should i tell him ?

[stupidstep]

i have such a loving boy friend. I do care for him and we share things together .

He is a high flier, his schedule requires him to travel a lot . everytime he went for a business trip i miss him badly but i never complained abt it, i just did my things, made my self busy and hoped he came back soon. Sometimes he had to go for 10 days , 2 weeks .Sometimes when he went to some countries in Asia, his mobile was not reachable. Because of that place had a super bad mobile coverage. Yet he did try to contact me by email or any other way. Even though he didnt call me everyday , sometimes once in 4-7 days.. sometimes longer. So far i can manage, even though it is hard.

 

Lately , i knew a new guy form my friends. One day this new guy said that he likes me but i said to him that he and i will only be friends. And he said he is ok with that, he said he understood my point. I told my boy friend abt this new guy , just to be open to him,thats all.

 

This week, i have not seen my boy friend for more than 10 days and this week i found it so hard, i miss my bf badly and to wait him without any news it just so hard, and things in my work is not going smooth either. I did try to call my bf's mobile but it is always odd tone... disconnected or no coverage or whatever. I really simply couldnt contact him.

 

The new guy called me , asked me to meet up So i was thinking just to meet friend should be ok. I didnt really remember what was happening , it just remember that i drank much , feeling terribly miss my boy friend and i told the new guy abt that , how i felt , how i miss him , how i hope i could have him near me and he just listenned and gave me a hug and he said he is sad to see me like that.. I dunno...i think was drunk , i dont even remember how was it. But i found my self in the morning , beside the new guy,no clothes on.And he still slept beside me. I couldnt believe i did this and i knew i had cheated my boy friend. Quickly i got out from this new guy place and i was shocked abt what i had done . I cried , cried and cried . I felt so sad that i did such a nasty thing and broke his trust .

i know i dont deserve him anymore . i will ask him to leave me ...should i tell what had happened or just break up ?

i dont want to break his heart ...i regret that i was so stupid to go with the new guy. It is my fault... now the new guy called me and he asked me to consider about being together with him and leave my boy friend . i couldnt do that ...

what would you do if you were me ? i know it is my fault..

[Heavenseventeen]

You did sound like you were making excuses at the beginning, but at least you owned up to it at the end. When you started dating him, if you found the long distances so hard, you should have ended the relationship.

 

You SHOULD tell him, in my opinion. He should have the right to choose where you both go from here. He needs to have the choice as to whether you can be together, or whether he wants to dump you. You owe him that much at least.

 

Things like this will probably ALWAYS come out somehow, so make sure he hears it from you. It could work in your favour, if he believes you deserve another chance.

[Bryanp]

If you have any respect for your boyfriend which it sounds like you do then you need to tell him what happened so he can decide if he wishes to work things out with you. Allow him to make the choice after receiving all of this information. You probably need to be checked for STD's since it is obvious that you did not use condoms. Again you must tell your boyfriend. If the roles were reversed, would you expect him to be honest with you?

[crazy_grl]

Yes, tell him. It's unfair to just break up with him without telling him the reason why.

 

And use this as a lesson not to go over to another guy's house alone, especially when you're feeling lonely. I have a hard time believing that people who do that aren't, on some level, hoping for something to happen.

 

Next time (whether with this guy or another) go see a girl friend instead.

 

I am glad to see that you're taking responsibility for your actions and not trying to make excuses and minimize the cheating.

[stupidstep]

Yes, tell him. It's unfair to just break up with him without telling him the reason why.

 

And use this as a lesson not to go over to another guy's house alone, especially when you're feeling lonely. I have a hard time believing that people who do that aren't, on some level, hoping for something to happen.

 

Next time (whether with this guy or another) go see a girl friend instead.

 

I am glad to see that you're taking responsibility for your actions and not trying to make excuses and minimize the cheating.

 

i know it was totally my fault. I shouldnt have cheated on him for any reasons. I didnt meet the new guy in his house , we were in the bar. But i was too drunk and i really couldnt remember how it went too far.

 

I will tell him what had happened , if he leaves me after he heard it , i would understand, whatever decision i would respect it. i wouldnt ask him to give me a second chance, i will let him to think. I know he needs to decide for him self without any distraction.

 

It is gonna be hard for me , because we have been together for quite sometimes. But even more this reason, i shouldnt do this nasty thing to him. i am really f*cked up... I cant barely imagine if i dont see him anymore but it is too late. I really hate my self doing this.

[Flyin in Clouds]

You were too drunk?

