People who minimize cheating and affairs

[Rooster_DAR]

I still find it amazing how many people will still defend cheating and affairs with attempted logical explanations. I keep reading posts where people try to justify or rationalize cheating with ideological rhetoric that somehow it's okay due to certain cirumtances. The real truth is, cheating/affairs are wrong, hurt lot's of poeople, and destroy the family infrastructure. But, affairs do happen unfortunately and that's part of the world we live in now.

 

I think these people need to stop rationalizing, and own up to the fact that this beaviour is selfish and self fullfilling. Consider the real issue of why you married someone in the first place that you could not stay commited and honest with.

 

Cheers,

 

"Don't worry, be happy!"

[Guest]

there is a complete rational for cheating and having an affair. Its only an affair in our society because you can't marry more then one person or take more than one wife.

Think about it-- in societies where is is exceptable to take more then one wife -- you don't hear of infidelity. And I'm not just talking about muslims- another popular misconception in America that just muslims believe in polygamy. Most African countries and a good 12 far east asian countries still practice polygamy.

 

I think its unreasonable to believe its in staying with one person for the rest of your life. I think its unreasonable to believe family can only mean those who you have a piece of paper with...

 

I know people in America like to think they don't practice polygamy but they do with all the babies daddies and babies momma running around.

I know several blended families that are perfectly fine--

i'm not saying its for everyone but sometimes just because a majority of people think its wrong --just doesn't make it so.

Back in the day people thought interracial relationships were wrong, wasn't wrong just their screwed up perception. Just like infedelity-- just your perception.

 

And not all kids feel slighted-- my father had three extra-marital affairs and my half siblings and I get along great. Over time and with lots patience you work through things like a family and get on with it. They are my brothers and my sister-no big deal. There wasn't a big deal made about it when we were introduced by my father. When I was little I thought why do they live in a different place and that was all. It wasn't until i was older and i realized oh wait those two are younger then me but my mom was married to him-- so I asked what happened. My mom said your dad got around.

And til this very day -- when other people meet my half siblings they look confused and I laugh and say exactly what my mom says, My dad got around. And it wasn't on my mom, it was him. She was the only one he ever married and stayed with. But she had her own stepping out periods of time as well... so no one was slighted. We kids didn't grow up thinking daddy doesn't love me, or mommy doesn't love me. And we still always have each other no matter what.

 

Really there is no one size fits all to life...

[IzzyisDizzy001]

there is a complete rational for cheating and having an affair. Its only an affair in our society because you can't marry more then one person or take more than one wife.

 

There is a BIG difference between being a cheater and being a consenting adult in an open relationship such as swinging or polyamory. Please do not confuse the two. Cheating is wrong under any circumstances, period. If a person want to be in a non-monogamous relationship, then they ethier need to hook up with other people who share their views or be willing to sacrifice having other relationships if they don't.

 

If after they are already involved in a relationship, they decide they want to persue a non-monogamous lifestyle and they have an ounce of respect for their partner they would discuss this with their partner rather than run around behind their backs.

 

If you really love someone you will let them decide if they want to continue the relationship with if the dynamic changes. You will want them to be happy as well. To try and keep things from them because you don't want them to leave, file for divorce, take the kids, ect. is robbing them of their right to make decisions that affect their own lives. It's selfish, decietful, and cruel.

 

How is it ever rational to treat a person you are supposed to care for in that manner?

[Flyin in Clouds]

What she said...

[Walk]

Well... in light of this absolutely stunning discussion.

 

I cheated! Selfishly. Then I left the bastard! I hope he's miserable. hahahahha

 

Some days I feel guilty.. Today just isn't one of them.

 

 

Throwing stones.

How to take an incredibly complex human being and shove them into the tiniest box imaginable, and then call it an astounding revolation. People have been working for years to understand the human brain, and Rooster Dar has figured it out in 2.7 seconds! Astounding.

