Went to town today, seeing hotties everywhere but felt like the most undesirable male

[laguy10]

No offense to Ross, ut he comes in here and posts the same thing, all the time. And more power to him. But I have at least read mot of the threads he starts and have responded to a few, and the theme is always the same.

 

I applaud him that he actually went out into the open where there were girls, at least. I don't think that it is healthy for that experience to be taken so negatively--that is, he is the most unattractive guy ever. He went out and no girls gave him a second look. Therefore, his preconceived failures and inadequacies have been confirmed. None of what he thinks about himself is true, but he won't realize it, or make a big enough change to see anything differently. That's just my opinion, I'm not a therapist or anything. But I, and others here, have made very positive changes in my life, and I think he can, too. If he tries. But to me, it seems that he always has an excuse for why he doesn't. It isn't like he is any different than most people in the regard....

 

Ok, I can understand your point of view, thank you for clarifying.

 

Sure. Here is the entry on the Skeptic's Dictionary about NLP: http://www.skepdic.com/neurolin.html

 

I especially like the section on prgrammng the unconscious mind, which is a claim that cannot be substantiated, beyond going against what we know of how the brain works.

 

I reject it out of hand just because the Forum has anything to do with it.

 

Ok, I can admit it's a new science....however, it seems to me that the only way to really see if something is valid or not is to experiment with it (seeing as how we don't have all the answers about the mind, let alone the unconscious mind). In my personal experience, I've found the science to be quite valid, in that I've used triggers, and explored associations and such, and they seem to behave predictably, the way that NLP would hypothesize they would.

 

The article you refer to, seems to assume that people are not trying to do their best to change....all my statements are taking that presupposition into account....as for someone not experiencing failure, only "feedback", that would be more along the lines of Ross here, experiencing personal "failure", but not electing to see it as failure, only "feedback". NLP, in my opinion is more of a personal thing (something to change yourself), instead of a corporate thing (something to explain the way the world works)...in your personal life, you know your motivations....when you try to explain the actions of others using NLP, how can you know for sure what their motivations were?

 

As for other things discussed in the article, they deal more with "advanced" subjects in NLP, whereas, personally, I've only dealt with the more fundamental concepts.

 

I can understand where you're coming from, but would suggest that NLP does seem to explain a lot of personal behavior issues, that have not been able to be explained before...such as why one would tend to procrastinate - linking too much pain to acting, and more pleasure to not acting (the principle of moving towards pleasure and avoiding pain); also, the issue of self-sabotage (NLP would explain by saying you have mixed associations/beliefs about one thing, simultaneously). While I would concede that there are some gaps in explaining everything, I also don't think you should just discount the science as a whole because of it.

 

Also, I will concede that NLP is not the only explanation for some of the things mentioned above (like self-sabotage for example); I've read many things about this subject, and the idea of being comfortable with things, because you were exposed to them as a child seems to have no direct correlation with NLP...however, if you look at beliefs as the same as what they others are calling "comfort", you begin to see there is some overlap.

 

At any rate, that's my opinion.

[Moai]

Ok, I can understand your point of view, thank you for clarifying.

 

Thank you for your thoughtful response.

[allina]

What makes me seem very socially awkward?

 

 

I'm not sure how to explain this, as I'm not meaning to offend you but you are a 30 year old man, and you in no way seem to speak and act like one. I'm just having a very hard time understanding you and where you are coming from. Even on here, which is an online message board you seem really strange, for example you start arguing with people, then post a thread about "who told" on you then one about why that post was deleted. I don't know, it's just all..........WEIRD. I can't imagine you finding any common ground with women close to your age with this sort of attitude.

[laguy10]

Ross, not trying to gang up on you here or anything...just offer some outsider perspective. Do you feel like you have to be accepted by others around you, in order for you to feel you're worthwhile? What I mean, is that if you feel you must explain why one of your posts got deleted, it's like you're telling yourself something like, "I must explain why this happened, so that they will understand and not think bad about me".

 

Is that something you struggle with?

[Ross_K]

I'm not sure how to explain this, as I'm not meaning to offend you but you are a 30 year old man, and you in no way seem to speak and act like one.

 

That's because I'm really young for my age.

 

I'm just having a very hard time understanding you and where you are coming from. Even on here, which is an online message board you seem really strange, for example you start arguing with people,

 

How is arguing with people strange exactly?

 

then post a thread about "who told" on you then one about why that post was deleted.

 

Um, that was just me messing around.

 

I don't know, it's just all..........WEIRD.

 

Well, you're entitled to your opinion, to be honest, I find a lot of people on here really werid as well, no way have I experienced anything like this in my life before or on any other message boards. I'm trying to figure out what the hell is up with place.

 

I can't imagine you finding any common ground with women close to your age with this sort of attitude.

