Guest Posted October 25, 2006 Share Posted October 25, 2006 Its a long story but i'll try to keep it short. I'm currently 21 years old and was with my boyfriend for over 5 1/2 years. During the summer everything was cheery as ususal. We got back from a friend's wedding and started getting a little more involved in the discussion of moving in together, marriage, what to do after we finish our last term of college etc. He then starts hanging out with a girl whose a friend of a friend. I thought nothing at first, but then one day out of the blue he mentioned to me he didnt have a 'stomach feeling'. (i assume he means those butterflies in your stomach etc,) I didnt think nothing of it and said that thats fine...being in a relationship so long things dull down a bit. Well he kept hanging out with this girl by himself on a daily basis and started telling me how much of an interesting person she is, how he wants to take her here and here, blah blah. At the same time he was acting more and more distant from me. I asked him if he like the girl one day because it was starting to bother me, but he said no, and i didnt want to bring it up again cause i trusted him. So nothing seemed to change and i though he was just in a rut and he wouldnt tell me what was bothering him...and he was still hanging with this girl and would be at her house after work and then ask me to go over there and other stuff like that. So he ends up breaking up with me without telling me why and ends all contact what so ever. I get friends to talk to him to see whats up and all he says is that he couldnt spend his life with me and thought we werent compatible. I then find out that he and the girl were actually dating a month after we broke up and possibly earlier, but theyve been hiding it from everyone.(we've been seperated for 2 months to date) Ok...well that wasnt very short...but basically am I wrong to assume he left me for this other girl because he possibly got that butterfly in the stomach feeling with her? Or could it be something i'm just not aware of and the girl just happens to be bad timing. Also has anyone else experienced something similiar? I'm also wondering if it will work out with him and this girl, or if once that 'honeymoon stage' ends, will he come back? I know I have alot to think of in terms of respect and trust if he does decide to come back, dont get me wrong. What do you guys think of this situation? Advice, comments, anything would be good. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
ash519 Posted October 25, 2006 Share Posted October 25, 2006 I hate to say this but it sounds like he left you for another girl. But heres the thing, you are both young. And I think he is confusing himself because things were so comfortable with you and then this new girl steps in and gives him butterflies and maybe he wanted that again. I cant say whether or not it will work, but I would tend to say no considering his age and the fact that he hasnt been single at all through the dating years. You should get out there and date around too. Dont miss out on that expieience. I am sorry you are going through this right now. I am sure it hurts, i'd be very upset too but i think at a young age like yours it's much easier to bounce back so...HAPPY BOUNCING!!! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 26, 2006 Share Posted October 26, 2006 You poor thing, I'm so sorry for you. Yes I've been there and it's just part of growing up - getting your heart broken, unfortunately. If he has butterflies for this girl then you probably will not get back together. Take you time and heal and then move on. I just know there's a great guy out there that is going to give your stomach butterflies like you've never know before. Good luck you have a long full life ahead of you. Link to post Share on other sites
ryuyasha Posted October 26, 2006 Share Posted October 26, 2006 (its me again -guest , i just registered a name) I just dont get understand how he can go one moment talking about us being together in the future, then throw it away once he meets another girl. I know this happens alot, but it just seems like he risked alot with his descision. I'm just dumbfounded by it all. If he did it for that 'stomach' feeling, wont that just fade after a few months? and then will he just jump to another girl he gets that feeling over of what? I'm very angry at him for his behavior, and I thought he was mature enough to understand that the 'honeymoon' stage disappers after awhile and that youre with a person for more than that. I know i'm just ranting off, but I wish I had a better grasp of all thats happened. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 27, 2006 Share Posted October 27, 2006 It's only natural for you to feel the way you do now. He hurt you badly. I don't know if the butterfly feelings will go away from him in a few months or not. Each relationship is different. I would try not to dwell on their relationship because at this point it is what it is. When he said to you "I don't have those butterfly feelings" - did he ever have them for you or is this his first time feeling butterflies? In any case you guys were together for 5-1/2 years. That's a long time and he will never forget you. He must have been your first love. You haven't had a chance to meet some of the other great guys out there since you have been dating this guy since you were 16. Trust me, you have a lovely time ahead of you and since you will be graduating soon the world is your oyster. I know you can't just forget about someone you loved for 5-1/2 years. Take a small amount of time and mourn this relationship, get angry and then accept it and move on to your new fabulous life. Link to post Share on other sites
ryuyasha Posted October 27, 2006 Share Posted October 27, 2006 I'm trying the best i can to work my way through this...keeping busy, being with friends etc. but its still very hard. I just wish he wouldve been honest with me from the start because i trusted him and i feel like he threw that back in my face. As to your question stillafool, yes he did get that stomach feeling with me in the beginning of our relationship and possibly a few other instances. I'm just still very bewildered by it all. Its hard to grasp why or how this all happened. I would like to say thanks though to the few ppl that responded. It helps alot to get another's veiw or perspective on this. Please keep any thoughts, comments and ideas comings, I could use it. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 27, 2006 Share Posted October 27, 2006 One bit of advice I do have for you though. Don't call him and go out of your way not to see him. After a while he will wonder how you are doing. If he calls you do not seem angry and always get off the phone first. Don't let him come back and have sex with you either, no matter how much you miss him. If you do have sex with him it may not be because he wants you back but because he wants to know you are still there for him. By not seeing him it will make you stronger day by day. Also you don't want to see him and her together if you can help it. This may be a difficult season ahead of you but by spring you will be in full bloom again. Link to post Share on other sites
ryuyasha Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 Yeah, i've been doing what you suggested. I havent talked to him since the very beginning. I've even gone that extra step and blocked him from AIM, thefacebook, and myspace. That has actually helped me alot through this by just ignoring and blocking him. Hes been asking some friends of mine how i'm doing, so i asked them to not tell him if they dont mind.I'll have to try extra hard not to get mad at him if he calls though, cause i'll admit i have a mouthful to say. The sex thing isnt going to happen either, i dont want to get into the mess of that at all. Thanks for your advice btw Link to post Share on other sites
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