I'm impressed.

[IzzyisDizzy001]

Throwing stones.

How to take an incredibly complex human being and shove them into the tiniest box imaginable, and then call it an astounding revolation. People have been working for years to understand the human brain, and Rooster Dar has figured it out in 2.7 seconds! Astounding.

I'm impressed.

 

Um, not sure what you read into the OP's post but it pretty much sounded like he was venting about how people should own up to the things they do wrong and figure out the reasons behind them instead of making excuses for them. That's actually really healthy advice.

[shoedevil]

Throwing stones.

How to take an incredibly complex human being and shove them into the tiniest box imaginable, and then call it an astounding revelation. People have been working for years to understand the human brain, and Rooster Dar has figured it out in 2.7 seconds! Astounding. I'm impressed.

Isn't feeling guilt and shame the best deterrent for "bad behavior"? Then again, that depends on whether you think you did anything wrong to begin with. Since you don't seem to like boxes, then why should we have any restrictions in society? I assume you go into each relationship letting your partner know up-front that you don't have much love for that "tiny box" called monogamy?

 

To some degree, human beings are motivated by self-interest. But that's not the same as acting egotistical and selfish. When somebody else does something clearly wrong, we want to throw the book at him or her (rightly or wrongly). But when the shoe is on the other foot, people use every trick in the book to avoid taking personal responsibility. It takes a strong person to talk-the-talk and walk-the-walk. I tend to think that one's culture and environment has more to do with behavior than brain chemistry. Finding out why someone cheated is a great sidebar, but it sounded like the OP was expressing his frustration with people who seek to condone and justify cheating. Two words: amoral narcissism.

[Flyin in Clouds]

Well... in light of this absolutely stunning discussion.

 

I cheated! Selfishly. Then I left the bastard! I hope he's miserable.

 

So who's the bastard? The guy you cheated with or the guy you cheated on? Or is it both?

 

Some days I feel guilty.. Today just isn't one of them.

OK, so why not? Is cheating OK? Not wrong? You cheated for revenge? So if someone you loved cheats on you is that OK with you? Poetic justice would say it should happen to you.

 

Throwing stones.

How to take an incredibly complex human being and shove them into the tiniest box imaginable, and then call it an astounding revolation. People have been working for years to understand the human brain, and Rooster Dar has figured it out in 2.7 seconds! Astounding.

I'm impressed.

Throwing stones? Man..... Sorry Woman.... geez...

 

How much more hurtful is cheating on someone than throwing stones at them? I'd rather my wife hit me in the head with a big old rock and bash my brains out than cheat on me. IF she's that unhappy with me tell me and we'll either fix things or split, but cheat? Not acceptable as a way to resovle relationship problems.

 

I was reading article on another site about what we owe our spouse. Number one, was sexual exclusivity. Number two, was trust, then space, disclosure and consultation. Cheating doesn't seem to fit with any of those.

[samsungxoxo]

LOL, unfortunatley cheating does occur and saying to the poster who admit they cheated "You're such a selfish, this and this, instead of actually helping them, advising them, is already time waste. It does happen, ntohing you can do to stop it on the world, though do agree that not everyone does it.

 

Mines involve a kiss with another dude while I was just on my way of dumping my now ex, which I did (only it was two days after the kiss). In a way even if I had not dump him, the one time kiss would have still happen. Do I have any guilt over it? Absolutely NOT, in fact now I have a new b/f and happy with my work and college.

[shoedevil]

It does happen, ntohing you can do to stop it on the world, though do agree that not everyone does it.

Well, people who think it's wrong can try to discourage it. However, the best way to discourage cheating is to exercise some self-control and not do it yourself.

Do I have any guilt over it? Absolutely NOT, in fact now I have a new b/f and happy with my work and college.

Sounds like yours was the mildest form of cheating. So, you think it's o.k. to cheat under certain circumstances?

