Went to town today, seeing hotties everywhere but felt like the most undesirable male

[laguy10]

Laguy,

Some wome like to run after a man but I rather walk.

 

Quiet, I think you'll appreciate this one:

 

"Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate. ~Author Unknown"

[Rooster_DAR]

In my experience, women will tell you they want a man who is sensitive, kind, a good listener, etc, etc. However, what really ATTRACTS them is the opposite - someone who is a little too hard to control, someone who is mysterious, someone who has a "dark" side to them. So, if you want to have success with women, my advice is that you begin to develop those aspects of yourself

 

I could not have said it better myself.....True!

Excellent!

 

 

Gotta have the right balance, and not sway to one extreme or the other. Most women don't want a man they can walk on, on the other hand they want someone who is sensitive and caring, but at the right times. I'm not even going to attempt to explain this complex subject, it's making by brain hurt.

[ilmw]

I could not have said it better myself.....True!

Excellent!

 

 

Gotta have the right balance, and not sway to one extreme or the other. Most women don't want a man they can walk on, on the other hand they want someone who is sensitive and caring, but at the right times. I'm not even going to attempt to explain this complex subject, it's making by brain hurt.

 

If you won't I will... think of it like this...

 

Balancing on hiwire... while riding a unicycle... juggling chainsaws...

 

Its a carful balance... frought with DANGER... one false move.. and your screwed.. :lmao: :lmao: ....

[laguy10]

If you won't I will... think of it like this...

 

Balancing on hiwire... while riding a unicycle... juggling chainsaws...

 

Its a carful balance... frought with DANGER... one false move.. and your screwed.. :lmao: :lmao: ....

 

I think the highwire trick is way easier

[Ross_K]

Ross... have you started any counselling yet... I seem to remember you in another post you were talking about it...

 

BTW... allot of your posts have a similar theme....

 

Not yet, it's a long waiting list.

 

Ross its like your stuck in the same moment in time, when are you going to leave the past and live in the present?

 

I don't know what you mean.

[Ross_K]

I have somewhat of a different take on this whole thread. Forgive me if I'm posting something akin to what has already been stated, I stopped reading at about page 2.

 

In my experience, women will tell you they want a man who is sensitive, kind, a good listener, etc, etc. However, what really ATTRACTS them is the opposite - someone who is a little too hard to control, someone who is mysterious, someone who has a "dark" side to them. So, if you want to have success with women, my advice is that you begin to develop those aspects of yourself.

 

In addition, I would say that the reply about being who you are is excellent....but how to accomplish such a thing? I would recommend a book, I think will really help you - I come from a similar background such as yourself (in my viewpoint on life anyways), and this book has literally changed my life...it's called The Search for the Real Self by James Masterson. Why I recommend this, is because, it sounds to me, like what you're dealing with, is the classic "fasle-self vs. real-self" phenomenon - the book will explain what this is, and also how to change it.

 

For now, I'll just say that if you want to really take care of this area, and not just put band-aids over it, you really need to figure out why you sometimes feel like you can be around people and feel okay, and othertimes you cannot. It is not dependent upon other people...it's dependent upon your own perception of reality. If you're into psychology at all, that will help you, as you begin to try to understand this whole area. Another recommendation I have is that you delve into the world of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), and learn how your brain works - that your emotions are a result of what you think about....Tony Robbins is an excellent resource for this, if you're willing to shell out about $300, I'd highly recommend his Personal Power II CDs. If you can't shell out that kind of cash at the moment, at least google NLP or "neuro linguistic programming" and read about it a little, so you're not totlly in the dark in this area. When you begin to get into associations and triggers, you will find that you can literally take control of your life back, and in fact, put yourself on auto-pilot towards health.

 

Thanks laguy, I'll look into the book.

 

Also, I've downloaded a few of those Anthony Robbins CD's and I've heard him talk about NLP.

 

I could not have said it better myself.....True!

Excellent!

 

 

Gotta have the right balance, and not sway to one extreme or the other. Most women don't want a man they can walk on, on the other hand they want someone who is sensitive and caring, but at the right times. I'm not even going to attempt to explain this complex subject, it's making by brain hurt.

