Went to town today, seeing hotties everywhere but felt like the most undesirable male

[Ross_K]

ever.

 

So, self esteem issues, a normal reaction because of the fact no woman has ever acted attracted to me, or at the very least I've never noticed a woman ever act attratced to me?

 

To be honest, this is how I feel most of the time when I go out when there's women around and it just makes me feel bad. I could just block women out but then that wouldn't help with me getting a woman.

 

I feel like I was born to not reproduce.

[maoserr]

Maybe you should accept yourself for who you are instead of trying so hard to pretend to be someone else. It doesn't matter if woman are attracted to you as long as you're fine with yourself.

[Ross_K]

Maybe you should accept yourself for who you are instead of trying so hard to pretend to be someone else. It doesn't matter if woman are attracted to you as long as you're fine with yourself.

 

What makes you think I'm trying to be someone else?

 

I'm not sure if I'm fine with myself, but even if I was, it would matter if women aren't attracted to me.

[Malady]

If you feel bad, you look bad therefore it's simply unattractive. Find something that makes you feel good about yourself. When you feel good inside it shows and hopefully the ladies can pick up on your aura .

[Ross_K]

Yeah, maybe you're right. When I feel good it feels as though I'm not as unoticable to women.

[maoserr]

Malady is right, being ok with yourself comes before attracting woman. Unfortunately for you, if you don't find a way to be fine with yourself, you'll probably never attract a woman.

 

What makes you think I'm trying to be someone else?

Doesn't matter what makes me think that. As long as you know you're not trying to be someone else, then that's fine. My impressions are only first impressions.

[Ross_K]

Malady is right, being ok with yourself comes before attracting woman. Unfortunately for you, if you don't find a way to be fine with yourself, you'll probably never attract a woman.

 

 

Doesn't matter what makes me think that. As long as you know you're not trying to be someone else, then that's fine. My impressions are only first impressions.

 

It seems like a lot of people would rather be like someone else. When kids are asked who would you want to be, they usually say something like David Beckham, but maybe that's just kids.

 

When I was asked I just said myself.

[Rooster_DAR]

If you feel bad, you look bad therefore it's simply unattractive. Find something that makes you feel good about yourself. When you feel good inside it shows and hopefully the ladies can pick up on your aura .

 

This is probably the simplest and best advice I've seen regarding the question.

 

So true, if you are absolutely happy with yourself, then other people are attracted to that. After my breakup, I had the same issues with even getting new friends due to my emotional disposition. I am a successful and attractive guy, but felt so isolated from everyone else, or disconnected if you will. To some extent, I still live with this problem however my breakup was relatively recent so I'm giving myself time:).

 

Excellent post!

[quietintrovertgirl]

Hey baby(ross),

I was wondering how you was doing and I'm glad you went to town today.Ross just enjoy going into town first and not the women.

[alphamale]

great, another "woe is me" thread. you're starting to sound more and more like JOEL...

[magichands]

great, another "woe is me" thread.

Yeah...one does eventually tire of hearing about it. I don't see why he doesn't take my suggestion of rolling a pair of socks and sticking them down his trousers. Makes perfect sense as winter approaches.

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

Went to town today, seeing hotties everywhere but felt like the most undesirable male

 

Is not like women are going to flock to you or anything. Dating should be easier but yeah, you still have to manage to make talk, get acquainted, ask for the number etc.

 

Maybe in a bar where you can have some drinks, if it didn't make you more anxious

 

Ariadne

[Malady]

This is probably the simplest and best advice I've seen regarding the question.

 

So true, if you are absolutely happy with yourself, then other people are attracted to that. After my breakup, I had the same issues with even getting new friends due to my emotional disposition. I am a successful and attractive guy, but felt so isolated from everyone else, or disconnected if you will. To some extent, I still live with this problem however my breakup was relatively recent so I'm giving myself time:).

 

Excellent post!

 

Thanks . I've had experiences where I've been out and about feeling really good and guys are drawn to it.

[magichands]

Thanks . I've had experiences where I've been out and about feeling really good and guys are drawn to it.

