My insecurity is driving ME crazy!!!!

[freelove]

So here is a backstory:

 

Been seeing this girl for 2 and a half years. She was really into me at the beginning of the relationship, I fell for her to, but took her completely for granted. She treated me so well and I did not do the same for her. After a year and a half she broke up with me, saying that she need her "space", the usual. I was beside myself, I knew how badly I had messed up/ I asked her to give me another chance and that I would change. She took me back and I worked so hard at being a better boyfriend...I really became so more attentive and loving. It actually helped me grow as a person.

 

However, I could feel things were not the same with her...she just felt distant. We were together for another 8 months and I could tell things were up and down with her feelings. When I questioned her on it, she would tell me that although she took me back, she still never had the space that she needed to figure things out because I was always around. She loved being with me but still needed time to evaluate her feelings after the break up because by then she felt that she had emotionally checked out of the relationship.

 

About three months ago she travelled overseas with a friend for 6 weeks. We agreed that this would be a good time to have the space she needed. When she arrived there, I never heard from her for days and finally when I did, I broke up with her because I didn't feel she respected me enough to not contact me and let me know how she is. I never had any contact for her for the rest of her trip and decided that it was over.

 

When she came back, she contacted me after about a week and we decided to meet up. We had a great talk and discussed everything that happened. She explained to me that she did what she did overseas because she finally felt that a weight had been lifted off her shoulders and she felt free from worrying about us. She finally had the space she wanted. I could totally see her point of view and I accepted it. It was great to see her again.

 

We hung out after a couple of times and both of us became confused about our feelings.We talked about it a bit and decided to take things slow and see where it goes. We were intimate with eachother again which obviously elevated things. I never saw her for a couple of days and my heart was so sore. I realized that I still love her so much and would love to be back to the way things are.

 

After feeling quite down and not speaking to her for a few days, I leave my house to find a rose on the door step from her with note telling me she loves me and can we see eachother again. Ofcourse I was ecstatic...

 

So, we are together again, but things are not the same as before. I am a very emotional person and love to love and be loved. However I know that I don't want to rush things and I want to take it slowly with her.

 

The problem is, when I'm not with her, I'm losing my mind. I'm feeling so insecure at the moment and worried that she is going to change her mind about things at any given moment. But when we are together, she seems so happy to be with me, tells me she loves me. She seems to be doing fine with everything, she has her life to...hangs out with her friends, does this and that, which I love about her, but I just want to see her all the time. I do my own things too, I go the gym regularly, I hang out with friends but I would love to hang out with her all the time and when I don't, I have this terrible anxiety.

 

I don't know why I keep soing this to myself. Then I think to myself, is this my gut telling me something. Is the heartache going to come again if I don't get out of this relationship.

 

We are great together, have so much fun and hardly ever fight. I do not bring up my insecurity issues with her as I feel it'll just pressure her and push her away. I just want to take it slow, but my heart is fighting that.

 

I have never felt this way in a relationship before, this insecurity. I'm finding it so hard to focus. I don't know what to do.

 

Should I just go with it and see how things work out? Do I train myself to not be so worried and insecure all the time? Do I end it because my gut is telling me something is up?

 

When I'm around her I feel good, when I'm not, I feel down! I know I can't expect her to make me happy, that's not right for her and especially myself.

 

I just want to be happy without having to get it from her. What am I doing or what am I not doing?

 

I'm driving myself bonkers!!!!

[D-Lish]

If you truly want a relationship to work- you have to communicate. It's obvious that you posting here, instead of telling your g/f how you feel and what's been going on in your head, that you have an issue with communication going on in the relationship.

 

You have what many of us here don't have...an opportunity to make things work with the person you love. I am sure opening up to her would be a great start. It might even add what might be (and perhaps she feels) the missing element fin a potentially good/better relationship.

 

It's natural to feel the anxiety after already experiencing the pain of a seperation- especially one she initiated. Of course you'd feel a bit insecure about her changing her mind again.

 

But maybe- the element of communication on your part would make a difference. Tell her how you feel about things. Be open and honest and sincere about it. If she has doubts- it may clear the air. If she is committed to the relationship...it's a good way for you to find out...

 

I wouldn't just walk away until you fill her in on all the unspoken thoughts and feelings you've been withholding from her. Communication is the key to making all good relationships work.

 

Good luck.

D

[mikael belch]

d-lish,

when was the last time someone 'spoke' to u via only one medium, forums like this, and encouraged you and told u things could work and then u went 4 months not talking with someone? i think there is something more key than communication - it is respect.

[D-Lish]

d-lish,

when was the last time someone 'spoke' to u via only one medium, forums like this, and encouraged you and told u things could work and then u went 4 months not talking with someone? i think there is something more key than communication - it is respect.

 

Sorry, maybe I'm missing the point you're trying to convey.

 

Open communication enriches a relationship. They aren't broken up yet- he isn't attempting to try and get her back...he already "has her" and he's choosing not to communicate his fears and needs to her.

 

I'm suggesting he make an honest attempt to communicate what is going on in his heart and mind to the woman he is STILL dating....before it's too late.

 

Of course respect is key in a relationship. I never said it wasn't.

 

He is considering breaking up with someone he loves because he's worried she MIGHT not be as into him as he hopes...and without laying everything out on the table first ... and he may regret doing that someday.

 

You disagree with that?

D