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I hate myself and I want to change


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I'm a little 20 year old with a very young face because of a medical issue, a lack social skills because i am recovering from child abuse and social anxiety. people are always bullying me no matter where I go. I am a extremely nice person, that treats people with respect. I took physical abuse from family, teammates, classmates, even verbal abuse from women, strangers, and people throughout the school.

 

I'm not strong enough to fight back because of my medical issue and ignorant people see as a target and my only mistake is just being alive. I'm tired of this ****. and i would kill myself but it would not solve anything- its against my Christianity. Instead i'm going to kill myself mentally and i'm not being a nice person no more. I am going to be the master of social skills and hurt all those bitches that hurt me. i am going to change my apearance, tone of voice attitude, and most important personallity. they will pay and any more who tries to hurt me. my stress levels are so high im on medication, words do hurt and now its my turn. I deserve the abuse because i'm a total wimp, who lets people pick on me. so its going to change

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