[samsungxoxo]

Sounds like yours was the mildest form of cheating. So, you think it's o.k. to cheat under certain circumstances?

 

No where did on my post I say cheating was ok. I simply stated that I have no regret nor any bad feeling for that specific episode and that I'm happy with my new b/f, work and college.

[shoedevil]

No where did on my post I say cheating was ok. I simply stated that I have no regret nor any bad feeling for that specific episode and that I'm happy with my new b/f, work and college.

Well, you didn't say it wasn't o.k. to cheat. If you cheat on your partner (even if the relationship is on the rocks), and don't feel bad about cheating, then aren't you in effect saying it's o.k.?

[samsungxoxo]

Well, you didn't say it wasn't o.k. to cheat. If you cheat on your partner (even if the relationship is on the rocks), and don't feel bad about cheating, then aren't you in effect saying it's o.k.?

 

Well though he was my b/f, it only was for 7 days and it wans't what you called a "serious relationship". I hardly had any feelings for him and no emotions either, I only was physically attracted to him, that's all. Then I find out bad information about him and so I dumped him.

 

When I had that short making out session, I wasn't thinking "Oh what am I doing", none of that came out of me, none whatsoever.

 

Who exactly made the rule that I'm necessary suppost to feel bad about it, you arne't force to feel what you don't feel.

 

The main point now is I'm happy with my current b/f, he has lots of details and I do really like him, I have emotions for him, not just physical and he's not shady like my ex was.

 

 

 

[samsungxoxo]

Forgot to add: Just because I don't feel bad about that short episode doesn't mean I'

m

gonna cheat on my current b/f, I won't and I won't tolerate it from him either, he would be out the door in seconds. I made it clear to him early two things I have zero tolerance for: 1) Cheating definately and 2) Abuse (I'

m

no one's doormate and will never be). And he has the same answer as well, he would break up over those two also.

[Walk]

Well, you didn't say it wasn't o.k. to cheat. If you cheat on your partner (even if the relationship is on the rocks), and don't feel bad about cheating, then aren't you in effect saying it's o.k.?

 

That's an interesting view. So if you do a single thing wrong your entire life, you should pine away in self-condemnation forever?

 

Interesting...

 

Personally, I think not having regrets (in a sitation like the above) simply means that she came to terms with what happened and has either learned from it and moved on, or really didn't affect her enough to cause her to rethink anything. But it's interesting you automatically assume she feels it was ok to do.

 

I had a one night stand one night that was dreadfully stupid of me to do.. And at first I really regretted it right afterward. But I don't now. Not that I feel I want to do that again, but because I forgave myself for the stupid act, I learned from it, and it's made me into who I am today.

 

I'm not sure why anyone would want to hold on to a ton of regrets if they have used that experience to grow from.

[riobikini]

re:

 

Guest: "... there is a complete rational for cheating and having an affair. Its only an affair in our society because you can't marry more then one person or take more than one wife.

 

Think about it-- in societies where is is exceptable to take more then one wife -- you don't hear of infidelity. "

 

And in societies (countries) like India, until recently, you didn't hear it exactly called "murder of women" when they doused them with cooking kerosene and killed them for dowries -nooooo- it was just called "taking care of everyday business" or "preparing for the next bride".

 

Point number one: Just because someone isn't calling something what it truly is doesn't mean that it *isn't*what you know it to be in your gut.

 

Animals (from the domestic ones to those in the wild) can have as many partners as they like -but even some of those mate *for life*.

 

Point number two: Laying claim to being a little more intelligent than animals, human beings should, then, try to demonstrate it by constructing relationships that *do not* induce feelings of utter jealousy and promote feelings of disrespect, and disharmony between each other: cheating and polygamy do just that.

 

Justifying something fundamentally damaging that has seen it's end long ago in most of world -and then attempting to redress it and reintroduce it as a trouble-free, acceptable, "forgotten" way of life only makes me think about all the reasons it was probably "forgotten" about, in the first place.