Good point.

 

Smile. It makes people wonder what you're up to.

[Rooster_DAR]

Good point.

 

Smile. It makes people wonder what you're up to.

 

Absolutely, smiling is a big plus and people notice it. Maybe I will smile again soon.

[Ross_K]

Hey baby(ross),

I was wondering how you was doing and I'm glad you went to town today.Ross just enjoy going into town first and not the women.

 

Yeah I know.

 

Hey magichands, it's okay you can stop joining in with your (xxxdeleted by moderatorxxx)buddy, I've put you on my ignore list, although if your post does get removed due to trolling I'll take you off it so I can report all your other posts.

[Ross_K]

Hey,

 

Went to town today, seeing hotties everywhere but felt like the most undesirable male

 

Is not like women are going to flock to you or anything. Dating should be easier but yeah, you still have to manage to make talk, get acquainted, ask for the number etc.

 

Maybe in a bar where you can have some drinks, if it didn't make you more anxious

 

Ariadne

 

Yeah I know, most women in town are just going to be busy doing their own thing. I was just talking about how I feel.

[Ross_K]

Absolutely, smiling is a big plus and people notice it. Maybe I will smile again soon.

 

Yeah, when I've genuinley been feeling really good about how I look, I think I also smile more as well, it seems that women notice me more, unless it's just in my imagination.

[maoserr]

It seems like a lot of people would rather be like someone else. When kids are asked who would you want to be, they usually say something like David Beckham, but maybe that's just kids.

 

That is just kids, any adult who sincerely means that probably isn't very happy with their life.

[Ariadne]

Oh,

 

Yeah I know, most women in town are just going to be busy doing their own thing. I was just talking about how I feel.

 

I see. Well... *hugs*.

 

I hope that you find a girlfriend that you love and loves you back soon

 

awwwww........

 

Ariadne

[johan]

I know the feelings Ross is having. Self-esteem is not automatic. Not having it isn't a sign of weakness. Or maybe it is. I don't know what causes it. It seems to be a defense mechanism of some sort. A way to be safe by staying withdrawn. A way to keep the risk low. I guess the idea the self-conscious runs on is, sure it's miserable feeling this way all the time, but it would be WAY worse to open up to someone with your true self and have them reject that. So it's better to pre-reject yourself. And of course, because you don't know what the other person will find offensive, you'll be much safer if you pre-reject pretty much everything about yourself. Cover the bases.

 

Otherwise, I have no idea why my own mind would be so damn hard on me. There are no other benefits.

 

The one thing I'm pretty sure of though. Posting about it and talking about it never helps. When the thread ends, when the conversation ends, the problem is still there. It's like trying to get your skin color to change by talking to someone about it.

 

The catch-22 is that people tend to really like people who are open with their true selves. It's attractive to find yourself attractive. Not in a vain way, but based on an honest evaluation. Chances are you'd really like yourself, Ross, if you were someone else meeting you. You'd appreciate your humor, interests, etc.

[alphamale]

It's like trying to get your skin color to change by talking to someone about it.

...I was born a poor black child.

[magichands]

, but it would be WAY worse to open up to someone with your true self and have them reject that. So it's better to pre-reject yourself.

It's not possible to have no expectations. Nice idea in theory.

[dropdeadlegs]

I haven't read many of your posts being a new member and all. For that reason I don't know your whole story.

 

If you appear happy and self confident (not always easy to do, and certainly not everyday) I think women find that attractive. At least I do.

 

Some may say this is a bunch of hooey, but when I'm down I try to pretend that I'm not, and often in pretending to be happier I find I have lifted myself from the darkness.

 

I also agree with quietintrovertgirl that for now, just keep going to town, getting out there, and worry about the women later. I have found that love and happiness have found me when I least expected them and wasn't even looking for them.

 

Keep your chin up and note my second signature line. Repeat it to yourself as often as necessary!

[magichands]

It's like trying to get your skin color to change by talking to someone about it.

Unless you're talking LoveShack and john1776...there's someone handy with bleach.