 

OK, here's the deal ... You are an alcoholic. You can't handle drinking so don't ever drink again. Go to AA and get sober and stay sober. Then you won't make "mistakes" like this. Stay out of bars. Nothing good happens there.

 

You should tell your BF because he deserves to make the deicion to stay with you or not. It's his life. While I think the chances are slim a guy can get over this kind of thing, some do.

 

And the guy you woke up next to. Don't ever talk to or see him again. He took advantage of you and is a total scum bag. In fact you might consider filing rape charges. If you were drunk you couldn't consent, so maybe he did rape you. Could he have used a "date rape" drug on you? (Extasy and rohipinol are used as date-rape drugs. Common side effects of the drugs include memory loss, passing out, and an intoxicated feeling.) Slipped it into one of your drinks? He knew you were in a committed relationship and took advantage of you. Any guy that would take advantage of a woman too drunk to remember... well that guy is total sh*t. No decent guy that is worthy of his manhood has to get a woman drunk to get in her pants. Only a sick loser that can't get a woman in bed any other way as to resort to getting her drunk or drugging her.

 

And because you couldn't talk to your BF for a mere 10 days you loose it? Geez... I think you need some hobbies or something... Hobbies other than drinking or guys. Try knitting or needle point...

[stupidstep]

And because you couldn't talk to your BF for a mere 10 days you loose it? Geez... I think you need some hobbies or something... Hobbies other than drinking or guys. Try knitting or needle point...

 

u made it as if it is my hobby to go out with other guys or toying with guy's feeling. I know i made mistake but i am not depserate to find a man out there to sleep with.

 

this month i just saw him 1 day.he went for 2 weeks then arrived, just stay for 1 day , n then went for another trip. anyway, it is not his fault. and i had admitted it was fault. But if u think guys are my hobby you are totally wrong.

[mental_traveller]

You were too drunk?

 

OK, here's the deal ... You are an alcoholic. You can't handle drinking so don't ever drink again. Go to AA and get sober and stay sober. Then you won't make "mistakes" like this. Stay out of bars. Nothing good happens there.

 

Pure hyperbole and scaremongering. Alcoholism is a serious condition, the term is not applicable to any random person who has too much to drink one night and does something stupid. To be classified as an alcoholic, there needs to be a clear pattern of repeated alcohol abuse, certain key symptoms and behaviour happening over a sustained period of time. If you meet a real alcoholic, and then a normal person who occasionally gets ratfaced, then the difference is clear as night and day.

 

The issue here is not alcohol, although that exacerbated it. The issue is this woman's feelings of loneliness and her deeply flawed way of coping with it. First, she should have raised the issue with her bf. Second, she should never have become friends with this guy. New guys who offer to become friends when they know you have a boyfriend are, in most cases, simply wanting to get into your pants and f*ck you as soon as your bf is not around and they get the chance. So this was woeful naivety on her part. Third, she should never have gone to a bar alone with this guy. It's too obvious that something like this mistake might happen. Loneliness, plus guy desperate to nail you, plus booze, plus no trusted friends to make sure nothing happens = clear potential for cheating. Fourth, she made a mistake by drinking to excess with this guy. Experienced drinkers can handle drink and don't screw up. Inexperienced drinkers get wasted and can't handle themselves properly.

[Rooster_DAR]

I am glad to see that you're taking responsibility for your actions and not trying to make excuses and minimize the cheating.

 

Allow me to commend you also for stepping up and owning responsiblity for your actions. You are one of the few people I've seen post here that seem to understand the concept. I agree to you should approach your B/F about this and give him the chance to decide if he wishes to stay or not.

 

Good luck!

[Guest]

i have such a loving boy friend. I do care for him and we share things together .

He is a high flier, his schedule requires him to travel a lot . everytime he went for a business trip i miss him badly but i never complained abt it, i just did my things, made my self busy and hoped he came back soon. Sometimes he had to go for 10 days , 2 weeks .Sometimes when he went to some countries in Asia, his mobile was not reachable. Because of that place had a super bad mobile coverage. Yet he did try to contact me by email or any other way. Even though he didn't call me everyday , sometimes once in 4-7 days.. sometimes longer. So far i can manage, even though it is hard.

 

Lately , i knew a new guy form my friends. One day this new guy said that he likes me but i said to him that he and i will only be friends. And he said he is ok with that, he said he understood my point. I told my boy friend abt this new guy , just to be open to him,thats all.