 

And some of those reasons are pretty obvious here in the forum when posters tell us how hurt and devastated they are after discovering partners' affairs.

 

Take care.

 

-Rio

[Walk]

So who's the bastard? The guy you cheated with or the guy you cheated on? Or is it both?

Guy I cheated on is the bastard.

 

[some days I feel guilty.. Today just isn't one of them]

OK, so why not? Is cheating OK? Not wrong? You cheated for revenge? So if someone you loved cheats on you is that OK with you? Poetic justice would say it should happen to you.

 

It's already been established that any ... how did Rooster Dar say it... Oh yea, it was: any "attempted logical explanations".. to "try to justify or rationalize cheating with ideological rhetoric that somehow it's okay due to certain cirumtances" is only an excuse to relieve myself of any and all responsibility for my actions. So why should I give you a answer to your questions? I was just posting what Rooster Dar wanted to hear. He wanted cheaters to see that no matter what the circumstances, it's all just selfish behavior that ruins other peoples lives.

 

However, I will clear up a question, I didnt' cheat for revenge. Nor out of spite, hatred, malice or pre-determined thought of harm to another individual.

 

Poetic justice, eh? That kind of like Karma? Here's a question though... What if, hypothetically, ME cheating on the ex was HIS poetic justice in life. I know you'll automatically discount that, and again tell me that I am shirking my culpability. But what if he really was that bad?

 

Throwing stones?

How much more hurtful is cheating on someone than throwing stones

It was a euphemism. I meant, don't cast stones when you aren't free of sin.

 

Never mind... It's moot. Cast your stones. I just don't understand. The cheaters I've talked to all felt they had a reason. Whether good or not, that's not up to me to decide. They chose the path they took. But since the original post was posted in an open forum, then you aren't saying "The person who cheated on me is attempting to escape responsibility." You're saying every one who attempts to give explainations on why cheating may occur is condoning the behavior as justified, right. That they are in essence shirking responsibilty. If I kick you in the leg and break it, and explain that I didn't see you there, am I renouncing my culpability? I don't feel I would be. It'd be an attempt to explain why the act occured. I can't take back the action. I can't stop the pain. I can however, offer an explaination as I see it for why the act occured. But it doesn't automatically pardon me for breaking your leg. There's still consequences to that action. I'm not free of blame. But most people demand a reason for why you hurt them. So we give it. Only to have it thrown back as an "excuse" a false "justfication" for an inexcusable action.

 

But then those who were cheated on defend their sacred purity by degrading someone who admits they cheated. It seems like tit for tat to me. Shouldn't "you" (the general populace) be on a higher level then the "cheaters"? Shouldn't "you" be taking the higher moral ground and accepting the possibility that maybe this person had their own reasons, and screwed up logic? Shouldn't "you" attempt to see the situation as a whole, with all factors and human fallacies present? But more likely "you" will lash out, insult, degrade anyone who even slighly resembles the one that originally hurt you. You sink lower, instead of claiming that higher ground you feel so justified in saying you hold.

 

I had my reasons for cheating. They may sound like "justification" to you. But they were my reasons. I hurt someone, took full responsibilty for my actions, and attempted to explain my thought processes at the time. But why all of you would jump my azz, tell me that you hope karma gets me, and use the words amoral narcissism in response, doesn't entirely make me believe that human beings on a whole are the simplistic creatures that we'd like them to be. Should I say that the justifications for those responses is wrong? Or are you right because you're more moral than I am?

 

Nevermind.. I'm just trying to understand why it seems like everyone has stopped questioning the world, and started making statements of opinions as if they were facts.

[Rooster_DAR]

Guy I cheated on is the bastard.

