BlueEyedGirl Posted October 27, 2006 Share Posted October 27, 2006 Ok guys, I have been living in this city for 6 motnhs and am severly lacking friends. Add to that no boyfriend and I am lonely as hell. I work a lot and all people in my department are older, married or in long term relationships and aren't interested in socializing with a single girl. I periodically keep getting group emails from another department. They organize lunches, pub nights etc. Again noone from my department goes so I just ignored them in the past. I ran into a girl from that other department who organizes this and she told me that there will be a pub night this friday and asked me if I want to come. This followed by another group email outlining the time and exact name of the pub. I'm considering going but am slightly scared. I mean how do I walk in the pub and go over to a group of strangers (I don't know anyone apart from that girl that I have briefly spoken to on two occassions). I'm not very outgoing and am afraid that it will look desparate. Sadly I don't have one person to bring with me so it will just have to be me, alone. Should I go? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 27, 2006 Share Posted October 27, 2006 BEG...yes you should go. What is the alternative? To stay home and be lonely and bored??? Going to this thing can't be any worse than that. I generally don't recommend after hours socializing with co-workers but since they seem to be from another dept I guess that is OK. good luck Alpha Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted October 27, 2006 Share Posted October 27, 2006 My suggestion, go and make a 15 minute cameo. Say hi to people and introduce yourself. Think of 3 things that you can talk about that can fill about 3 minutes. Something of the following: Hi, I'm BlueEyedGirl and I work in marketing; which dept are you with? their speal. Then say "Hey I'm getting a drink, what do you want?" If they have something, just say I'm getting a drink and catch up with you later. etc... Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlueEyedGirl Posted October 27, 2006 Author Share Posted October 27, 2006 Who would have thought that Alpha is capable of making a nice, coherent and supportive post Jet, Once I'm there I will be fine. It's just walking in and walking up to a bunch of strangers that REALLY scares me. And they all know each other well (there is about 12 of them but maybe 6-7 show up on regular basis from what that girl told me) . But on the positive side, once they get to know me, I can keep showing up to their social events (they have a christmas party coming up) and have some sort of social life (providing that tonight doesn't prove to be a total disaster). Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 27, 2006 Share Posted October 27, 2006 Who would have thought that Alpha is capable of making a nice, coherent and supportive post I have my moments, sister. Right now i'm in a nice & supportive mood Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted October 27, 2006 Share Posted October 27, 2006 Ah I know exactly the fear you are talking about BEG. I still suffer from it. But you just got to push yourself and keep a _positive_ internal dialogue! Would you really think that badly of a new employee who did the same thing you are about too? I would hope not! Nor do I think others do either. Give yourself a break and just try it, atleast once if not twice Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlueEyedGirl Posted October 27, 2006 Author Share Posted October 27, 2006 Well I ended up going. First walked into the wrong pub, saw noone and was mortified. Then found the right pub and walked up to the bunch of people drinking beer. The girl that invited me just said, "oh you made it!" and introduced me to everyone. They were all so talkative, outgoing and knew each other so well. They were nice, tried to include me in conversations but I still kind of found myself silent for most of the night. I just couldn't think of the right thing to say and they were all so loud and dominant...I'm scared I looked like a retarded idiot. Then their boyfriends came (and yes EACH girl had one even the really fat ugly ones, no offense to anyone) apart from me. I'm used to this though, being in mid twenties and being the only one without a partner. All in all it was a moderately bad night. I mean I'm glad I didn't just stay at home and watch DVDs even though it would have been million times more comfortable. They are having a big christmas party and invited me to come, also in a bar and I will probably go. I just wished I talked more and hope I didn't seem like a complete idiot. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 27, 2006 Share Posted October 27, 2006 The trick to being a good conversationalist is not having things to say but asking things. You can start with one of the standards 'have you always lived here?' (from which you can go on to ask what restaurants are good, etc or else discuss their home town) or ask how long they've worked at the company, etc etc. Link to post Share on other sites
funkify Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 So...how did you go? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 Then their boyfriends came (and yes EACH girl had one even the really fat ugly ones, no offense to anyone) . BEG, you should see the thread on chubby chasers for an explanation on this... Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlueEyedGirl Posted October 28, 2006 Author Share Posted October 28, 2006 So...how did you go? It was crap. See my post above. I will probably go again next Friday though. Might give myself a chance to get more comfortable with them. Never give up Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 Hey, Never give up Hehe.. Well, maybe next time you be more comfortable with them. If they go there all the time like you said, they were like old friends and loud. In those situations I look kind of like an idiot myself. I just laugh at their jokes or whatever. Then their boyfriends came (and yes EACH girl had one even the really fat ugly ones, no offense to anyone) apart from me. Wow, that sounds like from a movie, the Truman show or some. And maybe the guys are not happy that all the girls are taken, so some may welcome you (and since you are attractive and all). But then, maybe all the guys are taken too. Like the guys in where I worked. (You know, preppy, with a good job, smart, etc don't last long). Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
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