 

This week, i have not seen my boy friend for more than 10 days and this week i found it so hard, i miss my bf badly and to wait him without any news it just so hard, and things in my work is not going smooth either. I did try to call my bf's mobile but it is always odd tone... disconnected or no coverage or whatever. I really simply couldnt contact him.

 

The new guy called me , asked me to meet up So i was thinking just to meet friend should be ok. I didnt really remember what was happening , it just remember that i drank much , feeling terribly miss my boy friend and i told the new guy abt that , how i felt , how i miss him , how i hope i could have him near me and he just listenned and gave me a hug and he said he is sad to see me like that.. I dunno...i think was drunk , i dont even remember how was it. But i found my self in the morning , beside the new guy,no clothes on.And he still slept beside me. I couldnt believe i did this and i knew i had cheated my boy friend. Quickly i got out from this new guy place and i was shocked abt what i had done . I cried , cried and cried . I felt so sad that i did such a nasty thing and broke his trust .

i know i dont deserve him anymore . i will ask him to leave me ...should i tell what had happened or just break up ?

i dont want to break his heart ...i regret that i was so stupid to go with the new guy. It is my fault... now the new guy called me and he asked me to consider about being together with him and leave my boy friend . i couldnt do that ...

what would you do if you were me ? i know it is my fault..

 

 

VERY CURIOUS ABOUT SOMETHING U SAY THAT HE TRIED CALLING U ALL THE TIME RIGHT? NOW HOW OFTEN DID U? I U DIDN'T AND DIDN'T RECEIVE HIS CALLS PERHAPS U WERE 'SETTING THINGS UP SO U COULD BE READY AND GUILT FREE WHEN 'SOMEONE' CAME ALONG? JUST A THOUGHJT

[stupidstep]

VERY CURIOUS ABOUT SOMETHING U SAY THAT HE TRIED CALLING U ALL THE TIME RIGHT? NOW HOW OFTEN DID U? I U DIDN'T AND DIDN'T RECEIVE HIS CALLS PERHAPS U WERE 'SETTING THINGS UP SO U COULD BE READY AND GUILT FREE WHEN 'SOMEONE' CAME ALONG? JUST A THOUGHJT

 

i didn't set things up. if i want to , i wouldn't have told the new guy that i am attached , and if that was my intention, i would have cheated years back, no need to wait until 6 yrs.

And i am not a regular bar-goer , if i go for drink , i always go with my bf which is very rare.

 

This month i talked to my bf less then 5 times. Every time i missed my bf calls i always called him back.

 

I will tell him and be responsible . i admitted it was my fault, i should not have done that for any reasons, and if my bf leaves me in the end, i would not contact the new guy. And i have told the new guy that i wouldn't not be with him , and rejected him straight away when he asked me.

 

I have no clue how i ended up in the new guy place, i didn't remember any thing , the last thing i could recall is i was in the bar.

 

I want to do what i suppose to do and what is right because i respect my bf and he has the right to decide,but even for that , people still say i am setting up. I am new in LS, and the reason why i posted this was i thought that the people in LS would be objective . But u are very judgmental..thanks .

[Bryanp]

Do you think that there is a possibility that this new guy slipped something in your drink? You said you do not remember leaving the bar but just waking up nude in bed the next morning. It sounds like he could have slipped you the date rape drug. What do you thinki?

[sowhatnow_ny]

After reading this whole post I have a few things to offer:

1) A person who is not there cannot when you need them is not 100% committed to you or the relationship. I traveled overseas for years and rented cell phones when I was there and used IM and video to keep in touch. It is not impossible.

2) If I travelled that much (and I did not) I would be honest and say I cannot be in a serious relationship as they take time and effort. I would have been the person to say it and not string someone else along.

3) You were single, and did what you wished, drunk or not. You can still have feelings for him but honestly a 2-3 days of contact out of thirty is not a relationship.

 

I think you should fess up then be honest and say this is not for me. I wanted someone to be with me then and you were not there, nor where you there enough. Fear is keeping you from finding a better mate. Or lust after whatever this "travelling guy" brings to the table (money, sex, looks, ect)

 

Lastly, any guy who meets you and likes you will wants a relationship - love, friendship or sex. 95% of men do not hang out with women for fun. We are hard wired to want to be with them. Players do it for sex and the conquering factor, nice guys do it to make sure they are who they want to be (sex-less doormats in most cases) and abusive men do it they can have someone to control and abuse. The remaining 5% are the marrying type. They are rare and in most cases don't even know it. All men pass into that 5% range but the time there is infrequent and transiant.