 

 

 

It's already been established that any ... how did Rooster Dar say it... Oh yea, it was: any "attempted logical explanations".. to "try to justify or rationalize cheating with ideological rhetoric that somehow it's okay due to certain cirumtances" is only an excuse to relieve myself of any and all responsibility for my actions. So why should I give you a answer to your questions? I was just posting what Rooster Dar wanted to hear. He wanted cheaters to see that no matter what the circumstances, it's all just selfish behavior that ruins other peoples lives.

 

However, I will clear up a question, I didnt' cheat for revenge. Nor out of spite, hatred, malice or pre-determined thought of harm to another individual.

 

Poetic justice, eh? That kind of like Karma? Here's a question though... What if, hypothetically, ME cheating on the ex was HIS poetic justice in life. I know you'll automatically discount that, and again tell me that I am shirking my culpability. But what if he really was that bad?

 

 

It was a euphemism. I meant, don't cast stones when you aren't free of sin.

 

Never mind... It's moot. Cast your stones. I just don't understand. The cheaters I've talked to all felt they had a reason. Whether good or not, that's not up to me to decide. They chose the path they took. But since the original post was posted in an open forum, then you aren't saying "The person who cheated on me is attempting to escape responsibility." You're saying every one who attempts to give explainations on why cheating may occur is condoning the behavior as justified, right. That they are in essence shirking responsibilty. If I kick you in the leg and break it, and explain that I didn't see you there, am I renouncing my culpability? I don't feel I would be. It'd be an attempt to explain why the act occured. I can't take back the action. I can't stop the pain. I can however, offer an explaination as I see it for why the act occured. But it doesn't automatically pardon me for breaking your leg. There's still consequences to that action. I'm not free of blame. But most people demand a reason for why you hurt them. So we give it. Only to have it thrown back as an "excuse" a false "justfication" for an inexcusable action.

 

But then those who were cheated on defend their sacred purity by degrading someone who admits they cheated. It seems like tit for tat to me. Shouldn't "you" (the general populace) be on a higher level then the "cheaters"? Shouldn't "you" be taking the higher moral ground and accepting the possibility that maybe this person had their own reasons, and screwed up logic? Shouldn't "you" attempt to see the situation as a whole, with all factors and human fallacies present? But more likely "you" will lash out, insult, degrade anyone who even slighly resembles the one that originally hurt you. You sink lower, instead of claiming that higher ground you feel so justified in saying you hold.

 

I had my reasons for cheating. They may sound like "justification" to you. But they were my reasons. I hurt someone, took full responsibilty for my actions, and attempted to explain my thought processes at the time. But why all of you would jump my azz, tell me that you hope karma gets me, and use the words amoral narcissism in response, doesn't entirely make me believe that human beings on a whole are the simplistic creatures that we'd like them to be. Should I say that the justifications for those responses is wrong? Or are you right because you're more moral than I am?

 

Nevermind.. I'm just trying to understand why it seems like everyone has stopped questioning the world, and started making statements of opinions as if they were facts.

 

First of all, I'm did'nt originally post this to condemn anybody. There is a problem if you cheat on someone and hide it until all hell breaks loose and lot's of people get hurt. There is more than likely an uderlying problem whether it be a self serving need, or some sort of insecurity. The point I was trying to make is, that the person that's unhappy (having the affair) knows deep inside what their doing is wrong, and should be responsible enough to communicate their unhappiness and break up with their S/O instead of keeping destructive secrets from their partner.

 

Most Cheaters/Adulters have a hard time accepting what they did was destructive to a commited relationship because they keep the S/O in a state of confusion by not coming forward with how they really feel (this is destructive to the other person because they are confused and hurting). Most poeple who cheat often want to make sure the new person is going to work out before they finish with the old person, and that my friend is the sign of what most people would ascertain as a bad person.

 

Regards,

[SueBee3490]

If I kick you in the leg and break it, and explain that I didn't see you there, am I renouncing my culpability? I don't feel I would be. It'd be an attempt to explain why the act occured. I can't take back the action. I can't stop the pain. I can however, offer an explaination as I see it for why the act occured. But it doesn't automatically pardon me for breaking your leg. There's still consequences to that action. I'm not free of blame. But most people demand a reason for why you hurt them. So we give it. Only to have it thrown back as an "excuse" a false "justfication" for an inexcusable action.

