visit his friend Nicole. He said that he ran into her earlier that day and she called him at work that evening and that he was going to visit her at her apartment that evening. I have never met this girl. He has known her for about a year and a half. (They used to go to school together and work together) I feel extremely uncomfortable with the situation. I feel that it is inappropriate for him to visit her one on one--even if she is just a friend. I am a firm believer that one should never give the impression of doing wrong. (To me it looks really bad if is alone with a female at her apartment) Am I overreacting? I told him how I felt, and he got extremely angry, yelled "bye" into the phone and then hung up on me. He and I usually talk EVERY morning, and this morning I haven't heard from him at all. I am hurting so much, but I don't want to call him if he doesn't want to talk. Again, was I wrong? Or is he?

[clia]

I don't blame him for being mad. You have no right to tell him who he can hang out with. You need to be confident and secure enough in your relationship to trust him to do the right thing. You've known him for two years. Don't you trust him yet? Especially with long distance relationships, you need to be able to trust him since you aren't around all the time to know what he's up to.

 

I do think his reaction was a little harsh...how has he dealt with disagreements in the past? But we only got one side of the story. You didn't tell us how you brought it up to him. Were you defensive and mad about it, or did you sweetly say it made you a little concerned?

 

I think if he was out cheating on you with this girl, he certainly would not have mentioned he was going over there. I don't think you have anything to worry about in that department.

 

Don't call him. He hung up on you and should call you and apologize.

First a little background: Next month my boyfriend and I will have been together for 2 years. We have decided to get officially engaged this summer and get married next year in May. We are in a long distance relationship (which is extremely hard) but we make the most of it. (He is still in school and will finish up in the fall). Here is the situation: Last night my boyfriend told me (over the phone) that he was going to visit his friend Nicole. He said that he ran into her earlier that day and she called him at work that evening and that he was going to visit her at her apartment that evening. I have never met this girl. He has known her for about a year and a half. (They used to go to school together and work together) I feel extremely uncomfortable with the situation. I feel that it is inappropriate for him to visit her one on one--even if she is just a friend. I am a firm believer that one should never give the impression of doing wrong. (To me it looks really bad if is alone with a female at her apartment) Am I overreacting? I told him how I felt, and he got extremely angry, yelled "bye" into the phone and then hung up on me. He and I usually talk EVERY morning, and this morning I haven't heard from him at all. I am hurting so much, but I don't want to call him if he doesn't want to talk. Again, was I wrong? Or is he?