Find someone who gives you what you want and give up what you don't have now hoping it might change.

[Flyin in Clouds]

u made it as if it is my hobby to go out with other guys or toying with guy's feeling. I know i made mistake but i am not depserate to find a man out there to sleep with.

 

Well my comment was more directed at how desperate you seemed because you couldn't talk to him for 10 days... No I don't think you were toying with anyone's feelings. But even if you can't see your guy for a month that's no reason to get so lonely you have to go out with other guys. How many miliatry wives have to put up with not hearing from their guys for months? Submariners? Special forces?

 

But if you can't keep from drinking too much I do suggest AA. There is no excuse for getting plastered other than not being able to handle drinking.

[Flyin in Clouds]

Pure hyperbole and scaremongering. Alcoholism is a serious condition, the term is not applicable to any random person who has too much to drink one night and does something stupid.

 

I disagree. That is the very defintion. What if she'd gotten in a car and killed someone? Would that be just "doing something stupid"? Yeah, it would. But it also means if you drink too much you got a problem. If one gets to the point of being out of it that is just beyond stupid, it's dangerous.

 

 

If you meet a real alcoholic, and then a normal person who occasionally gets ratfaced, then the difference is clear as night and day.

If one gets "ratfaced" they have a problem, even if it's once. Either drink responsibly or don't drink.

 

The issue here is not alcohol, although that exacerbated it. The issue is this woman's feelings of loneliness and her deeply flawed way of coping with it.

Maybe, so you are suggesting she would have done this without being drunk? I don't think so.

Loneliness, plus guy desperate to nail you, plus booze,

 

Plus a possible date rape drug slipped in for good measure.

Experienced drinkers can handle drink and don't screw up. Inexperienced drinkers get wasted and can't handle themselves properly.

Like I said, if you can't handle drinking don't drink. That means if you get "ratfaced" don't drink.

[Yamaha]

You should have spent time with a g/f if you were lonely. Being lonely and spending time with a guy who told you he had feelings for you was your mistake. You should tell your b/f and let him decide if he can forgive you. Don't make that decision for him. You owe him that.

[Flyin in Clouds]

...

 

I have no clue how i ended up in the new guy place, i didn't remember any thing , the last thing i could recall is i was in the bar.

 

Well that sounds to me like you were drugged by this creep. And it sounds like you were too out of it to give consent which again would be rape. If you can't remember wouldn't that be possible?

[kaykay08]

i have such a loving boy friend. I do care for him and we share things together .

He is a high flier, his schedule requires him to travel a lot . everytime he went for a business trip i miss him badly but i never complained abt it, i just did my things, made my self busy and hoped he came back soon. Sometimes he had to go for 10 days , 2 weeks .Sometimes when he went to some countries in Asia, his mobile was not reachable. Because of that place had a super bad mobile coverage. Yet he did try to contact me by email or any other way. Even though he didnt call me everyday , sometimes once in 4-7 days.. sometimes longer. So far i can manage, even though it is hard.

 

Lately , i knew a new guy form my friends. One day this new guy said that he likes me but i said to him that he and i will only be friends. And he said he is ok with that, he said he understood my point. I told my boy friend abt this new guy , just to be open to him,thats all.

 

This week, i have not seen my boy friend for more than 10 days and this week i found it so hard, i miss my bf badly and to wait him without any news it just so hard, and things in my work is not going smooth either. I did try to call my bf's mobile but it is always odd tone... disconnected or no coverage or whatever. I really simply couldnt contact him.

 

The new guy called me , asked me to meet up So i was thinking just to meet friend should be ok. I didnt really remember what was happening , it just remember that i drank much , feeling terribly miss my boy friend and i told the new guy abt that , how i felt , how i miss him , how i hope i could have him near me and he just listenned and gave me a hug and he said he is sad to see me like that.. I dunno...i think was drunk , i dont even remember how was it. But i found my self in the morning , beside the new guy,no clothes on.And he still slept beside me. I couldnt believe i did this and i knew i had cheated my boy friend. Quickly i got out from this new guy place and i was shocked abt what i had done . I cried , cried and cried . I felt so sad that i did such a nasty thing and broke his trust .

i know i dont deserve him anymore . i will ask him to leave me ...should i tell what had happened or just break up ?

i dont want to break his heart ...i regret that i was so stupid to go with the new guy. It is my fault... now the new guy called me and he asked me to consider about being together with him and leave my boy friend . i couldnt do that ...

what would you do if you were me ? i know it is my fault..

