Not actually a problem

[ankushrjf]

I had the least idea under which forum this thread should be. I'm not even sure if I should have written it, but something inside me is telling me to do it, after all, self-expression is the most dominant desire is a human-being.

 

I hope all of you enjoy reading this, and post similar/different experiences.

 

So, now that the terms and conditions are over, let's get started:

 

To being with, currently I am a college going guy, in my final year of Engineering, somewhere in India. I mention this because our society, on average, is not very open on sex and dating, and people who involve in it before marriage are sneered at.

Back to old days....

 

When I was a kid, my mom was absolutely sure I was going to evolve into a madman. Why?

Well, I was the most different child around, who didn't play with others, and always seemed lost in thought, with a frown oh his forehead. But fortunately, I turned out to be reasonably sane.

 

 

 

Or did I?

 

It's been almost 3.5 years since I had a talk with a girl. I mean, "Hi", "Hello" happens, but in extreme cases. Back in school, I was more interested in Einstein, Quarks, Calculus than in girls. I never was the "social" type and grew extremely nervous around girls, and uncomfortable with strangers. I wished people would leave me at myself, but it never happened.

 

It's been like that ever since. 2-3 girls tried to hit on me when I was in school, and still it happens often (thanks to my somewhat good looks and personality), but I returned an extremely cold and professional response...never returned the eye contacts, never stared in their direction, fully aware that doing so would complicate things beyond repair.

 

My quest for knowledge has continued well into my degree course, and I've been very seriously doing things... first programming, chess, making computer games etc etc...you get the picture.

 

I often feel very stupid around girls. But some things have changed. I have consulted a lot of books and tried to get out of this "introvertism". I have had good success. I love public speaking, and entertaining crowd. I have very very high aims for myself, let's say something on the lines of Bill Gates .

 

God has blessed me with good IQ(135, not that it matters) and a probing, restless mind.

All in all, I was perfect for research work, just that it's not going to be.

 

Anyways, recently a girl started to send me signals. I obviously didn't reply. She tried for about 2 good months with no results. She followed me with her friends, tried to get in my way, tried to pop in front of me etc etc.... but I have allowed none of that to affect me.

 

 

WHY?

 

Because:

-She is not as beautiful (by body) as I want my dream girl to be

-I feel getting involved into anything will waste precious time and energy.

 

The last point deserves attention as the way I have chosen for myself is difficult and involves much struggle.

Like many other guys, I AM SCARED OF COMMITMENT AND MARRIAGE.

 

No no. Not because I fear kids, or getting bored (a bit, actually) but that once I have a girlfriend or wife, at least 2 hours daily will have to be devoted to her, and I don't want to spoil somebody's life just because I want to have sex.

 

Another question is: Is it a bad thing to desire a physically very attractive spouse?

I talked this with my friend(a wise man, i believe), and he said nature balances everything. Sexy looking girls don't last. You should focus on finding a good friend rather than good lover as later on in life, you will face many difficulties...illness may take away your beauty, your physique will be distorted and so on. So, you need someone who really loves you despite all this.

 

CLAP CLAP CLAP!!!

Well said!!

BUT... I'm not convinced. I've spent my whole life without indulging in any sexual act, thinking that one day, one day, I'll meet that extremely good looking girl of my dreams.

Is there something wrong with that?

 

Next question is: Should guys like me get into a relationship or get married at all? After all, I don't want to regret that my dreams remained unfulfilled just for the want of female companionship and sex.

 

If you are a very attractive female reading this, tell me... does the "nature balances everything" apply to you.

 

I want to write so much more, but will do it as answers to your questions. I appreciate the time you took to read this far...

 

One more thing, my concerns about time are genuine. I don't even want "one night stands" as they can disrupt my whole mental balance.

 

ALL KINDS OF CRITICISM, QUESTIONS, SUGGESTIONS, PHILOSOPHY AND EXPERIENCES ARE MOST WELCOME!