 

I know exactly what you mean.

 

And, if a nice guy does eventually attract a woman, he's in danger of attracting a control freak, a woman who is dominant, since they like to go for these kinds of men because they can walk all over them.

 

How likely it is that you'd attract one of these women I don't know, but I think it could be pretty likely.

[Moai]

NLP is a scam.

 

You can read all the books in the world--and the self-help industry thanks you!--but until you actually do something it won't matter.

 

Even when you go to counseling, you are going to be given tasks to complete, and excercises to show that you are putting out the effort. You won't change until you want to change.

 

It seems that youo don't want it bad enough yet. If you did, you'd already be doing something about it. But where you are now is comfortable, familiar, and you don't have to risk anything.

[Ross_K]

For the millionth time, I am doing something about it.

[TheSilentType]

Ross, maybe some of the hotties were looking at you and thinking to themselves, "Yummylicious."

 

Don't be so hard on your self. Lower self-talk each day by saying one good thing about yourself.

[laguy10]

NLP is a scam.

 

You can read all the books in the world--and the self-help industry thanks you!--but until you actually do something it won't matter.

 

Even when you go to counseling, you are going to be given tasks to complete, and excercises to show that you are putting out the effort. You won't change until you want to change.

 

It seems that youo don't want it bad enough yet. If you did, you'd already be doing something about it. But where you are now is comfortable, familiar, and you don't have to risk anything.

 

Way to be supportive of someone trying to make a change. Sometimes, people need to pull out of the action for a while, regroup, and then go at it another way. IMO, he IS doing something, by asking for advice in here.

 

Additionally, since you state that NLP is a scam, I'd like for you to state why you say this is the case. Any solid arguments to backup your claims?

[laguy10]

Thanks laguy, I'll look into the book.

 

No problem man, I think you will find it a refreshing cut-to-the-chase explanation of what is behind behaviors and feelings you do/have that seem to make no conscious sense. Think of it as a way of turning on the light, over a path you've been tripping on the whole time....once you know your obstacles, you can eradicate them. It will take hard work and patience, but it can be done....my life is just one proof of this. Not to say that I've got everything covered, but I'm much further along than I used to be. If, while you're reading, you have questions as to what things mean, post them in here, and I'll be happy to expound as much as I can....maybe it will help others out in the process too. Good luck.

[Ross_K]

Ross, maybe some of the hotties were looking at you and thinking to themselves, "Yummylicious."

 

Don't be so hard on your self. Lower self-talk each day by saying one good thing about yourself.

 

The thing is though, I usually spend a lot of time scanning around to see if I can catch a girl looking at me, but they never do. :( :(

 

Why? What makes me so different from everybody else? Infact, what makes me so different from all animals? :( :(

[Ross_K]

No problem man, I think you will find it a refreshing cut-to-the-chase explanation of what is behind behaviors and feelings you do/have that seem to make no conscious sense. Think of it as a way of turning on the light, over a path you've been tripping on the whole time....once you know your obstacles, you can eradicate them. It will take hard work and patience, but it can be done....my life is just one proof of this. Not to say that I've got everything covered, but I'm much further along than I used to be. If, while you're reading, you have questions as to what things mean, post them in here, and I'll be happy to expound as much as I can....maybe it will help others out in the process too. Good luck.

 

Thanks.

[laguy10]

Ross... have you started any counselling yet... I seem to remember you in another post you were talking about it...

 

BTW... allot of your posts have a similar theme....

 

Not yet, it's a long waiting list.

 

If you're considering therapy, I would suggest that you definitely buy Tony Robbin's Personal Power II CDs...in them, he talks about associations and meaning....and he gives a fairly in-depth explanation about how what we associate to something in our past, will determine our feelings to it in the present. In addition, if you're having problems motivating yourself, I would recommend the same CD set for that too, as NLP works with learning how to run your brain so that you don't self-sabotage anymore....and while I'm on this, if you feel like you're trying to make a change, but something always happens to cause it not to come through, it may not all be your fault; if you don't look into this CD set, look into self-sabotage, and the concept of being comfortable with things you're familiar with....things which may not always be healthy....your brain is very systematic, kind of like a computer, and you will only get from it, the things it has to work with. I know this is a lot of info, trying to condense a lot of stuff. Hopefully it helps give you some starting points.