 

Lets say you are in a room, and as far as you can see, the only person there, than you can kick away all you want because you know you have no chance of hurting anyone else. When all of a sudden I appear and you kick me when you thought you were the only one in the room. Yes you are still culpable but you also did this action with no forethought that I could get hurt because, as far as you knew, I wasn't even in the room. In your world there was nobody else in the room to even potentially get hurt from your actions.

 

Now lets say you and I are the only 2 in a room and you are just kicking away at anything - now you know that I am also in the room but you don't worry that I may be near enough that you can kick and potentially hurt. You think to yourself "I know she's here and I could posssibly hurt her if I continue kicking but I'm going to do it anyway". So then next thing you know, you turn around and kick me, breaking my leg, then say "Oh sorry I didn't see you". Well that is trying to justify your actions when you knew ahead of time that you could hurt me but you just didn't care. That is what a cheater does - they "know" there is another person that they could hurt with their actions but they just don't care until they are either caught or just so guilt-ridden that they confess.

 

 

Guy I cheated on is the bastard.

 

I think this comment says why you cheated - you didn't care/love the guy you were dating.

[sowhatnow_ny]

Sounds to me like you didn't "cheat" so much as end the relationship but forgot to tell "the bastard" before you moved on .

If it worked out better for you (or both of you) then it wasn't really cheating it was a brutal way to end a relationship you didn't want.

My ex was like that - didn't want to be with me anymore but didn't tell me. Went through impossible lenghts to end things by any means except just saying so. I am sure she thought that exonerated her of any blame.

Truth was she wanted out, directly in her mind and subconsciously I knew it too. I am happy now (hehe kinda) and she is much happier.

Would I ask her to be honest if I was back there again? Hell yeah but was is done is done and it doesn't feel like she cheated on me. She just wanted me gone. I am a happy she did it by any way that worked for us.

[shoedevil]

That's an interesting view. So if you do a single thing wrong your entire life, you should pine away in self-condemnation forever?

And where has that been suggested? You excel in the area of hyperbole. I'd be very reluctant to date someone who was emotionally incapable of feeling guilt or shame, especially when it came to cheating. And I'm not talking about a one-week fling, I mean having a "real boyfriend" and being in a "committed relationship".

I'm not sure why anyone would want to hold on to a ton of regrets if they have used that experience to grow from.

That's an interesting view. I've heard it used before to justify some really awful behavior. "Nothing I do is truly wrong as long as I learn from it and grow as a person." Interesting... I guess it's passe to actually feel offended by cheating these days. I've a close friend who's life was turned upside-down because of stuff like this. And I wouldn't put him on the same moral level as his ex-girlfriend, who cheated on him for extremely trivial reasons.

[Flyin in Clouds]

No where did on my post I say cheating was ok. I simply stated that I have no regret nor any bad feeling for that specific episode and that I'm happy with my new b/f, work and college.

 

Having no regret tends to say you are OK with what you did. And so if you present BF does what you did, kiss someone else while on his way to break up with you no big deal right?

[Flyin in Clouds]

Guy I cheated on is the bastard.

 

....So why should I give you a answer to your questions?

 

So I could understand why you think cheating on "the bastard" was OK?

 

However, I will clear up a question, I didnt' cheat for revenge. Nor out of spite, hatred, malice or pre-determined thought of harm to another individual.

OK, then why did you do it? It surely wasn't for selfish reasons... maybe the guy you cheated with was in desperate need of a getting laid so you, being an angle of mercy, gave him a mercy f*ck? That wasn't it? hmmm...

 

Why was Mr. Bastard a bastard? Did he cheat on you? Beat you? Or just ignore you?

