Late Getting Started

[Jamie]

I'm not sure how strange this is but I am a 39 year old male that has never had a relationship with a woman. I mean not ever. I've yet to even kiss or date let alone have sex yet. I don't feel I'm a bad looking guy. I've just always been shy. I thought it would pass but the years passed quicker and things never changed. I need to know am I wasting my time trying to begin now or should I just not even bother at this point trying to enter the world of relationships. If you think its not too late how should I go about meeting or asking women out? I can't help but feel that I'd be so inexperienced in the whole game that it would be a terrible , and embarassing, failure. I'd appreciate any advice any of you may have.

[Rob]

Hey I'm 21 and in the same boat. I hope I can fix myself too but it's not my #1 priority right now...

 

Shyness is rough. I've chipped away at it in the last few years but it'll be years before I ever totally get over it. You got nothing to be ashamed of, it took a lot of guts for you to come out and talk about your situation. I wish you the best of luck.

 

You are not wasting your time. I firmly believe you can find someone around your age. You can do it. Good luck.

I'm not sure how strange this is but I am a 39 year old male that has never had a relationship with a woman. I mean not ever. I've yet to even kiss or date let alone have sex yet. I don't feel I'm a bad looking guy. I've just always been shy. I thought it would pass but the years passed quicker and things never changed. I need to know am I wasting my time trying to begin now or should I just not even bother at this point trying to enter the world of relationships. If you think its not too late how should I go about meeting or asking women out? I can't help but feel that I'd be so inexperienced in the whole game that it would be a terrible , and embarassing, failure. I'd appreciate any advice any of you may have.

[Tony T]

Your ship may have just come in.

 

At your age, there are many women looking for love that you can love in return. I suggest that you pick someone close to your age for starters. Their maturity level will be such that they will totally understand where you're coming from and probably be honored that they could have the opportunity to "break you in" so to speak. And they would do it in a way to preserve your dignity and pride.

 

Once you get a bit of experience under your belt, if you wish to go for the young chirpies you can do so. However, you're lots better off sticking with the 30 and over crowd.

 

You don't need to know anything in particular. Just be very honest with these ladies. You can meet them over all kinds of dating sites on the Internet, such as www.match.com The very best way to meet females is through friends and people at work. Once you get going, there will be no stopping you.

 

I urge you to start all this off by seeing a good psychologist with whom you can discuss your issues and find the core reasons why you are such a late bloomer. I sense there are deeper issues to this, much more intense than just the fact that it hasn't happened. You may need to work on some things inside of you, maybe from your youth, that have held you back from experiencing the opposite sex.

 

But fear not about anything. You're never too old to experience life and you'll do just fine. However, don't wait any longer. You've got a lot of time to make up for.

[:)]

I don't mean to sound patronizing, but please don't feel bad because you haven't yet been into the whole dating scene. Shyness can be tough, that's for sure. And it's absolutely NOT too late for you to enter the world of relationships, not at all. I think it's actually kind of refreshing that you're not like a good number of guys, who've 'bedded' dozens and dozens and dozens of woman (most they don't even remember the names of).

 

Have you ever considered any type of counseling to deal with your shyness? Or seeing if there are, perhaps, any "online shyness support groups"? If nothing else, there ARE people who are in your same boat......I assure you of that.

 

Have you ever considered trying the Internet Personal Ads? Yes, there are some undesirable folks on there (men and women) but from what i've seen, a lot of people on there are those who are very shy and it's easier for them to get to know someone that way first. Here are the addresses to a few sites that I know of:

 

Lavalife

 

Match.com

 

Dream Mates

 

Matchmaker

 

Kiss.com

 

One and Only.com

 

Udate.com

 

Christian Singles

 

Christian Cafe

 

Catholic Matchmaker.com

 

Christian Matchmaker

 

I used to be very shy, though probably not quite as shy as you....but I found that meeting/corresponding with people I met (online, not in person at first) through these things was nice and very 'low pressure'.....it gave you the chance to chat and get to know each other more.....without all the pressure of going on a date right away. Gives you the chance to develop a sort of 'friendship' first, you know? And if you read through the female profiles, you might be surprised to see how many of them admit to being shy, too.

 

I'm in my mid 30s and I can tell that if I met a guy in your shoes, at your age, I would never think he was odd or strange because he'd never dated *YET*....I think I'd probably remember back to growing up as a child and being so painfully shy that I often cried so easily because of it, etc.

 

Do a search online, at Google: Google Search Engine on the topic of SHYNESS ...see if there's a site that might give some kind of self-help book recommendations on it. Or pop into your local Barnes and Noble or Chapters and go to the Self Help section and see if there are any related books.

 

Hope this helps. And don't EVER give up hope. You are STILL VERY YOUNG, ok? And don't forget that although you may be very shy, you have tons of great qualities to share with someone........take some time to really focus on them for yourself....so that you're confident in what you have to offer!!

 

Take care, let us know how things go, please