Baffled by The Boy's Behavior

[Guest]

Oh, does my mind need some help! I will try to make this as short as I can. There is a guy I have been friends with since 1999. We worked together, and there was a group of of that were close. My now-ex husband was also in that group. He was there for everything. He was in my wedding, he was at the hostpital when my kids were born-he practically lived at our house! Once my ex started to become abusive, he was there even more. If I could tell that an arguement was going to escalate, I would go to his house. He was a huge part of my world. Beat this-I was barely pregnant with my second child and had told nobody yet, and he looked at me one day and goes "You're pregnant again aren't you?" Said he could just tell. We always had that kind of connection. I work in a male dominated field, so most of my friends have always been men, so the fact that this was a guy was no big deal.

 

When I wanted to leave my husband, but told my friend I couldn't because of kids, money, etc he said if I left he would give me his entire savings to help me out so I could leave. Then other friends from work started talking about the way he looked at me, the way he talked of me, and how he had told others of his feelings for me. I was married, so I just ignored all of this and continued to be his friend- If I was not married, it would have been a whole different ballgame-we were so connected. In 2003 my son was born, and I moved to a city three hours away with my now ex and my kids. He was very worried about me, but my ex got a really good job there, and I was also only 3 hours away from my parents. To make a long story short, the abuse escalated, I had to call the police, and my parents and this friend, and another friend came and moved me in one week-end to my parents town. When he showed up at my house the week-end I moved, he tried to kiss me, and not a peck like a friend does. I was like "What are you doing-quit it?" and pulled away. I had enough going on right then-I just needed my friend. After I got settled at my parents, which is about 6 hours away from him, we called each other like normal. Then one day he calls me and tells me how much he cares about me, he has always loved me, he loves my kids, wants to take care of us ect.

 

I was dumbfounded. I told him I did not want to ruin our friendship, and I was not ready to be with anybody yet. We still talked, and I went there for a week-end the next month, and everything was fine. (I found out later that on the way home from the move he told my other friend the same thing he told me.) The next time I went there was the summer of 2004. I had been dating someone that lived in the same town as me for a few months and he went with me-bad idea. That hurt him. We did not talk as much after that, then awhile ago I changed my phone number cause of my ex. Anyway, I got his new number and called him last Saturday. I had always had feelings for him, but I missed him as my friend, and figured I needed to suck it up and make things right. We were on the phone for 4 hours.

 

At first we were catching up-apologizing fro not talking for so long, we meant to much for each other for that, ect. Next thing I know, he is telling me he loves me he has always loved me, he wants me to be happy, wants to take care of me and my kids, would do anything for all of us, we could come back if we wanted and live with him, he kept saying things that just shocked me, and I finally asked him what he wanted. He said "You. I just want you." Was talking about how beautiful I looked at my wedding, so I guess he really has been feeling this way for some time. I told him I did have feelings for him but I did not want to ruin our friendship before, and that I still do have feelings for him. Finally said I needed to go and he could call me the next day. The next day I saw that he had tried to call me back again after we had hung up. That afternoon he sent a text saying "Hello?" and I sent one saying sorry didn't call him back-did not hear the phone, ect.

 

No response from him by text or phone, so I sent him a text asking if he was not talking to me again(we had joked the night before about not talking to each other) Still no response. The next day(Monday) I sent a text saying-I need to be honest with you"-I think I love you and i have for awhile. You need to tell me what you want, or if it is too late for us." No response, and I really thought I would get one there! tried to call that night-got voice mail and did not leave message. I sent a text on Wends asking why he was avoiding me, and finally last night i just called and left a message-I said what is going on, you tell me all of these things sat night, how you have always felt about me ect, and then I put our friendship on the line and finally get the courage to admit to you that I do love you, now you won't return my calls or texts, there has always been something there with us-will always be something there with us, and that I didn't know what i did or said to not make him want to talk me. I sound like a pathetic loser-I don't call guys, I don't act desperate, and look at me!

 

Thank you for reading this-it had to be long to understand the history leading up to this. What is going on here? He just woke up the next morning and decided he was not in love with me anymore? Is he trying to play games cause I turned him down before, and he wanted to be with me for so long? I know it's not because he is with somebody else-there is someone he had been dating but was ending things with-I know this to be true from other sources also. I don't know what to do-I am sick to my stomach, and in tears over this, and I do not get like this. I could call him at work, then he would have to talk to me, but then I may look like a crazy person. The last message I left was last night. I am half tempted to just drive there and deal with this. I need advice now-help! Oh, just for the record, he is 28 and I am 32. Thank You!

[lone she-wolf]

Hi

I'm sure if you just wait it out, he will call. You have made more than enough effort. Just wait now. My 2 cents.