[Ross_K]

if you feel like you're trying to make a change, but something always happens to cause it not to come through, it may not all be your fault

 

Can you expand more on this please? I'm very interested.

[laguy10]

The thing is though, I usually spend a lot of time scanning around to see if I can catch a girl looking at me, but they never do. :( :(

 

Why? What makes me so different from everybody else? Infact, what makes me so different from all animals? :( :(

 

What I would suggest you do, is make a major shift in your perception....meaning, the way you see life is never the way life really is. What you experience is all based upon the lense you are looking through....this current lense is causing you a lot of pain and heartache; throw it out and get a new one. If you can even be open to the possibility this is true, I guarantee you, you will notice a change. You have to understand that your brain is interpreting everything you see, and the meanings you derive from it, are based upon the set of paradigims you have in place. Instead of getting depressed about it, just realize it's not working, and find another way to make it work.

 

A quote from Tony Robbins I really like, "There is no failure....there are only results" - it's really true; as long as you don't stop trying, you CANNOT fail....look into Thomas Edison's life, Abraham Lincoln's life, etc. all of them were probably considered failures at first, but they rose above their challenges, and succeeded, you can do the same thing, just believe in yourself. Whatever you believe about yourself, that's exactly what is truth for you....remember that.

 

I have so much I could say, but it'd all be scattered. Just trust me when I recommend the things I'm recommending; if any of what I'm saying is jiving with you at all, then know that most of it comes from the sources I've already recommended.

[laguy10]

Can you expand more on this please? I'm very interested.

 

To make it as simple as possible, when you are young, you are like a sponge - whatever you're given, that's what you absorb...no logicality, no critical thinking, you just assume that it's the truth. So, if your parents criticized you a lot when you were young, anything that is opposite of that feels wierd....and unless you're aware of this principle, you will subconsciously run away from it. So, what you have to literally do, is examine all the thoughts you're having, and try to understand what they are rooted in. Also determine if they are helpful or not. This is an intensely hard task, because you are basically changing your entire reality as you've known it, your entire life, but for now, just be aware that you're not going insane, and there is a logical reason you seem to see things so much differently than others around you.

 

Also, remember this - in history, it is often the people who have had the most problems and defeats, that have gone on to become the most successful and sought-out....why? Because they have been driven by their feelings of frustration and depression to seek a better way....and what you'll soon learn, is that, if you have a "why", a "how" will come (that, too, is a quote from Tony Robbins).

 

So, to wrap up, why you would not be fully to blame for not following through, is because you'd encounter something you are not comfortable with, and you would sabotage your own progress (subconsciously), because you didn't know what it would be like to experience the result you were going towards....it's almost like feeling you have a dog-chain around your neck, and you can only ever go so far in the yard....same basic idea. If you want to get rid of the chain, you have to realize that it's all just self-imposed, and eliminate the negative beliefs you have, and thus become familiar with positive ones....good news is once you do that, your own brain will PROPEL you in healthy directions, in much the same way that it is now detering you by holding you in unhealthy limitations....all has to do with the brain and how it works. Fascinating stuff....this is why I like psychology so much - so much information that can be so freeing to someone who currently has blinders on.

[laguy10]

I almost spaced on this, but remembered... if you're not quite sold on the whole Tony Robbins thing, he has a book out (I've read about half of it), and it is similiar to the CD set - same basic things are discussed. I'd recommend the CD set, but the book is good as well - not as in-depth or motivating, but still very good at explaining this whole thing. The book is titled Unlimited Power and it is, of course, by Tony (Anthony) Robbins

[Guest]

I'm not sure if I'm fine with myself, but even if I was, it would matter if women aren't attracted to me.