 

Well, I don't really have anything in common with women close to my age. Dunno, why, it's always been like that. Yet it's not like that with guys.

[Ross_K]

Ross, not trying to gang up on you here or anything...just offer some outsider perspective. Do you feel like you have to be accepted by others around you, in order for you to feel you're worthwhile?

 

I dunno, not really. But, if I get treated badly by someone, it does stop me from feeling worthwhile.

 

What I mean, is that if you feel you must explain why one of your posts got deleted, it's like you're telling yourself something like, "I must explain why this happened, so that they will understand and not think bad about me".

 

Is that something you struggle with?

 

No, I've never tried to explain anything on here because I think people may think bad of me. I'm not even sure if I've explained anywhere why my post got deleted, but if I did, it would just be because someone would have asked me.

[blind_otter]

Well, I don't really have anything in common with women close to my age. Dunno, why, it's always been like that. Yet it's not like that with guys.

 

No, Ross. You're committing the fundamental attribution error...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fundamental_attribution_error.

 

Be well. I'm sure that one day things will look up for you. I think your biggest nemesis is yourself. You have all this negative talk going on in your head and if you refuted these negative thoughts you might see a brighter future. Think positive and you will see the results, I promise.

[Ross_K]

Hey blind_otter, I checked out that wikapedia link,

 

When people think of themselves, they attribute successes to personal strengths (I am smart, good, etc) and failures to external circumstance (I had bad luck, was disadvantaged, etc). Example: I passed the test because I am smart, but I failed the class because the teacher didn't like me.

When people think of others, they attribute successes to external circumstance (he was lucky, had advantages, etc) and failures to personal weaknesses (he's stupid, a bad person, etc). Example: He passed the test because he got lucky, and he failed the class because he's a bad student.

 

Hmmm, I'm not sure if I think like that, but I don't know how it would stop me from making friends or whatever with women, especially when I can easily make friends with guys.

 

And, there's something pretty weird that I've thought about, I'm able to make friends wand click with quite a few women online, and even sort of have a few romances/relationships/flings.

[burning 4 revenge]

No, Ross. You're committing the fundamental attribution error...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fundamental_attribution_error.

 

Be well. I'm sure that one day things will look up for you. I think your biggest nemesis is yourself. You have all this negative talk going on in your head and if you refuted these negative thoughts you might see a brighter future. Think positive and you will see the results, I promise.

That's a great article BO and I think more people commit this error than don't. I see people overlooking the environmental and situational forces at work in others all the time and basically assuming that all their faults or personal differences can be attributed to differences in their natures.

[JCD]

Ross, look for opportunities in your life to engage in conversation with women. Women love to talk and all you have to do is listen, smile and nod. I can hardly get my word into the convo at times. I used to be shy and I thought I had social anxiety. That pretty much evaporated when I had women starting to talk to me after they got to know me for several months.

 

It also helps to develop a sense of humor and flirt a bit with them. When I flirt, I'm always a bit sarcastic but not overly rude. Just a little jab here and there and I appreciate when they do the same to me. I always said "yeah" when I was talking to this girl and after while she started poking fun at me with saying "yeah" also and we both laugh at that. With girls good topics are movies, favorite foods, shopping, style, animals, traveling, some sports, etc. But not much of technical stuff like with guys. Although that varies. For example this girl was checking her oil and I asked her if she wouldn't mind checking mine too. I was expecting a yes but she said ok and I opened the hood and she really checked my oil. We both laughed about that. I played her a bit, telling her to check my water level next and basically acted like I was anti-mechanical type. Basically flirting with her.

[Ssheena]

i got an weird idea.does anyone in the USA have an extra room so ross can move to the USA.Ross needs to move out of his area.

 

Don't you think he'd fit right in with the LA crowd? And plus, us Americans really dig british accents...(just don't let him stop in CO)

[melodymatters]

I've got TWO extra rooms, but i also have a clean prison record and would like to keep it that way.

[Ross_K]

Don't you think he'd fit right in with the LA crowd? And plus, us Americans really dig british accents...(just don't let him stop in CO)

 

If you're not being sarcastic, what is it about me that makes you think I'd fit in with the LA crowd? What does CO mean?

[ilmw]

I've got TWO extra rooms, but i also have a clean prison record and would like to keep it that way.

 

:lmao: :lmao: .. geeez... :lmao: :lmao:

[dropdeadlegs]

If you're not being sarcastic, what is it about me that makes you think I'd fit in with the LA crowd? What does CO mean?

 

I can't speak for the meaning of the first sentence by the original poster but I do know that CO means Colorado, USA. Just one of our many great states! Beautiful, everywhere....

[Ross_K]

I've got TWO extra rooms, but i also have a clean prison record and would like to keep it that way.

 

Yup, I'm so scared of a woman.

 

Or should I say, cradle snatcher?