Author D-Lish Posted October 29, 2006 Author Share Posted October 29, 2006 It's confusing. All so confusing... I think we're playing a game now. He came to my door, I rejected his need to talk...I wait a couple days, send him an e-mail saying I'll meet for coffee....now I get no response. I don't need this. I'm in my 30's. All this progress~ and all it took was a little surprise visit and I feel like hell again. D Link to post Share on other sites
Confuggled_one Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 Hey Dee, Are you okay? I am sorry you have to go through this. Just know that he is playing a game with you and just forget about it. He is cruel for doin this to you.. i guess he went to your house out of desperation: but he surely deserved it. Dont be too sad.. you are doing great. This is just another reason for you not to talk to him.. or maybe he hasnt checked his email? Well keep us updated.. hope you feel better Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 I don't need this. I'm in my 30's. Yes...not many good days left now. Why don't you make some hot chocolate, and reminisce about those 20s. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 It's confusing. All so confusing... I think we're playing a game now. He came to my door, I rejected his need to talk...I wait a couple days, send him an e-mail saying I'll meet for coffee....now I get no response. I don't need this. I'm in my 30's. All this progress~ and all it took was a little surprise visit and I feel like hell again. D Well, it goes both ways. He prolly felt rejected that you wouldn't talk to him when he came to your door. Then you waited a couple days to get back in touch with him...so, for a guy who's never reached out before, he's prolly feeling super-rejected. Besides, if you sent email today, he might not be home. Give him a couple days to respond, since it took you a couple days to respond. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 29, 2006 Author Share Posted October 29, 2006 Yes...not many good days left now. Why don't you make some hot chocolate, and reminisce about those 20s. Thanks. That's great advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 he's prolly feeling super-rejected. I doubt it.. he should know that you can't just show up at someone's door.. That is borderline stepping over the line.. He could've called.. Emailed.. Sent Flowers.. Sent Chocolate.. Something other than show up at her doorstep.. it isn't like they brokeup lastnight.. Sidenote : I would never show up at an ex's doorstep unannouced for fear of being branded a stalker..ever.. D-lish.. if he doesn't email then you are going to go even crazier seeking closure.. I would suggest calling him.. he did show up at your doorstep for crying out loud.. So he does want to talk to you. If my ex ever showed up at my doorstep I would fall over.. because to me that would mean she wanted to talk.. of course an email or a call are just as effective though I think you should call him.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 30, 2006 Author Share Posted October 30, 2006 Thanks AC, If I don't hear back~ I think I will call him tomorrow. I almost did fall over when I saw him, I never expected it! I mean, it was a Friday night, and I had plans... then I spent the whole date with this poor new guy picturing my exes sad face. I know I blew him off, but I wasn't prepared! The last e-mail I sent him~ about six weeks ago, was a heartfelt, let's try again, I miss you, kind of deal...and I never heard from him. So when he showed up out of the blue 6 weeks later, well, I was upset and angered by it. Yeah, I think about all the things left unsaid, and how I would like to get that settled. We'll see. I know it hurt him that I walked away. That may be the nail in the coffin on this relationship. But if that's the case... I still wouldn't change how I handled it. If he goes back into NC over this- well then that will be it for me....his loss. Thanks for your responses! D Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 He will write back. He's the one who showed up unannounced at your door to talk. Obviously, you're on his mind. I know you say he is stubborn and if I know my stubborn guys (and I do) he just needs a few days to 'resettle' his emotions and then he will write. Because he is thinking about you. I think you should wait until he writes/calls/shows up unannounced instead of calling him tomorow. He is a stubborn guy: it needs to come from him. K Link to post Share on other sites
Confuggled_one Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 He will write back. He's the one who showed up unannounced at your door to talk. Obviously, you're on his mind. I know you say he is stubborn and if I know my stubborn guys (and I do) he just needs a few days to 'resettle' his emotions and then he will write. Because he is thinking about you. I think you should wait until he writes/calls/shows up unannounced instead of calling him tomorow. He is a stubborn guy: it needs to come from him. K I agree with Kamille... you should just wait.. you already waited this long.. hope you feel better.. -Confuggled Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 Just got home from my date... arghhh. Not into him that much. He kinda spit when he talked sometimes and I think he was nervous so he drank a bit much and then the spit talking turned into spit-slurring....lol. I guess I need time to digest what happened tonight. I