How to get rid of envy?

[toomuchenvy]

Envy is my biggest weakness, and I can never stand being with anyone that is better than I am (in whatever way: intelligence, appearance, accomplishments, etc.) Whenever I come across someone whom I perceive is a better individual than me, I'll run away from him/her as far as possible, otherwise the envious fire at my heart would burn me to death. Paradoxically, I fell in love with a guy whom I perceive is smarter and more accomplished than I am. He loves me too (or even more than I do him). But part of me doesn't seem to be able to carry on this relationship anymore, because I can't stand the fact that I'm inferior than my boyfriend in some areas. I usually date someone that is equal to me or slightly dumber than me so that I can feel I'm in control. My boyfriend's intellectual superiority makes me insecure and vulnerable. I shiver whenever seeing his grandiose accomplishments. I remember someone said, "envy's true nature is the will to completely destroy the envied"—do I want to destroy my boyfriend then? Well, yes, I do RESENT him for having talents that I don't have. Yet at the same time I'm in love with him. Yes, I love AND hate him simultaneously! Such feeling is too much to handle. Ugh. I don't think I can leave him, because he loves me so deeply that I'm afraid he'd have a huge breakdown if I went away—that'd be too selfish of me. If I could get rid of my envy, everything would be fine. But how can I do it? This bad trait of mine is so ingrained in me. I always uncontrollably compare myself with others. I can't help it. So I am seeking advice from you guys. Please don't say, "everyone has his/her talents and defects. You are equal to your boyfriend because you have talents too." Yes, I do have several talents he doesn't have. But from what I perceive, my boyfriend has MORE talents than I do. He is superior to me MORE OFTEN than I am to him. I can't stand this. Meanwhile, I wish I could eradicate my envy and have a wonderful relationship with this guy.

[moredeborah]

I think you should tell him how you feel. Tell him that you have this problem of being envious of how much better he is at certain things. Tell him that you resent him for it. But you must also make it clear that you are not mad at him and it's not his fault (unless that's truly how you feel). This will hopefully help your relationship with your boyfriend since at least there is some communication about how you're feeling. Possibly out of that conversation some kind of solution between you guys can be reached.

[norajane]

I think you need some therapy. That's over the top.

 

You can't sit there and make spreadsheets about which of you is better and has more talents and who is superior MORE OFTEN...blah blah blah.

 

Unless you get some help to deal with your issues, you're going to have serious relationship issues throughout your life. There are always going to be people who are smarter, funnier, prettier, more charming, more talented...and you'll meet some people who are all of the above. You can't go running away from them - what will happen if you are working with those people? Or one becomes your boss?