 

Poetic justice, eh? That kind of like Karma? Here's a question though... What if, hypothetically, ME cheating on the ex was HIS poetic justice in life. I know you'll automatically discount that, and again tell me that I am shirking my culpability. But what if he really was that bad?

That's what we are all dying to know. What could be so bad that he deserved you cheating on him instead of breaking up, particularly if it was not for revenge, spite, hatred, malice?

 

It was a euphemism. I meant, don't cast stones when you aren't free of sin.

I understand the story (I think it's more of a parable though).

 

I may not be free of all sin but I am free of that sin. And my reply was in context of the ancient custom (still in use in parts of the Islamic world) of stoning adulterous women... I'd rather my wife stone me than cheat on me.

Never mind... It's moot. Cast your stones.

There is a big difference in saying "you sinned, now go and sin no more" than actually throwing real stones.

I just don't understand. The cheaters I've talked to all felt they had a reason. Whether good or not, that's not up to me to decide. They chose the path they took.

Of course. People that murder people all have a reason. People that rob banks all have a reason. People that lie have a reason... having a reason doesn't make it right. But all those people think their reason does make it right - well if not right not really wrong.

You're saying every one who attempts to give explainations on why cheating may occur is condoning the behavior as justified, right.

For the most part yes.

If I kick you in the leg and break it, and explain that I didn't see you there, am I renouncing my culpability?

So you are saying cheating is like a careless accident? You didn't see the other person you cheated with until your clothes were off?

I can however, offer an explaination as I see it for why the act occured.

Which would be?

But most people demand a reason for why you hurt them. So we give it. Only to have it thrown back as an "excuse" a false "justfication" for an inexcusable action.

I keep wanting to hear an excuse or justification that actually justifies the "inexcusable" action. What would that be? You obviously think there are some excuses or reasons which do indeed justify what you did. Why couldn't you break up first instead of cheat? Why be dishonest, deceitful? Why not be upfront and say I'm not interested in you Mr. Bastard anymore, so I'm leaving. Bye...

 

But then those who were cheated on defend their sacred purity by degrading someone who admits they cheated. It seems like tit for tat to me.

Can you define right and wrong? I'm seriously curious. What is right and wrong in your world? Two wrongs make a right? Mr. Bastard did you so wrong, that you could do wrong too? I don't understand the thinking.

 

Shouldn't "you" (the general populace) be on a higher level then the "cheaters"? Shouldn't "you" be taking the higher moral ground and accepting the possibility that maybe this person had their own reasons, and screwed up logic?

I'm trying to understand the screwed up logic.

I had my reasons for cheating.

and ?

They may sound like "justification" to you. But they were my reasons.

If a wife beats her husband is he justified in shooting her? He's got his reasons doesn't he?

 

And my point about poetic justice was that if someone did to you what you did to someone else, are you going to accept their "reasons" for doing it? What I mostly want to know is do you have a different standard for you and one for your partners? If you had your reasons for cheating, and your partner has his reasons for cheating... is that the same or different? If you had been the "bastard" in the relationship and your partner cheated and gave you your "reason" as the reason how would you feel about it?

[samsungxoxo]

Having no regret tends to say you are OK with what you did. And so if you present BF does what you did, kiss someone else while on his way to break up with you no big deal right?

 

Come on, it wasn't even a serious relation, it was just 7 days of getting to know each other (not enough to actually called it a real relationship and there was no boundaries established, that guy didn't talk that much). There was no actual effection/feelings I had for him. With my current b/f, it's now been a bit more than 2 months and there are feelings. In a way, yes I'm fine with what I did.

 

If I were to be living my life in regrets "Oh what did I do, shouldn't have done that", I would be wasting the fun. Why live in regret, when you can enjoy what you're having now.

[Rooster_DAR]

You should not live your life in regret, but instead learn from your mistakes and try not to make them again.

 

No brainer.