NEVER thought the moment would come when my ex would show up wanting to talk. He really hurt me~ and seeing him here at my door tonight threw me for a loop. I mean he had to drive 45 minutes to get here. When I arrived home I was trying to think about what to wear out tonight...and then there he was, standing in the rain waiting for me. My first reaction was ANGER! I still am angry. I was getting over him. He's been cruel with his silence, and I have poured my heart out to him. You know what? I may go out for a coffee with him and discuss what he wants to talk about... but I don't think I could trust him again. He looked like he was going to cry tonight when he saw me. It's just that I was feeling better and then I see him vulnerable and now I'm confused. Of course I still love him~ but he left me when I was at the height of experiencing a difficult time. Can I trust him to be there for me in the future? I mean, I was poised to claim bankruptcy with my business and I was stressed as hell.... sure I wasn't myself.... and he blamed me and left me because I was bitchy and emotional for a month. What happens if I have something else major happen down the road~ Will he leave me because he can't deal with that? Perhaps these are things I need to talk to him about over coffee. At least hear him out. I hesitate to question if things can change that quickly in a couple months- but then again...things have changed drastically for me in a couple months. I pulled my business out of a hole and turned it around ~ so can he have changed too? Maybe. I'm mad..... mad, angry, confused. Thanks for the advice! D INTERESTING....NOW HOW WOULD THAT BE....WHERE WOULD SOMEONE PLACE A CAMERA IN SOMEONE'S HOME....I GUESS U REALLY WOULD RATHER THIS TURN UGLY...WELL DONE... Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 30, 2006 Author Share Posted October 30, 2006 INTERESTING....NOW HOW WOULD THAT BE....WHERE WOULD SOMEONE PLACE A CAMERA IN SOMEONE'S HOME....I GUESS U REALLY WOULD RATHER THIS TURN UGLY...WELL DONE... huh? Not really sure what you're getting at here. Doesn't make any sense. My ex would never in a million years be looking at this site- and he's not psycho, so if you're trying to make me believe you're him, it won't work. DL Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 INTERESTING....NOW HOW WOULD THAT BE....WHERE WOULD SOMEONE PLACE A CAMERA IN SOMEONE'S HOME....I GUESS U REALLY WOULD RATHER THIS TURN UGLY...WELL DONE... Bloody daylight savings time!? They forget to take their pills at the right time, you see. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 What is this? Some kind of Halloween trick? Somebody needs a treat? (treat-ment). INTERESTING....NOW HOW WOULD THAT BE....WHERE WOULD SOMEONE PLACE A CAMERA IN SOMEONE'S HOME....I GUESS U REALLY WOULD RATHER THIS TURN UGLY...WELL DONE... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 Funny I just checked out of the myself....see the treatment is leaving...trying to get someone to just stop being a criminal is toxic well, hope u enjoy, pounding the next chap senseless as well everyone keep these post to remember this is what it was like for 4 years! freedom indeed thanks fer the props eli u maneating sweetheart! keep that illegal attitude up there babe Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 I doubt it.. he should know that you can't just show up at someone's door.. That is borderline stepping over the line.. He could've called.. Emailed.. Sent Flowers.. Sent Chocolate.. Something other than show up at her doorstep.. it isn't like they brokeup lastnight.. Sidenote : I would never show up at an ex's doorstep unannouced for fear of being branded a stalker..ever.. D-lish.. if he doesn't email then you are going to go even crazier seeking closure.. I would suggest calling him.. he did show up at your doorstep for crying out loud.. So he does want to talk to you. If my ex ever showed up at my doorstep I would fall over.. because to me that would mean she wanted to talk.. of course an email or a call are just as effective though I think you should call him.. ITS EASY TO MAKE SOMEONE LOOK LIKE A STALKER! U JUST PRETEND THAT U ARE SCARED, RUN AND HIDE, TWIST THE STORY, MY EX WAS REALLY A GOOD TEACHER IMAGINE LABELING SOMEONE A STALKER - WHEN THEY ARE AT THE SAME TIME STEALING STUFF OFF U - LOL GROUND CONTROL TO MAJOR TOM, DON'T TAKE THIS TYOO HARD I REALLY DON'T CARE WHAT U CALL ME JUST WANT U OUT OF MY LIFE ELECTRONICALLY - WINK THAT'S ALL THAT'S NEEDED ELI AND CREW THAT'S ALL - LOL WHAT'S SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 and he's not psycho omg Gotta love posts all in caps that come out of nowhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 i broke up wiht my ex and a week later i regret it and showed up at his door to talk but he got mad and called me a stalker. i just dont understand how u can call someone that if u were in a serious realtionship with them and i basically lived there with him half the week. its been two months and hes ignoring me. still hurting so bad. D-Lish, when u tried to reach out to your ex he didn't respond at all? i want to give him space but doesn't he care how much i'm hurting? does he not remember me or think of me? after the fight he still says he loves me but just want space. if thats true wouldn't he miss me? how can u ignore the person u love for so long? did ur ex explain himself? Link to post Share on other sites