 

 

I wouldn't say that all of this is your fault it is all 3 of yall fault because your boyfriend shouldn't always leave you and he should take some days off to stay at home with you and it is that new guys fault because he took advantage of your emotions he see that you were feeling bad and you was drunk so he moved in on you and it is your fault because a woman is expose to control her liquor no matter what it is not lady like and you sjould of found the since to say no! and if i were you i would tell my boyfriend cause even though it might break you up you don't wqnt to have it inside of you that you cheated and when it comes down to tell him he's going to wonder why it took so long to tell and so one day sit him down and tell him what happened cause you don't want him to find out by somebody else and pray that he will try to work it out with and I wish you alot of luck

 

your friend

[mental_traveller]

[Flyin in Clouds] I disagree. That is the very defintion.

 

From dictionary.com

 

"Alcoholism

 

noun

 

a chronic disorder characterized by dependence on alcohol, repeated excessive use of alcoholic beverages, the development of withdrawal symptoms on reducing or ceasing intake, morbidity that may include cirrhosis of the liver, and decreased ability to function socially and vocationally."

[stupidstep]

I wouldn't say that all of this is your fault it is all 3 of yall fault because your boyfriend shouldn't always leave you and he should take some days off to stay at home with you and it is that new guys fault because he took advantage of your emotions he see that you were feeling bad and you was drunk so he moved in on you and it is your fault because a woman is expose to control her liquor no matter what it is not lady like and you sjould of found the since to say no! and if i were you i would tell my boyfriend cause even though it might break you up you don't wqnt to have it inside of you that you cheated and when it comes down to tell him he's going to wonder why it took so long to tell and so one day sit him down and tell him what happened cause you don't want him to find out by somebody else and pray that he will try to work it out with and I wish you alot of luck

 

your friend

What happened in the bar still a question mark. But i am so hesitate to find out . i just went to take the morning after pill and whatever way to prevent pregnancy. To rehearse and to find out in detail , it gives more hurting feeling and brings more regret.I knew that the new guy , he took advantage of this situation but it was also my fault.

 

my bf is back, and I did tell him what had happened. And he was shocked and i said that it was my fault and i didnt blame him or anything .

He was very shocked when he heard this from me. But i knew i have to tell him.

 

He said to me why i told him this thing and why i didnt hide it from him or just keep it for my self , and he asked me why i took the risk that he might leave me straight away after he heard this .

 

I just said that i didnt want him to hear it from other people, i would prefer him to hear from me and i dont want to hide it from him. And i said that i am really sorry.

 

and i was even more amazed that he forgave me . He said that he still loves me and he is so sorry to leave me on my own for so long. He said to me not to do it again (of course i won't). He said he still loves me and he said that he knows that i didnt intend to do that and if i have problem with drinking or anything he wants to help me on that. I didnt know what to say when he said that, I am so speechless... i tought he would call me bitch or yell at me..

and to know that he forgives me , it makes me appreciate him even more.

[crazy_grl]

I have no clue how i ended up in the new guy place, i didn't remember any thing , the last thing i could recall is i was in the bar.

 

If you weren't sober enough to give consent, that could be legally considered rape even if he didn't slip you anything else. I don't know whether you feel his intent was to take advantage of you or not, but just so you know, you may have grounds to file charges against him if you wanted to.

[Guest]

If you weren't sober enough to give consent, that could be legally considered rape even if he didn't slip you anything else. I don't know whether you feel his intent was to take advantage of you or not, but just so you know, you may have grounds to file charges against him if you wanted to.

 

i somehow got some feelings that your time single might have been a little rough - i am really sorry to hear this - hugs

 

are u ok? if u ever need to talk i will listen

 

second question - how is that effecting u?

 

third question - do u have a support group helping u?

 

i'll keep the questions list down...we can talk whenever or not ok

[Flyin in Clouds]

...

From dictionary.com

 

"Alcoholism

...

 

Well ask people at AA what they think the definition is (cause I really don't care what the dictionary definition is). When someone can't drink without getting drunk that is a problem and they need to fix it. I take it this isn't the first time the OP got drunk. And if one gets so drunk they can't remember how they ended up nake in bed ... that is a big problem.

[Flyin in Clouds]

If you weren't sober enough to give consent, that could be legally considered rape even if he didn't slip you anything else. I don't know whether you feel his intent was to take advantage of you or not, but just so you know, you may have grounds to file charges against him if you wanted to.

Exactly. The problem is proving it. He said, she said.

 

And what kind of looser has to get a woman drunk to get her?