 

HAve you ever seem someone enetering in a room and when they enter the room, it lights up? Ever wonder why? Its because they except themselves and love who they are... These people are comfotable in there own skin; if they make a mistake they dont feel inbaressed but they laugh and tell themselves that life goes on. If you tell yourself your beauty (or handsome in your case) then people will think that too!

 

--- beauty goes with age, but inner beauty is forever---

[Green]

so to change your reality you have to think the oposite of what you think now. If you think a girl find you unatractive tell yourself what they really think is that you are attractive. If a girl says something to you in a tone that you didnt like tell yourself that you should like that tone. And most importantly of all if you think your doing bad with girls tell yourself that your actually doing just what your suposed to and all ur problems should go away. you'll be reprogramed.

[laguy10]

so to change your reality you have to think the oposite of what you think now. If you think a girl find you unatractive tell yourself what they really think is that you are attractive. If a girl says something to you in a tone that you didnt like tell yourself that you should like that tone. And most importantly of all if you think your doing bad with girls tell yourself that your actually doing just what your suposed to and all ur problems should go away. you'll be reprogramed.

 

The idea is right, but in my opinion, that is too oversimplified. You can't just think positive about your problems, and they will magically disappear, you have to deal with them sooner or later, but the positve thinking, changing beliefs, etc. aides in helping you come from a different perspective, so that you can actually follow through on this....you can't short-cut the process, you still have to follow it, but you also have to have the right beliefs and thinking patterns in order to do that. It's like a 2-step process (if not more)...just because you perform step 1, doesn't mean step 2 won't still have to be worked out....this is how I see it anyway.

 

In this case, step2 might be such things as learning practical things to say to women, learning what to talk about, etc. - but if you study all those things, and haven't taken care of step1, you could do this till you're blue in your face, and nothing will change....similarly, if you take care of step1, and never go on to do the practical work of step2, you would have potential for change, but would never really change....again, my take on this.

[quietintrovertgirl]

i got an weird idea.does anyone in the USA have an extra room so ross can move to the USA.Ross needs to move out of his area.

[allina]

I don't know what you're like in person, but online you come across as very socially awkward. Do you have close friends? Do you interact with people on a regular basis? I guess what I'm trying to ask is if this is a problem with just women or people in general.

[Moai]

Way to be supportive of someone trying to make a change. Sometimes, people need to pull out of the action for a while, regroup, and then go at it another way. IMO, he IS doing something, by asking for advice in here.

 

No offense to Ross, ut he comes in here and posts the same thing, all the time. And more power to him. But I have at least read mot of the threads he starts and have responded to a few, and the theme is always the same.

 

I applaud him that he actually went out into the open where there were girls, at least. I don't think that it is healthy for that experience to be taken so negatively--that is, he is the most unattractive guy ever. He went out and no girls gave him a second look. Therefore, his preconceived failures and inadequacies have been confirmed. None of what he thinks about himself is true, but he won't realize it, or make a big enough change to see anything differently. That's just my opinion, I'm not a therapist or anything. But I, and others here, have made very positive changes in my life, and I think he can, too. If he tries. But to me, it seems that he always has an excuse for why he doesn't. It isn't like he is any different than most people in the regard....

 

Additionally, since you state that NLP is a scam, I'd like for you to state why you say this is the case. Any solid arguments to backup your claims?

 

Sure. Here is the entry on the Skeptic's Dictionary about NLP: http://www.skepdic.com/neurolin.html

 

I especially like the section on prgrammng the unconscious mind, which is a claim that cannot be substantiated, beyond going against what we know of how the brain works.

 

I reject it out of hand just because the Forum has anything to do with it.

[Ross_K]

I don't know what you're like in person, but online you come across as very socially awkward. Do you have close friends? Do you interact with people on a regular basis? I guess what I'm trying to ask is if this is a problem with just women or people in general.

 

What makes me seem very socially awkward?

 

No, I don't have any close friends offline, but I used to. I don't interact with people on a regular basis. I guess I'm sociailly awkward with people in general, but I'm sure that is to do with having social anxiety.

 

Most people I don't click with, but I still end up clicking with a few guys. As for women, it just never seems to happen for some reason, I've only had about 2 female friends in the whole of my life.