Davis Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 Hey Dee. My friend tells me "they always come back". Isn't that great, you wanted him back, got your feet back under you, start to get over him and then he shows up! I know how you feel. Some days I'm angry and some days I'm accepting. Sounds like mentally you're in a pretty good place and you're not so emotional about the situation (accept for a little anger). What's to be angry about? Because he didn't respond? It always hurts when they leave us. But, it gave you time to "re-align" your life and your emotions. Now you can probably make a good assesment of if you really want to be with him. Is he REALLY the kind of guy you want for the long term? Maybe it's time for forgiveness. Move carefully. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 My friend tells me "they always come back". My last serious ex GF from 2 years ago never came back... She moved on.. as I finally did.. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 My last serious ex GF from 2 years ago never came back... She moved on.. as I finally did.. So true...there are no rules when it comes to love. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 So true...there are no rules when it comes to love. True Words MH... Not that it matters but when I moved on.. I stopped wanting her back.. In fact she can't have me anymore as I don't want her anymore.. It is way healthier to just move on and heal than to keep thinking they will come back. Of course this is easy advice to dispense but hard to follow Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 30, 2006 Author Share Posted October 30, 2006 Hey Dee. My friend tells me "they always come back". Isn't that great, you wanted him back, got your feet back under you, start to get over him and then he shows up! I know how you feel. Some days I'm angry and some days I'm accepting. Sounds like mentally you're in a pretty good place and you're not so emotional about the situation (accept for a little anger). What's to be angry about? Because he didn't respond? It always hurts when they leave us. But, it gave you time to "re-align" your life and your emotions. Now you can probably make a good assesment of if you really want to be with him. Is he REALLY the kind of guy you want for the long term? Maybe it's time for forgiveness. Move carefully. Good luck. I dunno. You're right... I guess the anger stems from the silence I had to endure, the fact that I poured my heart out and heard nothing for two months. I can forgive. And I would have a sit down and talk about things- but he's gone into silence mode again. Frustrating. I don't think he truly wants to be with me. Maybe he just had a brief moment of weakness and has rethought things and decided he doesn't want to work things out afterall. My ex was never emotionally committed to me. Doubt it's possible that could ever change. If he decides to respond to me again, I'll talk things out. In the meantime- I have a date lined up for this week~ so I'll see where that goes. But if I don't hear back from him by tomorrow at the latest- I'll consider it a dead issue and put it to rest for good. Thanks for your responses. D Link to post Share on other sites
Davis Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 I think the anger comes from the fact that they dumped us!! Maybe after driving one way 45 mins and you blew him off, that made him a little gun shy! Emotionally committed? What does that mean? And you mentioned the issue of him not being there for you. What was YOUR role in that situation? Is that a pattern of behavior for him or a one time deal? Only you can decide. I don't know if you can consider it a "dead" issue quite yet. You still sound angry. He made an attempt. You could meet with him .... or not. You may decide to try again or you might decide that moving on is the way to go. But at least you're in the right space to make the right decision. By the way, would appreciate your input on my post, "no contact for 4 weeks" Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 Maybe he just had a brief moment of weakness D He had 45 minutes, driving in a car, to give up on his moment of weakness. This is not a moment of weakness. He is trying to work some issues out for himself and you have to give him the time to figure it out. D, don't sell yourself short. You know it's more then that. and has rethought things and decided he doesn't want to work things out afterall. I'm curious now. Did he say, when he was there, that he showed up to work things out? (This might change a few things in my perspective on things). Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 30, 2006 Author Share Posted October 30, 2006 Emotionally committed? What does that mean? It means, there was always a wall up around him that I was never quite able to break through. I just never got the feeling that after a year that he truly loved me. I did blow him off the day he came. And perhaps that did scare him off again. I feel a bit bad about that. I was just angry and upset....and shocked. He has a pattern of leaving people when things aren't perfect in his past relationships. I even had one of his close female friends once say to me "be careful with him~ he has a tendancy to bolt when things don't go his way..." I am in a better position to think of things more rationally now, and my head tells me I don't want to go back...I'm not ready. I'll check out your post. D Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts